


Rumours

by imaginentertain



Series: Divinus [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Blood, Death, Discussions of Suicide, Emmerdale AU, Emmerdale Big Bang, Emmerdale Big Bang Round 1, I've listed them in the first 'chapter', M/M, So many warnings for this fic, injuries, main ones to look for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-10 17:12:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 105,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11696187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginentertain/pseuds/imaginentertain
Summary: Robert is a Divinus, or a “Div” if you’re feeling particularly cruel.  People who are functionally immortal: they can die through severe accidents or illnesses, or something immediate.  People with the ability to heal, to understand a person better than they know themselves, and who are rumoured to love so deeply that they will literally love you forever.Robert hasn’t told anyone who he is, only telling Aaron after the car crash and their engagement, giving him the choice about whether he wants to live his life with a man who won’t ever grow old, who isn’t anything close to normal and secure.  Not all the rumours are good ones though, and for every high there’s a low.





	1. Introduction & Warnings

**Author's Note:**

> For Siri. Happy (belated) birthday.

Normally I don't do things like this - _just get to the fic, Jen!_ \- but there's a shitload of warnings for this fic and I wanted my readers to be prepared. I've tagged some of the major ones but below is a comprehensive list of what you can expect.

The first thing, and probably the biggest thing, is that there is a lot of talk of suicide in this. The summary hints at this: Robert is (functionally) immortal, Aaron isn't, and Robert has no plans to survive Aaron's eventual death. They talk about it a lot in this fic but it's in that context - Robert doesn't want to go on living after Aaron dies. Ultimately this is a fic about their lives together but it is tinged with this underlying thread. Lots of talk of death in here for the boys, and there's a minor (original) character death (old age) which is dealt with in some detail. Other character deaths are mentioned in passing. I've tagged it "major character death" for a reason, but I do want to spoil you and say that this fic covers their whole life together and what comes after for Robert. We are talking decades, not months.

The next major thing is the amount of blood/injury in this. There are some serious life threatening injuries in this fic for main characters. It's not massively graphic but it is detailed enough that you know how serious it is, and the aftermath of the injuries is also dealt with.

Other things to be warned for:

\-- references to Aaron's self harm and his scars, as well as an allusion to actual self harming (spoiler: it's kinda not. Feel free to message me and ask for more details if you're worried but it's one line and it's not done in any real self harm context)  
\-- references to Aaron's CSA and Gordon's trial/suicide  
\-- references to Robert's childhood: Sarah's death; her affair with Richie; the fraught relationship with his father (including allusions to the beating and the reasons behind it)  
\-- reference to drug addiction and Holly's overdose  
\-- references to Ashley's storyline and the impact of dementia on family  
\-- references to Aaron's suicide attempt  
\-- temptation of infidelity  
\-- discussion of Jackson: his injuries, his relationship with Aaron, the assisted suicide.  
\-- gun violence and references to Robert's shooting and Chas' PTSD  
\-- near death experience (major character)  
\-- discussion of mental illnesses (mainly Belle's) and the stigma/misconceptions about this

 

For the "fun" stuff, because these are our boys we're talking about and Vic said that with over 100k of fic there had better be some boning:

\-- lots of sex, graphic and hinted  
\-- blow jobs galore  
\-- face fucking  
\-- anal sex  
\-- fingering  
\-- "mutual" masturbation  


 

And what's a Big Bang without its artwork? My amazing and wonderful artist took so much from this fic (and let's be honest, there's a lot in here!) and she stuffed it all into one bit of art. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, I have over a hundred of those thousands here and I just hope that it does the art justice.

[To the art! (Ao3 link)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11840649)

Thanks for getting this far, and I hope you enjoy the other fics on offer for the Emmerdale Big Bang!

~Jen


	2. Act One

Robert's weight pressed on the side of the bed meaning a part of Aaron felt like he was about to roll off. Or at least roll into Robert. He'd stop him from falling, just as he'd stopped him from drowning, dying so many times, from giving up. So all things considered that wasn't too bad.

His stomach hurt from where the stitches pulled and Aaron reconsidered his plan to let himself fall into Robert just yet. At least until he'd healed a little more.

("Internal bleeding, bit of damage to your liver, and then just when we think you're OK your blood pressure drops and you arrest on us. Robert was pretty much having kittens which isn't as much fun as I thought it would be, so do your old mum a favour and just... get well. And no more cars for a bit, yeah?")

But it felt real. Solid. It was comforting.

Robert looked every bit like someone who had barely slept, curled up in a chair by his hospital bed all night, but there was something about knowing Robert still wouldn't leave him that made something warm bloom inside Aaron's chest. It was an unfamiliar feeling but a welcome one.

Then there was talk of the accident, of James, of rings and a future and because he knew without any doubt or hesitation it was what he wanted – Aaron proposed.

"There's something you should know," Robert said. His thumb brushed against the raised scar on Aaron's arm again. "You need to know. Before you say yes."

"Pretty sure I've already done that," Aaron said, his thumb already running over the metal band on his finger. "So have you."

"Yeah, but... this might... This will change things."

Aaron tensed, his arm pulling back a little from Robert's hand.

"You deserve to know what you're getting into. And I was going to tell you, I promise. I just... I wanted to ask you first, to know that you wanted _me_ , that it didn't matter to you."

"You're scaring me," Aaron whispered. "Are you... did the doctors say something?"

"What? No, you're going to be fine, they dealt with the blood pressure thing," Robert said, confused for a moment. "Wait... me?" he said when Aaron was still staring at him. "I'm fine."

"Really?"

"Really," Robert smiled. "I... I'm always going to be fine. That's the problem."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm..." Robert took a deep breath. "You've heard of Divinus, right?"

"Yeah, everyone has, not that..." Aaron stopped, looked at Robert, swallowed hard. "You're kidding?"

"You always said I had a bit of a God complex," Robert said with a half shrug.

"Yeah, but... to actually _be_ one?"

"You know I'm not actually a god, right? Not even close. That's just—"

"The rumours and superstition," Aaron said, "I know. It's just... You're kidding, right?"

"No," Robert said, shaking his head sadly.

"Is this because you've barely got a scratch on you? Did Mum say somethin'?"

"No, Aaron, this is... This is real. I'm Divinus. I'm not making this up, it's not a line, it's the truth."

Aaron nodded briefly and blew out a long breath between pursed lips. "I'm sorry, it's a lot to get my head 'round."

"I know. It's been over twenty years and there are times even I... But you need to know, you deserve to know. It changes things."

"Do you think it'll change how I feel—?"

"If it doesn't then you're not taking this seriously—"

"You know how I feel," Aaron said softly.

"I do, I know," Robert said, looking down at the ring on Aaron's finger. "But you deserve to know everything."

"And what is... everything?"

"If you marry me, Aaron, it won't be... what you might have thought it would be. There are so many rumours about Divinus but one of them is true: I can't die. Well, I can. But assuming I don't get shot, or end up in another sinking car, I'm going to live for a long, long time. You'll grow old and I won't. We can't spend our lives together, not in the way you may have thought—"

"Are you trying to talk me out of it?" Aaron asked.

"I'm trying to make you realise what you're signing up for. I mean, things weren't going to be easy at the best of times, but this—"

"Doesn't change anything."

"It should," Robert said.

"Why?"

"Aaron..." Robert sighed. "You need to take this seriously."

"I nearly died, think we're pretty much serious by default right now."

"We need to talk about this."

Aaron nodded, pulled his hand back so he could push himself to sit up. Robert held back, even though he could see – could _feel_ – how much Aaron was struggling. "Rob—" he started, breaking off with a hiss as his stomach pulled.

"Hey, hey," Robert said, his hand reaching out instinctively to Aaron's stomach, his hand coming to a halt just centimetres above the surgical wound. "Sorry."

"Sorry?"

"I... I still don't know what I'm doing. It's just instinct with you."

"You... what did you do?"

"You weren't breathing and I couldn't let you die. When I was doing CPR I... I felt it."

"Felt what?"

" _It_ ," Robert said, as if that explained everything. And in a way it did. "I don't know what I did, or how I did it... but it happened."

"You can't know you did anything," Aaron said.

"When the doctors came to check on you during the night they were talking. I guess they thought I was asleep or something, but they said..." He glanced nervously over his shoulder as if he were afraid they would be overheard. "They said you were lucky to survive and if they didn't know better they would have sworn a Divinus was involved."

"You saved me? I mean, beyond getting me out of the car and making me breathe."

"I don't know. Maybe. Probably," Robert said.

Aaron's gaze flickered to Robert's hand and in a second he'd made his decision; he put his hand over Robert's and gently pressed it down on his stomach. They waited... and nothing happened. 

"Sorry," Robert said.

"Don't be."

"I guess this is what I get for not learning how to control it."

"I thought you were all taught about your powers," Aaron said. "Communities and lessons and everything."

"Don't tell me you actually paid attention in school?"

"Barely," Aaron laughed. "I argued with the teacher, said it was nothing but rumours and superstitions and that we should be learning proper stuff."

"And of course you paid attention to that proper stuff?"

Aaron gave a soft laugh. "What do you think?"

"So what do you remember?"

"That somewhere along the line people thought that Divinus – thought you guys were gods. You could heal people and..." He stopped, looking at Robert's hand still resting over the blankets and the gown and the surgical bandage. "...and that you could know someone just by being with them. That you could control them." At that Aaron's face fell, clearly starting to wonder.

"That one is just a rumour," Robert said quickly. "I can't, and even if I could, I wouldn't. I would never make you do something you didn't want to do."

"So what can you do?"

"Well, there's supposed to be... that," he said, finally lifting his hand away, "but I don't know how to control it. I didn't want to know, I didn't want to be me."

"You said twenty years. Haven't you always known?"

"No. Pat... my real mum, she was Divinus. The crash killed her outright, that's why she died, and she never got a chance to tell Dad what I was. But Mum – Sarah – she knew. She saw some of the symptoms I guess. She cut her hand on a knife and I just... fixed it. Didn't think twice about it apparently, just held her hand and fixed it. I don't remember much about what I did, but I just remember looking at the cut on her finger and seeing what the problem was, knowing I could put things back together.

"After that she took me to the doctor's and they confirmed it."

"You make it sound like an illness: symptoms and doctors."

"Curse more like," Robert said sadly. "This isn't something I wanted, Aaron. I've worked so hard to not let this define who I am. I don't want to be the Divinus everyone says they know, I don't want people to see me as a commodity or a secret weapon. But like I said to you yesterday, I just want to be myself now, with you. And this is who I am. What I am." 

"We don't need to talk about this now," Aaron said, sensing clearly Robert's bubbling distress. They was real to him, Robert's feelings, and almost as if he were feeling them himself.

"Yes, we do. You need to know, to understand what it's going to be like. I can't spend the rest of my life with you."

"So rumours of Divinus killing themselves because they've lived too long aren't true?"

"I don't know," Robert admitted. "Probably. I never liked the idea of living forever. Now..."

"Now what?"

"It doesn't matter. I didn't learn about who I was and there wasn't a Community here so there was no one to teach me when I was a kid. Mum did what she could but there was a limit to what you can learn from books. And what you can do."

Aaron knew that look, read his expression clearly and he reached out. "Just because you couldn't save her—"

"It was before that," Robert said. "Victoria was sick, as a baby. I couldn't do anything, I didn't know how to, and Mum had to risk her life because I didn't know how to control this... this thing that I am," he said, looking down at his hands as if they'd betrayed him somehow. "I told myself that I could learn later, Mum found a Community near where my gran lived in Spain, and I was going to go but then..."

"Then Sarah died," Aaron finished.

"I couldn't save her, I didn't know how to. Andy and Richie were there and they didn't know what I was and I was scared of showing them, of trying and failing because what if they blamed me? What if—"

"It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault," Aaron said. He reached out again but Robert was just a little too far and it pulled against his stitches. He bit back the hiss of pain he wanted to express but already Robert's hands instinctively moved to his side. "What are you doing?"

"You're in pain. I can't— I want to make it better, I just wish I knew how."

"How do you know I'm in pain?"

"I... I feel it," Robert admitted. "I know that much about this. When I left all those years ago, when I went to Spain, I got to go to the Community, to speak to the Divinus there. They helped me with this, answered questions Mum and her books couldn't, and they tried to help me learn how to control this. But they told me that when I heal people it's like a part of me is in them."

At that Aaron raised his eyebrows and grinned.

"And while it's there I can... feel them. There's a bond between us."

"Is that why I can...?" Aaron started. "I feel nervous but it's like it's not me."

"Yeah," Robert whispered, nodding his head a little. "I'm terrified."

"So... we feel what the other feels?"

Robert nodded again. 

"Is it always going to be there?"

Robert shook his head. "It'll pass in a day or so. It did last time."

"Last time?" Aaron asked. "You've done this before?" As Robert's gaze dropped he followed it to his arm, the red streak vivid against his pale skin. "I don't understand."

"I don't either," Robert said, "but it happened. When you collapsed in my arms I felt... something. I was so scared, Aaron, I didn't want you to die. You collapsed in my arms at the yard and all I wanted was for you to be OK and I remember feeling this... warmth. I didn't know what it was until last night when I felt it again. But in the hospital, afterwards, I could _feel_ how scared you were, how there was more to what was going on."

"It's why you didn't let it go," Aaron said, his voice a little more than a whisper. "Why you never gave up on me."

"No, I didn't give up because I love you, I've always loved you. And that thing about Divinus love? That's not a rumour."

Aaron looked up in surprise at that, as if somehow of all the things he'd heard and half believed since he was a kid that was the most far fetched of them all.

"But I won't force you to be a part of this," Robert continued. "You need to know what you're getting into and you need to know what kind of a life you'll have."

"I said yes..." Aaron said, almost dumbstruck. He looked at the ring on his left hand, turned it slightly with his thumb. It was new and unfamiliar but already the weight of it, the feel of it against his skin was comforting in a way he couldn't describe. Maybe, he hoped, Robert would feel it instead.

"I know. And I know you wanted this, wanted me when you said yes. But you didn't know everything then. So think about it, please. Really think about it."

"And if I can't do this? If it's too much?"

Robert wasn't quick enough to hide the flash of pain across his face, and even if he had Aaron felt the slight sting of it in his chest. But within a blink it was gone and the false composure of Robert Sugden was back in place. "Then we go our separate ways. I'll tell them it was my fault, I don't care what. Tell them I cheated on you, lied to you, whatever you want."

"We can't just tell them the truth?"

"No," Robert said quickly. "Please, Aaron. No one can know."

"Doesn't anyone know? About you being... y'know?"

"Vic does, but that's it."

"Right."

"She knew I was going to propose. Asked me if I was going to tell you."

"And what did you say?"

"I said I wanted to know if you wanted me first."

"I do want you," Aaron said. "You know that, right?"

"I know," Robert whispered. "Now you just need to figure out if you want this too."

**

Back home Robert lay on top of the bed, his hand drifting to Aaron's side. Last time he'd been in this bed it had felt like the whole world, his whole future was open to him with dreams of a barn proposal and the hope that Aaron would hear him out as he explained everything. Now, even with his ring on Aaron's finger, he had no idea what was coming and that scared him a little.

_I can't imagine my life without him in it._

The double meaning had hung heavy with Victoria: it was more than just the life her brother could have with Aaron, it was his whole life. Centuries and centuries ahead of him and Aaron would live for only a fraction of it.

He wanted Aaron to say yes, to have that fraction with him and to take what he could get. But at the same time he wanted him to say no, to find someone who would – who could – grow old with him and experience life with him, not the existence that a Divinus was cursed with.

As soon as that word popped into his head he could hear his mum chiding him. She never saw Robert as anything but a blessing, even when she found out what he was.

**  
**

"What's a Div'nus?" Robert asked.

Sarah laughed softly and lowered herself onto the edge of Robert's bed. One hand drifted to her belly, the other ran through Robert's hair. "Div-in-us," she sounded out for the six-year old. "And it means Godlike."

"So I'm a god?" Robert asked in wonder.

"No, darling," she smiled, "although some people think you were sent by God to take care of us. See... once upon a time there were people just like you, and no one really knew where they came from or why they were here. They only knew that they were different, special, because they could do things that no one else could."

"Like what?"

"Well, Divinus have the ability to heal people."

"Like I did with you today?"

"Exactly like that. That's how I knew, Robert. When they care about someone then a bond is formed, a really strong bond that nothing and no one can break. Some people say that when a Divinus falls in love, really falls in love, then it's forever. And when they love someone they can help them if they get sick or injured."

"But how?"

"No one knows that, darling," Sarah said, smoothing down Robert's hair. "But there are places you can go to where they will teach you these things."

"Can we go? Will you take me?"

"Not right away," she smiled, the hand on her swollen belly rubbing protectively. "Maybe when the baby is a bit older."

"Does Dad know about me?"

"I don't think so. We'll tell him together if you want?" When Robert nodded she smiled. "OK."

"What else can I do?"

"All I know are the stories," Sarah continued. "Once upon a time in Greece people used to think that they were the smartest people on the planet. They understood how the human body worked and it's said that they could picture a problem and then see how to fix it. I think that's what you did when you saw the cut on my hand."

Robert shrugged a little against the covers. "I just knew it shouldn't be like that," he said. He put a hand on his mother's, touching the finger where the knife had slipped that lunchtime. The cut hadn't been deep but there was no sign of any injury, no indication that anything had happened.

"Divinus were respected as healers, as teachers. Maybe that's where modern medicine comes from, I don't know. And then there are stories from the Romans who called them 'gods among men'. It's because of them you're called Divinus. They were leaders there too."

"Does that mean I'm going to be a leader?"

"You can be whoever and whatever you want," Sarah said. "Things are very different now."

"How?"

"Well, for one... it's a secret. You can't tell anyone who you are."

"Why not?"

"Because there are people in this world who don't understand. They might try and make you do things you don't want to do, or ask you to do things that you can't do."

"I want to help people," Robert said. "I helped you, didn't I?"

"You won't be able to help everyone, Robert. You need to care about them if you're going to help them. The Community will teach you all of this."

"Where is the Commuty?" Robert asked.

"Community," Sarah gently corrected. "I don't know, darling. They stay hidden but there are people who know where to find them. I'll ask around, see if I can find one. We might have to travel to get there."

"A holiday?" Robert asked, sitting up in excitement.

"Yes," she laughed. "I guess it'll be a bit of a holiday. But it'll also be a lot of work. You have a wonderful talent, Robert, a true gift. You'll need to learn how to use it, control it."

"Am I dangerous?"

"No," Sarah said quickly, pulling Robert into a hug. "You are not dangerous and you are not wrong and you are absolutely perfect. This is who you're meant to be and that's wonderful."

"Will Dad be upset?"

"Your dad loves you, and so do I. Now come on, you need to sleep."

"Why am I a Divnu—Divinus?" Robert asked.

"Some people just are," Sarah said, pulling the covers back around him and kissing his forehead. "Goodnight darling."

"Goodnight Mum," Robert said, burrowing down as he always did.

Sarah sat with him for a moment, her hand gently stroking his blond hair away from his face. And then Robert slept.

**  
**

There was a soft hand through his hair and Robert buried into the covers for another second, not wanting to get up just yet.

"Robert. Rob, come on."

It took a second for his sleepy brain to realise that wasn't his mother. This wasn't the farmhouse and he wasn't six years old. The crash and the car and the lake and hospital slammed into him and it took his breath away.

"Aaron," he said in a panic, sitting up so quickly that Chas jumped back.

"No, no he's fine, there's been no word, just thought you might want some breakfast before it's lunchtime," she said. "You were kinda dead to the world." At the unfortunate choice of words she winced. "No, it's good you slept. You need your rest."

"I need to be at the hospital."

"You need to shower and eat and then you can go. You're no good to Aaron if you're falling apart yourself."

"I'm fine," he said, pushing back the covers and getting out of bed.

"You may have come through that crash without a scratch on ya but that doesn't mean you're not suffering," Chas said, her hand firm on his arm. 

Robert's mind flashed to the car, the pain in his chest that indicated a broken rib, the momentary thought he gave it before his body took over and started knitting the bone back together. The cuts and bruises that were long gone before he'd been seen by anyone.

"Aaron will never forgive you if you end up in the bed next to him," Chas said softly. "Not sure my nerves could take it either."

"Fine," he sighed.

"Good," she smiled. "Shower, then come down when you're ready Vic said she'd do your favourite."

Robert smiled, unable to help himself. Somewhere in his mind he imagined what Sarah would think about this surrogate mother figure he'd found in Chas: all hard edges and no nonsense, and utterly dedicated to her family.

"Also I figured coffee would be good," Chas added, nodding to the mug that was now sat on the bedside table.

"Chas?" he said as she started for the door. "Thank you."

"It's what us mums do," she said.

"But you're not... I mean, I'm not your..." He trailed off.

"But he is, and you will be."

"I know you didn't... I probably wasn't what you had in mind for a son-in-law."

"No," she said bluntly, "but Aaron loves you. My boy doesn't love easily and he loves you so there's got to be something in you that's worth that. So I have to believe in that, believe that you're not the same man you were.

"And you saved his life. Police said you could have gotten out at any time but you stayed with him and made sure he got out. I remember a Robert Sugden who used to be just out for himself. Now he's staying in sunken cars and tearing steering columns free because my boy is trapped. Think that has to be worth something."

"I love him," Robert said as that was the only reply he had.

"I know," Chas smiled. "And as long as you do that? Me and you will get on just fine."

Robert nodded and after she had closed the door behind him he sat down on the edge of the bed. The mug was warm in his hands and he focused on that sensation, centring himself the way he'd been taught. There was no injury left, every cell in his body was healed and healthy, but he knew that this hurt wasn't physical.

_We can heal the body, Robert, but the heart and mind are beyond us. Your thoughts and your emotions cannot be changed and they will control you unless you control them._

Aaron was alive, Aaron was fine, Aaron was going to come home.

Robert just hoped that he was going to come home to him.

**

Now that Aaron was conscious it felt like everyone wanted to come and say hi. Liv had pretty much moved in, even bringing her school books as if it were some kind of challenge to remove any obstacles or arguments against her leaving. Adam dropped by with beers which Robert then took away. Victoria hovered in the corner, clearly trying to figure out how to ask without dropping Robert in it if he hadn't said anything. (When he was finally able to get her attention he shook his head, just slightly, just once, and for a second there was a flash of sadness in his sister's face.) Chas arrived with food and balloons and awkward conversation around Adam about James. Liv then lightened the mood by threatening to put Aaron back into hospital if he even thought about putting her in a frilly dress, Chas was talking hats and colour schemes and flowers, and all Robert wanted was a moment with Aaron to know if all this excited talk of weddings was actually going to come to something.

When Adam reminded Victoria about the second ring she produced it and Aaron slid it onto Robert's finger with a smile that was outwardly honest and real. But Robert knew Aaron the way he knew himself, right down to his bones, and he knew that it was reserved. Aaron still wasn't sure, Robert could feel that in the dying embers of their connection. At least it wasn't a no.

When everyone was kicked out at the end of visiting hours Robert wanted to fight to stay, but Aaron told him to go and so he agreed. Leaning over the bed he pressed a simple kiss to Aaron's lips.

"Love you," he whispered.

"Me too," Aaron replied. "I—"

"It's OK," Robert said, his hand running gently through Aaron's hair. "When you're ready."

"Oh, Mum, my phone?" Aaron asked, stopping his departing mother in her tracks.

"Phone and charger on the unit," she said. "Now Robert's got his new one you and he can message each other all night."

"Who actually has insurance on their phones these days?" Liv asked.

"Me, and it came in handy didn't it?" Robert replied.

"Whatever," she skulked, waving goodbye to Aaron.

"Just don't keep the rest of us up with your texting and... whatever," Chas added to Robert, half serious as she followed Liv.

"See you tomorrow," Robert said. 

Aaron smiled at first, but once they were all gone he grabbed his phone from the unit and pulled up a browser window.

** 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/144660196@N06/35958726540/in/dateposted-public/)

Aaron's phone burst into life as _Robert Calling_ and that stupid cheesy selfie he'd taken for his contact picture burst onto the screen. "Hey," he answered in hushed tones. "Sorry if that was too much, I just... I was curious. You don't have to tell me."

"No, it's fine. You can ask me anything, Aaron, I mean it."

"I read that D—" Even though it was the small hours of the morning and quiet Aaron didn't want to take the chance that he would be overheard. "I read that unless it's instant that you can come back from just about anything."

"We have to heal," Robert said, his voice little more than a whisper. "When I was unconscious my body works on instinct, stopping bleeding, mending small breaks, things like that. Something major like... that? I need to be able to focus."

"And you couldn't?"

"No, I could. It's... my conscious works on a different level to yours. The best way to explain it is that there's stages of unconsciousness; more than being awake, asleep or in a coma. Only at the deepest level does my ability stop." Robert stopped, took a deep breath. "Unless I make it stop."

"Make it stop?"

"I can control it, I can decide if I want to heal or not. And for a while I thought it would be better if I died. I hurt so many people, Aaron, I hurt _you_ and I couldn't bear that. I thought that if I died then maybe you'd be free, maybe everyone would be happier—"

"Robert," Aaron breathed.

"I don't want that now," Robert said quickly. "It was... a moment. It passed and I held on and I fought back. I didn't let go and I'm not going to let go now. I won't ever let go, not while you're still breathing."

"You'd have died in that car," Aaron realised.

"Drowning may not be as instant as a bullet, but I still need to breathe same as everyone else. Can't heal when there's no oxygen for me afterwards."

"You'd have given up your forever? For me?"

"It's not exactly giving it up when you don't want it in the first place."

"What?"

"I never thought much about living forever," Robert admitted, "seemed like life was long enough. I was just going to go on and then maybe when I was about seventy or eighty I'd... do something. Never imagined I'd have anything or anyone to stick around for or to care about leaving behind. But then I met you."

"Why did you tell me?"

"Because I wanted you to know. It matters to me that you know."

"You never told anyone else you were with?"

"No, Chrissie didn't know," Robert said, picking up on the meaning. "Never mind the fact that I didn't love her that way, I just... I didn't want the Whites seeing me as a commodity, I guess. All this emotional reading, it's pretty useful in business. I could always tell when a client was lying or trying to trick us. It just made me look good when I was trying to impress, but if they knew what I was?

"While most Divinus don't advertise themselves the few that are out there... I didn't want to be used like that. Plus I don't think I cared enough about Lawrence to do something about his heart, and that would have been awkward," he added with a self-deprecating laugh.

"So why tell me?" Aaron asked. There was a silence so long that Aaron had to check that the call was still connected. "Rob?"

"I love you," he said simply. "I love you the way that Divinus love: completely and forever. With Chrissie I could imagine just living out a life without her knowing, but with you it's different. Every part of me wants you to know, needs you to know. I can't live my life with you if you don't know about every part of who I am."

"And if I can't deal with that? If it's too much?"

"That's your choice, Aaron. It's always going to be your choice."

"I wish you were here," Aaron whispered. "I miss you."

"I miss you too. It's weird being here without you."

"They bring 'round what passes for breakfast before eight. Reckon you can sneak in with something better?"

"Try and stop me," Robert said, and Aaron could hear the smile down the line. "I love you. Whatever you decide, I will always love you."

"I love you too," Aaron said. "Goodnight."

"Night," Robert said. There was a moment when the call was silent, then Robert hung up.

**

As soon as the kid who had to either be doing work experience or community service had dropped off the tray with what passed for breakfast in Hotten General had left, Robert slipped into the room. Coffee tray in one hand, paper bag in the other, he dropped them both on the hospital bed table and greeted Aaron with a kiss.

"Morning," Aaron smiled, and it wasn't like the smile from the day before – this one looked real. 

Robert took heart from that, unable to feel how Aaron was anymore. "Did you get some sleep after we spoke?"

"A little. You?"

"Probably a little less."

"Robert—"

"I'll be fine, don't worry."

"What? Another Divinus trick?"

"If I say yes how will you know otherwise?" Robert grinned. Then his expression changed. "I made a video that morning in the pub, while you were in the bath. I said that I was going to propose, that if you said yes that I would tell you who... what I am."

"A video?"

"Yeah, on my phone."

"Ah," Aaron said, realising that Robert's phone would have been with him in the car which was now at the bottom of the lake, so probably well beyond repair. Not for the first time in recent days he'd been grateful of his habit of leaving his own phone behind. "It's OK, it doesn't matter."

"I just want you to know that I didn't want to keep this from you."

"So why did you? I mean, all this time? We said this time was going to be different."

"What? Are you mad I kept something like this from you?"

"I'm just trying to understand why you telling me about your dad happened before you telling me about this."

"Because they are two different things," Robert said. "What... what happened with Dad isn't the same as this."

"Did he know?"

"Yeah," Robert admitted. "Mum and I told him."

"And?"

"And he didn't want to talk about it. That was about the time when I found out about Mum, my real mum, and how she could have survived the crash if it wasn't sudden. If she'd just been injured then she would have survived. Dad didn't know about her either, it was a lot to take in."

"I can understand that, I'm just trying to get my head around it," Aaron said. "Twice in as many days you open up to me, tell me these... massive things about you. You say that you planned to tell me when I said yes. What if I'd said no? Would you have kept on lying to me?"

"I don't know," Robert admitted, "but be honest with me. If I'd told you, right at the start when we got together after the trial or even before then? If I'd told you what I was would you have been OK with that? Would you have accepted me and we'd have just carried on?"

"I... I don't know," Aaron admitted.

"We were busy trying to figure out who we were together, I couldn't make it any harder than it already was. Especially with..."

"With what?" Aaron prompted when Robert said nothing more.

In response Robert reached out to take Aaron's arm, turning it over to expose the red lines, some barely there and one you could barely ignore. He took a deep breath and traced a fingertip over one of the smaller, lighter ones. There was a warmth in Robert's hand and then before their eyes the red line faded into nothing.

"Part of me just wants to do that all the time," Robert said. "Ever since I first saw them I couldn't help but think that I could do something about them, especially given how you seemed to feel about them. But then as I learned more about you it wasn't all about you being... embarrassed or ashamed, you just weren't sure about letting me see them, about being exposed in front of me. When it got to the point where you didn't seem to mind I thought that healing them would somehow make it worse, like all that pain didn't happen. Especially when I learned why you did it.

"It wasn't just about me anymore," he continued. "I had to think about what you wanted. And if this was something you would want me to do. Would it be weird if I could and didn't?"

"I don't think so," Aaron said, running his fingers over where the scar used to be. "On good days I look at them and think 'I survived all that' and I'm proud of myself."

"And on the not-so-good days?"

"I hate them."

"I don't know if I could do anything, not on that scale. Every time I've helped you, healed you, it's been instinctive."

"That wasn't."

"That took a lot of focus," Robert admitted, "and some research last night. It shouldn't be like that, not for something so small. Worst Divinus ever."

"You haven't accepted who you are, not completely," Aaron said. "If you had then you would have found a Community and been trained up by now."

"Oh I found one," Robert said, "the one in Spain, remember? They helped me learn and focus my energies so I could heal myself, but I refused to let them show me how to help others."

"Why?"

"Because who would I help? Mum was dead, Dad hated me, Andy was the favourite and I was convinced that Vic was better off without me. I had no one left to care about and so who was I going to help? Who would I form that bond with? Then I met you and everything changed."

"But you still haven't learned?"

"No, but I don't see what difference it would make. Only reason I can see for doing it is so that I can help you, Aaron."

"You shouldn't do this for me, Rob, you should do it for you. Because it's who you are and you need to accept that. You need to learn about who you are and what you are and what you can do. You need to accept that and stop hiding from it."

Robert's eyes narrowed. "This is nothing like my sexuality."

"Kinda is," Aaron said, a smile creeping onto his face.

"You know, for a moment I considered doing with you what I was going to do with Chrissie. I wouldn't tell you, I would just live my life with you and fake growing old, and one day I would... do something. Make it look like an accident maybe, or try and get some of that drink that they say Divinus take. But being in that car with you, knowing that I would stay with you, that I would give every last drop of energy to see you safe? I love you more than I thought possible and there's this bond that is always going to be there."

Robert looked down at his hand, at the ring which Aaron had placed there only the day before. "I know now you love me, you want me. Being a Div changes how people see—"

"Don't call yourself that," Aaron snapped, a little louder than he intended. "Don't you ever use that word again."

"It'll change how you see me, and that's OK. It should. I'm not like you, Aaron, I'm never going to be like you. And it's your choice what happens next." With that Robert pulled off the ring and pressed it into Aaron's palm. "Whatever you decide to do, I'll accept."

"Even if that decision is to out you? To my family? Tell them I couldn't marry a Divinus, or that I am going to marry one?"

Robert took a deep breath. "Whatever you decide. I trust you."

**

"For a couple who just got engaged," Chas said as she took the seat opposite Aaron in the bar, "you and Robert aren't spending a lot of time together."

"What?" Aaron asked, taking another bite of his burger in the hopes it would mean he could be spared any more questions. He should have known better.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you two split up."

"We haven't."

"You're still wearing his ring, so I'll admit that wasn't my first thought. But something's not right, is it?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Always," she said.

"Do you think Robert is good for me?"

"You not got an easy one?" Chas laughed. Then she sighed gently. "I think only you can know the answer to that question."

"Mum..."

"Yeah, I'm your mum which means no one is ever going to be good enough for my baby. And after everything you've been through? My standards are even higher than they would be normally. I think on any scale Robert Sugden doesn't exactly score well, but none of that matters if he's who you want.

"Love, you deserve someone who... someone who will love you the way I think you should be loved. You deserve to be loved and treated right because so much in this world hasn't done that for ya. Robert wouldn't be my first choice or anywhere on any long or short list if I'm honest," she smiled, "but I can't deny the fact that he loves you. He loves you the way I want you to be loved, even I can see that now, and if you love him too then that should be enough."

"And if it's not?"

"Is everything OK?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"What's he done now?"

"Why does he have to have done something?" Aaron asked.

"Because he's Robert."

"Mum, you need to stop doing that. You've just finished telling me how you know how much he loves me and your first comment is...? He's changed. He's... it's different now."

"I hope you're right, love, I really do. Watching him these last few days... I want to believe he's changed, that he is a better man, love, I honestly do. I'm just worried that one day this won't be enough and he'll revert to type. He loved Katie, he loved Chrissie, and it wasn't enough. You deserve to be enough."

"He told me I am."

"And you believe him?" When Aaron nodded so did Chas. "So he wants to be with you, I get that, but what about you?"

"Me?"

"Do you want to spend your life with him?"

Aaron looked down at what was left of his burger, his appetite suddenly gone.

"It's OK if you don't. You can love someone but if you don't love him enough—"

"I do though, Mum. I love him... more than I ever thought I could love someone, and I know he feels the same."

His Divinus research flashed through his mind, phrases like _emotional bonding_ and _emotive connections_ being at the forefront. When a Divinus falls in love it was literally forever; they loved deeply and honestly and while people doubted the existence of Divinus in the first place they all agreed that should they exist? You would be so lucky to be loved by one.

"So what's the problem?" Chas asked. "You deserve the world, love. You deserve to be loved for the rest of your life and if you think Robert is the man to do that—"

"I do."

"—then that's all that should matter."

Aaron got up, kissed his mum on the cheek, and then left the pub without another word.

**

Aaron leant up against the truck as Robert's car pulled in behind him. There was a moment when he wondered if Robert was actually going to get out and join him.

"Come on," Aaron called, holding out his arms.

"Just enjoying the last moment of blissful ignorance," Robert said as he climbed out of the car. "Can't blame me for that." He slammed the door shut. "I assume the venue choice was intentional."

"Seemed appropriate somehow," Aaron said. "Kinda started here."

"Wouldn't that be the garage?" Robert asked.

"Yeah, but this was the moment you took a chance, right? Like... you had no idea how I was gonna react. What if I'd pushed you away?"

"Something told me you wouldn't," Robert said, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets.

"What if I'd outed you?"

"You kinda did anyway in the end," Robert said with a tilt of his head.

"Yeah, not my finest hour."

"I deserved it."

"No one deserves being outed."

"So... we end where we started?" Robert asked.

"Who said anything about ending?"

"I've barely heard anything from you since breakfast in the hospital."

"And whose fault is that?" Aaron asked. "You've been sneaking out first thing before I wake up and coming in when you think I'm asleep. Even Liv doesn't buy this 'really busy at work' excuse and Mum's wondering if she's ever going to need to buy a hat."

"So let's get this over with then," Robert said.

"Why are you so sure this is it?" Aaron asked.

"It's a big deal—"

"Marriage usually is," Aaron said. "I kissed you back that day, remember? I was the one to push you towards the truck—"

"Nice touch by the way," Robert said, nodding towards the tow truck. "What did you tell Cain?"

"That I was borrowing it." Aaron stepped forward, shortening the distance but not fully closing the gap. "I kissed you back because I wanted it too. In the garage, every time after. I wanted you, I loved you—"

"Aaron, it's OK," Robert said. "I get it."

"No you don't," Aaron said, "not if you think I'm breaking up with you. I love you, you idiot, and I want to marry you. I know what you are, well, as much as I can find online. I know what it means for us. But I want... I want everything with you. I want every moment I have with you and I want a life, I want a forever with you."

"It'll be your forever," Robert whispered.

"If you're OK with that," Aaron said, "because it seems to me like you're the one that affects more than me."

"The longer we're together, the more I'm going to love you."

"You're not scaring me off, Sugden," Aaron said. "But there is one condition."

Robert took a deep breath and nodded. "Who do you want to tell?"

"Liv," Aaron said. "We have to, Rob. When we move out of the pub she's coming with us, she's got to know."

"Yeah, OK."

"Are you sure?" Aaron asked.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Robert?"

"Yeah?"

"Marry me?"

"Yeah," Robert grinned. He moved quickly, grabbing Aaron's face in the way he'd done in this same lay by almost two years beforehand and kissing him just as passionately.

**

"You're kidding me, right?" Liv asked, looking from Aaron to Robert and back again. "He's a Div?"

"Liv," Aaron warned.

"Sorry," she said to Robert, looking suitably chastised. "I just... really?"

"Yeah," Robert said. "No one else knows, just Aaron and Vic. You can't tell anyone."

"Yeah, I know. They gave us the lecture in school. Don't out them, don't make 'em do anything, living as a Divinus isn't as great as you... might think," she said, trailing off. "Sorry."

"Don't worry, if anyone knows about that then it's me."

"So is it as bad as they all say it is?"

"Liv!" Aaron protested.

"No, it's OK. You had questions when you found out," Robert pointed out. "What do you want to know?"

"Oh god," Liv moaned, putting her head on the table.

"What?" Aaron asked.

"He's gonna be around for my kids, for my _grandkids_. Like it's bad enough I need to put up with him but they're going to have to deal with his bad jokes and him thinking he's cool. You might be one of these wannabe gods, Robert, but don't go thinking you're special or anything."

Robert looked at Aaron, who was trying (badly) to hide his grin, and he couldn't help but smile himself. 

**

Normal service was resumed, Chas decided, as she walked in on her son and his fiancé all but draped over each other on the back room sofa. Liv was having a "study sleepover" at Gabby's, and after she made a comment about Noah spending time up at the farm with Moira she pretended not to notice that they exchanged a look and then thundered up the stairs.

She just hoped they were careful; those stitches were only a few days old.

**

Robert pulled Aaron's t-shirt over his head, running his hands down the curves of his chest. His fingers hesitated at the edge of the surgical dressing.

"You don't have to," Aaron whispered. "That's not..."

"I know," Robert replied before kissing Aaron deeply. "But I want to. I wish I knew how to."

"Then learn. You can always learn."

"Maybe later. I have better things to be doing right now. Like you."

"Charmer," Aaron laughed, pulling Robert in for a kiss.

It was clear from the outset that Robert was letting Aaron take control, and at first Aaron wondered if this was because of recent revelations, but the way Robert's hand kept drifting to his stomach made him realise it was more about his comfort and what he could do with a healing wound on his abdomen.

Robert's arms around his waist were solid, comforting, loving. Aaron sat across his lap, holding Robert's face as he kissed him, long and slow and deep. Robert's hand drifted down to his cheeks, his fingers pressing gently against him. The bottle was found, uncapped, and Robert's finger pushed inside. Aaron inhaled sharply, not out of pain but of intimacy. Somehow this was more than it had ever been: more than their affair, than their relationship, than anything he had ever felt before.

"You OK?" Robert asked.

"So OK," Aaron whispered.

"I don't want to hurt you. Your stitches..."

"I'm fine, I promise," Aaron said.

One finger became two became three and already Aaron was writhing and gasping and begging Robert to do something. And he was all too happy to oblige.

**

"How are your stitches?" Robert asked, nudging Aaron gently.

"You didn't burst anything, don't get any ideas about your prowess," Aaron laughed breathily.

"You say that like I didn't do most of the work," Robert laughed, rolling over and putting his hand on Aaron's stomach, just above the bandage. It had worked loose from the skin at one edge, affording him a glimpse underneath. "How does it feel?" he asked, his fingers picking at the edges of the surgical tape.

"Fine, I told you," Aaron huffed.

"No, but..." Robert propped himself up, picking at the tape. "Look," he said, pulling it back a little.

"What?" Aaron said.

He looked down and expected to see the wound he'd redressed that morning, the red and angry wound, the skin pulled taut against the sutures... But it didn't look like that now.

"What did you do?" Aaron asked.

"I don't know," Robert said. "I didn't... I don't..."

"Well this didn't look like that this morning," Aaron said.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry—"

"Hey, no," Aaron said. "Don't. Don't."

"I didn't know I was... I didn't feel it."

"Think you were busy feeling something else," Aaron laughed softly, and it only increased when Robert started to laugh himself. "So I guess that... affects things?"

"I don't know," Robert said. "I didn't know."

"This'll be fun to explain at the doctor's next week."

"Shit," Robert hissed. "They're going to work it out."

"It'll be fine," Aaron said. "I'll tell them I heal quick." He reached over, twisting his wrist so that he could press his hand to Robert's cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For... everything," Aaron decided on.

**

Aaron handed over the bottle of wine to Adam, shrugging when his friend asked if it was any good. Immediately there was a beer offered and accepted, the pair of them laughing over their preferences. Victoria served up dinner, pouring glasses of the wine for herself and her brother (and lemonade for Liv), and then the five of them sat down around the table.

"Looks amazing, sis," Robert said. "Thanks."

"Still don't get what the occasion is," Liv said.

"Liv!" Aaron hissed.

"What? You guys have been engaged for weeks so it can't be that."

"Do I need a reason to invite my brother and his family over?" Victoria asked. "I just thought it'd be nice to get together, to see how things were going..."

"Well now that Aaron's got over himself and agreed to chip in with Rob to buy the Mill, they're great," Liv said, cutting into her pie. She stacked her fork with pastry and meat and veg, before swirling it into the gravy. "You're not pregnant 'cause you're drinking, so only reason I can see for you having us over is to try and find out if I know Rob's a Divinus, and how Aaron is coping with the news."

Aaron and Robert froze, looking from Liv to each other to Victoria and then to Adam.

"What?" Adam asked. "Mate, I've known for ages."

"Vic!" Robert protested.

"He's my husband!" she said. "You couldn't keep it a secret from Aaron because you love him, right? Well...?" she finished, gesturing towards Adam.

"How did you know that's what this is about?" Aaron asked, looking at Liv.

She shrugged. "Heard her and Adam talking yesterday. She wants to know how we're coping and she didn't think she could ask us outright. Hence dinner. This is a really good pie, Vic, better than Marlon's."

For a stunned moment the only sound was Liv's cutlery against the plate, then Adam prompted: "So, how's it going? Really?"

"It's... a learning curve," Aaron admitted.

"If you can get him to go to one of those Communities then you're doing better than Vic," Adam said, "she's been on at him for years."

"Well I've started," Aaron said. "I think it'd be good for him."

"And I'm trying to get him to promise to not embarrass my grandkids, because we know what he's like," Liv said between mouthfuls of veg.

"Do I need to be here for this?" Robert asked. "If you're just going to talk about me all night—"

"I'll protect you, don't worry," Aaron said, his hand finding Robert's knee under the table. "Even from my liar of a best mate."

"I couldn't tell you," Adam protested. "Vic wasn't supposed to tell me and even I know what a big deal this is."

"When did you find out?" Robert asked, his attention moving from Aaron to his brother-in-law and his sister.

"You'd just been shot and you were dying!" Victoria protested. "Ever since I can remember I've known you can't die so I'm sorry if it was a bit of a shock to find that you might. I don't want to lose you."

"Vic..." Robert breathed, setting down his fork.

Under the table Aaron's hand found Robert's knee again and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"It's not like I planned it, it just happened," Vic continued, "but he's not told anyone."

"That you know of."

"Nah, mate, I haven't. I wouldn't do that to you," Adam said. "Even when..." He stopped, trailing off and leaving her name unspoken and the question hanging in the air.

"If I could have—" Robert started but a swift kick from Victoria under the table stopped him.

Adam nodded briefly before putting his fork down. "Babe, I just need to use the loo. Back in a minute."

"What?" Liv asked when Adam had gone.

"Holly," Victoria said quietly.

"I thought she was... y'know ...long before anyone knew?"

"She was," Robert said quietly, having picked up his fork and was now pushing veg around his plate. "I can heal physical stuff no problem. But her addiction? That was mental and I can't... I couldn't..."

"So what's the problem?" Liv asked.

"Rumours say otherwise," Aaron explained. "Divinus can heal, full stop. Physical and mental."

"I could have maybe made the withdrawal easier though, that was physical," Robert said, "maybe if I'd learned then she wouldn't have—"

"Adam would be the first person to tell you that it's not your fault," Vic said, "and the fact that he's not said anything until tonight should be proof of that. He doesn't blame you, Rob, I don't either. You not learning when you were a kid was your choice. I mean, if it were me—" She stopped. "Point is, it was your choice and it's still your choice."

Liv gave a small smile. "I think that what you _have_ done is amazing, Robert, and there will always be someone who doesn't get it or there will be something you're gonna wish you could have done. Mum always said that if you spend your life thinking about the things you could have done there won't be time to do anything else."

Aaron's brow creased in confusion. "Since when was your mum that smart?" he quipped, earning himself a playful hit from his sister.

"You saved Aaron," Vic said, "you're getting married and your family know the truth. This is the most honest you've been since Mum died."

"It matters now," Robert said quietly, his hand resting over Aaron's on his knee.

"That's what you need to hang on to," his sister continued. "We know how hard it is for you, but even the great, godlike Robert Sugden has limits. You go around healing everyone close to you and you'll end up killing yourself, functional immortality or not."

"It feels selfish to not know," Robert said, looking over at Aaron. "All the things I could do for people—"

"You can't do it for everyone," Liv pointed out, "so how do you choose? And isn't that what love is? You get to be selfish because you get to choose who you share your life with and you get to choose what parts of you to show them. Like you meet someone and you choose to be with them and you choose to work at it and you choose to get married and get a house and probably do the kid thing at some point... But you made a choice, Robert, and that's what life is. It's just choices."

The moment hung in the air, serious and poignant. Then Robert's mouth quirked up in that familiar way. "You think I would have picked you as a sister if I had a choice?" Robert quipped.

"Likewise," Liv retorted. "But Aaron's daft enough to marry you so I guess we're stuck with each other."

"Until I can send you off to some boarding school, or we move to a Community."

"If you need a hand packing let me know."

"I've seen your room, you're going nowhere near my shirts."

"I've seen your shirts. What makes you think they won't 'accidentally' end up in an oil drum with a box of matches?"

When Adam had composed himself enough to rejoin them he found the four of them laughing and joking and it felt good. It felt like family.

**

"Liv thinks you've done a runner," Aaron said, pulling his jacket on and joining Robert by the front wall. "You OK?"

"Yeah. Tonight wasn't what I thought it was going to be, but... It'll be good; you and Liv having someone you can talk to."

"And you," Aaron said. "You're not alone, you know that?"

"But I am," Robert said. "No one else knows what it's like."

"So tell me."

"Tell you what? How for a long time I felt so guilty about Mum, about not being able to help her? About how when Vic was born she got sick and I had no idea what to do or how to do it and so I felt hopeless and stupid because she's my _sister_ , Aaron, and you know what that's like. Wanting to save them, protect them, look after them."

"You were a kid," Aaron said, shoving Robert slightly with his shoulder. "We can't protect them from everything."

"After Mum's op, after she and Vic got better, we sat down and told Dad everything. He was shocked to say the least. I don't think it ever sat right with him, it became something we didn't talk about. Something _else_ we didn't talk about," he added. "So it was easy to just... not bother. Mum and Vic were OK, why would I need to learn about who I was? It was easier to be normal, I guess." Robert glanced over, giving a small smile. "Go on, say it. I'm not normal, or this is just like being bisexual."

Aaron shook his head. "You changed everything about your life for your dad, but what do you want?"

"I want you. You, and Liv, and that... damn house," he added with a soft laugh, nodding in the direction of the Mill.

"You have all of that."

"You know, I never really regretted deciding against learning about who I was and what I could do all those years ago. Not until..."

"Your mum," Aaron finished.

"Maybe I could have saved her, healed her, if I'd developed my ability. I wonder if Dad felt the same way, if he hated me because I didn't do anything."

"Robert—"

"No, don't. Don't tell me it's OK or that he would have come around. You don't know that, I don't know that. Of course, after he died..." Robert folded his arms around his waist. "It's just something else to add to the list of great regrets I have when it comes to my father."

"So no more," Aaron said firmly. "Yeah, OK, so me and Liv have Adam and Vic to talk to but you've got all of us. You're not alone, Rob, not anymore."

"Do you think I should learn? Vic does, and you've said—"

"It's not about what I think."

"It matters, Aaron. Please."

"If it were me... I'd want to know. I'd want to know what I can do and how to do it." Aaron looked over at Robert. "Because if there was ever a time you or Liv needed my help I would want to be able to do everything in my power to help you. But that's how I feel."

"You know how I feel," Robert whispered. "I hate not knowing, I was so lucky that I could do what I did. After Vic, Mum... I can't keep going on like this. I just want to be there for you, to be able to help you if you need me, you know that, yeah? And I don't want there to be a time when you do need me and I can't help you."

"I do. And I know how I'd feel if you were hurting and I couldn't do something."

"I wish I could..." Robert half lifted a hand towards Aaron's temple. "Of all the rumours, of all the things they all think I could do, it's this. If I could—"

"I know," Aaron said softly. "But that's not what I mean and you know it."

"I don't know where to start," Robert admitted. "I only know bits and pieces."

"We can look into it, find somewhere."

"Are you sure you want this? It's not going to be easy."

"What was it you said?" Aaron asked. "You didn't want easy, you wanted messed up? Well, guess what. So do I."

"Think this is about as messed up as it gets," Robert said.

"You know, I've thought a lot about what it must be like. If I had your powers, what I would have done differently."

"Jackson?"

"...yeah," Aaron admitted. "I could have saved him, done something. Maybe if he'd not ended up the way he had things wouldn't have gone the way they did. For both of us. Maybe I wouldn't be the way I am."

"Aaron—"

"I've not been thinking about this for weeks," Aaron continued. "It's been in this messed up head of mine for years. And you know what I've learned? Nothing changes. He's still over there," he said, nodding up towards the graveyard, "and my head is still what it is. Liv was right when she said life was about choices."

Aaron pushed himself off the wall and held out his hand to Robert. "So what's yours, Sugden?"

Robert smiled and put his hand in Aaron's, letting himself be pulled up to stand. "You. Always."

"Ask me, I think the Community is going to be fun."

"Fun?" Robert asked.

"Yeah. Bet it's like school and you get tons of homework."

"If you're going to make fun then there is no way I'm taking you with me," Robert said, pulling Aaron in close and fitting their bodies together.

"You'd be bored without me and you know it."

"Yeah," Robert smiled. "I would." He kissed Aaron, gently, briefly. "We should head back in. Vic said she'd done a dessert."

"Give it a couple of minutes, I think Liv wanted to talk to her."

"About me?"

"No, about pies," Aaron quipped. "It'll be good for her, having someone to talk to."

"And you?" Robert asked.

"I think that was the point of tonight. I've got her too, and Adam. Although I might still have to give him some more grief about keeping me in the dark."

"I wasn't talking about Vic, or Adam. Your mum."

"What?"

"Do you want to tell her? I'd understand if you did."

Aaron stepped back, shoved his hands into his pockets, and sighed. "I've thought about it."

"And?"

"And... and nothing stays secret in my family for long. I love Mum, I do, but we both know as soon as she knows that it won't be long before she tells someone, for all the 'right' reasons, and do you want that?"

"...No," Robert admitted.

"Then we don't," Aaron said. "The fewer people who know the better."

Robert nodded, pulling Aaron back in to him. "So. Dessert?"

"We could just... go home?"

Robert laughed softly and kissed Aaron gently. "Come on. Vic's desserts are not to be missed."

**

Christmas came in a massive Dingle party, they saw in midnight of the New Year sitting in the middle of the Mill renovations with a bottle of champagne, an inflatable mattress, a double sleeping bag and nothing but each other.

Talk turned to the wedding, plans and arguments and discussions and well-meaning family all wanting their say on how the "Wedding of the Year" should play out. For the most part they were able to ignore them, focusing on what they wanted. Something small, simple, and them.

It all seemed perfect. On the outside anyway.

**

"Gabby!" Liv broke into the half-run that was all she could manage in the school corridors, narrowly dodging the still-getting-lost Year 7 group in order to catch up with her friend. "You not coming?"

"Got a pass, didn't I?"

"What?"

"I get a free pass from the Div Drivel because of Dad. Who wants to sit and listen to the stupid myth of people who can heal when your father is slowly dying in front of you?" There was no malice in Gabby's voice, just sadness. "I guess they thought it was for the best."

"Sorry," Liv said.

"What have you got to be sorry for?"

Liv ducked her head, suddenly unable to look her in the eye. "So what have they got you doing instead?"

"Homework in the library. Reading. Revision. Whatever I want really. I don't think they're too fussed because what do you do with the girl who's losing her dad? Ask me, all this understanding nonsense does my head in. I just want things to be normal."

The Year 7s figured out where they were supposed to be and suddenly Liv found herself being jostled as they headed off down the corridor.

"Go," Gabby said, "don't be late on my account. See you at lunch."

Liv watched the head of curls bounce away from her, high above the Year 7s who parted out of fear of the terrifying Year 10 student. Or the girl whose father was dying. Sometimes it was hard to know the difference Liv reckoned. Gabby and her father; Liv and... him. They were victims of their families and judged accordingly.

What would it be like if they knew her brother-in-law-to-be was a Divinus? What would Gabby think if she knew there was someone in the village who could help Ashley?

For once she wasn't one of the last ones in, and she found her seat – just over halfway back – and she sat and waited. The lesson was always the same, year on year. Standard Government Issue PHSE for Year 10: sex education; how to deal with stress; life as a Divinus.

The speaker was nice enough. She wasn't as bad as some Liv had heard about, the ones who just spoke to you as if they were reading from a script. She actually sounded like she cared about kids and didn't mind being in a room with them. While her classmates were busy looking like they were paying attention, and making enough notes to get them through the obligatory end-of-lesson quiz, Liv found herself really paying attention. There wasn't much being said that she didn't already know; between Rob and Vic and Aaron's own research she had a pretty comprehensive view of what it was like to be Divinus, but there were still a few questions she needed answers to.

"What happens if a Divinus doesn't learn?" Liv timed her question for the first pause in the presentation, and she immediately got the attention of the speaker. "You said they go to Communities. What if they don't?"

"I don't know," the speaker admitted. "As I said, a child is identified as Divinus from birth, everyone in this room will have been tested. Most parents want to know, many of you will know your own status, but for those who don't want to know and the child is Divinus? They're contacted by a Community on their eighteenth birthday. What happens after that is private, much like the rest of their lives."

"Do they have to go to the Community?"

"No, no one forces them to do anything. If a Divinus doesn't want to learn then they will be left alone."

"And if they change their mind? How do they find a Community?"

"Why so interested? You a Div, Liv?" someone from the back asked, and then laughed at their own joke. "Liv the Div."

"Shut up," she bit back. "Just because I'm actually interested in something beyond your small world."

"There are Community representatives in every local authority," the speaker told Liv. "Any doctor can pass on information." She was watching Liv with interest and curiosity, something that a couple of the more awake students were picking up on. "And schools have a legal obligation to provide support for any Divinus student—"

"I'm not Divinus," Liv said. "I'm not!"

"Watch out, mate," a lad said, "she'll be in your head and messing with your thoughts if you're not careful."

"Don't you need to have a thought in your head first?" Liv retorted.

"That's enough," the teacher said, stirred from her observational position in the corner of the room. "If you want to spend the rest of your natural life in detention with me then carry on talking."

"But Miss—"

"If you honestly think there's a way you can end that sentence that won't get you into more trouble then feel free to keep on talking," the teacher said, "otherwise I'd take this opportunity to shut up and leave it at a warning."

The boys were threatened into silence but Liv knew this wasn't over.

**

Robert and Aaron all but barrelled into reception, demanding to know what was going on. The receptionist said nothing, just ushered them through to the First Aid room where Liv was sitting, her hand wrapped up in gauze.

"Liv," Aaron breathed, pulling her in close. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry," she mumbled into his jacket.

"Mr Dingle?" The head teacher appeared at Robert's elbow, making him jump. "Sorry."

"What's happened?" Robert asked.

"Liv cut herself with one of the saws in tech," the Head explained. "It happens from time to time, accidents do. But what worries us is that she didn't tell anyone. It was only later on when she got to English did her teacher see the blood."

"Liv!" Aaron said, pulling at her arm to get at the hand. "Are you serious?"

"At least they know I'm not a Divinus now," she said quietly. "Would have healed by now if I was."

"What?" Robert asked quietly, his entire body stilling.

"There was... an incident in PHSE today," the Head said. "Olivia asked some questions about Divinus and their Communities and a couple of the boys got it into their head that she was asking because she is one."

"She's not," Aaron said.

"We know, her mum supplied the negative result when she enrolled with us. But that doesn't stop the rumour mill."

"So you cut yourself to prove a point?" Aaron asked.

"I didn't know what else to do," Liv said, her voice unnaturally small and quiet. "They wouldn't let up and I was having lunch with Gabby when they came over going on about it, calling me 'Liv the Div' and that's the last thing she needs."

"The boys have been dealt with," the Head continued. "The rules are very clear about issues relating to Divinus, but what Liv did—"

"I didn't want Gabby thinking I'm Divinus," Liv said. "Not with her dad—"

"I know," the Head reassured her. "But you still hurt yourself—"

"I didn't know how else to get through to them," she said quietly.

"And this was your bright idea? Really?" Aaron asked. "I would have thought you of all people..." He trailed off, leaving his own history unspoken. "Can we take her?"

"I think that would be best," the Head said. "She should have that looked at. It's not too deep but—"

"Yeah, thanks," Robert said. "Come on, you."

Aaron put an arm around his sister as she stood and he guided her through to where the car was.

"I'm sorry," Liv said as Robert unlocked the car. "I made a mess of everything."

"No more than usual," Aaron said. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I just wanted to know about Divinus and Communities and how we can get in touch with them for when Robert decides he actually wants to do something about things."

"So this is because of me?" Robert asked. "You asking questions isn't the issue," he said, "it's you taking a blade to your hand that pretty much gave us a heart attack. Do you have any idea what it's like to get that call? What went through my head?"

"I'm sorry," Liv said, finally realising. "I didn't—"

"Rob, it's fine, it's not like it was with me—" Aaron started but he was shut down with a glare from Robert.

"She _cut_ herself, Aaron."

"Yell a little louder, I don't think Sandra quite heard you in Dublin."

"You can't be OK with this," Robert said. "She's hurting herself because she got grief for a few questions. Imagine what it'll be like if they find out—" He stopped, looking around nervously. "This is my fault."

"Robert," Liv said firmly, "a lot of things are your fault but not this."

"So you asking questions about Divinus isn't the reason we're making a visit to A&E and hoping that the next visit won't be from Family Services?"

"I'll tell them it was an accident, I'll make it go away."

"Maybe this shouldn't be the thing to go away," Robert mumbled.

"Where the hell did that come from?" Aaron demanded. "Rob—"

"You don't get it, do you?" Liv said. "I wanted to understand and they're supposed to be the experts, right? And I know who we can talk to about this now."

"I don't want you getting grief at school because of me," Robert said.

"Newsflash, I'm quite capable of generating my own grief," she told him. "This really isn't your fault."

"I'm still sorry," Robert said.

"Me too," Liv said. Aaron nudged her and she sighed, moving over to Robert and wrapping her arms around his waist. "If you run off you're going to ruin everything, so you can't. Aaron has the _worst_ taste in wallpaper and I'm honestly scared of what I'll end up living in if you're not here to keep him right."

"Well, that's me told," Robert laughed. He pulled back from Liv and smiled. "You scared the hell out of me, you know that?"

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Come on," he said, taking her hands in his. He stopped, looked at them, and sighed. "This would be so easy if I knew how."

"It's OK," Liv said, pulling her injured hand back carefully. "I wouldn't expect you to even if you could."

"Come on," Aaron said, pulling on Liv's shoulder to get her into the car. "We can sort it out later."

Once everyone was in the car Robert turned over the engine but they still sat there.

"I know I can't legally drive, but even I know you need to put it into gear," Liv said.

"So did they tell you?" Robert asked. When he saw Liv's confused look in the rear view mirror he added, "Who I should talk to about finding a Community?"

In silence Aaron reached over, putting his hand over Robert's. 

**

When Vic came through to the back room Aaron just gestured towards the stairs. She took them, two at a time, until she was at the top. The bedroom door was open, Robert sitting crossed legged on top of the duvet and staring at the papers in front of him.

"I knew Mum knew," he said without looking up, "but to see it, like this..."

"What?" Victoria asked, moving closer. "Oh. Your mum."

"Yeah, sorry," he said, his hand resting on the copy of the Divinus test certificate. "I don't know why I call her that."

"Because she was your mum," she said quietly, climbing up onto the bed and sitting cross legged in front of him.

"But she wasn't Mum."

"No, she wasn't," Vic smiled. "How are you?"

"Apparently enough of a mess for Aaron to call you," Robert said as Vic took the certificate from under his hand.

 _Mother: Patricia Ruth Sugden (nee Harker) [D]_  
_Father: John Jacob Sugden [N]_  
_Child: Robert Jacob Sugden_  
_Divinus status: POSITIVE_

"She knew," Robert said, "pretty much right from the day I was born. She didn't tell Dad though."

"I don't think Dad knew she was Divinus," Victoria said. "Did you?"

Robert nodded. "Mum found out when she took me to the doctor's. They told her my test results, I guess the guy let something slip because she knew Mum... Pat was too. We told Dad when we told him about me. Lots of revelations in that conversation."

"So what now?" Vic asked.

"My details have been passed on, someone will be in touch about going to a Community. And after that? Who knows?"

"How do you feel about it?"

"Scared," Robert admitted. "All my life I've kept this hidden and now Aaron and Liv... they're in the middle of this. And it won't be long before things start changing."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm pretty much done with ageing for a start."

"Only you could complain about the fact that you're going to look thirty for centuries. Most women pay good money for those youthful looks."

"Well they can have mine," Robert said, "because in a few years Aaron's going to catch up with me. Then he'll overtake. And by the time Liv's thirty Aaron's going to look like he's married a toy boy."

Victoria couldn't help but smile.

"I'm glad that amuses you," Robert quipped.

"No, it's not that, although that is funny. It was just you saying you and Aaron are still going to be married in fifteen years' time."

"I love him, Vic."

"Yeah, I know that. But it's just... well..." The comment about his track record hung unsaid but understood all the same.

"I love him," Robert repeated, "and it's... it's exactly what they said it would be like. When I've healed him, when we've bonded... I _feel_ him. His emotions, they're right here," Robert said, pressing his fingers to his chest, "and they're unmistakably his. His anger and his pain and his sense of humour. He's a part of me."

"When you bond," Victoria clarified.

"No, all the time. I mean, I don't feel what he's feeling now, but he's still here. He's always going to be here. Forever."

"That's... a really long time for you."

"I know," Robert smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm starting to realise why most Divinus live their lives in seclusion."

"Wonder why your mum didn't," Victoria said, putting the certificate back down on top of the papers which broadcast titles such as _Community_ and _Healing_ and _Bonding_. "Hey, it's not just you, what about—"

"No, they're not," Robert said, "they told me that much. I'm the only one of her kids who is... Y'know. Apparently if a parent is a Divinus it just increases the odds of a Divinus child, it doesn't guarantee it."

"Sorry."

Robert shrugged. "Not like I have anything to do with them."

"Still."

"In about ten years' time we're going to have to move, reinvent ourselves. According to this," Robert said, digging out the papers entitled _Bonding_ , "I can slow Aaron's ageing down but I can't stop it. So one day I'm going to look like his grandson rather than his husband. And then I'll bury him, and Liv, and you and Adam and any kids you've had and their kids and—"

"OK, enough," Vic said, grabbing up the papers and dropping them over the side of the bed. "None of that should have to be a bad thing."

"I'm going to lose everyone I love, Vic—"

"No, you won't. Because you'll have our kids and our grandkids and our great-grandkids. Me and Adam, we talked about this, and you know what? Deciding to have kids is terrifying because you know that you won't always get to be there for them. We know what that's like, losing your parents," she added, putting her hands over her brother's, "but it won't be like that for us. Because they're going to have you and you're going to have them. You are going to outlive us all, Robert, but you are never going to be on your own."

Robert gave a small laugh. "Liv said something similar. About her grandkids having to put up with me. I suppose if they're hers then they'll be just as sarcastic. And frustrating."

"Exactly. And I know we're not Aaron, and they won't be. But if you two have kids of your own then there will be a part of him still with you and that's gotta be a good thing, yeah?"

"Not exactly had the kid discussion."

"Might help you get your head around it," she suggested. "But look. Whatever happens and whatever you decide to do, whether you go to this Community or not, whether you and Aaron add a dozen new Dingles to the family, you know that we love you, right?"

"I love you too." They sat in silence for a moment before Robert said, "Can you ask Aaron to come up?"

"Sure," she said. There was no graceful way to get off the bed, especially when she nearly slipped on the pile of papers, but once on her feet she smoothed down her top and smiled. "This was all Mum and Dad wanted for you, you know that, right? For you to be happy?"

Robert said nothing, just gave the briefest of nods in acknowledgement, and when he was alone he leaned over the side to gather up the scattered papers. He was still half off the bed when Aaron came up.

"You going to help?" Robert asked.

"Nope," Aaron said, leaning against the door jamb and folding his arms. "Enjoying the view."

"One track mind," Robert laughed.

"So you and Vic sorted things out," Aaron said, moving over to the bed and hitting Robert's prone arse gently. "Any decisions made?"

"Nothing new since the hospital," Robert said, "but definitely some things to think on."

"I've been thinking too," Aaron said. "I saw your face when they said about bonding and lifespan."

"Don't."

"I might not feel what you do, but I know you, Robert." Aaron ran his hands down Robert's arms as Robert's hands found his waist. "We need to talk about this."

"No, we don't. There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes, there is. One day I'm going to be gone and you—"

"Aaron... Please. Don't. I love you, and I will do anything for you."

"But not this?"

"I can't. Not yet."

**

The first time he'd mentioned it Robert had gotten up and left the room, refusing to even entertain a discussion about it. The second time Aaron had brought it up was that time in their bedroom after Liv's impromptu hospital trip. Aaron had made it a little harder for him to leave so they'd argued for a few minutes before Robert had distracted him with kisses and fooling around on the bed. The third and fourth times had followed a similar pattern until finally Aaron asked outright, "Why not?"

Robert sighed and put his mug down. "Because I can't."

"You keep saying that like it answers the question but it doesn't. Why not?"

"You don't get it, do you?" Robert asked. "You have no idea what you're asking of me."

"I'm asking you to live, Robert. I want you to live after I'm gone. Why is that such a terrible thing?"

"Being immortal... I called it a curse and I meant it. That Community I went to in Spain? I learned what it really means to be a Divinus. There are rumours that one lived to be over a thousand years old but most of us? We have had enough by two or three hundred. Cell regeneration can keep us going indefinitely but who wants that? I know I don't. I didn't before and I certainly don't now.

"Watching everyone you have ever known, ever loved die?" Robert said, putting his hand over Aaron's. "I didn't want it before I fell in love with you. Why would I want a life after you?"

"What you have is a gift—"

"No, it's not," Robert said. "Sure, it's useful. When I was at the Community I jumped from a second storey window on purpose, wanted to see what I could do. I broke my ankle and was walking around within hours. I'd learned my own anatomy, I can... _see_ where the problems are, I can set to work about fixing them. I'm better with myself, I need to learn properly if I'm going to be able to heal someone else. With you it's been instinct and probably because I know you so well. 

"I never imagined a life where I would love someone enough to want to share everything with them. Tell them who I am, what I am. With Chrissie, with everyone, I wanted to just... get by until it was time to leave.

"But I don't want to leave you, Aaron. I don't want you to leave me."

"I don't want to go," Aaron said softly, "but one day—"

"I will make sure that day is as far away as possible," Robert promised, "if you want me to that is."

"I read that... mortal spouses... we can have over a hundred years?"

"If it keeps you here I will give you every bit of energy I have," Robert whispered, leaning forward to rest his forehead on Aaron's. "Every year I would have."

"But it won't be enough," Aaron whispered. "One day—"

"Yeah, and one day I will too."

"But—"

"No, Aaron. No. I never liked being immortal, I never wanted this. A quirk of genetics, amplified by my biological mother, and I'm... I'm this. And I hate it, Aaron. I hate it. Because one day I'm going to be alive in this world and you won't be. I keep telling myself how lucky I am, that I met you so early on in my life. Some of the Divinus don't meet their spouses until they're eighty, ninety years old. They've come to terms with who and what they are and I guess it makes it easier to live on afterwards." Robert stopped, pressing the tips of their noses together. "Or end it afterwards."

"But you've not had that," Aaron said, sitting back up. "You're thirty, that's nothing, not for you."

"It's everything for _us_ ," Robert countered. "I don't want a life without you."

"And I don't want for this to _be_ your life. It can't be it."

"Why not?"

"Because... because you're more than that. You should be more than that and I won't let you throw everything away because of me."

"It's not throwing it away if you don't want it."

"I don't want you to," Aaron said defiantly. "You can't."

"I can, I will." Robert sat back in his chair, folding his arms. "You don't get to tell me how to live my life."

"That's just it, Robert. You're not going to be living your life."

"What about my life with you? That's all I want."

"Rob—"

"I would have stayed with you in the car, I would have _died_ with you in the car, Aaron. That hasn't changed, that will never change. You've read about how we love, you know how I feel. Why would I feel _less_ now than I did last October?"

"That's why I want you to promise me," Aaron said. "Please."

"No," Robert said. "I'm sorry, Aaron. I love you, you know how much. That's why I can't."

**

As Robert walked around the table he tapped Liv on the head with the mail. "Stop picking at it," he said, only half-serious.

"It itches," she sighed, dropping her uninjured hand away from the wound.

"It will do. It's healing."

"You need to learn how to do your—" Liv waved her hand vaguely in a circle and shrugged. "—thing because this is doing my head in."

"My—" Robert made the same vague gesture. "—thing?"

"Yeah."

"And the boys at school won't see that your cut healed itself in the space of a week and go right back to the 'Div Liv' rumours?" He put the kettle on and started sifting through the envelopes. "How's Gabby?"

"Thankfully she didn't believe any of the boys, but she's my friend, y'know? I keep thinking that if I were... that, if I could do something? I just—sorry," she said, shaking her head. "I didn't think."

"It's all I've thought about since I found out about Ashley, it's what I always think about," Robert admitted. "Even if I knew what to do I don't think I could. The whole point is to live a quiet life, one... where... I..." Robert's speech slowed as he saw the small, simple logo on an envelope addressed to him.

"You OK?" Liv asked.

"Yeah," he said, putting the envelope into his jacket pocket. "Sorry. Distracted. Got a lot on today."

"Does that include avoiding Aaron?" she asked.

"Of course not," Robert lied, knowing he wasn't fooling her at all. "Now get to school and—"

"I know, I know. Stay away from tools: the boy and sharp varieties."

"You got it. Have a good day."

"You too," she said, getting up and grabbing her bag from the sofa. "Rob?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you talk to Aaron? I'm getting sick of you two pretending things are OK."

"They are."

"Look, whatever you've done just say sorry and fix it."

"Why is it my fault?" Robert asked.

"Always is," she smiled. "So how about you get around to healing the one thing you can actually heal and then we can get back to wedding planning?"

"Careful there," Robert joked, "you're sounding almost excited to be a groom's maid."

"No chance," she scoffed. "But I want to see Aaron happy."

"Me too," Rob said. "School. Now."

**

Robert walked into the Portacabin finding Adam sitting on the Home James side, but worse than that sitting at his desk. In his defence Adam gestured at Aaron who was head down, furiously working away on the Holey Scrap side, spread out over both desks.

"Vic wants to see you," Robert said to Adam.

"Yeah? About what?" Adam asked.

"Dunno. Go find her and ask."

"Why'd she send you?" Adam protested. "She could have called, or texted—" He stopped dead when he saw the look on Robert's face. "Right. Yeah. Vic."

Across the Portacabin Aaron gave a snort of laughter as he realised what was going on.

"You good, mate?" Adam said as he got to his feet.

"Yeah," Aaron said, not looking up.

"See you later—"

"Tomorrow," Robert corrected.

"—tomorrow," Adam said, grabbing his jacket and pulling the door shut behind him.

"You're not exactly subtle," Aaron said, not looking up from the paperwork he was busy filling out.

"Didn't intend to be," Robert said, sitting on the edge of his desk and folding his arms. "But Liv's given me orders to sort this out so—"

"So you'll do what she asks of you but not me?" Aaron said, finally looking up. He sat back in his chair and folded his arms.

"Aaron—"

"Do you know what it's like? Knowing that one day you're going to kill yourself simply because I've died?"

"Probably about the same way it feels to know that because of who I am I have all this potential, this... power, and one day I won't be able to save you."

"I don't want to be the reason you die, Robert."

"That's not your decision to make," Robert said. "I don't get why it matters, Aaron. It's not like you're going to be here—"

"But you should be," Aaron said, getting up from his desk. "Why do you think I wanted you to leave me when we were in the car? I don't like the idea of you dying any more than you like the idea of me dying."

"Would you have left me?" Robert asked. "If I'd been trapped, would you have left me?"

"No," Aaron said instinctively.

"Why not?"

Aaron sighed. "For the same reasons," he admitted. "But this isn't... We're not in that car and neither of us is about to die. This isn't a situation with no way out, this is... this is supposed to be rational thought and logical decisions. How is deciding to kill yourself logical?"

"You do realise that my plans haven't changed, right?" Robert asked. "I was never thinking about living for that long; eighty, ninety years at most. You know I don't want this."

"What about what I want?" Aaron asked.

"I want to be with you, Aaron. I want to live a life with you, be with you for as long as possible. What does it matter what happens afterwards—?" 

"It matters because you can't just give up!" Aaron exploded. "I remember a time when that was all I wanted. The idea of living even to tomorrow wasn't something I wanted to entertain. I know what it's like, Rob, to not want to go on, to think that there's nothing left.

"But there will be, there always is," he continued. "If I'd gone through with it then I never would have met you, I never would have had any of this. A relationship with Liv? And where would she be now? All the things I would have missed out on if I'd gone through with it—"

"So what?" Robert asked. "I live for another hundred, two hundred years after you? And what? Come on, Aaron. Tell me all the good things that I'm going to experience after you're gone."

"I don't know, that's the point. Neither of us know what you're going to be missing out on if you go through with it."

"I do know, that's the point," Robert said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out the opened envelope and threw it down in front of Aaron. "It's from a Community in Ireland, they're offering to teach me."

"Ireland?"

"I guess it's where there's space. I spoke to them, got to ask a few questions." Robert reached out to take Aaron's hands. "What I feel for you... I'm never going to feel this again. I could live to be a thousand and I will never love anyone the way I love you." Robert lifted Aaron's hand, holding it against his chest. "You're in here and you always will be. They told me that much."

"Rob—"

"There's a reason for these Communities," Robert said gently. "We gravitate towards each other. When you can live forever falling in love with someone who can't..." Robert let go of Aaron's hand, but it stayed put for a few seconds before Aaron pulled it back. "Divinus live together, marry, have kids... Apparently you're more likely to have a Divinus child if both parents are Divinus—"

"So we have a kid," Aaron blurted out. "We can find a Divinus mother, egg donor, surrogate, whatever. There's got to be places for that, right? You can have someone to stick around for."

"It's not that simple, Aaron," Robert said, a small smile creeping onto his face. "I wish it were, but..." He sighed. "I love you."

"I love you too," Aaron said. "Just... promise me. Tell me that you'll go on living after me."

"What? Lie to you? I want more than that for us, I need more than that for us now. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, about just saying the words and telling you what you want to hear. But I can't. I don't want to."

"We've been going around in circles for weeks, Robert. It's been nearly three months since we got engaged and all we've done is argue about what will happen _after_ our lives together."

"So how about we stop?" Robert suggested. "This doesn't have to be an issue."

"How isn't it?" Aaron asked. "We are never going to get away from this, are we?"

"...No," Robert admitted. He pulled Aaron in close, resting their foreheads together. "I can't lie to you, Aaron. I won't."

"And I can't be the reason why you kill yourself. Even if I'm not around."

"So where do we go from here?"

"I... I don't know," Aaron whispered.

**

When Liv came home she followed the smell of food through to the back room. "You're cooking?" she asked as she saw Aaron in the kitchen.

"I cook!" he protested.

"You burn," she corrected, dropping her bag onto the sofa.

"Homework."

"Give us a minute," she said, wandering over to see what they were having and trying to decide if she should just disappear to the cafe now. "It actually looks good."

"Thanks," Aaron deadpanned. "Homework."

"Where's Robert?"

"Nice try, homework," Aaron said, pointing in the direction of her bag.

Liv smiled and ducked to avoid being within reach of him in case he decided to add a playful hit to his direction, but her smile faded when she noticed his hand. "Aaron."

"What?"

"Don't _what_ me," she snapped, grabbing his hand. The empty ring finger was stark in comparison to what she was used to seeing. "I told Robert to sort it, not end it."

"I don't want to talk about it," Aaron said. "Homework. Now."

"As if," she growled, storming towards the door.

"Liv!" Aaron snapped. "Don't."

"I can't believe he's doing this after everything—"

"He's not," Aaron said. "I am."

"You're what?" Liv asked.

"This was my decision."

"Let me get this straight," she said, advancing on him in such a way that Aaron took a step back unconsciously. "You have someone who could literally live forever and yet was willing to die with you in that car because he can't lose you; someone who loves you so much that for the rest of his forever it's still going to be you; someone who is working so hard on getting our home ready, who is prepared to take on your family — hell, who is prepared to take on _me_ — and you decide to end things? What did he do, Aaron?"

"Nothing, we—"

"I'm not a kid. If he's done something then I want to know."

"Robert hasn't done anything. We just... we couldn't agree on something."

"Like what colour to paint the walls of the Mill?"

"It's more complicated than that."

"Do you not love him anymore?" Liv asked.

"Liv..."

"Is this my fault?"

"What? No! No, why would you think that?" Aaron asked, reaching out towards his sister but she flinched back out of reach. He stopped, obviously hurt by this.

"What happened at school," she said quietly. "You guys were fine and then I started making trouble—"

"This has _nothing_ to do with you, OK?" Aaron said. "You did nothing wrong."

"So who has?"

"What?"

"Who has messed up because you two are meant to be. I know I was really awful to him and I made things hard for you two at the start but he's really good for you, for us, and—"

"Liv, enough," Aaron snapped. "This isn't..." He sighed and ran a hand down his face. "I didn't want this, neither did Robert."

"I don't get it."

"He's going to live forever," Aaron said, "he'll outlive all of us but he doesn't want to."

"So?"

"So I have a problem with that."

"And this is what you broke up over?" Liv asked. "What he wants to do with his life?"

"If you were planning to... do what he is? I'd have an issue with that too."

"If I were immortal and facing losing everyone I loved? I'd probably want that too," Liv challenged. "You didn't see him in the hospital, Aaron, I swear he looked lost. All he could think about was you, he couldn't focus... He jumped every time he heard a door open. When you crashed and they pushed us out of the room I thought he was going to punch someone, that's how much he wanted to stay with you. We had no chance of getting him to leave that night and—"

"OK! I get it!"

"I don't think you do," she said. She fixed him with a cold stare. "You're being idiots. Both of you." She turned and grabbed her bag, heading for the stairs.

"Liv—"

"I've got homework," she snapped.

**

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/144660196@N06/36355440185/in/dateposted-public/)

**

"I don't see why we can't have breakfast at home," Aaron muttered.

"Because I've been working really hard this week and I'm sick of seeing the same walls," Liv said, inspecting the menu as if somehow Bob and Brenda will have generated new dishes since the last time they were in. "And it's my treat."

"No, it's fine," Aaron sighed. "You're right. You've been really good this week, I know it's been hard."

"How are you doing?"

"Me? I'm..." Aaron trailed off, unsure of what he could say that she wouldn't immediately challenge. It had only been five days but it felt like longer. "I will be fine."

"Liar," she said without looking up.

The door opened and Liv looked up, smiling as Gabby walked in. She held the door as Laurel guided Ashley in before they took a seat on the sofas.

"This is lovely, isn't it Ashley?" Laurel said as Ashley looked around in confusion.

"Hey, it's good to see you!" Bob said, moving over to them straight away. "What can I get you?"

"Coffees all round?" Gabby offered. "My treat?"

"Oh no, this is on me," Bob said. "Might even throw in a few sticky buns?"

"Oh it's too early for that," Laurel laughed.

"I like buns," Ashley said, smiling brightly.

"The man has spoken!" Bob declared.

"Hey," Liv said, leaning over and greeting her friend. "It's good to see you."

"It's a good day," Gabby said. "He recognised Sandy when he came home. He's called me Bernice a few times but at least he recognises me a little."

"Do you want to join us?" Laurel offered. "Save breaking your neck leaning over."

"Nah, we couldn't—" Aaron started, stopping and rolling his eyes when Liv got up and moved.

"Hey, Ashley," Liv said as she sat across from him.

"Hello," he smiled.

"I'm Gabby's friend, Liv."

"Hello," he repeated, the tone not changing. The smile was fixed, a learned response to meeting people you knew you were supposed to know.

"Liv, come on," Aaron said. "Leave them be."

"No, it's fine, really," Laurel said. "It actually helps, the more people he talks to."

"How's the garage?" Ashley asked Aaron. "No, scrap yard now isn't it?"

"It's... great, thanks," Aaron said in surprise.

"Good, good. I know your mum isn't too happy about Robert hanging around, says he should be focusing on the wedding."

"Wedding?" Aaron asked, immediately seeking out a ring that was no longer in place.

"You know, him and Chrissie," Ashley explained. "I'm almost done with the service. Hopefully it'll be such a lovely day."

"I'm sure it will be," Laurel said. "Oh look, here's your bun," she distracted him as Bob brought over the plate.

"Come on, Liv," Aaron said, "leave them be."

Liv ignored him, giving Bob her order and sitting back to make polite conversation with her friend until it arrived. After a little while Laurel got up and moved to join Aaron as he nursed his own coffee.

"You OK?" she asked.

"Yeah. Sorry, 'bout Liv, she pushes boundaries."

"She's fine. She's been brilliant actually. I know Gabby talks to her about stuff, things she thinks she can't tell me. It helps, you know? Knowing that Gabby has someone."

"I can imagine. Well, actually I can't. Sorry," he said, squirming a little in his embarrassment.

"It's fine, no one really knows what to say anymore," Laurel said, stealing a glance at Ashley as Gabby cut up the last of his bun for him. "But it doesn't matter."

"How does it not matter?" Aaron asked before he could stop himself. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine. It's... It doesn't matter because he's all that matters. Us, getting to spend time like this together as a family. He might not remember but I do, I will. And when it's over... these are the days, the moments that I'm going to cherish the most. The days when we had him with us."

"How do you cope? Knowing that this is only going to end one way?"

"Life only ends one way, Aaron," Laurel laughed softly. "Oh don't get me wrong, it breaks my heart and there are times when I wish I could run away. But I know that if I did I would regret it."

"Can I ask you something?" Aaron asked, looking over her shoulder at Ashley who was in the middle of some inane conversation with Liv. "You married him, knowing what was coming."

"And you're wondering why?" she asked. "I love him."

"And it's that simple?"

"It's that simple," she smiled. "Oh, maybe it would be easier if I'd kept my distance but look at what I have. I have my family, I have Dotty... And I wouldn't give up a minute of that for anything." She stopped and looked at Aaron as if seeing him for the first time. "Is everything OK?"

"What? Yeah. I'm fine."

"You and Robert must be getting excited? About the wedding?"

Aaron covered his left hand and forced himself to nod.

"Nothing like it, finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with." She looked over at Ashley and smiled.

"Even if you're not going to get as long as you thought?"

"Especially," she said, turning back to him. "Now. Are you going to join us or are you going to sulk over here?"

"One minute," he said, getting his phone from his pocket.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/144660196@N06/35520038584/in/dateposted-public/)

It didn't take long before Robert appeared, clearly hurriedly dressed and full of hope. It was replaced by confusion when he saw Aaron sitting with Laurel and Ashley, but he took the seat offered to him by Liv as she went to order him his coffee.

"I was just saying to Aaron that you two must be excited about the wedding," Laurel said.

"Yes, Chrissie has given me a long list of things," Ashley said, reaching for his cup. "She wants the day to be perfect though."

"Sorry," Laurel whispered.

"It's a serious business, marriage," Ashley continued. He turned to Laurel and smiled. "And it's the best thing I've ever done. Twice now."

"I'm hoping for just the once," Aaron said, not taking his eyes off Ashley as he moved his hand over to Robert's knee.

"I should hope so," Ashley said. He looked at Aaron and Robert, and for a second he seemed confused, but then it was gone. "You look happy together."

"I..." Robert started, unsure of what was going on.

"It happens," Gabby explained. "He's in and out of time, you just need to go with it."

"I have to go," Ashley said to Laurel. "Now, I have to go."

"Right, well let's get you sorted," she said, helping him up. "Be right back," she told the gathered families before she led Ashley towards the toilets.

"I don't understand," Robert whispered to Aaron. "Why—?"

In response Aaron took Robert's hand in his, lacing their fingers together. "I love you," he said softly. "And that's all there is to it. I guess seeing them... made me realise. So if it's not too late...?"

Robert smiled, shook his head just a fraction, and leaned over. The angle was wrong and uncomfortable, and the best he could manage was to catch the corner of Aaron's mouth, but it was enough. To his side Aaron became aware of Liv grinning but he resisted the urge to reach over and hit her.

"If you two wanted to head off, I'll be fine here," Liv suggested.

"We are talking about this," Aaron warned her, but he let Robert pull him to a standing position. "Say bye to Laurel for us. And thanks."

"Thanks?" Gabby asked.

"I'll explain later," Liv said before turning back to Aaron. "I'll call, shall I? When I'm coming home?"

"Cheeky," Aaron laughed softly as he fitted in to Robert's side as they left the cafe.

"So. Want to tell me what just happened?" Robert asked when they were outside.

"Liv," Aaron said. "Well, she helped me to realise a few things. Laurel and Ashley. Even though they knew it wasn't going to end well, even though they knew it would hurt like hell..." Aaron pulled on their joined hands, bringing Robert to a stop. "I don't pretend to understand what it's like for you, what you're dealing with. But I don't want to focus on that."

"Then what?"

"Laurel said that when Ashley is gone it's these days that she's going to have, that she's going to remember, that she's going to cling to."

"Aaron—"

"I'm not saying that they'll be enough, that you won't still.... But you'll have them. _We'll_ have them. Which is more than Ashley will have I guess."

"The last few days I've been talking with the Community," Robert admitted. "They gave me some pointers, some guidance about how to use my abilities. How to connect with someone." Robert looked back towards the cafe. "I know how to help him. I can't make him better, but I can maybe give him a day, a few hours at least."

"Robert, you can't. You're supposed to—"

"I know, but it's more than that. Would it be cruel? To give him, give Laurel a day when they would just lose it again?"

"Would you give up the days with me because one day you won't have it?"

"No," Robert said straight away. "I still don't know if I can—"

He stopped as the cafe door opened, and the chattering of Gabby, Liv and Arthur was heard. Liv was pushing Dotty's pram, Gabby was helping Laurel guide Ashley out. Immediately they moved towards them, ready to offer help if it was needed. Laurel smiled at Aaron, her gaze flicking between him and Robert and for a second he wondered if Liv had told them about who Robert really was and what he was thinking about doing. He felt a surge of _protect_ well up inside him and it made him smile to know that it still mattered to him, that he was still like this with Robert, even if everything else was so uncertain between them.

"Still a good day?" Aaron asked. "Ashley, I mean."

"Hope so," she smiled. "They're few and far between but every single one is welcome."

That seemed to be all Robert needed and he stepped in beside Ashley, seemingly relieving Gabby of her escort duties. He pressed two fingertips to Ashley's temple and for a second Robert's eyes drifted shut. Before Aaron could react Liv was at Robert's side, her hand already on his arm as he swayed a little.

Ashley looked around him, a warm smile spreading on his face. He looked at Robert as if seeing him for the first time and Aaron didn't miss the look of horror that flashed across Robert's face. He'd taken a risk, he'd exposed himself, and now he was about to be outed.

"Thank you," Ashley said softly. "God sent."

Robert hesitated, then nodded. Just briefly, just enough to be seen if you were looking for it. "I'm sorry," he whispered. _Sorry it's not enough, sorry I can't do more, sorry this is happening to you._ He meant it all.

Ashley shook his head softly, forgiveness implicit in the action. "Laurel," Ashley said, turning back to his wife.

"Yes?" she asked, stopping when she saw a look in his eyes that she hadn't seen for a long time. "Yes," she whispered. "Hi there."

"Hi yourself," he whispered.

"Dad?" Gabby asked, and as the Thomas family moved around each other Liv guided Robert away, walking him over to Aaron.

"I didn't think I could do it," Robert said as Aaron's arm slipped around his waist.

"I did," Aaron said. 

**

Robert was settled on the bed back at the pub and then Liv made a tactful exit, not before Aaron hugged her and whispered, "Thank you". Then he shut the door and leaned against it, just watching Robert on the edge of dozing.

"You OK?" Aaron asked. "Do you need anything?"

"Rest," Robert said, making no effort to move. "They told me about this, that it'll be exhausting until I get used to it."

"You're a better man than I am, Robert Sugden," Aaron said.

Robert half opened one eye. "How do you figure that?"

"Because you're here."

"You brought me back here."

"You came to the cafe."

"You texted me," Robert said, opening both eyes and propping himself up enough to be able to look at Aaron.

"I left you, I hurt you, and you still came back." Aaron walked over to and around the bed, kicking off his shoes so that he could lie down next to him. "I don't think I would be as forgiving in your position."

"Well my position right now is one of exhaustion," Robert sighed, turning onto his side.

"Did it take that much out of you?"

"No. But I've not exactly been sleeping well these last few nights."

"Me either," Aaron admitted. He watched as Robert's eyes drifted shut and he smiled. "Robert?"

"Hmm?"

"I want to marry you."

At that Robert's eyes opened, full and wide and hopeful. 

"I want us to have the time that we can have, I want to give you those days — all of them. I still want you to carry on afterwards, but so long as we can have _my_ forever then... then I want that."

"Aaron—"

"I don't want to miss out because I'm scared, because we know there's hurt coming."

"You need to be sure," Robert whispered, a hand tentatively reaching out to Aaron's waist. "You need to be really certain."

"I am," Aaron smiled. "You know how I feel about you."

Robert smiled. "I know."

"So. Marry me?"

"OK," Robert whispered. The kiss was simple, chaste almost, and then they slept. 

**  
**

The fire was stark against the night sky, but nothing was as vivid as the outline of Jack standing, just watching. Robert ran to him, calling out, as they both heard the scream from inside. He ran back, intending to get help, but stopped when Richie emerged, coughing and spluttering. Robert's hand was already outstretched, an instinct deep in him to _help_ and to _heal_. Even him.

"Sarah's in there," Richie spluttered and every part of Robert stopped in _fear_.

He begged his dad to not go in, he willed him on as he disappeared through the door to come back with her, when he appeared alone, on fire, Robert raced forward with his brother to pat down the flames but that instinct was gone, lost in the fear and distress and the explosion that made it clear there was nothing more that even he could do.

It was only later that he realised not once had he considered healing his father's burns.

"Do you hate me?" Robert asked on the morning of Sarah's funeral.

"Hate you?" Jack asked, pulling his tie up.

"I couldn't save her."

Jack sighed. "No one could have. She was dead before I went in."

"But—"

"There was nothing anyone could have done," Jack said firmly. 

"First Victoria, then Mum... If I'd learned how to—"

"Yeah, well, you didn't," Jack said firmly, cutting Robert off. "Your mum decided to keep it from me, goodness knows why, and so I never got the chance to do anything. First I hear of it is when Sarah tells me, not long after Victoria's op, and I had other things on my mind."

"We told you," Robert said quietly. "I was there too."

"You know what I mean, son," Jack sighed, clearly not willing to entertain this. "I know we talked about you going to a Community, but with things the way they are..." He turned back to the mirror and fixed his tie. Through the reflection he looked at Robert. "Do you really want to learn about this stuff?"

"What?"

"All the time I knew your mother, Pat, not once did I have any idea what she was. She obviously made a choice to keep it secret, like a lot of your sort do."

"My sort?" Robert repeated numbly.

"This is a small village, Robert. Think about it. You want everyone knowing your business? Want them coming to you for every ache and pain and injury? You'll be used by anyone who sees an opportunity—"

"I won't let them!"

"I don't want that either, son, but we need to be realistic. Life for... your sort, well it's not easy. And I don't want you feeling responsible for things that you can't fix. Your mum, Victoria... Even if you had learned you wouldn't have been able to do anything about it."

"I might have," Robert mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I just want you to have a normal life," Jack said, turning around to face his son. He walked over and put a hand on Robert's shoulder – he probably meant it as comfort but to Robert it was a lead weight. "I want you to be just another normal kid, that's all."

"But I'm not, Dad."

"I know. But no one else needs to."

"So I should just pretend to be someone I'm not?"

"Not completely," Jack said, removing his hand. "Being what you are... it'll only bring you pain. You understand?"

Robert nodded, grateful for the distraction when there was a knock on the door and it was time to leave.

**  
**

When Robert woke he half opened his eyes, took in the bedroom at the pub, then let them drift shut again. It was only then that he remembered the last few days: Aaron taking off his ring and giving it back to him, packing the small bag and moving in with Vic, the text that morning, Ashley...

Aaron now asleep beside him.

Robert sat up carefully, feeling out every part of his body the way he'd been taught to do in Spain. Once he was satisfied that all was well he swung his legs off the bed, looking around for the shoes that he vaguely remembered Aaron taking off him when they'd brought him back.

"Hey," Aaron said. He put a hand on Robert's spine, a gesture of comfort and support without expectation.

"Hey," Robert said, twisting a little to look at him.

"So what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... what now?"

"Right now..." He stopped as his stomach growled so loudly that it made them both laugh. "Food."

"Sounds good," Aaron said.

**

Victoria was on duty that day and she was quick to plate them up some food. News of Ashley's "good day" had reached her and once she found out that her brother had been there she'd been quick to suspect his involvement. One look at him and she knew it.

"I thought you weren't trained," she said as soon as she walked into the back room, putting down the burgers in front of them. She rolled her eyes as Robert immediately grabbed a handful of fries and began biting down. "How did you know what to do?"

"He spoke to one of the Communities this week," Aaron explained while Rob's mouth was full. "Guess they do remote learning."

"So are you going to one?"

Robert nodded, swallowing his mouthful. "Week after next."

"Will you be able to talk about it?" Vic asked. "I mean, it's not going to be all 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' is it?"

"It's not like that," Robert said. "It's private, not secret,"

"Well, I'll leave you to your food," she said. To Aaron she added, "Make him slow down. He's not immune to indigestion."

"She has a point you know," Aaron said once they were alone.

"Gotta keep my strength up," Robert grinned. "I feel a bit cheated that I had you in bed and didn't take full advantage."

"Nice try, but I need to get to work," Aaron said, starting to pick at his own food. "Those cars won't scrap themselves. It'll take Ads and me all day just to get going."

"Want some company?"

"Really?"

"I just want to be near you," Robert said, his voice warm and honest and heartfelt. "After the last few days—"

"Yeah, OK," Aaron breathed.

"Besides," Robert added, picking up the burger bun, "sooner you're done, sooner we can really make up for lost time."

**

The three of them made a fairly decent team, something even Adam had to admit. Within a few hours a couple of cars had been stripped of its usable parts and Adam had even found time to make a few calls regarding a new supply lead. By the time the winter sun was setting they were just about ready to call it a day.

"Think we've earned a few pints," Adam said. "My shout?"

"Sounds good to me," Robert said, arching his back to stretch it out a little. "Aaron?"

"Yeah. Just want to break down that car frame first."

"Leave it 'til the morning," Adam said. "We've done tons." 

"Yeah, and it's the last thing," Aaron said, picking up the circular saw. "Go on. Go home, get changed, we'll see you in the pub in an hour?"

"Deal," Adam grinned. "Thanks for today, Rob. Really helped." He moved closer and clapped a hand on Robert's back. "Also it'll be great to get the spare room back."

Robert laughed softly as Adam walked away. "Right, I'm going to get out of these," he said, gesturing to the overalls. "You sure you don't want to help me?"

"Behave," Aaron said, gesturing with the electric buzz saw to make his point.

"Be careful with that," Robert teased. "I like you in one piece, and we can't be sure I'll be able to put you back together if something goes wrong."

Aaron smiled and stared up the saw, turning his attention to the car frame. Robert headed for the Portacabin, already pulling off his gloves and reaching for the straps of his overalls, when he turned around to take one last look at Aaron. He watched him lift the saw, press it against the car frame—

—and with a lurch he watched it shudder and jump away from the car, tumbling to the ground before the safety cut off stilled the blade.

"Aaron!" Robert yelled, leaping from the steps and running across to him.

He knew, _felt_ it before he saw it. The deep gash down Aaron's leg, the blood already seeping, gushing, pumping out in a torrent of red. Aaron sagged against the car, sinking to the ground as his face paled and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"Oh no, no you don't," Robert said, crashing to his knees on the gravel and paying little heed to his own pain. "I just got you back, you're not doing this to me."

He pressed his hands to the open wound, keeping his eyes on Aaron's face the whole time. He didn't have to think like he did with Ashley, he didn't need to try to visualise any part of the body. When it came to Aaron's body he knew it intimately, instinctively, and this was not as sophisticated as some damaged neurons in the brain. This was flesh and muscle and veins and an artery and this was _Aaron_.

"Come on," Robert pleaded, "open your eyes. Stay with me, Aaron, please. Don't you dare give up on me."

**

Aaron barely felt it: one second he was braced for the saw pressing against the steel, the next it hit some resistance and bounced back, dropping from his hands. It took a second for him to feel it in his leg, not the pain but the loss of all feeling. His leg gave out from under him and as he sank to the ground he heard Robert shouting his name.

He wanted to ask why Robert was shouting at him, it was only a saw that he'd dropped, it wasn't that big a deal. But then it felt like his heart was stuttering in his chest and he couldn't breathe properly and all he wanted to do was sleep.

"Stay with me, Aaron, please," Robert was begging. "Don't you dare give up on me."

Even though it felt like he was being surrounded by a fog, Robert was crystal clear to him. All Aaron could see, could feel, was the man in front of him. He wanted to tell him that it was OK, that he wasn't in pain. He wanted to tell Robert that he loved him, that he was happy (maybe not so much about the about-to-die part) and that he had no regrets at all over any moment of their lives together.

And there was so much more he wanted to say, needed to say, but his brain wasn't working properly. He knew that it was a result of the blood loss, that before long he wouldn't be able to stay awake—

It's funny, he thought, last time he was this close to death he was cold. The water, probably. But then with that cut on his arm he was cold too, and in the garage with the exhaust... Now he was warm, he felt safe and he felt—

Aaron gasped as his body was flooded with pain, so much pain, and he cried out.

"It's OK, it's OK," Robert said, his voice cutting through the fog and the pain and the warmth like a lighthouse. "You're going to be OK."

Aaron gasped, his hand pressing down onto the gravel as he felt every part of his leg strain and pull and bind under the gentle pressure of Robert's hands. The tiny stones cut into his skin, distracting him from the discomfort. A stray thought came and went in his clearing mind about the last time he sought out pain as a distraction.

When Robert sat—fell backwards, Aaron gasped again, swallowing cold air as if it would somehow cool the burning sensation he felt. When he dared to look down he saw the shredded jeans beneath the destroyed overalls, the blood stains on his skin and clothes and the gravel, but the exposed skin was pink, flushed as if it were raw. Brand new.

"Robert!" Aaron yelped, scrabbling across to him. He was sprawled out on the ground, breathing heavily. "Rob?"

"I'm OK," he panted, "I'm..."

"Sit up, come on," Aaron said, putting a hand behind Robert's head to support him. "Robert, I—"

Aaron stopped as he felt... something. His breath stuck in his throat as he tried to make sense of this new sensation, smiling as he did so.

"What?" Robert asked. "Are you—?" There was a swell of _panic_ and Robert's eyes dropped to Aaron's leg as if somehow he'd missed something, as if he wasn't done yet.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Aaron said. "I... I feel you."

"What?" Robert asked, blinking hard.

"The bond. I read about this, about what happens when a Divinus heals someone."

"I didn't have this with Ashley," Robert said, pulling himself up to a sitting position.

"You didn't save his life," Aaron said. "I..." He took a deep breath.

"What do you feel?" Robert asked, his hand resting on Aaron's leg. His fingers brushed at the edge of the torn material, reverently touching the undamaged skin beneath.

"It's... it's hard to explain. It's not a fixed thing, it's not like..." Aaron stopped, smiled, and held Robert's gaze. "It's love. Yours."

"What?"

"What I felt when you fell back, it changed when you touched my leg," Aaron said. "It's changing now," he added. 

"You... feel what I feel?"

"It must be. There's this... fear and concern and... I don't know how to explain it, but that can wait," he said, running a hand through Robert's hair. "How are you?"

"Don't you know?" Robert joked.

"Yeah, I do," Aaron whispered in all seriousness. "It was too much, Robert. You haven't learned how to do this properly, you could have killed yourself—"

"And you know why," Robert said, groaning softly as he tried to push himself up. Aaron stood first, helping Robert get to his feet and pointedly turning away from the dark patch behind him.

"Let's get you inside, you need to rest. Only just got over this morning and you just had to go and push yourself, didn't you?" Aaron tried to laugh, tried to make the moment lighter than it felt. "All this time you've been avoiding who you are and now you've healed twice in one day."

"Guess we won't be joining Adam for that pint?" Robert asked, unable to muster enough energy to move much.

Aaron smiled as he felt it. "Only thing you're going to be doing, Robert, is going to bed."

"Oh yeah?" Robert joked, raising an eyebrow.

Aaron laughed as he felt the same wave of emotion flare up in his own chest. "Well. This is going to be interesting. Feeling what you feel."

"I don't know," Robert said as he was helped up the steps and into the Portacabin. "It might have its benefits."

"One track mind, Mr Sugden," Aaron quipped.

"I was thinking something simpler," Robert said, sinking onto the first chair available. When Aaron moved away from him he reached out, caught his hand. "So. No more doubting how much I love you?"

In response Aaron surged forward, holding Robert's face as he kissed him, long and deep and slow. Robert's hands moved to his waist, holding and guiding him until Aaron was sitting astride his hips. For Robert it was joy, relief at still having Aaron here. For Aaron it was a way of expression all the emotions churning around inside him.

Under normal circumstances his love for Robert threatened to overwhelm him at times, drove him to express it in kisses and touches and midnight confessions. Now it felt like he _had_ to express it, like it was spilling out of every pore in his body and if he didn't kiss and touch and hold Robert then he would burn up.

They stayed there, Aaron sitting on Robert's thighs, kissing and touching and sharing whispers. When Aaron finally checked his phone he saw missed calls and texts from Adam, the last one making a clear comment about what he thought his friend and brother-in-law were getting up to.

"We should get you home," Aaron said softly, his hand running through Robert's blond hair. "You need to rest."

"Home," Robert smiled, and a warmth bloomed in both their chests. "Aaron, I—"

"I know," he said. "Believe me, I know." He kissed Robert gently then got up. "Stay there, I'm just going to... deal with that mess outside. Don't want Adam wondering what the hell happened. Or anyone else for that matter."

Night was well and truly setting in, making the blood pool seem black against the stones. Aaron bit down the urge to throw up, refused to entertain the idea that he should be – would be dead if it weren't for Robert. Grabbing the hose he diluted it as much as he could, rinsing down the car frame and flooding the ground as much as he dared. Kicking the stones so that they covered the remaining evidence he turned back to the Portacabin. The part of Robert that was a part of him now was calm, comforting in a way he'd not expected it to be.

"You ready?" he asked, pushing open the door. He smiled when he saw that Robert had put his head on the desk and was fast asleep. That explained the calmness. He ran his hand through Robert's hair, something else he felt compelled to do recently. "Hey," he whispered, shaking him gently. "Come on. Let's go home."


	3. Act Two

"I still don't get why now," Chas said as Aaron picked up the boarding card print outs. "Most people have a honeymoon _after_ they get married."

"This isn't the honeymoon," Aaron said, pulling a face.

"No, it's just a two week holiday to Ireland. Seeing no friends or family," she said, folding her arms.

"Exactly. Holiday."

"I'd have thought you'd want a beach. An all inclusive resort," she said to Robert when he appeared at the bottom of the stairs, bag in hand. "Somewhere with a phone signal."

"And what's wrong with a cottage in the middle of nowhere?" Robert asked.

"You're telling me that you're going to be happy being in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do? What on earth are you going to get up to?"

At that Robert and Aaron exchanged a grin, knowing exactly why they were going. Chas misread it and pulled a face of her own.

"Oh come on, he's still my son," she said to Robert, hitting him gently.

"I didn't say anything!" Robert protested.

"Thanks for looking after Liv, Mum," Aaron said, giving her a quick hug.

"Well there's this thing called school, and I hear they quite like it when she goes," Chas quipped. "Oh, just... have fun, OK? Relax, take it easy, and if anything happens I'll... send a messenger pigeon."

"Are there any of them still around?" Robert asked. "Or are you feeling nostalgic?" He laughed as Chas attempted to take a swipe at him again, something he moved away from just in time. "Come on, Aaron, we need to get going."

"Safe travels," Chas said to Aaron. "And I know you can feel a little cramped on those flights. I recommend stretching your legs from time to time, maybe take a quick stroll outside?"

"Mum!"

"What? He knows I'm kidding! ...Mostly," she added.

"Let's get going," Aaron said, pushing Robert out of the door. "Bye, Mum."

Once they were in the car Aaron looked over at Robert and smiled.

"What?" Robert asked.

"You sure about this?"

"You know how I feel."

"No, I don't. Not anymore," Aaron pointed out. "The bond's gone, remember?"

"I'm excited. And nervous. And about a dozen other emotions I can't put a name to."

"You're sure it's OK for me to come? It's not going to be weird or breaking some rules or anything?"

"Aaron, it's fine. They're more than OK with it, they want you there too. I don't think I'm the only one who's going to be learning on this trip."

"So. We got everything?"

"Tickets, passport, directions... All present and correct," Robert said. "You ready?"

"Yeah," Aaron smiled, putting his hand on Robert's thigh. "Let's do this."

**

Aaron watched Robert do more checks on the hire car than was actually necessary so he took the opportunity to text Chas that they had landed safe.

"Sat Nav?" Robert asked.

"Done," Aaron said, affixing it to the windscreen after typing in the address and turning down the volume as the automated voice told them to head towards Swords Road. "You ready?"

"Just over an hour," Robert said, looking at the display. "Do you want to stop off? Get something to eat?"

"Robert—"

"It's not like we've had much today. I just thought we should—"

"It's OK to be nervous. I would be if it were me. I can't imagine what it's like, being on the verge of finding out who you are and what you can do. What it's going to mean for our life together. So yeah, if you want to take a detour and get something to eat then we'll get something to eat. You decide you're not ready then we can make Mum happy and go stay with family. Or find a B&B somewhere, anywhere, and have an actual holiday."

"You'd do that? For me?"

"Anything for you."

Robert sighed and turned on the engine. He gripped the steering wheel, looking at the Sat Nav display. "An hour fifteen. Easy."

"Let's do this."

**

The drive was easy, mostly along the M4. Robert laughed as Aaron scrambled through their combined coinage for the toll, joking that he was the one who lived in France for years so how the hell does he not know what a Euro looks like? They turned off onto the M6 and as their exit got closer and closer Aaron didn't need a bond to read Robert's mood.

"So tell me, what are we heading into?" Aaron asked.

"What?"

"Is there like a reception we report to?"

Robert laughed, moving into the left lane as Junction 5 approached. "The address we have is for... well, I guess you'd call him the Community leader?"

"Should we call first? Text? Let him know we're coming?"

"He said to just turn up," Robert said, knocking on the indicator. He took the exit, filtering left onto the bypass. "But his number is written down somewhere."

Aaron picked up the envelope of information Robert had been sent, pulling out the sheet. "C- Cy-ar- How do you say this? What's with the damn tick on the letters?"

Robert laughed. "They're accents and you pronounce the name like Kieran."

"It's not spelled that way. Even if you go with the C-as-a-K thing."

"I thought half the Dingles were Irish!"

"We are. We can just spell."

"He... sounded nice. On the phone. Really supportive, answered a lot of really stupid questions. God only knows what he thinks of me."

"Why would he think anything?"

"Most Divinus learn this stuff when they're kids. The ones who aren't told by their parents are contacted when they're eighteen. I've got ten years plus on anyone they usually train."

"You want to learn, and there are reasons why you haven't until now. And if this Ciarán guy gives you a second's worth of grief—"

"What, you'll defend my honour?"

"It's going to be fine," Aaron smiled, putting his hand over Robert's as it rested on the gearstick. "Where's the turn? It's up here somewhere."

Robert slowed in the evening light and pulled into the turning lane as he waited for the oncoming traffic to pass so he could turn right. They followed the narrow road to the end, turning right as instructed, over the small bridge. It was Aaron who spotted the little thatched roof cottage that was a marker in their directions and wondered aloud what it would be like to live there. Robert made a quip about wolves and kept staring at the road straight ahead. A few miles further on up the road, just as the Sat Nav announced they had reached their destination, they saw a house with its lights on, a small bonfire burning in the front garden with small groups of people milling about.

Robert pulled the car up onto the grass verge outside the house and turned off the engine. He turned to Aaron and tried to smile but when Aaron took his hand he could feel it shaking.

"Come on," Aaron said.

By the time they'd gotten out of the car one of the men had broken away from a group and was standing on the roadside of the cattle grid. He smiled at them, holding out a couple of cans. 

"Failte, failte. Good evening," he said, the lilt in his voice obvious. "I'm Ciarán. You must be Robert?"

"Aaron," he introduced himself, taking one of the cans. "He's Robert."

"Don't be nervous," Ciarán said. "It's not that kind of gathering."

"What's it for?" Robert asked.

"It's my birthday," Ciarán said. "One hundred and fifty two."

"Congratulations."

"Gramps, can we eat now?" called a voice from by the fire, and Robert and Aaron followed it to a young woman, who couldn't have been much older than Victoria, with a baby on her hip.

"Sure," Ciarán said. "Now that we're all here." He held out the second can to Robert and smiled when he took it.

**

After the initial awkwardness was eased thanks to a few beers, Aaron and Robert found themselves relaxing into the party and the environment. They were introduced to so many people that they had no hope of remembering any names so Ciarán suggested they just remember who was Divinus and who wasn't.

The realisation that not everyone present was like Robert made Aaron freeze, and he looked around as Ciarán pointed out who among them were mortal, like him. Two of them were his own great-great-granddaughter Niamh and her son Patrick. When it got too late for Patrick to be up Niamh disappeared into the house to get him settled. Making his excuses Aaron followed her, hanging nervously around the living room until she came back out.

"You OK?" Niamh asked.

"What's it like?" Aaron blurted out. "Sorry. I mean, you're not Divinus—"

"No, and neither were my parents. My maternal grandmother is Ciarán's granddaughter, she's the woman who's running the bar? But other than her everyone else was mortal."

"And Patrick?"

"Mortal," she said. "My husband is Divinus though."

"What?"

"Why are you so surprised? Gramps told me you and Robert were getting married."

"We are, it's just... What's it like?"

Niamh laughed and linked her arm with Aaron's. "It's... hard, but it's worth it."

"Is he here? Your husband?"

"He'll be somewhere, probably talking to that man of yours about what it's like to marry a mortal."

"Is everyone here for our benefit?" Aaron asked as she led them back through the house, away from the party.

"No, it really is Gramps' birthday. But he thought it would be a nice way for you two to see that when it comes to Divinus and mortals? We get on and we make lives together. And even though they will bury us they will never get over us. Look." She pointed at the hallway, its walls covered with photos and paintings. "This is my family, going back beyond Gramps."

"What happened to the Divinus before him?"

"They died," she said. "It does happen, you know?"

Aaron walked slowly down the corridor, stepping back in time as he did so.

"Gramps told me stories all the time when I was growing up about my grandparents, my great-grandparents. Having access to all that history? It gives you a better sense of self. And I know that any Divinus child I may have is always going to have someone around who will be there for them when I'm not."

"And your husband?"

"What about him?"

"Robert... He doesn't want to live... after me."

"And?"

Aaron turned to look at her in surprise. "That can't be OK?"

"It's his choice."

"And if your husband wanted the same thing—"

"It's his choice, same as it would be if he were mortal," Niamh said. "Plenty don't want to survive the loss of their loved ones, plenty don't. How many times have you read about an elderly couple where one dies not long after the other? Aaron, you need to understand that when a Divinus loves it's... complete. It's total and it's for good. And for many of them the loss of their loved one is too much for them to bear."

"But Ciarán, your gramps, he survived—"

"I don't think he'd call it that," she said sadly, walking to stand beside a painting. "His stories about her are the best, if you can get him to tell you any, and while I know that he loved and loves every single one of us that came after? Mary? She was the best part of his life. He loved her more than any of us."

"I love him."

"Good," Niamh smiled. "Because I listened to Rob talk for two minutes about you and it was clear how much he loves you."

"I know," Aaron smiled. "I mean, I really know. We... accidentally bonded," he said.

Niamh grinned and took Aaron by the arm. "Wait until you're married. It gets _so_ much better."

**

As the party wound down talk turned to getting Robert and Aaron to their accommodation. Someone offered to drive them back into town and Ciarán said he'd come and collect Robert at "some decent hour of the morning". Apparently turning 152 meant that you deserved a lie in.

Robert, holding on to Aaron for more reasons than the beer, agreed with this sentiment.

The drive back into the town was quiet, Aaron choosing to stare out into the darkness beyond the country road. They drove back past the thatched cottage, back over the little bridge, but straight on past the turning back to the main road. It didn't feel like the same kind of country that he was used to at home; here there was a real sense of being in the middle of nowhere. Made sense, he guessed, for a Divinus Community.

"Here we are, boys," their driver announced as they pulled up at the crossroads. "You're just across there, the stone brick on the corner?"

They both looked ahead, following the beam of the headlights. A house, larger than they'd expected for just the two of them but probably a little smaller than the Mill, was in clear view under the small streetlight.

"Ciarán said the back door will be unlocked, keys will be on the unit. There's some basics in the fridge to tide you over, and there's a little shop just down there," he added, pointing to the semi-dark street stretching out to their right, "if ye need anything tomorrow morning. Big Tesco is on the way back into town."

"Yeah, we passed it," Aaron said.

"If you need anything, just ask anyone. They all know who Ciarán is so if he's not at the house and his antique of a phone isn't on then they will be able to find him for ye."

"They know?" Robert asked as the car crept over the junction and pulled up outside the house.

"Sure ye can't live somewhere for a century and not have people know."

"Is everyone here—?"

Their driver let out a short bark of a laugh. "What were you imagining? No one but Divinus as far as the eye can see? It serves us well to keep the rumour that Communities are hidden away, just us Divinus," he said, catching Robert's eye in the rear view mirror, "but truth is we live right in the middle of everyone else. There's just more of us here than ye'd probably expect to find. Oh there's plenty of folk who'll die soon enough, keeps anyone from looking too close when there's new graves being filled all the time."

There was something in his tone of voice that resonated with Robert and the question started to form on his lips.

"My wife," the man said. "She's almost a hundred but the doctor reckons she's in her final weeks. Oh I could probably do something but I won't have her suffer any longer for me."

"I'm sorry," Robert said.

"Don't be. We married when she was eighteen, we have kids and grandkids and our first great-grandchild is three next month. We've had a good and long life together and I will always have that."

"How old are you?" Aaron asked, his hand unconsciously finding Robert's across the back seat.

"A hundred and twenty five," he said. "My wife's family had an issue with her marrying an 'older man'," he laughed, "seeing as I looked like I was in my thirties."

"Did they ever know?"

"I reckon her mammy did, in the end. But we never told them. We couldn't, not in those days."

"We should let you get back to her," Robert said, opening the car door and heading for the boot to reclaim their rescued bags.

"Tell him I don't regret it," the man said, turning in his seat so he could look at Aaron. "Not for one minute. And if ye were to ask my Elizabeth she'd tell ye the same."

"Thanks for the lift," Aaron said as he got out of the car. Once the bags were on the side of the road their driver waved out of his window and sped off at a dangerous speed down the black road. "Come on," he said to Robert, "I need a shower and then I need my bed."

Aaron walked over to the gate at the side of the house and pushed it open, turning to see if Robert was following him. "Rob?"

"I love you," Robert said, still standing in the road and bathed in the soft orange of the main street light.

"I know," Aaron said.

"They told me... what it's like to lose..."

Aaron dropped his bag on the path and walked over to Robert, slipping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on Robert's shoulder. After a beat Robert's arms were tight around his shoulders and they stood there, just holding on to each other and the moment.

"Come on," Aaron said eventually. "I think I'm not the only one who needs to go to bed."

He pulled back, taking Robert's hand in his and waiting the second it took for Robert to pick up his bag. Collecting his own as they walked down the path they found the back door open as promised, two sets of keys on the kitchen unit. A quick exploration found some bread, butter, milk and other essentials in the fridge (including, Aaron was happy to see, packets of bacon and sausages), tea and coffee were on the side with a small bag of sugar. The cupboards held the usual crockery along with tins of beans and tomatoes and a few other things they would check out in the morning.

There was also a note, welcoming them to the village and giving simple directions to a few places, a couple of numbers scrawled at the bottom with names attached to them all. Aaron would figure out how to pronounce them all later. When he looked up he saw a Post It note attached to a switch – TURN ME ON – and he flicked it: somewhere in the house he heard the boiler rumble into life. Maybe the shower would have to wait until the morning.

"Come on," Aaron said, taking Robert's hand again. They walked up the stairs, finding only one of the doors open. It opened onto the master bedroom, the bed made up and covered with some heavy blankets. Putting his bag down and leaving Robert standing in the doorframe, Aaron crossed the room to turn on the bedside lamp.

"I keep thinking..." Robert said as Aaron turned around. "If I couldn't even entertain the idea of losing you in October—"

"Don't," Aaron said. "We can't change that... Now isn't the right time to talk about this, it's been a long day."

Robert nodded and started to shrug out of his jacket. He found some hangers in the wardrobe and hung it up, trying to ignore Aaron's muted laugh as he did so. He hauled his case up onto the bed, unzipped it and pulled out his sleepwear from the top along with his wash bag. He ventured out into the hallway, opening doors at random until he found the bathroom.

When he returned, teeth brushed and dressed in his loose t-shirt and shorts, Aaron had the room ready for them. Glasses of water were on each of the bedside tables, phones on charge, his case was poking out from under the bed (he had a sneaking suspicion that he would find his shirts hanging up in colour order because Aaron knew that's how he liked them) and there was something about the room that made it look like theirs.

"I think we may end kicking half of these off in the middle of the night," Aaron said, picking up the end of one of the blankets. "They're pretty heavy."

"We could make our own heat," Robert said in an attempt at suggestive behaviour. He was foiled by the yawn that forced its way out of his mouth.

"Maybe in the morning," Aaron laughed. "Bathroom?"

"Two doors down, left it open for you," Robert said. When Aaron returned he was already buried under the covers. "I could get used to this."

"What?" Aaron asked as he turned off the main light and walked over to the bed. He lifted the covers just enough to get in, the warmth a stark contrast to the chill that had already set into his toes.

"You even _think_ about putting your feet near me, Dingle..." Robert half-threatened, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Shut up," Aaron laughed, turning over to face Robert. "It's going to be fine," he whispered.

"I hope so," Robert said, his eyes drifting shut.

"Turn over." When Robert did so Aaron spooned in behind him, keeping his cold feet well away from Robert's temptingly warm legs. "Night, Robert," he whispered, breath warm on the back of his neck.

"...Night," Robert mumbled in reply, his eyes already drifting shut.

**

Robert woke without an alarm or the sound of anyone else making a racket in the house and for a second he revelled in the silence. He stretched out, finding Aaron's side of the bed empty. He pushed himself up, reaching for his phone on the bedside table. Pulling it free from its charger he checked the time: almost ten.

There was the sound of a door opening and closing downstairs and so Robert forced himself to leave the warmth of the heavy blankets protecting him from the Irish February chill. Grabbing some socks to keep his feet warm and pulling on a jumper he ventured out onto the hallway. From the kitchen there came the sound of the kettle boiling and the promise of coffee pushed him downstairs.

"Morning," Robert said as the kitchen and Aaron came into view, pots and pans already on the stove top. "I could get used to this."

"Don't," Aaron teased. "Went for a run this morning—"

"So I see," Robert said, gesturing to the outfit he was wearing.

"—wanted to get my bearings. There's not much between here and the main town, so only having one car might get a little tricky if you need it."

"We'll manage," Robert said. 

"Coffee?"

"When have I ever said no to that question?"

In response Aaron pushed two mugs and the coffee towards him. "You know how I like it."

"That I do," Robert said with a grin, a hand drifting to the curve of Aaron's arse.

"After coffee," Aaron laughed, "and a shower."

"I could join you? Maybe save water?"

Aaron responded by hitting him gently before busying himself with the makings of their breakfast.

**

Just before lunchtime Robert's phone sprung into life. He picked it up, reading the text. "It's from Ciarán," he said, "inviting us over. He's sorry for not coming to get me himself, but apparently you don't hold your drink any better halfway through your second century."

"He's invited us both?" Aaron asked from where he was currently sprawled on the sofa.

"It's what he said. Said someone will come pick us up in an hour."

"Sounds good."

As Robert texted back their reply he put the phone down. "Any ideas on how to pass an hour in a small Irish village?"

"If we've only got an hour that rules out of a lot of things," Aaron grinned.

"Not everything though," Robert said, getting out of his seat and walking over to the sofa. "And I'm all for improving on our best time."

"You do realise that it rather defeats the purpose if we're getting quicker?" Aaron grinned as Robert knelt in front of him, turning enough so that his hips were almost hanging off the edge of the sofa.

Robert's hands were on Aaron's thighs, rubbing firm lines up and down from his hip to knee. His fingers brushed against the inside curve of Aaron's hip, teasing at first but then he set to work on the fly of Aaron's jeans, popping the button and pulling the zip down. Aaron shuffled enough to help him pull his jeans down and off.

Robert's hands rubbed up Aaron's thighs, his fingers pushing up under the hem of Aaron's underwear. Aaron's breath hitched a little, one hand coming up to Robert's head.

"Point taken," Robert laughed, and he ducked his head accordingly. Aaron wasn't quite hard yet, but after mouthing at his dick through the cloth Robert felt it swell and so pulled the waistband of his underwear down. Aaron barely had time to register the cool air before it was replaced with the heat and wet of Robert's mouth.

His tongue swept around the head, making Aaron moan softly as he realised that Robert really wasn't planning on wasting any time.

Robert moved a hand to the base of Aaron's shaft, twisting it in combination with his mouth, saliva dripping from his mouth to make it easier. Robert stuck out his elbows, pressing down on Aaron's thighs to keep him from bucking up too much.

There had been times, usually in the shower back at the pub, when Robert dropped to his knees and within minutes Aaron was gasping and trying to find something to ground him as he came. There were times when Robert strung him out, had him whimpering and begging for something, anything, that would bring about blessed relief.

This was somewhere between the two.

Robert's tongue flattened against the top half of the shaft, occasionally lapping at the tip while his hand and those fingers curled around the base. There was no pattern, however, to the rhythm he was setting and Aaron had no time to get used to anything he was doing. So he rolled his head back, tightened his fingers in Robert's hair, and let his eyes drift shut.

Robert's free hand moved from Aaron's thigh to his balls, his fingers just putting enough pressure on them to add to the sensations. As he did so he lifted his head off, Aaron opening his eyes in protest until he saw Robert moving up to kiss him. It was deep, languid, matched only by the hand still working his cock, still slick with spit and curving up towards his belly. Robert's tongue licked its way into Aaron's mouth and it was full of promise of what else he could do with that mouth and tongue.

"Weren't you in the middle of something?" Aaron managed to say.

With a grin Robert moved back down Aaron's chest and his tongue started lapping at the head the way he had been working his way into Aaron's mouth not moments before. As he worked his way down the shaft, licking longer and longer stripes up the underside as he did, Aaron fought to keep his head from lolling back again. It was always so much better when he watched.

Robert watched him watching for a moment and then turned his whole focus towards the cock in front of him, pulling at Aaron's underwear so that it was completely free of his balls but keeping his legs somewhat restricted. And then, without warning, he sank down so hard and fast that the tip of Aaron's cock brushed against the back of Robert's throat. Aaron moaned so loudly he was afraid of being heard – until he realised that no one was here to hear them and so he moaned again, his voice broken and echoing in the room.

Robert's mouth was moving up and down the full length now, slowly as he freed all but the tip and then took everything in so deep his nose nuzzled in the dark hair that traced a line up Aaron's stomach. The hand in Robert's hair flexed, tugging briefly and sharply on the roots as he felt the familiar knot start to build.

That was Robert's cue to move on, kissing his way down the shaft until he could mouth at Aaron's balls. Without warning he did what he'd only done once or twice before, and took one into his mouth, his tongue flat and warm against the bottom as Robert inhaled across the top of it. The combination of cool air and hot mouth was enough to bring out another moan in Aaron and more than enough for Robert to breathe in again, this time slower and deeper.

"Fuck, Robert—" Aaron moaned, the hand in his hair tightening again.

In response Robert shifted on his knees, moving up so he was directly above Aaron's straining dick. One hand went to the base of the shaft, gripping it with just enough pressure that Aaron knew what he was doing. Whatever Robert had planned next it didn't involve Aaron coming: at least not yet. Robert brought his other hand up to his mouth, sucking on his index finger in a way that was oddly more graphic than the way he'd been sucking on Aaron's dick not a moment before.

Aaron pulled on his grip a little, bringing Robert back up for a kiss as he shifted his hips again, pulling at his underwear. Robert laughed into the kiss, giving him this one thing, and soon Aaron was naked from the waist down and Robert was nuzzling at his belly while he sucked on his finger again. It drew a line down from his balls to his hole, circling it and teasing Aaron in the way that he loved but also hated – Robert knew exactly how to bring him to the edge like this.

Before long Robert's mouth was on his dick again but Aaron only had a second to register that before he felt the tip of Robert's finger press against him. It wasn't as easy as it was most times, but there was enough spit to let the finger pass a little beyond the first knuckle. The friction caused Aaron to hiss, and Robert pulled back to prevent hurting him further.

"No... don't... please..." Aaron begged. "Please."

Robert's response was to nod up and down Aaron's dick; both a reply and furthering the cause the final reasoned thought Aaron had decided on. There was a slight pressure against the side of his dick – the finger – and then it was back against his hole, pressing in again.

Unable to stop himself both of Aaron's hands moved to Robert's head, holding him and pushing him down.

This was new and exciting for them, developing in recent weeks as their bond grew deeper. They didn't know what was Robert's Divinus nature or what was just them having a bloody fantastic sex life, but Robert giving this level of control to Aaron was intoxicating, making them feel closer, more connected and something they were starting to explore. As Robert's finger pushed in further Aaron pushed Robert's head down until he felt the tip of his dick hitting the back of Robert's throat again and again and again.

The spit dried too quickly and the finger became uncomfortable but as Robert pulled it free Aaron whined at its loss. To compensate he took advantage of the fact that he was no longer pinned down, his hips jerking up. Before could apologise Robert's hands hooked under his hips, pulling him up again. The signal was clear and Aaron needed no encouragement. He fucked up into Robert's mouth as hard as he dared, holding his head in place so as to not misjudge the distance he had.

The noises Robert was making seemed beyond filthy, his hands pulling at Aaron's cheeks, a fingertip brushing against the hole which was wanting and barely open, and between the spit dribbling down the length of his shaft, and the welcoming heat of Robert's mouth, it wasn't long before they both felt the tell-tale tightening in Aaron's balls.

"I'm—" he managed to say, loosening his hold in Robert's hair so that he would have the chance, the choice to do something.

And that choice was to push down deeper, harder, and with one final hit at the back of Robert's throat Aaron was coming, wave after wave into the hollows of Robert's cheeks. When he was spent and breathing hard only then did Robert pull back, pressing reverent kisses to the insides of Aaron's thighs and on his balls.

"You..." Aaron managed to gasp out.

"Shh," Robert said, moving back up his body. His hand was already in his loosened jeans and working away at himself.

Aaron managed a grin, pushed his own hand inside to meet Robert's fingers, and the two of them worked him until he was coming hard over them both, panting into the curve of Aaron's neck.

Robert collapsed on top of Aaron for a moment, revelling in the kisses that were being placed into his hairline. He could feel Aaron's heart pounding beneath his, feel the push and fall of his ribcage with every breath, and it was this very essence of _life_ in the man he adored that was intoxicating to Robert.

They would have to clean up and change, and no doubt Aaron would try to talk him into making good on the promise of that single finger. But for now he would be happy here, sprawled between Aaron's knees and held close against his chest.

"What time is it?" Robert managed to say, turning his head to place a kiss to the fabric of Aaron's t-shirt. He couldn't help but grin at the faint drops of white against the black; he'd managed quite the distance when he'd come. Could be a new record.

"Still time," Aaron replied. "Round two?"

"I'll be late."

"Be late."

Robert laughed, his body shaking Aaron's as he did so. Then he sat back on his haunches and rested his hands on Aaron's knees. "I think it only fair that you return the favour," he said, his voice low and scratchy.

"Deal," Aaron grinned, pushing Robert away only so he could stand.

It was a sight to behold, watching Aaron walk away from him, half naked and half covered in his come, and it gave Robert enough strength to find his feet and follow him up the stairs.

This, Aaron decided, was a pretty good way to pass the time.

**

"Don't look so nervous," Ciarán laughed as Robert stood before him, hands clasped behind his back, looking like a cadet or schoolboy ready to receive instructions. "None of this is a test, and there's no one way to learn about this."

"I'm a bit older than most people who come to you to learn though," Robert pointed out.

"Do you not know that I asked for this?" Ciarán asked. "There are a few Communities a little more local to you than us in the middle of another country." 

"Why?"

"Because your story intrigued me. Because I have as soft spot for lads like you who want to be something other than they are. Because I know I can help you."

"How?"

"Because I was you," he said. "I was a kid myself when my da told me what I was and what I could do. I didn't want it, same as you didn't, and for a long time I fought against it."

"What happened?"

"I fell in love," Ciarán said, "and while I had the option to live a normal life I found that I wanted more and more with her. I wanted to know how to extend her life, my life, how to keep her safe—"

"I want that for Aaron," Robert said. "Three times he's been hurt and I managed to help him, but I don't know how I did it."

"There's an instinct in you, and when you combine it with the love that you feel for Aaron—"

"But I couldn't help Mum, or Vic. And I didn't want to help my own dad when he was burned—"

"We have a lot to talk about," Ciarán said, holding up his hands to calm Robert. "But you need to remember that your emotions play a part in how your abilities manifest themselves."

"Aaron was hurt, he cut himself on a saw and my emotions were anything but controlled."

"I'd argue they were the purest they've ever been. The man you love was dying and so there was one thought, one emotion going through your body. Everything else, even the tiredness from that morning, it was all overridden."

"How do I control it?"

"You said you went to a Community in Spain?"

"Yeah. I learned about myself, how to focus on my body and heal. Came in useful when I was shot the other year."

"You and Aaron seem to live difficult lives," Ciarán said. "But you know something and that's a place to start."

"So what now?"

"Now we work on your focus."

**

"This one's on me," Aaron said, joining the man at the bar. He handed over the Euro note, gesturing towards the lager pump for his own drink. "Thanks for the lift last night."

"It's not a problem," the man said.

"Aaron," he said, offering a hand.

"Aidan."

"I'm glad I ran into you," Aaron said, thanking the barmaid with a nod as she put his drink down in front of him and handed him his change. "I have a favour to ask of you."

"Ye want to meet me wife?"

"I was going to say your family," Aaron said. "I know your wife—"

"No, it's fine. I told her about ye and she wants to help. This whole Community is here for ye too, Aaron, not just Robert. Ye deserve to know what youse are getting into."

"I don't want to intrude. This time is important to you all."

"I told ye last night that we've had almost a century together. We've made our peace with what's coming, and if she can help ye come to terms with what youse are about to face then believe me, Elizabeth will be happy to do that."

"Thank you," Aaron said quietly.

"So what plans do ye have while Ciarán is teaching Robert about what it's like to be one of us?"

Aaron glanced over at the barmaid, instinctively nervous about talking about this openly.

Aidan laughed. "Dee's one of us too," he said.

"You all need to wear badges or something," Aaron sighed. "So... I guess you're what? Fifty? Eighty?"

"Twenty four," Dee smiled. "Officially the baby of the Community. I was born here, my parents are Divinus. They moved here a little over thirty years ago, they didn't want to have to spend their whole lives moving around."

"So you're all Divinus?" Aaron asked. "Lucky."

"Maybe," she smiled, "but think about it. I am _never_ going to be free of my parents interfering in my life. Thinking of moving to another Community and making my own life."

"She's been saying that fourteen years," Aidan said. "I'll believe it when I see it."

"Just you watch. One day I'll be gone and you'll miss me terribly."

"I'll miss ye pint pulling abilities," Aidan quipped. "And I think Harry might miss ye more than that."

Dee flushed and turned away, suddenly finding something to busy herself with as Aidan laughed once more.

"I can't get over how open you all are about this," Aaron said, looking around the clientele in the pub. "I can't imagine being like this at home."

"Does anyone know?"

"Robert's sister, her husband — he's also my best friend. And my little sister."

"Do either of ye have other family?"

"Rob's parents are dead, his adoptive brother is... not around anymore. I think he knows but I'm not sure. No one else though, and he's adamant that's how it's staying."

"What about yeer family?"

Aaron grinned. "Huge. And taking up half the village."

"And no one but yeer sister knows? Ye Mammy? Da? Why just her and not them?"

"He's dead," Aaron said, his voice flat and devoid of emotion but strongly putting an end to the conversation. "Liv's my half sister, it's my mum and no, she doesn't know. None of them do."

"Ye not tempted to tell them?"

"Tempted, yes. But that would be a very bad idea indeed."

"Well Robert told ye, and that's something."

"He asked me to marry him. I guess he thought he had to—"

"He didn't have to tell ye anything," Aidan interrupted. "So many Divinus live their entire lives and never tell their other halves. They fake growing old, either fake their deaths or actually go through with it. Being Divinus... The people who see it as a gift don't have to deal with it. Forever is a very long time to be around, and not everything ye see in that time is good. Although there's one constant ye can rely on," he said.

"What's that?"

"Dee's ability to know when ye need another pint," he said as she placed one down in front of him, just as he finished the one he had.

**

"Ghlacadh anáil, Robert, ghlacadh anáil. Breathe," Ciarán said, smiling as he felt it. "You know what I mean."

"Not sure I like you being in my head," Robert said.

"Feel free to return the favour."

Robert tilted his head, keeping his eyes closed as he felt out the connection between them. They stretched out before him like pathways, rippling as if on a tide, and he tested out each one. He found the link he wanted and reached out, finding Ciarán at the end of it.

"What do you feel?" Ciarán asked.

"Your ankle," Robert said, "it's been giving you grief."

"Why?"

"Twisted... no, ligaments," Robert said, the joint and its connections forming in his mind as if there were there. "Old injury."

"Well done."

"Why haven't you fixed it?"

"Same reason you still have a scar on your chest," Ciarán said, the image changing to the small part of Robert's breast that was a stark difference to the rest of his skin. "Because sometimes we want to remember."

"You were running," Robert smiled, "chasing... chasing your son. No, grandson. He's laughing."

"Don't push," Ciarán warned. "You shouldn't invade someone's thoughts if they don't want you to."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Now. Let me see something."

"What?"

"Whatever you want me to see."

Robert didn't have time to think, to choose, and he immediately remembered the dinner with his sister and Adam and Liv and Aaron, talking about his Divinus status. It was a single moment of that night, but it was the feeling that came with it.

"You were accepted," Ciarán said.

"For the first time," Robert said. "I wasn't hiding anything."

"You were loved. You are loved. Your family—" Ciarán yelped as he felt a wave of something knocked into him, physically sending him sprawling. "Jaysus."

"Sorry," Robert said, his eyes flying open and his hand reaching out. "I don't know—"

"You're strong," Ciarán said, pushing himself back up to a sitting position. "Explains why you were able to heal such a severe injury."

"What happened?"

"I hit a nerve," Ciarán said. "Well. A mental nerve. What is it about love that scares you so much?"

"I'm not scared."

"You've been training for a day and you kicked me out of the bond. I'm better at this than you are and I didn't see that coming. You're strong, Robert. You're also scared."

"Of what? Being in love?"

"Of losing that love. No one at that table is Divinus, one day they'll all be gone and then what?"

"Then nothing," Robert said defiantly. "I'm not surviving Aaron."

"Because you don't want to be alone?"

"Because I don't want to live without him."

"What about your family?"

"They are my family. All those mortal people around that table."

"I mean the family that you could have with Aaron. You're getting married... what about kids?"

"Us? No. Not happening."

"Maybe not the conventional way," Ciarán laughed, "but I'm sure you can find a way."

"Why would I want that? It's just someone else to lose."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"You lost your wife, your children. You have one grandchild, but even Niamh and Patrick won't be around forever. You might be OK with burying your family but I've done enough of that. I don't want to bury any more than I have to."

"Robert—"

"No," he said, getting to his feet. "I want to learn how to control... this," he added, looking down at his hands. "I don't need counselling sessions."

"Robert, being a Divinus isn't just about healing and bonding. Sure, the Greeks and Romans called us gods, but to the Chinese? We were so much more than that. It was about our spirituality, the way we understood ourselves and each other. We could bring mental peace to those around us."

At that Robert looked up. "I thought we couldn't affect thoughts."

"We can't," Ciarán said. "But we can guide it in ways that others can't. Quite a few Divinus counsellors out there for good reason. We can't cut through barriers but if someone lets us in then we can build trust, a bond that is unlike any other."

An image flashed into Robert's mind and from Ciarán's reaction it was clear he felt it too. He didn't understand the significance of a sofa and a blanket, a dark house and a broken Aaron, but Robert did.

"Why are you scared, Robert?"

"Because for the first time in my life I am happy," he whispered. "I have people who know me and love me and care for me. I have _Aaron_."

"And you don't want to lose that."

"I don't want to live without that."

"And that's why you could heal Aaron," Ciarán said. "He, more than anyone else, controls your thoughts and emotions."

"Is this the bond? The one they talk about?"

"No," Ciarán said. "That is... something else entirely."

"Something else? Aaron said he felt what I felt after I healed his leg."

"When you heal someone you're giving a part of yourself, Robert. Your energies, d’anam... chi as the Chinese would call it, it infuses in their cells. What helps you to heal helps them to heal. There are those who believe that a part of our soul is transferred, and through that link they can share in some of our thoughts and feelings if they're strong enough, or if the bond is developed over time."

"What about me? Will I feel what he does?"

"There's a way to give you a piece of Aaron, but it's not something to enter into lightly. When you bond with someone, Robert, it's more than loving them. It's being them, it's feeling their emotions and their thoughts and, on some occasions, their physical sensations too. It's a lot to deal with and for that reason many Divinus actually go out of their way to avoid it. It's hard enough when we lose them but if a part of us is ripped away too—"

"You know how I feel," Robert said firmly. His jaw was set, his shoulders rolled back, and even without the dying embers of their bond Ciarán could see his resolution.

"I know. But think about it. It's not just the end of everything that will be painful. It will be all the days that Aaron suffers between now and then. It will be all the days he grieves and you can't heal that. It'll be those days that you're worried about—all I sense was that they're there, don't worry," he added when Robert's expression changed. "Whatever it is you're afraid of for Aaron you will feel it too."

"Good. Then I'll know and I can help him."

"How would you like it for someone to share in your every emotion, your thoughts? Your wants and desires? That's what you're talking about here, Robert. There will be almost no emotional privacy between you. When you fight it will be twice as bad, when you hate each other it will feel like the end of the world. When one of you annoys the other because they left wet towels on the floor it will pick at you until there is a wound.

"It's overwhelming if it's not controlled and that's why most of us don't do it."

"Did you?" Robert asked.

"No. But Aidan did. His wife is dying and he feels it as if he were dying too. Imagine what that's like for a second, Robert. To feel it on that level."

"I don't have to imagine," Robert said, _water_ and _cold_ and _staying_ springing up in Ciarán's mind.

"You love him enough. You don't need to prove anything by making it more. Talk to Aaron, see what he thinks. Listen to him and really think about it."

"OK."

**

"Lizzie? Lizzie, this is Aaron. I told ye about him."

Aaron stood nervously in the door frame, trying not to stare at the woman in the bed. She didn't look anything close to a hundred years old but it was clear she was dying. He felt like he didn't belong.

"Don't just stand there," she said, holding out a hand to him. "I'm too old and too ill to be standing on ceremonies."

"Sorry," Aaron said, smiling at her bluntness. This he could deal with. "Thank you for seeing me."

"This'll best craic I've had in a long time. My family are too busy being sad, at least with you I get to be some use. So ask me. What do you want to know?" She turned her head to look at her husband. "Well? Don't just stand there. Get the kettle on and those biscuits you think I don't know about."

"You have his number," Aaron laughed as he took the seat by her bed she gestured to.

"It's the bond," she said. "The connection I have with him is... very clear."

"Robert and I, I think we've accidentally bonded before. I was dying, an accident, and he healed me. After that I could feel what he felt, for days just walking around with him here," Aaron said, tapping his chest.

"I remember when Aidan and I started to bond," she said, a soft smile ghosting on her face. "It took some getting used to. Someone else's feelings in my body? You need to learn to separate them from yours if you both decide to go through with the process. But you need to know the consequences."

"Like what?"

"Like what it's going to do to Aidan when I die," she said. Her gaze moved from Aaron to the door behind him where Aidan had appeared.

"Love, losing ye was always going to be the greatest challenge of my life," he said. "Our bond is going to make that loss even harder to bear," he explained. "Some say it's like losing a limb, others say it's like losing your heart. It varies but they all agree on one thing. It hurts like fuck to lose the one you're bonded with."

"And you still decided to go through with it?" Aaron asked.

"What we got from it was worth it," Aidan said. "It'll help me through what comes next."

"How long are you two staying?" Elizabeth asked.

"A few weeks. Why?"

"If you're still here when I go, come to the funeral. You should see it."

"Why?"

"Just come," she smiled. "See for yourself. Now. You have questions."

"So many of them," Aaron laughed. 

"We have time. Well, some of it anyway."

"Oh, that humour isn't because she's dying," Aidan said, "she's always been like this."

"And you loved me for me."

"Still do," he said. "Always will."

"I know," she smiled. She looked at Aaron and reached out for his hand. "Your Robert... he loves you? Completely?"

"Yes," Aaron said quietly, his voice certain and sure.

"Then one day, hopefully decades from now, you will be where I am now. And hopefully you will remember this: it is worth it."

"Even with the pain?"

"Even with it. It only hurts this much because the rest of it was so good."

"My whole life... no one has gotten as close as Robert. He knows things about me no one else does, I told him things I couldn't tell anyone else... I had no idea you could love someone this much, that I could love someone this much."

"And it scares you?"

Aaron nodded.

"Good. It's supposed to. Anyone who tells you otherwise hasn't got the first clue about what it's like to love a Divinus."

**

It was a short walk back to their house and the whole way Aaron's head was turning over everything Elizabeth had said to him. She'd been honest, brutally so in some cases, and it had given him a lot to think about. He twisted his engagement ring around his finger, grounding himself in the solidarity of Robert's commitment to him. He didn't doubt that Robert wanted a forever, he knew that he was loved and wanted... But for the first time he was doubting whether he wanted a bond with him. Could he subject Robert to that kind of pain? Could he stand being that close to him, having no privacy when it came to his thoughts or emotions or—

"Must have been one hell of a day," Robert said, shocking Aaron out of his thoughts. "I've been calling you halfway down the street."

"Sorry, just thinking," Aaron said, kissing Robert's cheek in greeting. "How was your day?"

"... Intense," Robert said.

"Think that sums up my day too."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now," Aaron said. "You?"

"Not right now," Robert smiled. "So what do we do?"

"Let's... just go out. Get in the car and drive somewhere and have dinner and just pretend that this is just a normal holiday."

"Sounds good," Robert said.

**

They ended up the next county over, heading for Portlaoise (arguing all the while about how to pronounce it), stopping at a steakhouse mainly because Aaron demanded that it was the only place that they could get a decent meal that wasn't at a bar or something weird and fancy.

Their table was towards the back, tucked away which afforded them a chance to talk without being disturbed. They talked about how they thought Liv was getting on and whether she and Chas would have all but killed each other by now. What kind of parents Adam and Vic would make. Ashley was referenced in a conversation about Gabby and her friendship with Liv but then moved on from quickly as Aaron read the guilt on Robert's face about not being able to do more than give them a day.

Robert brought up the idea of setting a date for the wedding but Aaron, his head still reeling from his conversation with Elizabeth, told him they should get through this trip first. "Decisions can wait," he'd said over the last of their meal. "All I want to do is figure out whether I'm having dessert."

They shared the Rocky Road, duelling spoons for the last scoop of ice cream from the dish. After Robert had paid they stepped out into the cool night air, Aaron laughing as Robert pulled him in close.

"You should have brought a coat," he said as Robert tried to put his hands underneath at least one of Aaron's layers.

"I brought you."

"You complain about my cold feet."

"Well the rest of you is hot," Robert muttered into Aaron's ear, the double meaning clear. "And your cold feet are literal. I hope."

"Hey," Aaron said seriously, grabbing the lapels of Robert's jacket and pulling him in close. "You know how I feel about you. That hasn't changed, that won't change. Everything that's going on at the moment, all the things that we're learning about you and about this life that we're going to have? It's not going to change that."

"I know that some of this might be too much," Robert said, his hands resting on Aaron's waist, his fingers sneaking up under the hem of his jumper, "but I won't ever push you. If there's any part of this, of me, that you don't want then that's OK."

"I want you—"

"You know what I mean," Robert corrected. "The healing, the bonding, the connections... It's all optional. I won't ever do anything to you that you don't want me to."

"I don't recall asking you to save my life at the scrap yard," Aaron teased, his tone light to ensure Robert knew it, "but I won't ever stop you."

"And the bond?"

"I... I don't know," Aaron admitted. "Elizabeth – Aidan's wife – she told me a lot about it today, stuff I hadn't even considered."

"Right."

"I'm not saying no," Aaron said, "but I need to think about it some more. And we need to talk, properly, once we know what we're getting into. I don't want to make things worse for you."

"Worse?"

"If I'm hurt or sick or when I'm... you know, at the end. I don't want you feeling every last bit of my pain. I don't want that for you now, Robert. There's a lot of it and—"

"I don't need a bond to feel your pain, Aaron, and I don't need it to know when you're not OK. I won't push you, I won't force you to share anything you don't want to, but you must know that it's already like that with us. In a way."

"I know," Aaron said, leaning in close. "I feel it too."

"You set the boundaries for this," Robert said, "whatever you want. You have me, you will always have me, and you can choose the parts of this life that you want."

"Thank you," Aaron whispered, kissing him gently.

"Let's go home," Robert said, pulling back and taking Aaron's hand in his. "I'm bloody freezing."

**

Aaron turned over in his waking state, finding Robert's solid body beside him. He curled in against his back, his arm slipping over Robert's waist and smiling when Robert's hand found his on the other side, lacing their fingers together.

"Morning," Robert muttered.

"Morning," Aaron said, pressing a kiss to the top of Robert's spine.

"Have I told you how much I love this?"

"Hmmm?"

"This," Robert said, pulling a little on Aaron's arm.

"Why?" Aaron laughed softly.

"Because... because it feels like you're not going to let me go."

"I'm not."

"Feels like I'm... grounded. Safe."

"I know that feeling," Aaron said, snuggling in even closer.

"What time is it?"

"...Don't know," Aaron said, refusing to even move. "What time are you meeting Ciarán?"

Robert's response was muttered into the pillow so Aaron didn't need to ask again. He just pressed his knees into the back of Robert's.

"It's day two," Aaron said, his voice humming against Robert's skin. "You can't start skipping class now."

"—ot skipping," Robert said, lifting his head a little. "Just enjoying this. We're supposed to be on holiday, aren't we?"

"Not really," Aaron said. "We came here for you."

"We should take a day. Go back to Dublin? It's only an hour away. Or we could go west, just get in the car and—"

"Robert," Aaron said, sitting up so he could look at him. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Robert said, turning onto his back. "I just... The more I learn the more I see the gap between us. What I am and what you are."

"There's no gap," Aaron whispered, pressing his body against Robert's. 

"You know what I mean."

"So do you. Yesterday Elizabeth told me something. She said that anyone who wasn't scared of being loved by a Divinus wasn't paying attention. And she was right, it does scare me. It scares me because I never thought I would have this, I never thought I would feel like this about someone never mind have them feel like this about me. And now I've got it, got you...

"She talked about the first time she met Aidan, what she thought of him. They had it a little easier than us," Aaron grinned, "but she said that she knew from those early days that nothing was going to stop her being with him."

"You hated me," Robert said.

"I didn't, that's the thing," Aaron countered. "I knew what I was getting into, of course I did, but I only hated that every time had to leave me to go back to Chrissie. I hated having to share you."

"I was an idiot," Robert said, lifting a hand to press his palm against Aaron's face.

"No change there then." He grinned, dropping his head for a kiss. "I wanted you, right from the start, and it's only because I had no idea what it's supposed to feel like that it took me so long to realise. I don't know what to do with this love and it scares me."

"Scares me too," Robert whispered. "Every person I've ever loved has been taken from me or rejected me. I can't lose you."

Aaron didn't respond, didn't come back with a comment or an argument. He kissed Robert once more and then settled back down against his chest, letting himself be held for a moment. It felt nice and there was a little voice in the back of Aaron's head laughing at him for being soft. Soon enough he couldn't help himself and his body shook with laughter.

"What?" Robert asked.

"Nothin'," Aaron said.

"Oh, so you're just laughing at me for nothing?"

"There's just so many things to choose from," Aaron quipped.

"Are you happy?" Robert asked suddenly. "I know that a lot's happened, there's so much to take in. I'd understand if—"

"I am _so_ happy," Aaron said, sitting up enough to look at Robert. "I know that my life would easier, simpler if I walked away. Found someone who would grow old with me, do all the things that I know you're worried I won't get to do if I'm with you. But here's the thing, Robert. I want you."

"Yeah, now—"

"You remember in the car, before the crash? You told me that when you know, you know. Well I know, Robert. You gave me time and space and I thought about it and I didn't need any of it to know how I feel and what I want. I want to marry you. I said yes before I knew and I said yes after."

"It's just... Ciarán is making me realise what it's like, what it's going to be like. Loving someone who will..."

"Die?" Aaron prompted when Robert didn't finish his sentence.

"If I could change one thing," Robert said, his hand reaching up to push through the sleep-loosened curls, "it would be this."

"Yeah, 'cause the guy who's tried to top himself would make the _perfect_ immortal," Aaron quipped.

"Not _you_ ," Robert said, his meaning clear. "C'm'ere." Once Aaron was curled up next to him he wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Everyone goes on about not wanting to grow old, every time you turn on the TV there's something being sold to you to turn back time, make people wonder if you're Divinus, all of that. And I never thought about it. Didn't have to. I never planned on hitting three figures but at least I wouldn't grow old. Lack of energy, bad back, poor eyesight... I never actually wanted any of it until now."

"I make you want to grow old?"

"You make me want to share everything," Robert said, his voice quiet and heartfelt. "I want what you have, I want to know what it's like for you, to understand you better."

There was a soft tapping on the window: Irish rain starting the morning.

"The laughter, before, it was about this," Aaron said after a moment. "Being here with someone, just cuddling up and doing nothing. Never imagined myself as that kind of bloke."

"If you'd rather do something else—" Robert began to suggest.

"No," Aaron said quickly. When Robert made a noise of mock protest Aaron tapped him on the stomach. "You know what I mean. I'm not complaining, I just never thought I'd want to do this. Just this."

"But you do?"

"Yeah. It's what you do when you're in love, innit?"

"So I've heard."

"I want to meet other partners. You know, the mortal ones. I want to know what it's like living this life. Not just how it ends."

"Yeah, I'm sure that can be sorted."

"The bonded and the unbonded ones too."

"Why?"

"So I can decide."

There was a silence except for the rain which continued its pattering on the window.

"What do you want?" Aaron asked.

"I don't mind."

"Liar."

Robert inhaled deeply, his chest rising and lifting Aaron's hand with it. "I want to share as much of me with you as possible. The times when it's happened, when I've felt you... I've never felt so much about someone, for someone before and it's... I don't know, addictive? I want it, Aaron. I want to feel you all the time, that little presence in my chest that just tells me that you're safe and well or if I need to be worried about you. And I want you to know, to understand and to feel just how much I love you. Will always love you."

"Always has a different meaning for you."

"Whatever happens after... I will still love you. As long as I'm breathing I will love you—"

"And if there's anything after this will you love me then too?" Aaron quipped. He laughed into Robert's skin, feeling the arm around him tighten to keep him close as a kiss was pressed into his hair.

"So long as I'm me, whatever counts as that, then I will love you."

"Whatever counts?"

"I don't know, do I? My soul—"

"Pretty certain you don't have one of those," Aaron couldn't help but joke.

"Oh charming. And there I was, considering extending your life."

"What? And get my telegram from the Queen? No chance."

"Wonder if she sends them out for the two hundredth birthdays?"

"You think Divinus request them?"

"Don't see why not."

"You'll have to find out. Let me know when we catch up in the... whatever."

"Whatever?"

"Well I'm not likely to know either," Aaron pointed out. "Probably isn't anything."

"The idea has to come from somewhere. All ideas do, don't they? Afterlife, reincarnation, soul mates—"

"Oh, so now we're soul mates?"

"Would it be such a bad thing if we were?" Robert asked. "Quite like the idea of spending a hundred lifetimes with you."

"So long as you don't always have this ego then I guess I could come around to the idea."

Robert laughed in lieu of a comeback, and held him close enough to keep him here for this lifetime at least.

The rain pattered on. 

"I should probably get some food into this house," Aaron said. "The guy running that little shop is nice but he doesn't have what I'd call a wide selection of items."

"Listen to you, all domesticated. You'll make a brilliant wife."

"Well someone has to keep us fed while you're busy chanting or burning incense or whatever fancy New Age stuff you're getting up to."

"You won't be saying that next time you're an idiot at the scrap yard."

"So long as it cures your man flu, I'm happy."

"It was not man flu! I was really sick."

"Sure you were, because you don't heal and fight off infections," Aaron mumbled into Robert's skin. That little voice in head reminded him that he was being soft again, taking in the musk of barely-awake-Robert as they talked and teased and slowly woke up together. Aaron responded by telling that voice exactly what it could do, in fairly graphic terms. He was enjoying this. "So sick yet you were able to criticise my cooking."

"It was _burned_ , Aaron. There aren't supposed to be black bits in scrambled eggs."

"Everyone's a critic."

"Right, well, how about we make a deal. You leave the cooking to me, and I... well... I'll do something for you."

"Yeah, 'cause this is sounding thought out." Aaron stretched the sleep from his legs, his toes brushing against Robert's feet as he did so.

"I'll never complain about your cold feet again," Robert decided on. "In fact, I'll ever warm them up for you."

"Deal," Aaron said.

The rain picked up outside, the unmistakable sound of water hitting puddles instead of tarmac reaching the warmth of their bedroom.

"We should get up," Aaron said. "Ciarán will be expecting you."

"Would you... I mean only if it's possible, but... would you come with me one day? I want you to know what's going on."

"Not sure what I could do." More rain pattering against glass and concrete and water. The boiler whirred into action, trying to heat up the house. "But if you want me there, I'll come."

Robert kissed Aaron's head again, then actually whined as Aaron started to pull away from him. Aaron felt Robert's eyes on him as he threw back the covers and pulled on a pair of boxers before throwing a grin over his shoulder.

"We have too much to be getting on with, Sugden," he warned. "Do I need to lock the bathroom door?"

"Probably a good idea," Robert grinned, "I don't know if I can control myself."

**

As Aaron knocked on the door it swung open under his touch. "Hello?" he called out.

"Come in, Aaron," Niamh called. "We're in the kitchen."

He followed the sound of excited chatter through to the kitchen, where Patrick was busy playing with his lunch instead of eating it.

"Da, this is Aaron, Aaron, this is my da, Kevin," Niamh said, looking at the computer screen. A middle-aged man waved through the Skype window. "Sit down. Will you have some tea?"

It took Aaron a second to realise that he was the one that Niamh was talking to and he nodded, sitting on the chair next to Patrick. Instinctively he moved the metal fork out of the child's reach, handing him a carrot stick instead.

"You're good with him," Niamh's father said.

"Big family," Aaron said.

"How do they feel about you marrying a Divinus?"

"Da!" Niamh protested.

"No, it's OK," Aaron said, letting Patrick grab his hand. "I came here because I wanted to know about this stuff. And they don't know, my family I mean. We talked about it, me and Rob, but... I love them but there is no way they'd get this, or keep it to themselves."

"It's hard," Kevin said. "Especially when it's your mother-in-law who's going to be around for the rest of your life," he laughed. "But you and your Robert. You're good?"

"Yeah?" Aaron asked, confused as to the apparent change in direction.

"He's asking if you and Robert are sure about keeping it secret," Niamh explained, trying to get at her son's face to wipe it clean.

"You don't know my family," Aaron said. "We fall out at a moment's notice, and I don't think there's a month that goes by without someone being shut out from the family because of something they've done. I don't want Robert being a pawn in the in-fighting, and I certainly don't want him being used by them."

"Sounds like every other family to me," Kevin said. At that moment Patrick squealed in protest as his mother wiped his face. He batted at her with his hands and turned sharply to the left. "See? Paddy's not even a year old and he's already rejecting his family. It happens."

"When were you told? About Divinus?" Aaron asked.

"Maggie only told me about her mammy when we got engaged."

"Robert told me then too. Makes sense I guess, you start thinking about a forever then."

"Did he give you the chance to walk away too?" Kevin asked. When Aaron nodded he continued. "Even though Maggie isn't she knows what it's like to be a part of that world, of that kind of family, and it's not easy Aaron. But I'm glad she told me. Niamh may not be Divinus but our son-in-law is. It gives you a better understanding of the people in your lives to know this about them."

"So you think we should tell them?"

"I didn't say that," Kevin continued. "My parents didn't know but my sister does. It's like any secret; you get to choose who you let in. Only you and Robert can make that decision."

"How do you cope? Knowing that you're going to be leaving them on their own?" Aaron asked in a rush. There was a moment's silence, even marked by Patrick, who was happy with the bottle that had been handed to him. When Aaron looked to his side he saw two big blue eyes staring at him under a shock of blond hair and for a moment he thought _what if_...

"They're not on their own." Niamh was the one to reply. "I know that one day I'll be gone and Daniel will left behind. But he'll have Patrick for a while and the other kids he's threatening to give me for a while. And, God willing, their grandkids too. Gramps lost his wife before any of us were even a thought, even before Granny was born, but he's far from alone. You saw how many people were at the party."

"Niamh told me what you said about Robert's... wish," Kevin said.

Patrick reached out to Aaron, offering him the cup which he took in grateful appreciation of the distraction. "I don't want him to die," Aaron said, twisting the lid a little to check it was on firmly.

"I daresay he doesn't want you to die," Kevin said, "but it comes to us all in the end. Well, certainly for us mere mortals. And what Divinus choose to do with their lives is their choice."

"You'd probably be surprised at how many choose the same," Niamh said. "When they love, when they bond—"

"I don't know if I want that, the bond I mean," Aaron interrupted. "I love him, I do, but..."

"It's a lot," Niamh admitted, "and it took me a long time to decide to do it."

"Your second anniversary, wasn't it?" Kevin asked his daughter. "You were about four months pregnant."

"That late on?" Aaron asked, clearly surprised.

"There's no time constraint, Aaron," Niamh smiled. "If you and Robert want to go through the bonding ceremony then you can do it whenever you want."

"How do you... bond?"

"When a Divinus connects with a mortal there's a part of them in you. That's what you've felt, all those times Robert's healed you," she explained. "To bond he needs a piece of you. Somehow it acts as a conduit between you both."

"Somehow?"

From the computer screen Kevin laughed, and from beside Aaron Patrick did too in response to his grandfather.

"So much about them has been lost," Kevin explained, "and with the Divinus culture of secrecy it's hard to find a way to fill in the gaps. There are things about them that we simply can't explain. And that includes why some people are in the first place."

"Can I ask..." Aaron trailed off, looking at Patrick who was looking at him. The boy grinned and held out his chubby arms. Without thinking Aaron smiled, reached over and lifted him out of his chair, standing him up on his thighs. Patrick grinned, reaching out for Aaron's face and pulling at his nose, his bottom lip, anything he could get a hold of. Aaron smiled, pretended to eat Patrick's fingers, and laughed when Patrick squealed in delight.

"Because it was worth it even if he wasn't Divinus," Niamh said, in response to the question that Aaron no longer had to ask. "Even if none of our babies are Divinus we won't regret having a single one."

"Daniel will have to bury his own son," Aaron said quietly. "My best friend... his sister died recently and watching his mum try to deal with that..."

"It's hard, yeah. But does your friend's mum regret having her daughter? Does she wish she'd never been born? Does the pain of losing your child somehow take away from all the joy that they bring?"

Aaron shook his head, keeping his eyes on Patrick's blue ones, pulling the same silly faces he'd do to Leo when no one was around to see.

 _Maybe_ that little voice said. _One day_.

**

After a week of feeling isolated in their little village hideaway, Robert and Aaron headed into town to find a change of pace. After discovering that rural Ireland seemed to have one pace they found a bar, ordered their pints, and sat down to rethink their plans. In the end Aaron ended up asking a group of assumed locals where was good for a night out, trying not to groan when one of them joked "Dublin". When he returned to their table Robert was on the phone and Aaron was halfway through forming a joke about it when he noticed Robert was pale, almost frozen solid. Aaron took his seat across from Robert and immediately Robert reached out to him, grasping his hand and holding it tightly.

He ended the call with a whisper and put the phone down.

"Elizabeth died."

**

They had to park the car down the road from the house, all the grass verges were already taken by cars and pickups and even a quad bike. As soon as they were out of the car and picking their way along the side of the dark country road Aaron's hand sought out Robert's, lacing their fingers together.

They both knew that this was their future: a dead spouse and a grieving Divinus. Aaron pulled Robert in as close as possible, keeping as much physical contact with him as possible.

_I'm still here. We're still here._

The driveway was lit with flame lamps, the fire licking into the night sky. As they walked between them Robert identified another smell in the smoke, something that seemed deeply calming, half recognised from his sessions with Ciarán.

There were a group of people standing outside the house, some smoking, some drinking, all talking in muted tones. When they saw Aaron and Robert they smiled weakly in greeting. Someone they half-recognised from Ciarán's party gestured towards the back of the house and they followed him around. Aidan was there, surrounded by his children and grandchildren.

"I'm so sorry," Robert said.

"She would be so glad that ye came," Aidan said, accepting the hug. "I'm glad ye came."

"Is there anything we can do?" Aaron asked.

"Yeah. Grab a drink and enjoy tonight." When he saw the look of confusion on their faces he smiled. "This is a celebration. There will be time for sadness at the funeral, day after tomorrow."

"You'll be there?" someone to the left of Aidan asked. "It's what Mammy wanted."

"Robert, this is Connor, their eldest," Aaron introduced.

The man looked as old as Zak but standing next to his father the contrast seemed unnerving somehow. It was only when Aaron nudged him did Robert realise that Connor was holding out his hand in greeting.

"Sorry, yes, of course. We'll be there. If we're not going to be intruding—"

"Not a chance," Aidan said. "We aren't just a Community in name, Robert. Ciarán asked ye to come here because he believed that our Community could offer ye all the things ye said ye were looking for. And if ye want us to, we will continue to provide that."

"What Dad means," Connor said, "is that you're part of this Community. If you wanted to be." He turned to Aaron. "That includes you."

"Thank you," Robert said for them both.

"Enough talking, ye need drinks," Aidan said. "Connor, be a lad and show them where they can find everything. If ye stand on ceremony tonight, gentlemen, ye will go hungry and thirsty. If ye can't find what ye want then ask anyone."

Connor led them into the house by the back door, through the laundry room and into the kitchen. The sink was filled with ice and stacked with cans, the fridge was filled with wine and soft drinks, the kitchen table laden with food and snacks.

"It's the Divinus version of an Irish wake," Connor explained. "There's a ceremony later, one I know Mammy wanted you to see. It's cold out, you'll feel better with a few drinks in you."

"Sounds like a plan," Aaron said, heading for the sink.

"So this ceremony...?"

"It's tradition when a Divinus loses a mortal spouse."

"So one day I will have to do this for Aaron?"

"It's your choice," Connor said, "but there's a comfort in it."

"Miss anything?" Aaron asked as he handed Robert a can.

"Nothing important," Robert smiled.

"Well. If you'll excuse me I need to circulate. Dad was right, don't stand on ceremony and ask anyone if you need anything. The woman over there," Connor said, pointing to a woman on the other side of the kitchen, glass of wine in hand, "is my sister Shannon."

When he was gone they stood for a moment, in the middle of an unfamiliar kitchen, wondering what they were going to do next. Then someone came over and started up a conversation, talking to them about Robert's training, their lives back home, plans for the wedding, and time passed until it was time.

**

A little before midnight everyone filed out of the house and a steady stream of people: old, young, and the eternally young. They climbed over the boundary fence into the field where a pyre had already been built and for half a second Robert and Aaron thought they were about to witness an actual funeral. But they allowed themselves to be guided into the circle, only realising they were going in opposite directions when they came to a stop. Aaron looked around, finding Robert not quite opposite him but on the other side of the pyre.

"Don't worry," said someone next to him. "It'll all become clear."

A drum started to beat as Aaron watched Aidan, flanked by Connor, Shannon and another woman, walk into the centre of the circle. They were followed by four young adults, one of whom held a young child.

"Tá muid anseo chun ómós a Elizabeth," a voice announced. "We come to honour Elizabeth. Her life, her blood, her legacy."

"She was my wife, my heart, my bond," Aidan announced. "I will love her for the rest of my days, just as much as I loved her for all of hers. _Amháin croí, anam amháin, banna amháin eatarthu."_

"What is this?" Aaron asked.

"Divinus don't share the same beliefs as us mortals," the woman next to him whispered. "When we die, well, many people believe in some kind of afterlife."

"The Divinus don't?"

"Not the same one at any rate," the woman said. "When a Divinus loves a mortal a bond is created, regardless of whether they choose to formalise that bond. And they believe that a mortal can't move on to whatever awaits them until they are released from their bond with their Divinus partner."

"And how do they do that?" Aaron asked.

"Watch."

Aaron did so, watching as a box was passed from person to person, along the line until it reached Aidan.

"When I saw her wearing this I thought meself the luckiest man in any world. I would never find a woman like her, no matter how long I lived." Aidan took the lid from the box, dropping it on the floor. "Only time she looked more beautiful was when she was carrying our three babes."

At this Ciarán stepped into the circle, a flaming torch in his hand. "Elizabeth, you loved one of us and you loved him well. You swore on your wedding day to love him with every breath, and you did – until your last. May your soul find peace now." He touched the torch to the pyre, holding it in one place and then another and then another, lighting the kindling at its base. " _Amháin croí, anam amháin, banna amháin eatarthu._ "

"It means one heart, one soul, and the bond that is created between them," the woman next to Aaron whispered. "The heart of a Divinus binds to the soul of a mortal. It's Aidan's heart that is stopping Elizabeth's soul from moving on to whatever awaits her. At least that's what they believe." 

Aidan took the torch from Ciarán, staking it into the ground next to him. "Ye all know what she was to me, the life we had. When I fell in love with her I gave her the chance to have a normal life and she told me... she told me that marrying me, having children with me, that was as normal as life gets. And ye were right, Lizzie. As always."

Aidan's children and grandchildren and great-grandchild moved to surround him but Aaron's attention was distracted by someone offering him a glass of wine. He looked to his left and right, seeing that everyone was being handed one, and so took it.

"More of a beer man myself," he said, looking at the mouthful of red wine at the bottom of the glass.

"It's part of the ceremony," the woman said, "when it's time we drink. But Elizabeth told me to warn you that it's not just wine." When Aaron looked at her in confusion she smiled. "I'm Teresa, Connor's wife. She asked me to keep an eye on you, my brother-in-law John is doing the same for Robert." She gestured across the circle to where a man was clearly explaining the wine to Robert. "The wine will temporarily bond us, add our emotions to the family's. It'll last no longer than an hour or two, I promise, and there's no side effects."

"And if I don't want to?" Aaron asked.

"Then pour it out and everyone will understand. No one is going to force you to take part in this—"

"This is what she meant, isn't it? When she said I should be here?"

"Being a part of a Community is about sharing all the things that bind us. Bonding with your partner, that's one thing, and that's a matter of choice. My daughter, Rachel, she's Divinus. But she and her husband haven't bonded. They chose not to, not because they don't love each other but because it's not for them. They like that distinction, keeping themselves to themselves in a way.

"But for ceremonies like this? They share in the experience along with the rest of us."

"What will happen? When I drink this?"

"Elizabeth said that you and Robert accidentally bonded once? Well, I guess it'll be like that just on a bigger scale."

"With everyone?"

"Think of it this way," Teresa said. "When you go to a party you can spend a few Euros and bring a couple of drinks for yourself. But if you and your friends pool your Euros you can buy more. Right now, Aidan and that family are using their emotions to say goodbye to Elizabeth and if we pool our emotions with theirs? Well, we give her one hell of a send-off."

"Why aren't you up there with them?"

"Because her blood isn't in me," Teresa said. "What the Divinus can do, it's all in the blood and it's all about the blood."

Aaron looked down at the red wine in his glass, suddenly worried.

"Oh don't believe all the rumours," Teresa laughed. "It's no more blood than you'd find in any church on a Sunday. It's symbolism, with a little Divinus herb magic."

Aaron raised an eyebrow. "Magic?"

"Secrets sworn to Community leaders, magic to the rest of us. Well, you don't get to live for a few centuries without figuring out a few things. They have ways with plants and herbs that could do things none of us can imagine. And even when you do get to try it? It's nothing like you imagined."

"Have you done this before? The ceremony?" Aaron asked.

Teresa nodded. "My grandmother was Divinus, my grandfather wasn't. I was where Connor is now and believe me, when you feel the bond with those who have come to celebrate with you? It helps."

Aaron looked across the circle and saw Robert looking at him. He read the question in Robert's face and shrugged, holding his glass up in a toast and nodded once. Robert mirrored him and then smiled.

The pyre in the middle of the circle was fully ablaze now, and Teresa nudged Aaron to get his attention back to the family.

"Safe travels, Elizabeth," Aidan was saying as loud as he could. He passed the box to Connor who held it as from inside a beautiful wedding dress was taken out. "I send my love to ye with this, and whatever comes hereafter, wherever ye be and wherever I go, I will always be sending ye my love. For forever."

The dress was thrown onto the fire and immediately the flames licked at the layers of silk and lace.

"My friends, our family," Ciarán said, "we share our love and our grief with Aidan and those of Elizabeth's blood."

"Now," Teresa whispered as she drained her cup.

"Bottom's up," Aaron said, following suit.

**

When Aaron was young and stupid and involved in drugs he'd heard about what it was like. All colours and shapes and feeling like you were floating. Maybe, he half-thought, they should have been selling this because it was _so much more_.

When he'd bonded with Robert that day in the scrap yard it had felt like Robert's heart was right next to his, beating along with it. He'd felt the waves of emotion that Robert felt, sensed the shifts in his mood before his expressive face caught up.

But this? This was like having a hundred hearts beating in his chest. Instead of the fluctuating emotions he'd felt with Robert this was more focused, more intense. The _grief_ and the _sympathy_ and the _love_ was nothing like he'd ever imagined. It was exhilarating and overwhelming and for a moment he felt like his body was going to give out, like he couldn't contain it within him.

The wedding dress was little more than scraps of fabric beginning to dance on the smoke and the wind but Aaron felt as if he were chasing them somehow, like he were the one being thrown into the air.

A drum had started to beat, followed by the sounds of strings and the melody of a flute? No, one of those whistle things. The music became a melody and voices harmonising in a language that Aaron didn't understand but that he felt.

Teresa left his side to join her husband and her children, pulling them into long hugs before Connor pulled her away, his hands on her waist as they began a crude dance. The tempo of the melody picked up and soon it felt...

 _Happy_.

Elizabeth had told him that this would be a celebration and, as Aaron took a deep breath to try and ground himself, he realised that she wasn't wrong. There were whoops and cheers, and even Aidan was finding himself a dance partner among the many willing friends who would ensure that he would never dance alone.

"No," Aaron said as he felt that familiar heart close to his. "I don't dance."

"Be rude not to," Robert laughed, his hands on Aaron's waist as he nuzzled in against the back of his neck. "All these people, all these emotions, and you stand out like a beacon."

"I should hope so too," Aaron smiled, turning in Robert's arms.

"I love you," Robert said, leaning in for a kiss but stopping when Aaron laughed. "What?"

"I feel... everything, but you more than anything and you feel the need to tell me?"

"I can't help it," Robert grinned, "must be the wine. Like I can't keep it in."

Aaron smiled, shaking his head as Robert leaned in again for the kiss. He'd expected something simple but Robert soon deepened it, tongue pressing against his lips and then—nothing.

"What?" Robert asked.

"Nothing."

"You can't lie to me, not now," Robert said. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"It's just... public displays aren't really my thing."

"Then we should go."

"No, we can't. Elizabeth wanted us here." Aaron pulled back a little, sliding his hands down Robert's arms until he took his hands. "So stay with me."

"Always," Robert said as Aaron dropped a hand but pulled on the other to lead him away from the fire and the dancing.

They sat on the low boundary wall, watching and feeling for as long as the wine and the bond allowed them to. Slightly away from the masses Aaron relaxed a little more, allowing Robert to put his arm around him, nuzzle in again, pepper kisses down his neck and whisper in his ear all the things that he was going to do when they finally got home to a bed.

Someone a little too close to them choked on his drink at that point, reminding them that the bond wasn't just one way.

"Come on," Aaron said, "let's get back."

**

Robert's hand was down the front of Aaron's jeans while he mouthed at his neck. Aaron's body refused to give anymore, the wall pressed firm against his back and Robert's body hard up against him, save for the gap where Robert's hand was working its magic.

"Rob—" Aaron managed to gasp, pushing a hand between their chests.

Robert pulled back, a grin on his face. He started to drop, apparently ready to provide a repeat performance of last week, but when he saw the look on Aaron's face he stopped.

"Aaron?"

"I want you," Aaron said.

Robert's mouth quirked up at one side. "I thought I was making it pretty clear that you had me."

"No, I mean... Tonight, feeling that... feeling everyone... I want you. I want that, I want the bond."

Robert took a step back, putting distance between them. He wrapped his arms around his waist, clasping his elbows. "You don't have to—"

"I want to. I want this, I want us. I want... Everything."

"Everything doesn't have to include this," Robert said.

"No, Robert... It's hard to explain."

"Try," Robert said. "I'm not putting you through this, I'm not doing that to you unless you explain to me exactly why you want this."

"Why are you suddenly against it?"

"Because tonight I found out what it will mean for you and I am not going to do that to you. Not unless I'm sure."

"So my feelings don't come into this?"

"Your feelings are all that matter in this," Robert countered. "If we bond, if we do this, then your thoughts and your feelings won't just be your own anymore. Everything I think and feel will be in there too. The longer we go the more entwined we're going to become—"

"And why wouldn't I want that?"

"Because you don't give anything away, Aaron. I have fought for every piece of you and I don't regret it, not for a second. I would do it all again and I will keep fighting for every piece that I'm going to get because I know that you want me to have it."

"That's the point, Robert. You have to fight because I don't know _how_ to share. This..." Aaron said, gesturing between them, "this is new to me. I have no idea what to do with all this love and all these feelings and it scares me because we should not be like this. What happens when I can't tell you, can't show you how I feel? What if you don't know—"

"Hey, hey, hey," Robert said, moving in closer. He pressed his forehead against Aaron's, his breath soft and warm over Aaron's lips. "I know, OK? I know. No doubts or hesitations or reservations. I know you, Aaron, without the bond. I know how you feel and trust me, there won't be a day where I don't know.

"I love you," Robert said, his voice soft and warm like his breath. "I love you with every part of me. And that love is going to be around forever, for as long as I am. Nothing is going to change that, nothing is getting in the way of that. It's forever, Aaron. Like we are."

"I know that, I've felt that."

"And you want me to feel that? Aaron, I don't need a bond to know how you feel. You show me, I feel it. Every time we're together, every time you smile at me or make me laugh or say the right thing. There's other ways to show someone you love them."

"There's more to it," Aaron said. "I know you."

Robert sighed, pulling back enough to look at Aaron. "And I know you. I know that giving up control, giving up anything is something you spend a long time thinking about, considering. You never let me see you without a top on, not for months. You didn't talk about Jackson, Ed, any of it beyond short sentences for ages. You keep things so close to your chest — and that is your choice, it will always be your choice, and I want it to always be your choice."

"So why can't I choose to have this? To share this with you, share _everything_ with you?"

"Aaron—"

"No, Robert. You saw my scars that first time, I know you did. But you never pushed it, you waited for me and even then you saw past them. Jackson, what happened to me, all of it. I told you because I was ready to tell you, I wanted to tell you, and you never once questioned me on it."

"We can't undo the bond—"

"I couldn't untell you anything," Aaron countered. "Robert, listen to me. Really listen to me. Please?" Aaron held out his hand to Robert, and when he took it Aaron pulled him in close. "That day at the scrap yard, feeling you here?" he said, putting their joined hands over his heart. "It was everything. No, no doubts, no hesitation. Did they tell you how it makes someone feel? When you bond with them?

"I was this close to dying and then you pretty much passed out on me but I was the calmest I'd ever felt. You know what my head's like, Rob, and it was _calm_. I felt you, I felt us, and it was everything all the rumours about bonding said it would be. I want it, Robert. The only thing I'm more sure of is you, and I think this counts as pretty much the same thing."

"You're sure?" Robert whispered. "Aaron..."

"I'm so sure. I love you, Robert. I don't say it enough, I don't know how to show you the way I want to. But this? This means I can. This means that for our entire lives together you will know, you will _know_. Come on, Robert. I'm marrying a Divinus. I gotta get some of the perks."

"This is not a perk. There will be no secrets between us."

"Good. Then you can't screw up."

"And you can't hide anything. Even when you want to, when you need to. Aaron... Your privacy is so important to you, to me, and I were to start invading that—"

"I'm kinda inviting you in," Aaron pointed out. "And isn't that a good thing? Me not being able to keep anything from you?"

Robert laughed softly, leaning in and kissing him softly. "I love you."

"I love you too." Aaron was the one to step back, taking Robert's hands in his. "Come on."

**

Aaron pushed Robert onto the bed, climbing over him and pressing down on him. Robert's knees bent, bracketing Aaron's hips for a second before he hooked one leg over Aaron's hips, pulling him down. Aaron was in no rush however, kissing Robert deeply and lazily. They had all night.

It was so rare that they could do this, take time like this. With a pub full of people and Aaron's sister in the next room they were always aware of being overheard. Here they had a house to themselves and a village full of people they would probably not see again so what did it matter?

Robert's hands were under his top, fingers pressing dents into his skin. Sometimes Aaron wished that he bore those marks on his skin, not that he would ever admit that. Better marks. Happier marks.

The thought flittered across his mind that if they went ahead with the bonding Robert would probably know that by now, or at least have sensed that there was more to the nip he made on the curve of Robert's neck.

Those hands pulled at Aaron's top, pulling it over his head and dropping it over the side of the bed. Robert's hands skimmed over Aaron's chest, his fingers ghosting over the faint lines that were still scattered over the pale skin before moving down to the dip at his waist and holding him there while Aaron rolled down on him.

If this is what life would be like, just the two of them? Aaron was more than happy to get started.

**

"You know, I expected them to fight me on this," Aaron said, shoving his hands into his pockets. He was standing in the middle of the metal workshop, looking around as if somehow the answer to why Ciarán had referred them here was on a workbench. "Try to talk me out of it."

"Why?"

"You did."

"That was different," Robert said.

"Maybe," Aaron mused.

"If you're having second thoughts—"

"Second, third, fourth," Aaron admitted. "But I've not changed my mind." Aaron fixed Robert with a stare, daring him to revisit the argument they'd been having for days.

"Gentlemen," someone said as he walked in, "sorry to keep you waiting."

"It's fine," Robert said.

"I'm Ben, and you've probably gathered I'm the metal smith for these parts. Most folks come to me for railings and the like, but I've got a nice side line in jewellery."

"Rings," Aaron realised.

"Easiest way to secure a bond between a couple," Ben said. "Your wedding rings will be a symbol of your relationship so what better way to create a link between you two?"

"How does it work?" Robert asked.

"Put simply, when you heal Aaron your cell energy is in his body, and you recognise that part in him, it becomes a transmitter for your feelings. What I can do is work with that, give you a permanent link to him."

"What about me?" Aaron said.

"You're a little trickier, but not impossible." Ben picked up a leather pouch and brought it over to them. "Think of it this way. He's got the signal, all we're going to do is piggyback on that."

Ben unrolled the pouch, pulling out two small blades, two small metal plates bent in a V shape, and two small vials.

"Hope you're not the kind who's afraid of a little blood," he said, turning the blade so he could hold out the handle towards Robert. "What? Everything you can do is down to what's in your blood."

"Fine," Robert said, taking the blade.

Ben moved over with one of the V plates and propped it against the opening of the vial.

"How much do you need?" Robert asked.

"Just a bit," Ben said. "You'll be fixed by the time Aaron's done, don't know what you're worried about."

Robert's gaze flicked over to Aaron who was staring at the blade in Robert's hand. He didn't need the bond to know how he was feeling. "Can we get a moment? Do this ourselves?"

"Sure, whatever you want," Ben said. "Give a shout when you're done."

"Thanks," Aaron said softly when they were alone.

"Do the honours?" Robert said, holding out the vial and V plate. When Aaron held the two of them together Robert took a deep breath before drawing the blade over his palm. The blood welled and pooled in his palm, then Robert tipped it, letting it run down the plate into the vial. Once enough was collected Robert closed his hand as Aaron put the plate down and put the stopper into the vial.

"One down," Aaron sighed, picking up the second vial and plate.

"It's OK," Robert said softly. "I get it."

"How can you?" Aaron asked. "This is... I spent so long trying to fight this and here I am, about to do it again."

"This is different. You're not hurting, you're not suffering. And this isn't about pain or trying to cope. This is about us, about our future. And hey," Robert added with a smile, "you've got me." He unfurled his hand, any sign of the cut already gone. "It'll be gone before you know it. But we don't have to do this. There has to be another way, something else we can do. If you don't want to do this, if you can't do this, then that's OK."

"No, it's fine. I can."

"Aaron—"

"I can do this, just... be ready?"

"I'll be quick, I promise."

"You know what you're doing, yeah?"

"Yeah, I know," Robert smiled. "Once you're done just give me your hand."

Aaron nodded. "You ready?"

"On three?" Robert quipped.

"No," Aaron said, drawing the blade across his hand before he could talk himself out of it. The blood pooled in his hand and Robert had to be quick to catch it. "Rob..."

"I got you," Robert said, immediately interlinking their fingers and pressing their palms together. He held onto the vial carefully, ensuring that none of it was spilled because he was not putting Aaron through this again.

"After the trial, I swore to myself... I promised myself... never again," Aaron said, his voice hitching as he dropped the blade, it clattering on the floor by their feet. "I didn't want—"

"It's not the same, it's OK," Robert said. He felt the pulse of warmth against their hands and he smiled. "It's OK."

When they separated Robert didn't miss the way Aaron ran his thumb over where the blade had cut into him, rubbing away the last traces of blood. "You know what I thought, first time I saw your scars?"

"I can imagine."

"Can you?" Robert challenged, putting the stopper in the vial and putting it away from his own. "What? Pity? Curiosity? Concern?"

"All of the above?"

"Try none," Robert said, stopping Aaron in his tracks. "It was pretty easy to get Vic talking about you, she told me about Jackson and helping him to die, and how hard that was for you. And what you did to cope. And finding out all that... You were different, Aaron, right from the beginning you were different. It was supposed to be one night, one time, but I couldn't get away from you. I didn't want to. I wanted to know you and be with you and having an affair was a way of doing that.

"Do you remember what I told you in the barn, that New Year's before my wedding?"

Aaron scoffed. "You said you weren't going to cheat on her when you were married."

"That turned out well, didn't it?" Robert grinned. "But I couldn't let you go."

"What does this have to do with..." Aaron gestured towards his stomach and chest.

"Because when Vic told me, I cared. I really cared and I hated that you'd felt like that. Knowing what you'd been through and seeing how strong you were—"

"I wasn't strong," Aaron scoffed.

"I told you before, you're the strongest person I know. Aaron, you stayed and faced everything and fought back. You have always fought back and it's one of the things I love most about you. I love it because I don't do that, I didn't do that. I turn and run like I've always done but you? You make me want to be more. And I am. Andy said you make me a better man—"

"He was never the bright one," Aaron quipped, only half serious. "It's just... I don't want to be that person again."

"And you won't be. I won't let you be."

"How are you going to stop it?"

"Why did you cut yourself? Jackson, Katie... _him_...?"

"You know why," Aaron challenged. "I was hurting, I blamed myself—"

"And you had to keep it all in?"

"Yes!"

"The point of all this," Robert said, picking up his vial, "is that you won't ever be alone again. It won't ever be like that again. You've felt it before, you know how much I love you. And you know what that means, what it's always going to be like. I will never not love you, no matter how long I'm around for."

"You can't fix what's up here, Robert," Aaron said, tapping his head. "Jackson, Katie... all of it. I wish you could because I hate fighting these thoughts. I hate it that they're there whenever I have a bad day."

"And when you do have a bad day? What do you do?" Robert asked.

"I..." Aaron stopped himself, giving a soft bark of a laugh and shaking his head a little. "You."

"What?"

"I go and find you. You make it better, Robert, you help make _me_ better."

"And you have me," Robert said, putting the vial down and walking over to Aaron. "You have me and everything I am. Whatever you need from me." He took a deep breath. "Is this why you want the bond?"

"...Partly. That time at the yard, having you in here?" he said, putting a hand over his heart. He took a deep breath. "Robert... You say I make you a better person? Well you do the same for me."

"So we're good for each other?"

"Tell that to my mum," Aaron quipped.

"I'll tell the whole world when we get married," Robert said. He kissed Aaron, holding their lips together a little longer than was necessary. "I love you."

"I know."

Robert laughed softly, kissing Aaron again. "It won't ever stop. I know you don't always think that you're worth it, but you are. You are worth... everything, Aaron. And even after everything... after Katie... I won't ever make you feel like that again, I promise. I'm just going to love you. For my forever."

"Forever," Aaron repeated.

"Don't—"

"I just... Aidan buried his wife a couple of days ago and I sat in that church, looking around, and realised that he's going to bury his children, all but one of his grandkids... I can't imagine what that's going to be like, to be on your own, and I don't want that for you."

"You know, if I were mortal that doesn't mean I wouldn't survive you and Liv."

"If you were mortal you'd have been killed long ago," Aaron said, pressing a hand to Robert's chest above where there was a scar, a reminder of what he'd been through. Robert kept it for the same reason that Aaron didn't ask him to do something about his own. "You've annoyed too many people." 

"Really feeling that love," Robert quipped.

"And all this talk about... after."

"Aaron—"

"You know, we never talked about a family."

"Aaron—"

"All done?" Ben interrupted as he came back in. "Sorry, lads, only that blood won't stay good for long."

"Yeah," Aaron said, "all done."

"Right. Well. Let's talk designs." 

**

Aaron stood in the open doorway, looking out of the back door as it rained the usual Irish morning rain. "I think I'm actually going to miss this place."

Robert poured the last of his milk into his tea and came to stand next to him. "We can always come back. You heard Ciarán last night; this is our Community now."

"I guess."

"You OK?"

"Last night—"

"Aaron, it's OK."

"No, it's not. Those rings are supposed to bond us and last night you felt nothing—"

"That's not true," Robert cut across. "OK, so I didn't feel... you, but I always feel something when I'm with you, Aaron. I don't need to bond with you to know that, there are other ways you show me."

"I just wanted it to work," he said, nodding at the ring box on the counter. "Maybe they're defective."

"Or maybe last night wasn't enough."

"You heard Ben. The bond is created by a strong emotional connection. I would have thought last night was strong enough," he said.

"Maybe. Or maybe we need to wait."

"We should get going if you're to catch up with Ciarán before we head back to Dublin."

"Aaron—"

"I've got to finish packing." With that he turned and headed back into the house. Robert waited in the doorway, mug of tea in his right hand while the thumb of his left rubbed against the engagement ring that was back in place.

It had seemed like a good idea when they'd picked up the rings yesterday morning. Something about putting a _wedding_ ring onto Aaron's finger had been more than enough proof that this time really was it for him, even the decision to do that was spur of the moment between the foreplay and the actual sex. Divinus love or not, Aaron was his forever.

And that forever was the last thing he needed to speak to Ciarán about.

**

"I don't want to survive Aaron," Robert said as soon as Ciarán closed the study door behind him.

"So I hear," Ciarán replied. "And you've given this a lot of thought?"

"It's all I think about sometimes."

"And you're telling me this because you want my blessing? Or do you want something from me?"

"I can't be the first to feel like this. What do they do? The others? There's got to be another option than... I don't know. Putting a gun in my mouth."

"There are," Ciarán laughed, "and none of them as drastic."

"You're not talking me out of this?"

"Why would I? It's your choice. And it's one I nearly made."

"What?"

"When my wife died I didn't want to carry on. Patrick, our son, was married and they were expecting a baby. I felt like I wasn't needed and I didn't want to be here. I decided to wait and see my grandchild being born and then I was just going to slip away."

"Mary," Robert said softly, remembering the woman he'd met.

"Mary," Ciarán repeated. "Named after my wife. She gave me a reason to stick around, to help her come to terms with what it's like to be a Divinus. And then she married and I buried my son and my daughter-in-law and Mary had her own children, none of whom were Divinus and so I thought now was the time." He crossed the room to a desk and took a key from a drawer. Moving back across the room he used the key to open a small safe embedded in the wall. "But there comes a point when you realise that the reasons for wanting to go aren't there anymore. I didn't want to live without my Mary, but I'd been doing exactly that for almost fifty years.

"So it became easier to stay. I don't regret it, I really don't," he continued, taking a small packet from the safe and closing it back up, "but I understand that for many Divinus they don't want to wait, they can't."

"I can't see my life without him. And it's not as if we're going to have kids for me to stick around for."

"You might," Ciarán said with a smile, "and you might change your mind. But in case you don't." He held out the small packet to Robert. "Hot water, let it brew for a few minutes, drain and drink the lot. It won't show up on anything most people know to look for, and if they do know then they'll know why you did it. It'll be peaceful, quick." Off Robert's surprised look he added, "Some of the rumours are true."

"Aaron wants me to go on. After."

"They always do. Elizabeth wanted Aidan to promise, in the end I think she got him to swear to a year before he decided anything."

"Aaron won't compromise. He says I have forever and I should take it."

"What do you think?"

"I think..." Robert sighed and pushed the small packet down into his jeans pocket. "I think he's my forever."

**

When Robert and Ciarán came out of the house they found Aaron in his element: chasing a setter around the lawn. From his vantage point on a picnic blanket with his mother, Patrick squealed in delight every time Aaron led the chase right by him.

"He'd make a great da," Ciarán said.

"It's not me you need to convince," Robert said. "He'd tell you we have our hands full with Liv."

"Ah, but a little sister is not quite the same thing."

"No," Robert smiled, "it's not."

"Think on it, Robert. Kids have a way of changing how you see the world."

"What kind of a life is it though? Having kids is supposed to bring great joy. How can I do that when I might end up burying them?"

"It's the hardest thing. But you go into it knowing the outcome."

"Does it help?"

"A little. But it'll still be the worst thing you go through."

"Worse than losing your wife?"

"Different kind of worse," Ciarán said. "But there's always going to be hurt in this life, Robert. More so when you're around to see a lot of it. But you get to see so much of the joy too."

"I'd love a forever of this," Robert said, watching Aaron bring the dog closer to the baby, who pulled himself up with his mother's help and reached out for the dog's nose. Aaron held the dog's collar, ensuring that it couldn't suddenly leap forward. It was well behaved, letting Patrick pat his hands onto his nose, ears and anything else within reach. For his trouble the dog licked at his fingers, trying to get at his face.

Patrick squirmed against his mother's arms, pulling away from the dog. He was laughing so much he tripped over his uncoordinated feet, and Aaron immediately let go of the dog and reached for him, pulling him up into his arms and onto his hip in a fluid motion. The dog, excited by the change in his friend's location, started to jump up.

"Down!" Niamh ordered, pulling at the dog's collar while Patrick clung to Aaron's neck.

Robert and Ciarán started towards them, ready to intervene if needed. Instead Aaron's hand was solid, reassuring on Patrick's back. While Patrick was still unsure about the dog he wasn't distressed and he held on to the collar of Aaron's t-shirt, nestling himself in there.

"You really are good at this," Ciarán said. "You'd make a brilliant da, give a kid one hell of a childhood."

Robert recognised that look on Aaron's face and so wasn't surprised when Aaron immediately handed over the child to Patrick. "We should get going. It's a good drive back to Dublin and you know what car rental places are like with late fees."

"Aaron!" Robert called after him as he headed for the car, then sighed. "I'm sorry," he said to Ciarán.

"No, I am. I clearly said something out of turn. Probably something to do with that part of him that's in you, the one you protected?"

"Yeah, and it's... It's complicated."

"I'm sorry if I intruded—"

"He'll be fine. But he's right, we should go." Robert ran a hand over Patrick's hair, smiling at the child. "Thank you, Ciarán. For everything."

"You're welcome, Robert. And remember, this is your Community too. If you ever need us, you or your family, we are here."

"Thank you."

"It was lovely to meet you, Robert," Niamh said. "I hope you and Aaron are really happy together."

"We will be. I mean, I hope that too. I want that."

Niamh laughed and gave him a hug. "Just love him. Let him love you. When it comes to marriages between our kinds that's really all you can do."

"He tries to make it difficult at times, but loving him? It's as easy as breathing."

"Go n’eirí on bóthar libh, ar an turas seo, agus gach turas eile," Ciarán said. "On this journey and all journeys."

**

As the plane accelerated down the runway Aaron reached over and took Robert's hand. He squeezed his hand, a gesture of comfort and of support. He looked over, expecting to see Robert looking back. Instead he was staring out of the window, watching the tarmac and Dublin drop away below them as the plane banked up into the air. The wisps of cloud started to rush past the window before it became a sea of white.

"You OK?" Aaron asked.

"Fine," Robert said, glancing back for a second before looking back at the window.

Still white.

"I was thinking," Aaron said, shuffling a little on his seat so he could lean in closer. "I want to set a date."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Soon as Harriet can do it. Or the registry office if it's a problem for her. It's what? Six weeks' notice?"

"That soon, huh?"

"Why are we waiting?" Aaron asked. "These last two weeks, all they've done is confirm that I want to marry you."

"I want to marry you," Robert said, putting a hand over the two joined on the shared armrest and finally turning away from the white sea beside him. "And one day I'll have to burn your wedding suit."

"Yeah, you will," Aaron breathed. "But before then you'll have to drink out of a welly, so..." He laughed when Robert grinned and ducked his head. "We all have our rituals."

"Not a chance."

"Then you'll never properly be a Dingle."

"That's OK. You're going to be a Sugden."

"Not a chance," Aaron retorted, "not after what I went through to become a Dingle."

"True. And I love who you are."

Aaron opened his mouth, almost saying it, but then the flight attendant pushed the trolley down the aisle and he closed it again.

"It's OK," Robert said. "I know. I've always known."

"I wish you could _know_ ," Aaron said, his fingers running over Robert's engagement ring. "I wish it had worked."

"Maybe it will one day," Robert said.

"Maybe."

"So. How much do we want to bet that Liv has driven your mum insane these last two weeks? I mean, all those texts from Liv have been on a theme: she never lets me do anything, when are you coming home... I reckon she's missed you."

"Missed _us_ ," Aaron corrected. "She sent those messages to both of us, remember?"

"You were the one who wanted that family group chat." 

"And she could have sent them just to me, instead it's both of us."

"I think she's just looking for reinforcements. Anyone will do."

"She really likes you, Rob."

"I really like her," Robert smiled.

"Good. 'cause you're getting another little sister in six weeks and I would hate to have to choose between you if it came down to it."

"I'd win if it did, right?"

"You keep telling yourself that, Mr Dingle," Aaron quipped.

**

"What did you bring me?" Liv asked, already reaching for their bags. "You did get me something, yeah? Can't go away and not bring me back something, that would just be rude."

"Nice to see you too, Liv," Aaron sighed as he pulled himself free of yet another hug from his mother. "And yes, of course we did."

"Here," Robert said, pulling a plastic carrier from his bag. "Compliments of the Emerald Isle."

Liv pulled a face as she pulled the leprechaun toy out of the bag. "Are you kidding me? I could get a hundred of these when I go to see Mum."

"You didn't specify what you wanted bringing back," Aaron said.

"This is his fault, isn't it?" Liv asked, nodding towards Robert. She grinned at him, hugging it close. "I'm going to call him Rob."

"Really?" Robert asked.

"Yeah," she smiled. Then she dropped it onto her foot, kicking it in a perfect arc out of the door.

"Gee. Thanks."

"So? How was the holiday?" Chas asked. "Cold and wet and miserable?"

"Yes, yes and no," Aaron said. "We—" He was cut off by his phone ringing. "Harriet," he said as he answered it.

"Setting a date," Robert explained as Aaron left the room.

"Really? Must have been some holiday if you've got my son excited about wedding planning. I was imagining having to drag him up the aisle."

"It was... an interesting time."

Before Chas could press it further Marlon stuck his head around the door. "I know it's the big homecoming an' all, but I really need a hand."

"Yes, fine, OK," she sighed. "I want to hear all about it later."

"I hope you have an edited version for her," Liv said when they were alone. "I'm not stupid, Robert. You were at a Community, weren't you?"

"...Yeah," he admitted.

"So you're fully trained now? Can heal on demand, that kind of thing?"

"Not quite like that, but yeah. I know what I'm doing."

"Good to know."

"Why, what are you planning?"

"Why would I be planning anything?" Liv asked. "Who the hell plans to get sick or hurt?"

"Liv—"

"Anyway, I've got homework to be getting on with. You've got a wedding to plan. Just... don't think about making me some stupid flower girl." As she headed for the stairs she gave leprechaun Rob a kick.

It was probably just a coincidence, Robert thought. Not a threat. Or a promise.

Probably. 

**

Chas knocked softly on the door before pushing it open. "You ready, love?"

"If I say no will you freak out?"

"Of course not," she said, closing the door behind her. "Cain's said that he's got a getaway car ready if you need it."

"It's not that," Aaron said as she sat down next to him.

"You having doubts?"

"No," Aaron said quickly. "No," he repeated a little slower. "Not about this, not about him."

"Then what?"

"This is..." He let out a long breath. "It's a big deal."

"Marriage generally is, love," she said as she bumped her shoulder against his.

"What if we screw it up?"

"Then you're human. You and Robert, you're gonna fight and you're gonna fall out and you're gonna make up because you love each other. I mean... you do love each other, right? This isn't doubt about that, is it? 'cause if you're not sure if you love him enough or if he loves you enough—"

"Mum, no. No. I know he loves me, completely loves me. What?" he asked when he saw that look on his mum's face. "What?"

"No, it's just... Robert Sugden. Completely in love. Never would have imagined it."

"He's not that person anymore, Mum."

"You know that if he ever cheats on you—"

"He won't," Aaron said. "Trust me, Mum. I... I know."

"I hope you're right, love, I really do. So if it's not about him what is this about?"

"I have no idea how to do this," he admitted. "What do I know about being married? We've got this and the Mill and Liv, I mean she's a handful and basically I'm parenting her, _we're_ parenting her, and I have no clue what I'm doing."

"And you think any of us do?"

"You've seen Robert these last few weeks! Nothing has made him break his stride. He's sorted everything, the registry office, the reception, the food. This suit," he said, pulling at the lapels, "it's all perfect and that's because of him."

"You think he's been Mr Calm all the way through this?" Chas laughed. "Oh love. He's had about twenty breakdowns over the cake alone, and Vic has thrown at least one of them at him over his exacting standards. He's stressed over the cars and the music and something involving planes that I'm not allowed to know about." She looked over at him. "Act surprised, yeah?"

"I... I never knew."

"No, because this is what he does, isn't it? It's not a dig, love, I promise. He's... I guess he's pretty much proven that you're who he wants and so long as he makes you happy?" When Aaron nodded she smiled, lifting a hand to brush through his soft curls. "Then that's all that matters. I know he wants today to be perfect for you both."

"I want that too," Aaron whispered. "He's put so much into this, what if I let him down?"

"Oh, baby... I don't think that's going to be possible." She pressed a kiss to his temple and got up. "Come on. We should get going, I think only brides get to be late."

"I keep waiting for things to go wrong," Aaron blurted out, "everything always does for me. Every time I think that I'm going to get the kind of life that other people have something always kicks me down."

"You know what I think?" Chas said, holding out her hand. "I think that there's a guy in Hotten who is mad about you, and even though you come with the rest of the Dingles he's still willing to marry you."

"Yeah, he's clearly lost his mind," Aaron laughed, taking his mother's hand and standing. "No, he's... he's everything. I love him, Mum."

"Good."

"Am I doing the right thing?"

"Not if you're planning on standing here all day you're not," she laughed, all but pushing him out of the door.

**

Robert didn't need to feel Aaron to see the nerves rolling off him. The way that his hands clenched, trying to retreat within the jacket sleeves that were perfectly tailored to his shirt cuffs was one clue, the biting of his lower lip, the glances around as he, Chas and Liv walked into the building, the way he jumped as Vic put a hand on his arm... Robert's stomach dropped about three feet as every doubt and bad thought he'd ever had rose up again.

_Who'd want to marry a Div?_

_They're freaks of nature, not natural._

_Not as if anyone can have a proper life with them is it?_

_Not ageing, going on without you?_

_Wonder how long it takes for them to forget about us mortals?_

Every comment he'd ever heard about what he was replayed in his mind. This was it. This was the moment when Aaron had finally realised what he was getting into and he couldn't do it. He couldn't tie his life, which had been messed up enough, to someone who was just going to make everything harder.

Then Aaron looked over at him, caught his eye, and he smiled. When he stepped away from his family and moved towards Robert it felt like he was stepping away from all of that doubt and fear, away from every comment that had ever been said about a Divinus marrying a mortal.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Robert blurted out.

Aaron stopped, confused at the abruptness of Robert's greeting. "Aren't you?"

"You know how I feel about you," Robert said, "that hasn't changed, it won't change. But if you—"

"Why would you think that?"

"You looked terrified when you walked in."

"Yeah, well, aren't you supposed to be nervous on your wedding day?"

"Nervous, not about to throw up."

Aaron was about to say something when the rest of their families came over to join them. "Give us a minute," he said, taking Robert's arm and pulling him back towards the toilets and shoving him inside. "What is going on, Robert?"

"I need you to be sure, really sure that this is what you want. That I'm what you want."

"I am sure, Robert, I have always been sure."

"Aaron—"

"Where has this come from? Because the man I kissed goodbye to last night before his sister shoved him out of the door wasn't like this."

"Ciarán called," Robert said, pushing his hands into his trouser pockets because otherwise he'd probably do something stupid. Like grab Aaron's hand and run away, never looking back. "He called to congratulate us, me, and reminded me of what he said when we were in Ireland." When Aaron's brows raised in the unspoken question he continued. "Falling in love with you, that's significant enough. I'm going to love you, like this, for as long as I'm breathing. But marrying you... That's a promise of something more. This isn't about bonding, this is... You know that when I lose you it'll destroy me, right? Well that's now, with this kind of love." He held his hand up at about chest height as if signalling something. "And when we get married, it'll be, well..." He raised his head to about head height. "Bonding is somewhere up there," he added, pointing at the ceiling, "and it'll only get higher. More. So if you have any doubts, if you wanted to wait or just call it off, or—"

"Shut up," Aaron said, grabbing Robert's jacket lapels and pulling him in close. "I'm not good at this, you know I'm not, but I thought you knew... I love you, Robert. I love you so much I don't know what to do with it, like sometimes it's just going to spill over and disappear if I don't do something with it."

"Aaron—"

"No, you need to hear this. I told you that I felt the same as you and I meant it, and I know how you feel about me. I've felt it." He pulled against Robert's jacket again, bringing them so their foreheads touched. "I wish you could feel it too."

"It's OK," Robert breathed.

"Just... You know, right?"

"I know."

"Then how can you doubt that this is what I want? That you're who I want?"

"I was never the guy who got a happy ending."

"Neither was I," Aaron said, "so isn't it about time things changed for us?"

"I don't deserve you."

"Yeah, well... I never thought I'd have you."

"I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"For the way I treated you before. For all the times I made you feel like you weren't the most important person in my life. For all the times I walked away from you."

"You came back though."

"I'm never leaving you again, you know that?"

"I know," Aaron smiled, closing the gap for a quick kiss. "Even without... that, I know."

"So what was with the nerves?"

"I was talking with Mum this morning... I have _no_ idea how to be a husband. What if I get it wrong? I don't want to mess this up."

"Neither do I. And I'm pretty certain that's all we need. Well, that and..." Robert kissed Aaron gently, pulling back enough to smile before kissing him again, pulling at his lower lip a little in the way that he knew made Aaron's knees give, just a little, just like they were now. "I love you."

"And I love you."

"So... marry me?" Robert asked.

"Yes," Aaron said, kissing him once more.

**

"I, Aaron Dingle, take you, Robert Jacob Sugden, to be my wedded husband. I promise to accept you for who you are, to love you for who you are and not for any expectations or ideas. I will support you, challenge you, laugh with you, build a life with you, share my all with you. I promise to be loyal to you, love you above all others, until death..." He faltered, catching Robert's eyes which flicked away for a second. "Until death parts us."

At his elbow Adam nudged him gently, holding out the ring. As Aaron turned it over in his hand he thought about the last time he put this on Robert's finger, that night in Ireland, and how nothing happened.

"I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage, of the promises I've made today and in all the days to come."

He slid it into place, fitting it against the knuckle joint.

And then Robert inhaled sharply.

Aaron looked up, worry surfacing for a moment until he saw the smile on Robert's face, the way his eyes were fixed on Aaron. And as Robert inhaled deeply, a long drawn in breath before a slow exhale, their hands gripped even tighter.

In answer to the question that he felt rather than heard, Robert nodded.

"Told you," Aaron whispered.

"Everything OK?" the celebrant asked.

"Yes, fine, never better," Robert said. "My turn?"

"When you're ready," she said.

"I'm more than ready," Robert said, holding Aaron's hand tightly. "I, Robert Jacob Sugden, take you, Aaron Dingle, to be my wedded husband. I promise you my devotion, my fidelity, my support, my comfort, my heart and soul for as long as there is breath in my body. I will support you, challenge you, laugh with you, build a life with you, share everything that I am and all that I can provide. I promise to be there, whatever comes, and to never be far from your side. I promise to be yours, to love you above all others, until death parts us." He turned to Vic who was shaken from her reverie into handing over the ring. "I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage, of our bond," he added knowingly, "of all the promises I've made to today and in the days to come."

With Robert's reaction as his guide Aaron was ready for when he felt that warmth run like fire in his veins, from his hand to his heart and beyond. There was a heart that wasn't his but would always be his now beating in his chest, a thought and emotion that was binding with his own, growing and twisting its way through every nerve and synapse it could find until Aaron could almost imagine that it controlled every cell within him.

There was a strength he'd come to know and rely on more than once, a _love_ he'd known and understood and even felt before today, a sense of _contentment_ and _joy_ that was almost a source of pride. And above all that Aaron knew, without even the shadow of a doubt or worry, there was Robert. His Robert. Legally – and eternally – _his_.

**

Turns out bonding is a very distracting process. Unable to fully filter out the other they didn't know who was feeling or thinking what except that they were both happy and in love and desperate for some alone time together. Thanks to the speeches and the not-dancing-swaying and the welly that time was hard to come by until Robert suddenly realised that Aaron wasn't as close as he'd been feeling all afternoon. According to Adam he was in the bogs, but Robert knew it was a little further afield than that. And he knew exactly where.

**

"It's where I was thinking of going," Robert explained as he walked through the door of the Mill, finding his missing husband standing by the still-plastic-covered sofa.

"Or were you thinking it because I was?" Aaron asked.

"You know the bond isn't about thoughts," Robert said, moving to stand in front of him. He felt it a second before Aaron moved away from him. "OK, so that's going to be interesting. You wanted to be away from me?"

"No," Aaron said, the emotion backing up his protest almost simultaneously. "Not you."

"It is a bit much back there," Robert laughed, putting his hands in his pockets and swaying slightly. "But they care. They love seeing you happy."

"And you," Aaron said.

"Your family put up with me because I make you happy," Robert pointed out.

"You do."

"I know," he grinned. "You weren't kidding when you said it was everything."

"I don't get it, why didn't it work before? In Ireland?"

"The bond is an emotional connection," Robert said. "Guess it took the wedding to... jump start it?"

"No wonder Ciarán suggested wedding rings," Aaron grinned.

"You OK?"

"...Yeah," Aaron said. "Just getting used to it."

"Yeah."

"How are you coping? I mean, at least I knew what to expect."

"I'm... yeah," Robert laughed, leaning against the back of the sofa where Aaron had been moments before. "It's... so much more."

"Can I ask you something?" Aaron asked.

"You feel like you need to ask?"

"Why me?"

"What?" Robert asked, a second before he felt it. _Doubt, fear, love_. "You know why."

"I'm not exactly anyone's first choice."

"You're my _only_ choice, Aaron."

"You're gonna know how messed up I am. There's nothing I can keep from you anymore. I was standing there, just watching you in the pub, and I could feel it when Diane talked about your dad. And it made me realise that you're going to know when I have a bad day. You're going to know when I... when it gets so bad that it makes my skin itch. You're going to know everything, I have nowhere to hide. No more secrets."

"And..." Robert stopped. Smiled. Felt what was coming. "You're OK with that?"

"I've never had this, never imagined I'd have this because who would want me? What man would want to put up with all that? All the grief that I can't help but give him? Turns out," Aaron said, holding his arms out, "it's you. And I'm OK with that. The man who lied and cheated and hurt... I trust you with everything."

"OK, I'm confused. Because it sounds like you're worried about this but it feels different, like you're—"

"Happy," Aaron finished. "Those times, those moments? All I've wanted is for someone to notice, to see me."

"Well I see you," Robert said, folding his arms and just watching Aaron. "I will always see you."

"Do we need to get back?" Aaron asked, his meaning clear in tone and feelings.

"Not really."

"Good. 'cause the bed arrived yesterday."

"Yeah, but—" Robert started, cut off when he felt the wave of _trust_ and so he just followed Aaron up the staircase.

**

The trust was rewarded as clearly Aaron had clearly been over and set things up. The bed was made, the covers turned down. No candles, but that wasn't really their thing. Neither was waiting, and as soon as Robert had been given enough time to realise that this wasn't going to be some awkward and unsatisfying fumble Aaron pulled him in for a long and frankly dirty kiss, full of love, lust, and promise that this wasn't going to be some quickie before they headed back.

This was going to be everything.

Robert pulled Aaron closer to him, his hand slipping under the open jacket to snake the arm around his waist. Their bodies were flush, Aaron's leg already moving between Robert's to steady them in the first instance, but the desire of the action was enhanced by the wave of emotion that came with it.

Robert's kiss was open mouthed, hungry against Aaron's mouth, and when he nipped gently on Aaron's bottom lip it drew a moan from somewhere deep in Aaron's chest and vibrated within Robert's own. Everything their bodies did, a practiced dance against and with the other as they kissed and touched and felt and undressed, was echoed and amplified with the bond settling in their hearts.

Niamh had been right. It was _so_ much better now.

Robert felt it before he realised what Aaron was doing: the complete _submission_ to him. There was none of the usual push or pull, no determination to earn every moment of pleasure that they could draw from the other, for the other and for themselves. This was Aaron, _pure_ and _honest_ and _open_ Aaron. There was no doubt or hesitation, there was no reservation or reluctance. To be this open and unguarded was _trust_ and _love_ on a level that Robert didn't need to be able to feel to understand. But he felt it all the same, the mix of emotions that were distinctly Aaron's, settling into his chest like they were home.

Like Aaron was home.

Robert's breath caught a little as he _felt_ everything within Aaron and knew beyond all doubt that Aaron _trusted_ him. Despite their histories, despite everything they'd done to each other before, Aaron trusted him.

And it would be something Robert honoured with every breath.

Robert dropped his own jacket to the floor before he pushed Aaron's off, pulling his shirt from his trousers and pressing his fingers against the flesh underneath. Aaron's hands were on his arms, on his shoulders, up into his hair, his mouth opening up as his body did too.

Pushing him away, Robert moved Aaron to the bed until the mattress hit the back of his knees. Instead of pushing him down Robert held him at the waist, his body and soul making his intentions clear. Holding Aaron's gaze as his fingers slowly unbuttoned the shirt laid them both open in a way that was familiar and new, and his fingertips ghosted down the exposed skin before coming to the waistband.

As soon as the button was popped Robert was on his knees, his hands holding Aaron's hips as he pressed kisses to Aaron's legs over the fabric until he was able to pull them down, taking the underwear until it pooled around his ankles. Kicking off his shoes at the same time and then Aaron was naked in front of his husband who was setting about to making their first married blow job just as amazing as the first he'd given Aaron in the backseat of the car that December night when it all began.

**

 _Better_ , Robert felt from Aaron as he discarded the last piece of his clothing. He grinned as he climbed over Aaron's prone body, kissing him deeply. Aaron's knees bent, bracketing Robert's hips as they rocked gently against each other until Robert pulled him over, turning them so Aaron was on top of him. Aaron's preparation included putting supplies within easy reach and after Robert's hand had blindly fumbled for it for too long Aaron laughed into the kiss and sat up, leaning over to pull the bag from under the pillow.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Robert asked, his hands on Aaron's thighs, fingers splaying out across the muscles as they rippled with Aaron's rocking movement.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Tell me why we let them talk us into spending the night apart?"

"Because sometimes it's easier to just give into your mum and my sister," Robert pointed out as Aaron pulled two small packets from the bag. He tore open one as Robert's hand turned over. "And I think it's supposed to make tonight more special."

Aaron bit back a snort as he squeezed the packet of lube out onto Robert's fingers.

"Oh you can't hide from me anymore, Dingle," Robert said as Aaron dropped the empty packet on the floor and wiped his hand on the covers. "You're more sentimental than you want to admit."

"Are you going to get on with it or are we going back to the pub?" Aaron asked, leaning over Robert's body, his face hovering a few inches from Robert's. "'cause I'm fine either way."

"Liar," Robert grinned, his fingers already pressing between Aaron's cheeks. "But if you wanted to go..." He moved his hand away, enjoying the glare that he was given and he felt in response. "Well. If you insist."

One became two became three and Robert's breath stuck in his throat as he _felt_ the way that Aaron's body responded to being worked open, to the brush of fingers against his prostate, to the anticipation of what was coming.

"You with me?" Aaron whispered, kissing Robert gently as he sat up, tearing open the condom. He reached behind him, taking Robert's dick in hand. He held it as he shifted his hips so he could see, rolling the condom down over him.

"Always," Robert managed to say, the word being pushed out on a breath as he held Aaron, turning him over and pinning him to the bed beneath him. His arms hooked under Aaron's knees, pulling his legs up and tilting his hips up to give him better access. "Forever."

Aaron managed a nod before Robert's mouth was on him and he felt the push at his hole, a brief second to breathe before Robert was in him and on him, over him, through every part of him.

And it was _everything_.

**

For eight days, six hours and thirteen minutes life in the village was good. Great even.

Aaron surprised Robert with a couple of nights in a fancy hotel in the middle of some fancy estate in lieu of an actual immediate honeymoon. The plane tickets Chas had heard about was the promise of a much longer honeymoon, somewhere warm and secluded. All inclusive resort, private villa right on the beach, ten days of just them and the sun perfectly timed for Liv's school trip towards the end of term. When they came home from their short break away they found that, as part of their wedding present, half the village had pitched in to help with the Mill. Once they were home it took only a few more days to put the finishing touches to it and then it was all boxes and talk of parties and teasing about who was going to carry who over the threshold.

Just as Liv was about to suggest tossing a coin to decide she saw Gabby walking down the path to the front door, her arms wrapped protectively around her waist. Liv saw her before her brothers did and she was running to her friend, throwing her arms around Gabby and holding her as she started to cry.

And then they all knew.

Ashley was gone.

**

"It wasn't your fault," Aaron said as he climbed into bed that night. The stone of guilt had settled heavy into both their chests over the day and Aaron's heart was breaking for his husband. "You couldn't have saved him."

"I could have given them more days. I could have given them more time," Robert said, staring up at the ceiling. "I could have given them more memories. I might have even saved him if I'd learned sooner."

"And if you had? What then? Everyone finds out who you are?"

"I know," Robert sighed and the stone shifted in them both. "I keep thinking... if I had, what then? What would it be like?"

"What?"

"Our lives," Robert said turning his head to look at Aaron. "If everyone knew."

"Well, Chrissie would have an absolute fit for a start."

"So, maybe there's an upside," Robert laughed softly. Under the covers his hand found Aaron's. "I just... I don't know how long we can keep it secret. What happens when your family find out?"

"Nothing," Aaron said. "They wouldn't do anything, you know that."

"I know, I know, but... I never imagined telling anyone, now you know and Liv knows and Ashley knew. What if he said something? If he was confused or in one of his states and he said something about me?"

"Robert—"

"And even if people understand about Ashley, what about the others? It took Andy so long to get his head around the fact that Katie was already dead and I couldn't save her, if I could have I would have – you know that, right?"

"I know, I know," Aaron soothed, knowing that this wasn't the true source of his worry.

"But what about everyone else? Holly? Val? Maybe I could have—"

"You can't save everyone now that you know what you're doing, before—"

"Diane's cancer?" Robert asked, stilling Aaron's protests. "I don't know, maybe I did help with that. I'd sit with her, hold her hand, try to focus on the cancer and what I could do. And maybe I did something, gave the chemo a helping hand?"

"You probably did," Aaron said, his thumb brushing over the back of Robert's hand. "You are amazing, Robert. And it's not just about what you can do, your abilities. It's who you are, behind all the Divinus stuff."

"And who's that?"

"My husband," Aaron said, pressing a kiss into the curve of his neck. "You're the man who was there for me when I needed someone the most. You loved me and supported me and never asked for anything in return. You've taken on my family, my sister, and you've never once flinched. You opened up to me about... everything. About who you are.

"You're the man I actually want to turn to when things don't go well, the man I want to celebrate with. You're the only one I can actually imagine this kind of life with," he said. "Two years ago I would have happily told you that the idea of marriage and a home and a family was not me. As if I would want to give someone that kind of power. And you've changed me, Robert, changed that. Because it's not _someone_ I want to be with, it's you."

"And in ten years' time?"

"I'll still want you," Aaron said.

"No, when we have to move. Ten, twenty years' time? When I'm still looking like this?"

"Then we pick somewhere and we go. Or we move to a Community. Whatever is right for us, whatever we decide to do." Aaron moved so he could look down at Robert, holding his attention. "You know, Laurel said that she knew what she was getting into when she married Ashley. And I knew what I was getting into when I married you."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just..."

"I know, remember?" Aaron breathed. "And you know."

"At least I know what's you now," Robert laughed, shifting the stone a little further in them both. "Not that I don't love the bond, it's nice to be able to distinguish between what's me and what's you."

"Tell me about it," Aaron said, settling down against Robert's shoulder. "I thought I was the one who'd pulled their back and I am far too young for that."

"Is that a dig at my immortality?" Robert quipped.

"More about you being too young for a bad back. If you're like this now what are you going to be like when you're a hundred years old?"

There was a sudden wave of cold in Aaron and he rolled away from Robert, turning his back to him. They'd actually managed to forget for a little while but thanks to Aaron's comment and Robert's reaction it had raised its head once more.

"Aaron..." Robert said, sighing as he fought the feeling down.

"It's been a long day."

"Aaron..."

"I really can't do this tonight, Robert. Please."

"We can't keep ignoring it."

"What? What's changed, Robert?" Aaron asked, looking over his shoulder. "Are you about to promise me that you won't kill yourself when I'm gone? Seeing Laurel today, remembering what Aidan was like... I know it's going to be so hard for you and—"

"And I won't. Not right away."

Aaron turned his head, not willing to turn his body just yet.

"Aidan promised Elizabeth a year, I'm willing to promise you the same."

"A year is hardly a long time, Robert."

"But it's time. Aidan promised her a year because it meant he would have time to come to terms with losing her. And it'll give me time. Time with Liv and..."

"Our family?" Aaron prompted. He finally rolled onto his back so he could look at Robert without doing damage to his neck. "Rob?"

"We seem to have avoided the subject completely."

"Do you want kids?"

"I never thought about it much," Robert said. "I know it's not certain, but there's a slightly higher chance I'll have a Divinus kid."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"What if they're not? Not exactly looking forward to burying you." He sighed gently. "What about you?"

"I'm not going to bury you," Aaron said, pulling a face in confusion.

"No, I mean... it doesn't have to be me."

"But it's a better chance if it's you."

"Why can't it be you?"

"I think there's enough Dingles in this world," Aaron pointed out, "and you Sugdens are a dying breed. Present company excepted of course."

For his pains Aaron got a dig in the ribs and he laughed, squirming away from Robert's reach.

"I'd love a mini you running about the place," Robert said as he pulled Aaron's body closer. "I'm sure the kid would give us both hell—"

"I think for any kid of mine that would be a given," Aaron said, "but..."

Robert felt the rush of _pain_ and he pressed a kiss to Aaron's temple. "You're not him. You're nothing like him, you never could be."

"What do I know about being a dad? Not exactly had the best role model."

"What, and mine was a saint?"

"Better than mine."

"Aaron," Robert warned, his voice low. "How about we agree that our dads are not exactly good topics of conversation. But I'd like to think we'd do better. I mean, we've not killed Liv yet."

"This is true."

"And you're great with Leo. And Sarah and Jack don't run screaming when I see them in the village so that's something."

"So... kids. Us."

"Yeah."

They lay next to each other in silence, just watching and feeling and waiting for one of them to be the first to take that leap.

"So it's not a no?" Aaron asked.

"It's not a no," Robert agreed.

"No reason to decide now."

"No."

"But we talk about it soon, yes?"

"OK, if we've not decided before we talk on our anniversary. Deal?" Robert said

"Deal," Aaron said, sealing it with a kiss.

**

Robert sighed, putting down the paperwork and glaring at Liv. "Out with it."

"What?" she asked.

"You've been hovering in my eye line for twenty minutes and it's distracting."

"I'll go," she said, already half turning for the stairs.

"No, Liv, that's not..." He sighed. "I didn't mean that."

"It doesn't matter."

"Twenty minutes, Liv. Whatever is going on just tell me."

"I've been trying to figure out how to ask this without sounding insensitive," she said, sitting across from him at the kitchen table. "So sorry. In advance."

"You're apologising, must be big," Robert said.

"I just... wanted to ask."

She stopped, her fingers brushing against the edge of some haulage report that was in front of her. Reading the opening paragraph upside down she smirked, noting at least three errors in it. No wonder Robert was having problems understanding what Jimmy had been doing while he'd been on honeymoon.

"Liv," Robert said softly, "it's OK."

"How does it work? Your healing, I mean. Like, I've heard you and Aaron talking and I know you've healed him."

"What?" Robert asked, panicked about how much she knew.

"After the car crash, you brought him back."

"Yeah, well..."

"How does it work?"

"Are you interested in the science of it?"

"Just whatever you want to tell me."

"I'll tell you whatever you want to know," Robert said. When she looked up in surprise he smiled. "We're family, aren't we?"

She gave a small shrug. "I just thought—"

"You're more than Aaron's little sister to me, you know that, right?" he said. "I really do care about you."

"You didn't once. Thought you were just putting up with me 'cause Aaron's a pushover and let me stay."

"Yeah, well, we still love him," Robert laughed. "And fine, yes. If I'd had a say then you wouldn't have stayed. It would have been the wrong decision, you being here is the best thing that's happened to Aaron, to us."

"I would have thought that you'd believe _you_ were the best thing to happen to Aaron," Liv said, her eyes narrowing playfully.

"I'm a close second," he conceded. "No matter how much Aaron loves me he'll always love you more."

"Right."

"There's more to this than that," Robert said, folding his arms. "Out with it."

"How can you know that?" she asked.

"Because I know you. And I can sense it."

"You can _what_?"

She pushed back her chair in horror and was halfway to her feet before Robert was around the table and reaching out to her.

"Liv, Liv, Liv, it's OK."

"You're in my head and I had no idea and—"

"It doesn't work like that, Liv," Robert said. His hands, which had been reaching out to hold her, dropped away as he stepped back. "That's just a rumour."

"Really?"

"Really. Divinus... when we're close to someone we can sense things. And what we can sense honestly depends on so many things. With you? It's like I know you're in the house somewhere, just there," he said, holding his hand out to his side. "Like you're in my peripheral vision. I know when you've had a bad day at school—"

"So that's why there's always ice cream in," she realised.

"—and I know when you're mad 'cause Aaron's watched ahead on your Netflix shows. I know when you're lying, well, sometimes anyway," he added with a laugh, "and I know when you're being honest with us."

Liv pressed her lips together and nodded, thinking about that incident at school just after they'd come back from Ireland. She'd been so sure that Aaron and Robert would believe the Head's version of events: Robert's support had been surprising.

"It's clearer with Aaron, obviously, but I know you. I care about you."

"Right," she said quietly. "Sorry. I just... Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," he said. 

"No, but I am. Sorry. Really. And even if you could I know you wouldn't... You're not that kind of guy." Robert nodded and smiled and then he turned back to the table, clearly ready to resume his work when she blurted out. "So does that mean you could heal me?"

Robert stilled and looked at her, clearly trying to figure out what his response should be.

"I mean if you care about me that means you know me, and everything online says that Divinus can heal people if they know what's wrong or if they know the person really well and this isn't exactly something that you would know, or well you would 'cause you're not an idiot, but you don't know what it's like and men always think it's not as bad as it really is but if you care about me then maybe you can—"

"Breathe, Liv!" Robert laughed, holding out his hands to her in an effort to get her to calm down. "You want me to... heal you?"

"Yeah."

"You're sure you want me? I mean, I can take you to the doctor's if you want? If there's something wrong—"

"No, they're useless at this, and besides they can't do anything about it."

Robert sighed. "There are limits, Liv. I told you, the whole mind control thing is just a rumour and—"

"I know that, idiot," she snapped, her arms wrapping around her waist. "I mean, I do now anyway."

"Liv..." Robert started, then he stopped and forced himself to look, to understand. "Are you sure you want this?"

"I read about it online, OK? I know what I'm asking. I know about the temporary bond that could happen, I know that healing someone can take it out of you which is why I'm asking. And I don't want you to feel like you have to, you can say no, I'd understand."

"Liv..."

"I'm just sick of feeling like this. Please?"

Robert nodded and he let his mind find the part of him that was attached to Liv. Out of respect for her he'd never allowed the connection to be fully developed and so he couldn't read her as well as he could Aaron. Unless her emotions were screaming at him – usually something about double French – then he had learned to tune her out. Tuning her in took a little while but as he moved closer to her something clicked into place and he almost recoiled as he felt it.

"Oh god, Liv..." he breathed.

"You get it now," she whispered. "It's not always this bad, but—"

"Yeah, I get it." He reached out and took her hand. "Come on, let's get you sorted."

**

Aaron kicked off his boots before opening the door, already halfway out of his jacket when he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Rob's promised take out tonight," Liv said from her position on the sofa. Her head was on a cushion which was in Robert's lap, the blanket thrown over her legs. On the table in front of them were empty chocolate wrappers and glasses and for a second it looked like some teenage sleepover. "I want pizza."

"What's going on?" Aaron asked, taking in the sight. It wasn't so much the mess but the fact that his husband's hand was resting on Liv's stomach that threw him.

"He's better than any hot water bottle or painkillers," Liv said. "Once we got over how weird it is."

"It's still weird," Aaron said, removing his jacket and throwing it over the back of the sofa. He pressed a kiss into Robert's hair before ruffling it.

"You don't know what it's like," Robert said.

"Oh, and you do?"

"Yeah, I do," Robert said, eyes wide and with a half laugh.

"You know, when I said about you two bonding this isn't exactly what I had in mind," Aaron laughed as he headed for the kitchen. He grabbed a couple of beers and came to join them on the sofa, sitting next to Robert. "How long have you been at it?"

"An hour," Liv said.

"Still?"

"It comes back when he stops."

"Liv, he can't spend all his time... like this," Aaron said.

"I know," Robert said, deftly opening his can one handed, "but I don't need to. I'm figuring it out, pretty sure I can do something that'll last longer next time."

"Next time," Aaron said, reaching for the remote and turning the TV on.

"It's all about muscles and blood flow and mood levels, which is chemical so that's harder but I can still affect it. There's nothing seriously wrong so it's just about making it manageable."

"You're going to have a line of teenage girls out there every month," Aaron sighed as he loaded up Netflix.

"No, he's all mine," Liv said.

"Think you'll find I got there first," Aaron quipped, "and I have the ring to prove it."

Robert smiled as he felt the _pride_ and _love_ bloom in his chest.

"You watched it without me?" Aaron exclaimed as the menu came up. "That's not fair."

"I'm sick," Liv quipped. "I'm suffering and you don't understand how much it hurts."

"Robert, move your hand," Aaron said, half-threateningly.

"Leave me out of it," Robert laughed.

"Move your hand or they're going nowhere near me again," Aaron teased, putting his drink down and turning to face them. "I'm sorry, Liv, but if you want his healing abilities ever again then you need to play by the rules."

Liv pushed Robert's hand away (and he took a deep breath as he felt the wave of _discomfort_ coming from her), and she threw back the blanket before grabbing the cushion. "Don't you dare come between me and my painkiller," she teased, hitting her brother with it.

"Little help here," Aaron said to Robert as he grabbed his own cushion.

"Leave me out of it," Robert laughed, climbing over the back of the sofa and retreating into the kitchen. He watched Aaron and Liv fight it out for a moment before Aaron let Liv get the upper hand and beat him into submission.

The _love_ and _pride_ and _joy_ that welled up in him was instant and it made him catch his breath for a second. In the next second both Liv and Aaron stopped, turning to look at him.

"Wow," Liv breathed. "I mean, I knew I might, but... wow."

"Tell me about it," Aaron said.

"So this is what it's like for you two? All the time?"

"Not all the time," Aaron said. "It's not like I can always feel what he's feeling, we're not quite one person."

"It's..." Liv stopped, searching for the word before settling on, "Nice."

"Yeah," Aaron said, putting an arm around her shoulder. "Pizza?"

"No mushrooms this time," Liv said, pulling a face.

"Get this cleaned up and I'll call," Aaron said. He walked over to Robert and slid his arms around his waist. "So. You and Liv _bonding_ , huh?"

"You're surprised," Robert said.

"No, not really. Just bonds are build on love, right?"

Robert's mouth quirked up at one corner and he ducked his head. The wave of _embarrassment_ wasn't anything to do with how he felt, it was about being found out. In response Robert felt nothing but _love_ and _pride_ coming back at him, and when he looked up he saw Aaron's smile light up his eyes and he couldn't help but kiss him, deeply and lovingly.

"Oh god, you cannot do that while I feel this," Liv cried out. "You need to stop, right now. I do not want to feel _that_!"

Realising that Liv still felt what Robert did they pulled back, feeling like they were the teenagers in the house caught out doing something they really shouldn't be doing.

"All things considered," Liv muttered as she carried a handful of rubbish to the bin, "I think I prefer the cramps."

**

"Whoa, what's with the bag?" Aaron asked as Liv lugged it down the staircase. He put the knife down on the chopping board and wiped his hands.

"Robert's back tonight," she said as if it explained everything. "No way am I being here for that reunion."

"Liv—"

"No, you've been hell to live with the last few weeks. Anyone would think that Spain was a million miles away and Skype wasn't a thing."

"I've not been that bad," Aaron protested. Then he hesitated. "Have I?"

"There was a time I thought you'd been on something," Liv said. "It was like you were going through withdrawal. Mood swings, you're not sleeping, shaking hands? My money's on your bond being the cause and I figured not having me in the house would, I don't know, help get things back to normal for you two tonight."

"You make it sound like I'm addicted," Aaron laughed, going back to the dinner he was preparing. "Sure Rob will be thrilled to know you think of him as a drug."

"Whatever," she said. "But it's true. All the time I've known you, all the months since the wedding? I've never seen you like this. You and Rob, the deeper your bond goes the more you two become..."

"Become what?" Aaron prompted when she stopped. "What? One person?"

"Nothing like that," she said. She leaned against the back of the sofa and folded her arms. "Look, I know what it's like don't I? Feeling what he does. And I know it's nothing like what you feel but those days when he helps me? It's like the lines get blurred a little. I don't know if he's hungry or I am, if I'm annoyed because I can't remember the past participle of some damn verb or if it's a stupid client. And it takes me about thirty seconds to separate him from me but I know that it's not that easy for you. When one of you has a bad day so does the other."

"That happened before this, Liv."

"Yeah, but I bet it's more since you two bonded."

Aaron opened his mouth to protest but then stopped himself. "Are we really that bad?"

"It's not bad, it's just..." Liv bit her lower lip in the way that made Aaron's heart hurt sometimes because it was so him. "I like Rob, I really do. And you know I call him my other brother—"

"I know, he loves it."

"—but before I had you, and I had him, and now I have you both. This isn't making any sense."

"No, I get it."

"It's like the lines between you are blurring. I know it's what you wanted and I'm fine with that. You're happy, that's the main thing and you deserve it, Aaron, you do. What I think doesn't matter, I shouldn't have said anything. Can we forget this happened?"

"Liv—"

"Please?"

He took one look at her and he didn't need any help in reading her feelings. So he nodded. "Where are you going?"

"Gabby's," she said, pulling the bag up onto her shoulder. "I'll text you when I'm thinking about coming home."

"Thanks," Aaron laughed softly. "Have a good night."

"Say hi to Robert for me," she said as she headed for the door, stopping just as she reached it. "Never mind, I'll say it myself on the way out." By the time she was outside the Mill Robert was just getting out of his car, trying not to trip over his feet as he did so. "Hi Robert, bye Robert," she said as she walked up the path.

"Liv?"

"See you tomorrow!" she called out without looking back.

Robert gave up caring, slamming the door shut and all but running towards the door. Aaron was there waiting for him, holding out his hand. Robert took it before he registered it: the cut was small but it was there and without hesitation or second thought he felt the warmth flood through their hands and it was gone.

And with it came the flare of the bond in their chests.

The hit was immediate and it took Aaron's breath away for a second in a familiar way, and then again in a terrifyingly unfamiliar way. Liv's comment about withdrawal hit him just as hard. He'd missed Robert, of course he had. But they'd been apart before, missed each other before. Before. Before he knew anything about Divinus and bonds and the shared heart. Before he'd ignored his past, his demons, his temptations. Before he'd run his finger along the edge of the blade.

**

They'd barely made it inside before Robert was pawing at Aaron's clothes. It was easy, natural, to fall into Robert's embrace and the familiarity of each other. The warmth blossoming in their chest like embers fanned back into life warmed every part of him and for those long minutes Aaron was just a man desperately in love with the man of his dreams, his husband. His soul mate.

"I should go away more often," Robert huffed as they settled into the afterglow. "Especially if the homecoming is that good."

"How was it?"

"It was fine. Gran sends her love, she's only sorry you couldn't be there in person."

"Next time," Aaron said, "but that's not what I meant. How was it? Being away?"

"From you?" Robert realised. "Harder than I thought it would be."

"Me too."

"I missed you. Missed this. Missed us. It felt..." He sighed, searching for the words and when they didn't come he just felt it instead.

"Me too," Aaron said in response. "It was... unsettling."

"It's OK, I'm not leaving you again."

"No, Rob—"

"We wanted to see what the limit was, guess we know Spain is a little beyond its reach. Not entirely sure I want to find out what it is."

"I just—"

"I promise. I'm not leaving you ever again."

The wave of _love_ Aaron felt was more pure than anything else he and Robert had shared before. He twisted the wedding band on his finger once, twice, trying to work out what he could say.

"You OK?" Robert asked. "You feel... distant."

"I'm fine," Aaron said. "I just missed you. I guess I'm not used to you not being here," he said, tapping at his chest. "Is it weird? I mean, we've not even been married a year yet and already we can't stand to be apart."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Robert huffed, turning over and nuzzling into Aaron's neck. "If you and I have the place to ourselves, what do you say we skip dinner and head to bed?"

"You've been travelling all day, you need to eat," Aaron said, sitting up. "Food." He grinned, putting his hand on Robert's face and pushing him back gently. "Food, then bed."

**

"How bad was it?"

Robert's hum vibrated through Aaron's spine from where he was currently plastered against him.

"Being away from me. Not being able to feel me, be with me, all of that?"

"Hard," Robert said, kissing the nape of Aaron's neck.

"We talked every day. You saw me every day. What's it gonna be like when—"

"Don't," Robert said, pulling on the hand that was placed over Aaron's stomach. "I can't think about that."

"Robert—"

"It's not happening, OK? Not for a very, very long time."

"And what will we be like then? If two weeks of you in Spain with your gran is enough to send us into withdrawal?"

"You know what it'll be like," Robert said, "and you know what it'll do to me."

"Robert—"

"Don't. Please. You're here now and that's all that matters. It's all I want to think about."

"We need to talk about it at some point."

"No, we don't."

"Robert—"

"What, Aaron?" Robert snapped, now very awake and rolling away from him in annoyance. "Are we having this conversation again? How many more times are we going to go over this? You know how I feel, you know what I want. Why should it matter what comes after? I can give us another seventy, eighty years together easily. Maybe longer if you stay out of trouble. That's more than so many others have."

"What was it like for you when we were in the car?" Aaron asked, rolling so he was on his back next to Robert. They both stared up at the ceiling. "When I told you to leave me, you wouldn't. You couldn't."

"Of course not."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

"Do you know why I wanted you to leave?" Aaron asked, turning his head. "Because I love you. Because you surviving was more important to me than anything else. I didn't want to die, I don't want to leave you. But if comes to a choice, if it comes to that moment when losing me means you get lost too? Then it's not worth it in my opinion. It'll never be worth it."

"You are," Robert said.

"I don't want you in pain. I hate the idea of you suffering."

"And I won't. As long as you're breathing."

"And when I'm not?"

"Then I don't care."

"What if you die?" Aaron asked. "I mean, it's possible. If you die before me... what then?"

"What?"

"Come on. What if you get shot again? Or there's an accident? What if you die before me?"

"I... I don't know."

"What if I don't want to be without you? What if I decide to end it all?"

"Aaron—" Robert said, the _hurt_ and the _desperation_ and the _fear_ following close behind.

"Exactly," Aaron said, rolling over so his back was to Robert.

"I've never said I don't understand how you feel." Robert turned back towards Aaron, curling in behind him. "Would you? If I went first?"

"I... I don't know," Aaron admitted.

"Promise me a year?" Robert asked. "If it's me?"

"...Fine," Aaron laughed. "One year."

"I love you. And I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

"Not leaving you, OK? Never again."

As he felt Robert's heart slow in his chest, signalling his sleep, Aaron couldn't help but think that this wasn't the point.

**

Adam laughed in triumph, wiping his brow as he pulled off his gloves. "Yes, man, that's what I'm talking about!"

Aaron laughed, putting his hands on his hips as he breathed deeply. The farm machinery that had given them grief for days was finally in pieces, the pile of scrap that would earn them serious money was almost waist high and they knew that their auction find had turned into a gold mine. Scrap mine.

"Think this'll buy a few beers," Aaron said, lifting up a piece that had tumbled off the pile and putting it back on.

"Think this'll buy Vic that holiday she wants," Adam grinned. "Not a word, yeah? Lemme surprise her."

"Deal," Aaron grinned. He turned as he heard a car engine revving way too much for the gravel road, moving out of the way when Robert's car skidded to a stop. "What's going on?" he asked as Robert got half out of the car. His face was white, he seemed out of breath, and he was staring at Aaron as if he'd seen a ghost. "Rob? You OK?"

"Yeah, are you?" Robert asked.

"We're better than OK, mate," Adam whooped, gesturing over to the pile.

"What's going on?" Aaron asked.

"I lost you," Robert said. "I was working at home, I thought everything was fine, but then I realised you weren't here," he said, putting his hand on his chest. "I thought—"

"I'm fine, I swear," Aaron said as he was pulled into a hug. "I mean, my hand took a knock earlier and..." He trailed off and pulled back, holding up his left hand. "My ring. I knocked it, the finger was swelling a bit so I took my ring off."

"That's it?" Robert asked, grabbing Aaron's hand. There was a small burst of warmth and then Robert smiled. "God, I thought..."

"Sorry," Aaron smiled weakly, pulling his hand back. "I didn't realise."

"No, I'm sorry. I just panicked."

"It's OK. I get it."

"You raced up here for that?" Adam asked. "Anyone else and I'd be calling that obsessive behaviour. Maybe you should take a restraining order out, eh?" he laughed.

"Like you wouldn't feel the same if it were Vic," Aaron called back. "You'd be beside yourself if you thought something happened to her."

"Whatever," Adam said. "Well when my brother-in-law has stopped freaking out maybe he can give us a hand getting this stuff into the van? I'm ready for my pay day!"

"What?" Robert asked as Aaron pulled away from him.

"Ignore him," Aaron smiled. "But he wasn't wrong about the extra pair of hands."

**

Aaron looked over and laughed as he saw Adam counting out the notes for what must have been the twentieth time. "I don't think it will have changed since the last time."

"You ever seen so much money in one place though?" Adam asked. "I mean, legit money"

"What are you implying?" Aaron asked in mock indignation. 

"Third time in two weeks, these guys are seriously good for business."

"If they keep sending stuff our way that is," Aaron warned. "I still don't like these casual contracts. Take too much of our time and we still have that run up to Newcastle to do."

"Yeah, I'll do it tomorrow if you do the accounts?"

"You mean if I can get Robert to do the accounts?"

"Same thing," Adam grinned. "So what plans do you and Rob have for your share?"

"Mortgage probably."

"When did you get so boring?"

"When we bought a house and starting raising my sister."

"We should celebrate with some of it. Go out for the night."

"What? The four of us? Double date?"

"I was thinking something a little more... us."

"Hate to break it to ya, but we're both old married men now, think this is us."

"It can't be," Adam sighed. "We are far too young for it to be us."

"You got married first," Aaron quipped.

"To be fair, Robert beat us both." Adam didn't have to look to see the glare that he could feel coming from the driver's side. "Eyes on the road, mate."

They drove in silence for a bit before Aaron asked, "Do you think we've gotten boring?"

"What?"

"Are we boring? I mean, we used to go out and have fun."

"This is really getting to you, isn't it? Look, I was only messin', you know that."

"I know," Aaron sighed.

"You and I used to go out all the time, no partners or spouses giving us grief. And with me and Vic tryin' for a baby, you and Robert all settled like, I guess I just missed it. What we were like."

"We were kids. We grew up. It's what people do."

"Doesn't mean we need to stop havin' fun though, does it?"

"No," Aaron said. "So yeah. Let's go out. Have a boys' night."

"Seriously?"

"But just us, OK? If you wanna act like we're young and stupid then we are not inviting Robert."

Adam was about to accept Aaron's offer with glee but then his brain registered the way his friend had snapped Robert's name. "If that's what you want, but... You guys are OK?"

"What? We're fine."

"Mate, if there's a problem you know you can talk to me, yeah? I may be married to his sister but you were my brother first."

"Adam—"

Anything that Aaron might have said was cut off by the ringing of Adam's phone. "It's Michael," he said.

"No refunds," Aaron quipped as Adam answered it.

**

Robert's pen stilled as he heard the car door slam shut. "He's in a good mood," he said to Liv. "Really good."

"Guess the deal went well," she said, closing her book. "Is it weird? Having no mystery left?"

"It's not like that," Robert said, already on his feet. "Good day?" he asked as Aaron walked in.

"He knows it was," Liv said, unimpressed.

"The guy we sold the parts to? He loved how quickly we stripped it down, no damage to anything. Turns out he can get a lot of old machinery and he needs a good scrap yard to deal with it."

"And you got the contract?" Robert asked.

"You literally felt his happiness and you're asking that?" Liv said. "Everything I've ever read says Divinus are supposed to be smart. Guess you're the exception."

"Anyway, we're going out to celebrate tonight," Aaron continued, "some club in Leeds that one of them part owns?"

"Have fun," Robert said, kissing Aaron's cheek.

"I think the invitation extends to you," Liv pointed out.

"I am far too old for that sort of thing, and besides it's your night. Go out and enjoy it."

"You're sure?"

"We don't need to be joined at the hip, right?" Robert asked.

There was something in his tone, something in the way Aaron's chest clenched a little, that warned him there was more to it than wanting Aaron to go out and have a good night. But he wanted this and so he accepted it and didn't think too much about the way that Robert had been.

**

"Right lads," Adam said as he put his empty glass down. "That's me done."

"What?" Michael asked. "It's not even nine!"

"Yeah, but Vic's waitin'."

"Say no more," Michael grinned, nudging his friend Luke in the side.

"Whatever," Adam said. "You coming?" he asked Aaron.

Aaron sighed, looking down at the hands clasping at the glass. If Adam had noticed the absence of a ring he'd been a real friend and said nothing. The absence of Robert in his chest seemed unusual but familiar and he wasn't ready to give it up just yet.

"Nah, I'm good," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Probably later on if you're going to keep going the way that you are," Adam quipped, pulling on his jacket. "Have fun, guys, don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"No danger of that," Luke said, not taking his eyes off Aaron.

"So. What now?" Aaron asked.

"There's a bar 'round the corner we can go to," Luke offered.

"I thought you said something about a club?" Aaron asked Michael. "Not a bar."

"Well seeing as I'm outnumbered," Michael said, grabbing his coat, "the bar it is."

"Outnumbered?" Aaron asked. Then he saw the look on Luke's face. That smile, the holding of the gaze a little too long, the confidence in the body language when he turned to face Aaron.

Oh.

Right.

That.

**

Michael didn't last long, joking about being out of place, and then there was two. Truth be told Aaron barely noticed he was there, focused as he was on Luke. Luke who was into cars and football and going to the pub. Luke who was into simple things: food and beer and random talks.

Somewhere between one drink and another Michael disappeared and Aaron? Aaron didn't miss him.

Luke bought them drinks, found them a quiet corner, and for a moment Aaron tried to convince himself that this was all innocent, there was nothing going on, it was just the closeness of a new friendship. But then there was a hand on his thigh, the fingers brushing a little too high to be anything but.

"I'm married," Aaron said firmly.

"And yet no ring," Luke said. "There is one, normally, I've seen it. But you took it off tonight. Why?"

"It's... complicated."

"This doesn't have to be."

"I love him."

Luke smiled, pulling his hand back. "Just say no and I'll back off. But you haven't said no. You've not hit me, not walked off, not done anything except tell me something I already knew."

"What do you want?"

"When was the last time you had some fun, Aaron? 'cause from what I hear your life hasn't exactly been a barrel of laughs."

"What have you heard?"

"Nothing specific," Luke said. "Adam said something about you having a rough time of it recently."

"Right. Well, yeah. You know what it's like. New house, just married, my little sister is a handful. But we love her."

"You still haven't said no."

"I love Robert. I do. More than you could ever imagine."

"You're still here."

"I... I need the loo," he said, getting up and heading for the brightly lit sign in the corner of the bar. 

There was no one else in there but Aaron checked by pushing back the few cubicle doors before turning to face the wall of sinks. The mirror stared back at him, an unfamiliar face in front of him. With a yell he surged forward, coming almost nose to nose with the glass pane against the tiles before he dropped his head and pushed the tap on. Cold water against his skin, trying to wake up to himself.

"You're not this guy. You're not the person who does this. Not anymore."

"Anymore?" came a voice from behind him.

Aaron looked up, meeting Luke's eyes in the mirror.

"Robert was married. Engaged when I met him, but he still got married when we were... And I hated it. I hated sharing him, hated him going back to her, wondering how he could do that. Just leave me every time like I was nothing. And I know now it wasn't easy for him, I know that he hated it too."

"You are making this into something it's not," Luke said, walking slowly towards Aaron. He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. "No one is suggesting marriage."

"Good. Because I'm already married."

"And yet you took the ring off. You flirted back. You never talked about your husband and your sister, and I'm sure there's a dog or adopted baby or whatever else you might have waiting for you at home, not until I made that move."

"I didn't know—"

"You did. You're not daft. You knew what I wanted. You could have left with Adam, you didn't. You could have left with Michael, you didn't. You could have left the bar, you didn't."

"That doesn't mean I want this."

"No, it doesn't. Look, respectable distance," Luke said, stopping a good four feet away from Aaron, his hands still in his pockets. "And until I hear a yes I'll stay here, OK?"

Aaron nodded.

"Look, I like you. Think you're kinda hot even if you do seem to be welded into that hoodie. And it doesn't have to be anything big. Not everything in life is a big deal. Sometimes it's just two consenting adults having a bit of fun. Who's going to know?"

 _Robert_ , Aaron thought. _He would know. He would feel it. Wouldn't he?_

Robert had sensed that first time Aaron taken the ring off but said nothing about the other times it had happened. It was easy enough to explain – risk of injury with the parts they were stripping down. He'd joked about not wanting to pull his finger off, even if Robert would have been able to reattach it. There had been no healing, no pushing of the bond since the night Robert had come home from Spain. Nearly three months of keeping him at arm's length, of sex instead of love (and sue him, he knew the difference now), and now here he was in the bathroom of a gay bar with a guy he'd just met and he'd not said no.

Would Robert know? Would he understand? Would Aaron understand it if he did this?

"Still keeping my distance," Luke said, rooted to the spot. When he heard the door open he turned and fixed the young boy with a glare. "Occupied. Use the disabled one at the end of the corridor."

"But—"

"Occupied," Luke repeated.

The boy took the hint and left.

"Charming," Aaron snapped, shaken from his reverie. He started towards the door but he stopped when there were just inches between him and Luke. Something stopped him. Curiosity? Doubt? Desire?

"Staying here," Luke whispered.

Aaron found himself watching those lips move, unable to say anything.

"Why does everything have to be so serious?" Luke whispered. "Marriage, a family, the whole forever thing? We're young, Aaron, we are in the prime of our lives. We should be enjoying everything this world has to offer us because when we're done? When our time comes and we are no more then what?"

"I love him. More than anything, more than anyone."

"Good for you," Luke said, his eyes watching Aaron's eyes watching his lips. "So say no."

"Luke—"

"I told you, not until I hear a yes. But you haven't said no and I know you're wondering why that is. Why wasn't it the first thing that came to your lips? Why weren't you keeping a distance between us? Why let yourself feel anything at all if Robert is all that you want in your life?"

It was like a shock through every part of Aaron and for a second his breath held in his lungs. He remembered the first time he'd felt the bond and known what it was, that day in the scrap yard when he'd tried a DIY amputation of his leg. Every part of him had been on fire with what he'd come to know as Robert, of the bond, of _them_. This was like that, the rush to the tips of his fingers and toes and ears. The wave of... something. Something that wasn't Robert or the bond or them.

Luke licked his lips and smiled. "So. You can go home now, no questions asked. We can go back in the bar and have a drink. Or..."

"Or what?" Aaron asked, his gaze flicking up to Luke's eyes.

"Or we could stay here."

There was that wave again.

**

The Mill was in darkness once again after the cab had pulled away. Aaron shoved his hands into his hoodie, trying to pull it tighter around him. His fingers found the metal band deep in the pockets and he fingered it nervously, unsure of what it would mean, what would happen if he put it back on.

The door was unlocked as Robert had promised - "I know what you're like when you've had too many. You'll only lose your keys and then I'll have to change the locks. Again." – so he opened the outer door carefully, pushing it shut and hearing the lock click into place. The inner door was ajar, darkness falling away in front of him.

Once he was inside, shoes off and socked feet on the floorboards, Aaron started for the bedroom when he stopped, seeing the familiar shape on the sofa.

"All the things we talked about," Robert said in the darkness, "all the ways I thought this could end... I never saw this coming." The shadow reached out, snapping on the lamp. The light seemed cold and make Robert seemed more washed out than normal. Like he was sick somehow. "Everyone always assumed it'd be me. I get why, I do have history. But you knew I wouldn't, I couldn't, and that was enough. I suppose we all forgot that you could."

"Robert—"

"I spoke to Ciarán tonight, asked about breaking the bond. It's pretty easy, we just destroy the rings. It's these which tie you to me. There's a little bit more he needs to do with me, but for you it's all about the rings. I can't stop how I feel about you and I'm always going to be able to sense how you are. But it won't be like this. And you won't have me intruding." At that Robert's fingers went to his own wedding bang, pulling it free and dropping it on the table.

Aaron said nothing, just walked over to the table that was in front of Robert. He moved the papers and the glasses to one side before sitting on the edge so they were facing. His hand dropped to his side, picking up the ring and turning it over in his hands.

"I won't ever stop loving you," Robert whispered, "but if you have... If you want... I'll go."

"I haven't stopped," Aaron said, taking Robert's hands in his. Robert's ring was trapped between them and it seemed fitting somehow. "I love you."

"Yeah," Robert breathed. He pulled a hand free, palming his wedding ring while turning Aaron's left hand over to expose the bare ring finger. "I should never have agreed to this, I should never have forced you into something you clearly don't want—"

"I asked _you_ ," Aaron hissed. "Why would you think I didn't want this? Robert—"

"I never should have told you who I was. I should have just kept it a secret, you didn't need to know. If you'd not known then you wouldn't have asked, you wouldn't be trapped like this."

"You can't mean that."

"I do," Robert whispered, looking straight at Aaron. "These last few months, it's felt like there's something breaking between us. The bond is breaking and I hate it. I hate that it's happening. You take your ring off and then you're gone and when you come back all I can sense is guilt and fear and hesitation."

"Robert—"

"And tonight Adam was telling me about these guys and... And I just knew."

"No, you don't."

"This is worse by the way," Robert said, dropping Aaron's hands and sitting back on the sofa. He rolled his ring between his fingers. "Worse than you dying."

"Nothing happened."

"Don't—"

"I'm not lying, I'm not covering, I'm not doing anything but telling you the truth."

"But you're still distant. You're still pulling away from me. And I don't just mean the bond. You're not here, Aaron, not emotionally. You haven't been since I came back from Spain and I don't know what's changed. Or at least, I didn't. Not until tonight."

"It's not what you think."

"Really? Because right now I think I'm losing my husband."

"You're not," Aaron said, dropping to his knees in front of Robert. He put his hands on Robert's thighs, spreading out his fingers in an attempt to touch as much of him as possible. To keep that contact. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Feels otherwise."

Aaron sighed, dropping his head. This hadn't been what he wanted, this wasn't what he'd intended at all. He wasn't quite sure how to explain what he wanted but he needed to try. He owed Robert that much. "I read up on the bond; the longer it goes on the deeper it gets."

"I know, we—" Robert stopped. "You hate it."

"I don't hate it. It's just... overwhelming. There's just so much and I'm not used to it. Being this open? I never had that before you, I didn't know how to be like that with someone. And then it was all I had and it was so much."

"So you run away?" Robert asked. He leaned forward a little. "This guy... tonight... How long have you... No," he said, changing the direction he was going in, "don't. I don't want to know. I don't need to know."

"Rob..."

"I don't need details, Aaron. And without the rings it's... easier." Robert gave a huff of a laugh. "Maybe this is karma for all those times I cheated. I knew I'd hurt them but... It can't have been like this. It won't have been. Loving you... it's the biggest thing about me, Aaron. It doesn't have to be the biggest thing about you." 

Robert's eyes were shining in the cold light: Aaron knew for his husband to be close to tears that this pain was cutting deep.

"All I want is you," Robert said. "But more than that I want you to be happy. If I can't do that, if you're not happy with me—"

"I didn't take it off because I don't want to be with you. That wasn't what this was about."

"It was about not wanting the bond," Robert said. "Usually you're so clear, now it's like there's this... fog. I've not felt like this since I fell in love with you and I never allowed myself believe I might lose you for good like this. I thought this was it, you were it."

"That's not happening," Aaron said, rubbing his hands up and down Robert's thighs. "I love you."

"Sometimes that's not enough," Robert said quietly. "Maybe it's not for us."

"You really think that?"

"We knew who we were when we got into this. We knew our problems and our issues and we just carried on. Maybe we shouldn't have."

"So what? We end it?" Aaron asked, suddenly terrified of the damage he might have caused.

"Can we just... not do this now?" Robert asked, his head dropping and his voice small. He looked like he'd given up. "Give me tonight. Just... come to bed. I won't do anything I promise, just let me hold you and tomorrow I'll go. If this is it then can I just have one more night with you? With my husband?"

"Are you not listening to me?" Aaron said. "Robert, I love you. I swear that nothing happened. I didn't go out to cheat on you, I didn't cheat on you."

"But there was a guy?"

"...Kinda," Aaron admitted. "He made it really clear what he wanted."

"Right."

"I said no."

"Right," Robert said again, his tone betraying his doubt.

"It wasn't about... that. It was... I thought it was about the thrill of it."

"Yeah, sounds about right," Robert said quietly.

"Not as good as I thought it'd be," Aaron said. "I thought I missed it, my privacy, having a part of me that was just... mine? It's all I've ever known, I relied on it to get through everything. Everyone who ever got close to me hurt me and so I would shut down, hide in that place that no one got to see. No one, until you."

"If I pushed you—"

"No, you didn't. Not once. I love that you don't let me hide, that I can't hide from you. No one in my life has ever gotten close enough for me to want this. And I do, Robert. I really do. I just..."

"Need some space?" Robert finished.

"Yeah. You've always felt like this, you've always known that falling in love would be everything for you. You came out of nowhere for me."

"Wasn't exactly looking for you either," Robert said quietly.

Aaron shuffled in as far as he could go between Robert's legs, smiling as Robert leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together.

"Being with you... it changed everything," Aaron said. "You changed me. You made me like being me. I wanna be me."

"The bond—"

"Just, can we scale it back a bit? You don't need to heal every single scrape or cut or knock. It's not that I don't want this, I just... I can't forget who I am, what I'm like when I'm me. I fought too long and too hard to be me, Robert, I can't just give that up. And I know you wouldn't want that for me."

"I just want you to be happy."

"I am. I'm in love with a great guy—"

"You still took your ring off."

Aaron reached into his pocket and pulled it out, turning it over once before holding it out in the small space between them. Robert took it from him, closing it in his hand.

"You're sure?" Robert asked. "If there's any part of you that isn't it's OK. I can go, even if it's just for a few nights I can go."

"Robert—"

"You deserve to be with someone who doesn't make you feel like this. Someone who—"

"Someone who loved me when I had no idea what that meant," Aaron said. "Someone who is still putting me first, even though I don't deserve it."

"I don't blame you. Things have been... intense."

"It's not that I don't want you, Robert. And it's weird, not having you in here" he said, putting a hand on his chest, "but Liv had a point. Sometimes it's hard to know where I stop and you begin."

"How about we get some different rings," Robert offered, "ones that won't bond us? We can, I don't know, keep these ones for—"

"Will you just put it back on?" Aaron interrupted. He held out his hand, fingers splayed. 

"If you need to take it off again, I get it," Robert said, his hand hesitating by the tip of Aaron's finger.

"If I need to I'll talk to you first," Aaron promised.

Robert pushed the ring back into place, holding on to Aaron's hand as he did so. Aaron reached out and took Robert's ring, holding his hand as he put it back on the finger. The warmth bloomed in Aaron's chest again but somehow it felt different. Like they were different. And that scared him even more.

**

"So, you ever gonna tell me what's going on?" Chas asked as she put the drink down in front of Aaron.

"Going on with what?"

"You and Robert."

"Nothing," he said, taking a sip and willing the conversation to be over.

"Love, you can't kid a kidder. There's something not right between you two."

"Mum, it's nothing."

"So there is something?"

Aaron sighed, turning the glass in his hand. "It's just... stuff, OK? Normal stuff. Everyday, married life stuff."

"But you're OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine. _We're_ fine," he stressed. "We're... working on it."

"Did he do something?" Chas asked.

"Why do you think it's him? Maybe it's me," Aaron said. "Maybe I cheated on him. Maybe I'm the one that broke his heart, hmm?"

"You wouldn't know how to, love," Chas smiled. She left him to serve another customer, giving a soft laugh as she did so.

Aaron stared at his pint, suddenly not that thirsty anymore. He turned the glass on the bar top, a quarter turn with every push of his fingers. He glanced at his watch; trust Robert to be running late. The whole point of trying was to make an effort which was the only reason he was sitting in the pub, wearing Robert's favourite suit, having a drink before they headed off into town.

Liv had called them "date nights" and she wasn't far wrong. Since that night they'd promised each other that they would spend time on them, focus on building a relationship instead of relying on the one generated by the bond. Dinner, movies, overnighting in random pubs and hotels in the Dales. Whatever they decided on the night before, something that kept the excitement going.

Because of this Liv had taken to spending Thursday nights at Gabby's, the friends inseparable since Ashley's death and supporting her friend through this had brought forth a hidden maturity in Liv that her brothers admired and were keen to encourage.

"So where to tonight?" Chas asked, coming back to Aaron.

"Dunno," he said, still staring at his undrunk pint. "Robert's planned this one."

"Not an overnighter then?"

"Might be," he said. "We pack for the other when it is, keep the surprise going."

"Look, whatever's happened, whoever did what to who? It's clear that you two love each other and you want to work at this. And that is half the battle."

"I know," Aaron smiled.

"Being on time is the other half," Chas quipped.

"I'm sure something has co—"

The word died in Aaron's mouth as the _pain_ shot through him as if he'd been torn apart. It settled in his back, travelling up his spine but pulsing out like someone had put a flame to his skin. The glass, already halfway to his lips, slipped from his hand. It bounced off the bar, tumbling free fall to the floor where liquid and glass spread out with a shatter and a smash.

"Aaron? Love—"

Chas' concern was lost as Aaron pushed off the stool, not caring what happened to it as he left the mess, the stool, the bar behind. Every part of him was screaming _home_ and his feet hit the road only long enough to push him forward, spurring him onwards. Home.

_Robert._

The door was unlocked and he pushed in, his heart pounding, his voice stuck in his throat and only one word was able to break free. "Robert?" he asked. Not a call, not a shout, a question spoken in fear.

"Aaron?"

Robert's reply pulled a breath from Aaron's lungs in relief and he followed it up the staircase to the landing. The loft ladder was hanging from its bracket, the feet suspended in mid air. But all Aaron saw was Robert, lying prone on the floor.

"What happened?" Aaron asked, crashing to his knees.

"Fell."

"Figured that," he said. His eyes ran over Robert's body, looking for any sign of injury, any blood or something that would explain this _pain_ that still pushed through every part of him.

"My back," Robert said, realising what Aaron was doing.

"What about it?"

"It's broken."

And the air was pulled from Aaron's lungs again.

**

Robert refused to go to a hospital – what would be the point? He was healing, it would be fine. Besides it would be a red flag: wheeled into A&E tonight with a broken back, walking out tomorrow absolutely fine. Nothing says Divinus like fixing a broken back in a little over twelve hours.

"I just need to stay still, Aaron. My body knows what it's doing."

"What if there's more damage?" Aaron asked, hugging his knees to his chest. "What if it goes wrong?"

"It won't."

"Trust me, you don't mess around with backs. There's nerves and the spinal column and—"

"Are you Googling this?" Robert quipped, keeping his gaze up on the ceiling.

"I'm serious, Robert. There's just too much that can go wrong."

"Aaron, I know my body pretty much as well as I know yours. There's nothing wrong with my spine or my nerves, I can feel everything and..." He stopped. Took a deep breath. "I feel that."

"What?"

"I'm not Jackson, Aaron. This isn't the same."

"No, it's not," Aaron said. "Whatever happens, you know I'm here, right?"

"I'm going to be fine—"

"I love you. You know that too, right? I've been really bad at this recently I know but I love you and I will be here."

"Aaron, it's OK."

"No," he whispered. "No it's not."

"You don't talk about him."

"What's to talk about? It was my fault what happened to him and I made it worse by staying with him."

"He needed you—"

"Yeah. Needed. And I needed to feel less... guilt I guess so I stayed. I loved him, of course I did. But it wasn't like this, like us."

"I know," Robert said. "Aaron, I know. I feel it, I feel _you_. And my back is... There's a small crack in one of the lower vertebras – don't ask me which one, I didn't bother learning their names."

"Keith," Aaron quipped.

"What?"

"It's called Keith."

Robert laughed softly. "Fine. Yes. So there's a small crack in Keith and that's it. It's the kind of thing that would probably have me in a brace for a while. I can move everything, I can feel everything."

"So can I," Aaron admitted. "In the pub, I felt it. All this pain, nothing like I've ever felt before. I dropped my pint and ran out and Mum—" He was cut off by his phone ringing. "Mum," he answered, stopping as she launched into her questions. "No, I'm sorry. I just... I really didn't feel well at all, like I was gonna be sick." (Not a lie, he reasoned.) "No, I wasn't, but I'm home and... yes, Robert's here..."

"Hi Chas!" Robert called out.

"Yes, I'll be fine." Aaron looked at Robert and smiled. "He's taking care of me... OK... Sorry about the mess... See you tomorrow."

He hung up the phone and then, after a second's pause, turned it off.

"I'll heal," Robert said, giving a weak smile. "Just like my ankle."

"What if... what if Keith doesn't heal right? What if it goes wrong?"

"It won't."

"How do you know that?"

"Same way I know that I love you. I just do. There's not a part of me that doesn't know that."

"Fine," Aaron sighed. "So. What can I do?"

"Stay with me? It's going to be a long night."

"Where else would I be?"

**

"It's distracting," Robert said suddenly, turning his head towards Aaron.

He'd been moving more and more as the night had gone on. Eventually Aaron had pulled the pillows and covers from their bed to try and make him a little more comfortable because there was no way he was letting Robert move until Keith was fully fixed. So he'd lain there on the floor, gently moving his head, his arms, his legs, little movements and gestures that were partly to prevent cramp and partly to reassure Aaron that this wasn't history repeating. Aaron watched each movement and twitch intently.

Now he was being watched.

"What is?" Aaron asked.

"You."

"Sorry. I'm naturally this good. Can't turn it off." He tried to smile at his own joke but it didn't quite work; his mouth just twitched in one corner.

"You're worrying."

"My husband is on the floor with a broken back. In what world am I not going to worry? And this is before the fact that I feel what he does."

"Take your ring off then."

"No," Aaron said immediately.

"It's not the same, it's OK. I don't want you—"

"No," he repeated. "I don't care what I feel, I'm not taking it off."

"What about what I feel?" Robert asked. "You're distracting me."

"From what?" Aaron asked, the words spilling from his mouth before he realised. "Shit. Sorry."

"It's OK."

"No, it's not. You've got bigger things to worry about and I'm just sat here making it worse."

"No, you're not." Robert held out a hand. "You're really not." When Aaron took it he gave it a gentle squeeze. "Do you want to talk about it? About Jackson?"

"It'll be worse," Aaron blurted out, the words coming before the wave of emotion; the flash of lightning before the terrifying rumble. "It'll be worse now because I didn't love him the way that I love you and when he died you know what a mess I was. It was my fault and—"

"This isn't your fault," Robert said. "I'm the idiot that decided to go digging around in the attic for... something."

"What?"

"It's nothing."

"You broke your back over it, you were late to meet me, it's not nothing."

"Can I tell you in the morning?" Robert asked. "I kinda think it'll lose something if I'm stuck on the floor."

"Fine," Aaron sighed. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Robert's hand which rested over his stomach. "Even this... with him? You don't realise how much you put into a touch until you can't do it. He couldn't feel it, couldn't respond and even this, the simplest of gestures... We lost it."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not the worst though," Aaron continued. "It was worse with you."

"Me?"

"When I wanted to do this but I couldn't."

"You wanted to hold my hand? In public? You won't do that now and everyone knows we're married," Robert laughed.

"No, but it was just being able to be near you. To make physical contact in public and not have to jump back a mile or make some excuse."

"I remember wanting to kiss you. A lot," Robert said. "And I remember thinking that this wasn't like anything else. You were unlike anything else."

Robert pulled his hand up, rested it on his chest with the other, and turned back to the ceiling.

"If I'm distracting you—" Aaron began.

"Stay," Robert said, his eyes drifting shut for a moment.

"You need to focus—"

"I need you here," Robert continued. "It's not just the company, it's... It's you. Being with you is better."

"Soft," Aaron scoffed.

"When I have you, when I feel you? Here?" Robert said, his hand tapping at his breastplate, "It helps. You make me stronger."

"Since when do you need help being strong?"

"Since being there for you became the most important thing in my world," Robert said, eyes open and serious. "Since knowing that you love me and you want me too gives me a reason to stick around and to fight back."

"Good," Aaron said, the simple word supported with a wave of something that he could never put into words even if he had the ability to do so. "I don't... I can't imagine what my life would be like without you in it."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Robert joked. Then there was a wave of _guilt_ and he turned his head. "Aaron—"

"I never believed, never thought that I would have this kind of life," Aaron said. "Part of it was who would want someone as messed up as me?" There was the familiar wave of _love_ that always came after comments like that, but he carried on. "Part of it was that I always thought this kind of life would be boring. Who wants a home and a husband and half a dozen kids?"

"Kids?" Robert asked. "You really see us with kids?"

"...Maybe?" Aaron ventured. "At least I'm starting to really think about it."

"You're not kidding," Robert realised. "Well we said we'd talk about it later."

"Is this later?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I want it to be yours, Rob."

"You know it's still not guaranteed that it'll be—"

"It's not that. Well, OK, maybe a part of it is that. But I just... I see it more with you than with me."

"Aaron, you'd be an amazing dad."

"And that has absolutely nothing to do with biology," he pointed out. "Let's be logical about this, OK? I want you to have someone when I'm gone; our kid will do that. If they're Divinus then that's better, but it's still ours. Also, I think the world has enough Dingles in it, don't you? There's only you and Vic left that are blood Sugdens."

"So this is all about preserving my family heritage?" Robert laughed.

"Well Vic and Adam are going to be adopting so if there's going to be any of the Sugden line left, this is the only chance."

"Maybe it's time it came to an end," Robert said. "Being a Sugden... The weight of the expectation that comes with that?"

"You're not your dad," Aaron said, crawling over to where Robert was. He stretched out beside him, pressing up against his side. "You won't be like that with our kid."

"It's not just that," Robert said, smiled as Aaron's head nestled into the curve of his neck. "It's feeling like... Everyone thinks he was an amazing dad, and he was. For the most part. We fought and we fell out and... Well. But I guess he thought he was doing what he thought was right."

"That's pretty much all parents do," Aaron said. "Well, most of them."

"What if I want it to be yours?"

"Why would you want that?"

"Because I love you. Because despite everything that I planned for and thought I wanted, despite risking everything by having an affair right on my doorstep? It was always going to be you. Right from that first kiss there was something about you that I couldn't let go of."

Aaron sat up a little. "Are you seriously telling me that it was love at first sight?"

"Oh god no," Robert laughed, then he hissed. "Sorry."

"Your back?"

"It's fine, it's fine. Newly knitted bone is tender."

"I can imagine," Aaron said, his hand drifting unconsciously to his leg. "You'd tell me if something was wrong?"

"You'd feel it," Robert pointed out. "It's funny, looking back. I thought you were just a bit of fun. A last fling before I got married. I loved Chrissie but up until you I thought that loving someone like this, how I could be with someone... I thought it was all just rumours."

"I thought you were," Aaron said, settling back down. "The Divinus bit I mean. Sadly I knew all about Vic's annoying older brother."

"And did I live up to expectations?"

"Meh," Aaron mocked. "Thought you were way more annoying when I met you."

"Yeah? It wasn't an amazing experience? Seeing me in person?"

"Nope," Aaron joked. 

"Yeah, well. When I met you it was amazing and—"

"Which bit? Me and Ross stealing your car, you blackmailing us?" Aaron interjected.

"Yeah, OK, I wasn't exactly a saint."

"You weren't even in the vicinity."

"What? And you were?"

Aaron laughed and put his hand on Robert's chest. Somewhere under his fingertips thumped the heart that was also beating next to his own. "Well doesn't matter whose kid it is, they won't be able to shock us."

"There is that."

"What if they're like me though?" Aaron asked. "My head... I can't put that on a kid."

"You're not the way you are because of biology, that's not how it works. That's... that's environment, Aaron."

"I left when I was a kid and I'm still him."

"No," Robert said forcefully, a wave of _anger_ pushing forward at the same time. "No, you're not. You could never be. Even at your worst you're better than him."

"It doesn't feel like it sometimes."

"But the rest of the time? Aaron, you've come so far. And I feel it, I do. You're happy and you're safe and you know you're secure: me, us, Liv, this home? You know you have this and so you're not lashing out all the time. Or at all," he added as he realised. "But I know it's there. I feel it, you know? I feel you fighting it."

"You feel that?"

"Yeah. It's like... like you're involved in this battle and all I can do is watch from the sidelines."

"You do more than watch," Aaron said, his fingers tapping on Robert's chest. "You're not the only one who gets strength from this, you know."

"You never said."

"Yeah, well." There was a pause. "You never said you were immortal."

Robert laughed and turned his head, pressing an off-target kiss to the top of Aaron's head. In response Aaron tilted his head, trying to meet his mouth as best he could.

"I don't want you to be on your own," Aaron said softly. "I mean, I can't even leave you on the floor overnight without getting down with you. How am I supposed to leave you alone when I... go?"

"I'm sure Liv will be happy to hear you say that," Robert pointed out.

"It's not the same."

"Why not?"

"She's my sister."

"You really think I don't see her as mine too?"

"No, I know you care about her, it's just—"

"Aaron, whatever happens, whether we have kids or not, I know I'm not going to be on my own. And yeah, OK, I want kids. I want a whole family of them."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's what you do when you love someone, isn't it? I love the idea of a mini you or two or five giving me hell forever."

(At that there was a swell of _hope_ that came from Aaron and was carefully ignored by them both because _not just yet_.)

"I can see a mini you," Aaron retorted. "There's an agency in Leeds that specialises in Divinus surrogacy. Donor eggs, surrogates, sperm, the lot. They work with 'mixed marriages' like ours."

"What do they need us for then?" Robert quipped. "You have been thinking about this."

"I know that whatever our kid turns out to be, whichever of us is the one to father it, we are going to love it and want it and be better dads than ours were. And yeah, I want a Divinus kid. But even if they're not we'll still love them."

"So is this us deciding to do this?" Robert asked.

"Maybe."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You can't lie to me, you know that."

"It's just..."

"If you're not sure, if there's any part of you that's not sure—"

"I am. Sure I mean. About you, about this, about it being yours—"

"Or yours—"

"It's just..."

Robert knew Aaron, even before the bond, and he knew when to push and when not to. This was a 'not to' and so he waited, a hand running lines up and down Aaron's arm as he waited for his husband to find the words to express a feeling that wasn't clear and explicit.

"Do we need to do it now?"

"No, of course not."

"I want this, I do, it's just..."

"Too soon?"

"I know it's not like it'll all happen tomorrow, that we'll have plenty of time to get used to the idea, but..."

"What?" Robert prompted gently.

"We've not even been married a year, and already we've had, _I've_ had issues."

"We both have," Robert corrected. "I'm in this too."

"You weren't the one taking your ring off."

"No, but I was the one who wasn't speaking to you about it. I just let it carry on and—" He bit off the rest of his sentence with a hiss, shifting slightly on the floor. "Keith is giving me hell," he explained.

"You sure you're still OK?"

"Aaron, I promise you. I'm fine."

"How long until you're... fixed?"

"Maybe an hour?"

"You fixed my leg in minutes."

"It's different," Robert said. "Flesh and muscle and tissue... it's easier than bone. Especially this one."

"You broke your own ankle."

"Yeah, and it took four hours to put it back together. And I could test that out, put a bit of weight on, limp a little."

"You are not doing that with your back!"

"No," Robert agreed, "I'm not."

"So I guess we're spending the night here."

Robert laughed softly and held out his arm, indicating Aaron should settle back down. "Not quite the date night I had planned."

"So what was on the menu?"

"Oh no," Robert said, "if I tell you I can't reuse it next time it's my turn."

"That's cheating. If you won't tell me then at least tell me what was worth risking your neck for in the attic."

"It fell into Liv's room," Robert said.

Aaron sat up and looked through the half closed door. On the floor, upside down, was an old shoe box. "You broke your back for that?"

"For what's inside," he said. "Go on."

Aaron carefully crossed over Robert's body and sat just inside Liv's room as he turned over the box. It was light and dust free, so either Robert had cleaned it or it had been stored carefully.

"Open it."

Aaron lifted the lid and moved the cloth covering that was on the top. He looked at the notebook inside before looking at Robert in confusion. "I don't—"

"Mum gave it to me. It's her notes, her research about being a Divinus. She wanted me to have it, to know what it meant."

"I thought you knew that already."

"I know about the things I can do, I know how it makes me feel. But Mum was more... She said there were stories and histories in there that I probably wouldn't be told about in any Community."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," Robert admitted. "She gave it to me just before she and Ritchie... And then she was... After that I didn't feel like reading it. "

"So why tonight?"

"I'd almost forgotten about it," Robert admitted, "but the other day you said something about Liv's History project and I just... I remembered. And I wanted to know. I wanted us to know."

Aaron lifted the notebook from the box and carefully opened the cover. He inhaled sharply as he read Sarah's handwriting. "Robert, this is... You should read this, not me."

"Why?"

"Because this is _your_ history," he said. "She looked into your family, your Divinus line. Your mum, Pat I mean, and the Harker line."

"She did that?"

"Yeah," Aaron said, closing the book.

"No, tell me. I want to know."

"This is private—"

"You're my husband, Aaron," Robert said.

"Yeah, but—"

"Tell me."

"OK," Aaron said, turning back to the first page. "I just... I think it's best if I just read this to you, OK? The way it's written..."

"What do you mean?"

Aaron looked at Robert for a second before deciding that the easiest way to show him was to just do it. He looked down at the notebook, took a breath, and began. 

"To my beautiful son. I hope that one day you can read this and know who you are, where you come from and what it means to be who you are. I hope that when you are ready to read these words you know that Divinus are a gift; to our world and to the people who share in a part of their lives. Throughout history your kind have been called gods and demons and everything in between, and I know you feel like you've been given a burden that you didn't ask for and don't want, but there are more untold stories than rumours. I hope the ones in here remind you that first and foremost you are Robert Jacob Sugden. You are my son, you are your own self, and you are a person with hopes and dreams just like anyone else. It is my only wish that the life you lead, however you choose to do that and wherever it takes you, is a life filled with as much love and laughter and joy that being your mum brings me."

Aaron didn't need to look up to know that Robert was silently crying. The _pain_ and _loss_ was wrapped up in a _love_ that was different to the one that Aaron was as used to feeling as he was his own skin. Without any indication that Robert wanted to stop, Aaron carried on reading.

**

"Thank you," Aaron whispered as he curled in next to Robert. He pulled the cover up over them, trying to ward off as much of the small hours' November cold as possible.

"For what?"

"You didn't need to share that with me."

"I wanted to."

"So what was the plan? Shared reading over the restaurant table?"

"Nice try," Robert laughed as he pulled Aaron closer. "Still not telling you."

"There's so much in there, your mum really looked into it."

"I can't believe she knew."

"Knew what?"

"I told you that we'd planned to go to a Community but then she... Well that wasn't exactly what happened. She wanted me to go, thought it was important I knew who I was. But I just wanted to be a normal kid, I hated being different. Mum dying was the excuse I needed to turn my back on it all. I couldn't save her. And over the years it was easier. I wasn't there for Dad, I couldn't have saved Katie... I never thought much about this gift and what it would mean for the people in my life. But you? You changed that."

"You called it a gift," Aaron said.

"What?"

"You said 'this gift'. You always called it a curse."

"Until you it was. But in that car, at the yard, whatever happens next? Saving you is all that matters to me. So long as you're OK."

"Same," Aaron said, kissing Robert's shoulder.

"You know, I always used to look at those old couples, the ones walking hand in hand, and wonder how you could possibly want to spend your whole life with someone. I guess I had a different perspective, given what my life is."

"When I felt that pain, your pain, I was so scared that I was going to lose you."

"I'm going nowhere, Aaron."

"You don't know that. You can still die. And for a moment I had to consider the idea of what it would be like to live without you."

"You'd be fine."

"No, I wouldn't. I can deal with the idea of me going, I've never known anything different. You know there were times when I wanted... But now I have you and this home and this life, and I know who you are? It's different."

"How?"

"I used to think that I'd be better off with whatever comes after this mess of a life. But meeting you..."

"What? I changed you?" Robert quipped.

"Don't you wish," Aaron quipped right back. "I changed myself. Before you, because of you... But it meant that when we could do this? Be this? I was ready. Even if I do mess it up sometimes."

"Everyone messes up, Aaron."

"Not like me."

"I'm not exactly a saint."

"You don't have... him in your head," Aaron said quietly.

"We've talked about this. If you wanted to see someone—"

"And say what? My dad abused me, I helped my first boyfriend to die, and I'm currently married to the guy I had an affair with while he was married to a woman, and by the way he's Divinus?"

"Be a hell of an intro for your first session," Robert laughed.

"I don't want to out you."

"There's more to it than that," Robert sensed. "It still bothers you."

"That you're going to have hundreds of years after me? Maybe. I just... I can't imagine my life where you're not the biggest part of it. Like one day I'm going to be a footnote, I'm going to be some guy you loved for a few decades."

"You'll never be that," Robert whispered. "You're always going to be him, the only one, the man I'm going to love for the rest of my life."

"And one day you'll have been here longer than you had with me."

"So have a kid with me," Robert said. "Your kid, our kid. And I'll always have a part of you with me."

"With the usual odds of being Divinus?"

"Not unless we got a donor egg?" Robert suggested. Beside him he felt the wave of _rejection_ and he sighed. "Fine. How about me first, you second."

"You'd do that?" Aaron asked, sitting up.

"Let's give this agency a go. Let's see if we can have a Divinus kid. Then we'll see about expanding further. If you want?"

Aaron grinned before ducking his head, kissing Robert's lips gently. The wave of _love_ flowed between them both with no discernible source for any part of it.

**

It was a little after five in the morning when Aaron was jolted awake, not even having realised he'd fallen asleep. When he realised that Robert was moving next to him Aaron hurriedly scrambled to his feet ahead of his husband who was slowly pulling himself up.

"Rob?"

"If you make a comment about me finally acting like an old man, I will leave you," Robert said, his hand pressing against the wall for support.

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah, just stiff from being on the floor for so long. And Keith is fixed so..."

Aaron ducked under Robert's arm, bracing himself against his shoulder and letting Robert put some of his weight on him as he straightened up. Once Robert was standing he moved his arm from the wall and wrapped it around Aaron, holding on to him for another reason.

"Thank you," Robert whispered.

"For what?"

"Staying with me."

"As if I could be anywhere else," Aaron said, pulling back to look at Robert. His hands were on his shoulders, holding him, keeping him close. "You sure you're OK? Keith is fixed?"

"Completely."

"You mean it? No lasting damage, no more pain?"

"Aaron, I promise. I'm fully healed."

"Good," Aaron smiled. Then he pulled back his hand and punched Robert: hard. "Don't you ever do that to me again," he said, adding in a second punch for good measure. "You are not supposed to go first, I am not supposed to lose you."

"OK, OK!" Robert said, grabbing Aaron's wrist to stop a third punch. He then flinched as Aaron's other hand landed a blow. "Are you done yet?" he asked, grabbing that hand too.

"Yeah," Aaron breathed.

"Good." And with that he pulled him in, flush against his body, and kissed him. "How about you take this old man to bed?"

**

"You OK?" Aaron asked.

"Tired," Robert murmured. "What time is it?"

"Little after eight."

"Work?"

Aaron shook his head, running a hand through Robert's hair. "I'm not going in. I called Nicola, said you weren't well."

"Bet she loved that," Robert said, his eyes drifting shut.

"Don't care. I texted Adam, I'm staying here with you. You need your rest."

"Thank you," Robert said, sighing as he sank into the covers. "Love you."

"I know," Aaron said.

He felt the heart in his chest slow to the steady thrum he always felt when Robert slept. He knew he should too, that after spending the night dozing on and off while Robert healed meant he was tired too, but sleep wasn't coming to him. Robert slipped away quickly, his body always in need of rest after healing, but Aaron's rebelled against him.

He needed to be sure that Robert was safe, needed to see and hear and feel that he was alive and well and mobile. That he wasn't Jackson and he wasn't trapped in a life he didn't want or plan or—no.

Robert wasn't Jackson, this love wasn't the same, and Aaron wasn't the same. He was little more than a kid when Jackson had died, still trying to figure out everything. And maybe a part of him was still trying to figure stuff out but now, here, with the early winter sun pushing through the curtains and his sleeping husband next to him in the bed, Aaron felt he had enough figured out for now.


	4. Act Three

"Is that it? Can we go home now?"

Robert laughed at Liv's plaintive whine but ignored her in favour of grabbing Aaron's waist as he walked by. "Good day today."

"Maybe for you. I was the one in here being run ragged behind the bar," Aaron said. "Enjoy the festival did ya? Eat your weight in Vic's gourmet burgers?"

"I had half of one and you know it," Robert replied. "I was too busy serving food to eat it."

"Probably a good thing," Liv said. "Only so many times you can spin the 'must have shrunk in the wash' excuse."

"I said that _once_ and you were the one to put my jumper in on high!"

"If you say so," Liv grinned as she hauled herself up onto a stool. "My feet are killing me. Thanks for making me the general dogsbody."

"Any time," Aaron smiled. "Maybe next year when you're old enough you can pull the pints and I'll spend my time flirting with the customers."

"You will not," Robert said to Aaron, only half serious.

"Made some good tips though," Liv grinned. "And got that cute guy's phone number."

"You what?" Aaron asked, his mind already spinning with the possibilities.

"Oh leave her be," Robert laughed. "Today has been a good day, even if we did spend most of it working."

"Yeah, what was with Charity and her great disappearing act?"

"Lord knows," Chas sighed as she came through from the back, her hair now scraped up on her head. "But you guys have been brilliant. I could not have gotten through today without you."

"I'm sure you'll make it up to me with a drink," Liv said. "Large vodka and coke, please."

"You're not eighteen yet," Aaron reminded.

"I am next week," Liv pouted. "Come one. One little drink. I won't tell anyone."

"What do you think?" Chas asked Aaron.

"She was really good today," Aaron replied with a resigned shrug. "And better we keep an eye on her drinking."

"Single vodka," Chas said, "and I'm drowning it in Coke."

Robert laughed and nuzzled in to Aaron's neck. "You're such a pushover. One call from your mum and we spend the day working in the bar instead of enjoying the food festival. One look from Liv and you're enabling her underage drinking habits."

"Well Vic and Marlon were busy running the festival, and Charity is—"

"Dead to us," Chas deadpanned as she put a pint glass in front of Liv, filled to the brim. "Enjoy."

"That's not drowning it," Liv said, looking at the glass, "that's a Biblical flood."

"Well next week when you're legal you can have all the undrowned vodka you're willing to pay for."

"Aaron, tell her," Liv complained.

"You asked for a drink," Aaron said, glancing to his side briefly. "You have a drink."

"It's not fair."

"I can take it back," Chas offered, reaching for the glass then laughing as Liv started slurping from the top. "So classy. You sure she's not really a Dingle?"

"She definitely is," Aaron laughed. He kissed Robert gently. "They both are."

"I don't think so, Mr Sugden," Robert quipped. "You know our kids are getting my name, right?"

"If you ever get around to having them," Chas said. "Unless this means what I think it means?"

"What do you think it means?" Aaron asked, feigning complete ignorance.

"Oh come on, Aaron. I want a grandbaby."

"What's the rush, Mum?" Aaron asked. "We've only been married a couple of years."

"I just don't get the hold up, that's all. You say you want kids—"

"We do."

"—then get on with it! I'm not going to be around forever, you know?"

"Do you promise?" Robert quipped, earning himself a whip with a bar towel from Chas. "Hey, I'm supposed to hate my mother-in-law, remember?"

"Yeah, well this one is nice and kind but will hurt you if you make that comment again."

"But comments about us and kids are fair game?" Aaron asked.

"I just want to see you happy," Chas whined.

"I am," Aaron said.

"Happy, and with a baby," she clarified with a grin. "Liv said you'd found a surrogacy agency,"

With her already-half-finished pint across the bar Liv tried to make herself seem as small as possible. "Sorry," she whispered when the boys glared at her.

"Hey, no, don't give her hell," Chas said, pointing a finger at her son. "Over a year ago you two decided to look into this and nothing's happened since. I'm just worried. What is it? Money? Can't decide which of you is going to—?"

"MUM!" Aaron yelled as his mum made an attempt at what was probably going to be a very rude and very inappropriate gesture.

"Love, I just want to know what's going on. If one of you were... y'know... well, what I mean is... Adam and Vic tried and nothing happened and we know how that story played out. So I'm just sayin' that if you were them and there was no kid after over a year? I'd be worried."

"This is a little different," Aaron asked, his tone playfully dangerous.

"You know what I mean," she replied. "Look, neither of you are getting any younger."

"Is that a dig?" Robert asked.

"You may look like time's stood still but you'll be 40 before you know it. And kids are exhausting, they'll run you ragged and give you hell. It won't matter if you don't look a day over thirty, you'll be falling apart just like my boy here."

"Right. Thanks, Mum," Aaron said. "And I'm not thirty yet, so don't write me off just yet."

"Yeah, but Robert's not getting any younger – despite appearances – and I just think if you're going to give me a whole football team's worth of grandkids then you should get started."

"A whole team?" Robert spluttered. "A minute ago we were falling apart, barely able to cope with one!"

"No, love, it's just... that's what kids do, don't they? They give you hell and run you ragged and then they smile at you and hug you and say they love you and it's the best feeling in the world. And they are so, so worth it. No matter how much grief they cause."

"I think she's trying to compliment me," Aaron said to Robert.

"I think she's trying to get a grandchild," Robert said.

"It can't be both?" Chas asked. "Come on. You've been married nearly three years and that is enough time for you to be by yourselves." When both Aaron and Robert turned to look at Liv Chas shook her head. "She doesn't count."

"Thanks," Liv muttered.

"Oh you came to us a moody teenager and we didn't get to enjoy the beauty of a newborn with ya," Chas said. "Oh god, that newborn smell."

"And all the nappies and throwing up and screaming the place down," Liv said.

"And the first smile and first word and first steps—"

"Baby proofing the entire house," Liv continued. "Everything out of reach, no social life."

"Best years of your life," Chas said. "And I know I didn't exactly give you the best start—"

"Mum, don't," Aaron said.

"—but it'll be different with you two. Your kid is going to be so happy and loved and supported. Not to mention you'll make your old mum really happy? Giving me a grandchild to spoil rotten?"

"Chas, can I stay here tonight?" Liv asked suddenly.

"What? Why?"

"Because they've got that look and I don't want to be home tonight."

Liv nodded over to Aaron and Robert, the latter of whom was busy pressing the former up against the bar. Robert's hands were still on Aaron's waist as he whispered something that made Aaron laugh, just before they kissed in that we-are-totally-in-public-but-if-we-weren't kind of way she'd come to know far too well. 

"I thought you were supposed to be helping with the clear up?" Chas said, throwing the towel at her son. It fell short but Aaron still looked at it, then his mother and sister, and shrugged.

"Come on. Sooner this mess is sorted sooner you two can get home and get working on that grandbaby."

"That's not how it works," Robert sighed.

"Ignore her," Aaron said, his hands keeping Robert exactly where he was. "But I do like the idea of trying."

"I'm going home to pack a bag," Liv said as she got off her stool. "You two are welcome to the place." 

Aaron didn't reply, he just kissed Robert gently, smiling into the kiss before the door swung back open and Liv shuffled back in. "What? Forget your keys?" he asked, but the smile dropped as Liv was marched in by two men, faces covered in ski masks, and guns in hand.

"Don't mind us, we're just the pickup crew," one said. "We pick up the till, few bottles from the bar, and be on our way."

Aaron reached out, pulling Liv away from them but never taking his eyes off them, the guns, the way that they moved. He knew that stance, that confidence all too well. This wasn't a bluff and it wasn't a game. He held Liv close to him, angling his body a little to shield her. Automatically Robert moved too, putting himself as a further barrier between them and Liv.

"Till, please?" the second asked, almost tripping over himself with politeness. He pointed the gun at Chas who was rooted to the spot.

"Mum, it's OK," Aaron said calmly. "Just open it."

"I'd listen to your boy," the first man said.

Chas didn't move, couldn't. She was white as a sheet and staring at the gun.

"Is she deaf or stupid?" the first man asked.

"Neither," Robert replied. "She's just had some bad experiences with guns. PTSD."

Aaron could feel the mix of emotions rolling out of Robert. Everything from _protect_ to _fear_ to _pain_. Aaron's mum may have had a bad experience but Robert, immortal Robert, had nearly died because of one.

"I'll do it," Robert said, holding up his hands. "If that's OK?"

"Don't think about being the hero," the second said, holding up his gun so it was pointing at Aaron and Liv.

The immediate rush of _protect_ that came from both of them was enough to ensure that they did nothing that wasn't asked of them, so Robert walked slowly around the bar, his hand briefly touching Chas' in a gesture of support, and he opened the till. He stepped clear as the first man came behind the bar and pulled the takings out. The food festival had been a hit and clearly they had chosen their target and timing well.

Robert gravitated back towards Chas, taking her hand in his and linking their fingers together as he pulled her behind him a little. There was a sense of _comfort_ coming from across the bar and it was met by _gratitude_ from Aaron.

"It's OK," Aaron whispered, his hands tightening across Liv's back. She buried as deeply as possible into his chest, trying so hard not to cry. "We're gonna be OK."

"Listen to your brother," the second man said, "although I feel it should come with a bit of a caveat. You're gonna be OK, but only _if_ you do as we say."

"You have the money," Robert said. "Take what you want and leave."

"And have you call the police as soon as we're out that door?" the first man said as he lifted a bottle of vodka down from the bracket. "I think not."

"What are you going to do?" Chas managed to say, her voice shaking as much as the hand Robert was still clenching in his.

"Nothing, so long as you all play fair," the second man said. "We just need a little insurance."

At that he moved forward, putting a hand on Liv's shoulder. He pulled on her, yanking her a little way from Aaron before he pulled back.

"No, leave her be," Aaron demanded, pulling his sister behind him.

"You don't get to dictate terms," the second man hissed, getting up into Aaron's face.

"You want insurance, fine, but not her."

"Aaron—" Robert started, knowing it and sensing it at the same time.

"Doesn't work like that," the second man said. "We take your sister and you won't even think about stepping foot outside this pub until we let her let you know where to pick her up. We take you, and hubby dear over there will do something stupid or you'll be looking for an out or something to find us afterwards. We take the kid and all is good."

"You take her and I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth," Aaron said. "She stays."

"Not the plan," the first guy said. "Kid, or..." He held out his gun, pointing it at Robert's head.

"She stays," Aaron repeated, hoping his voice didn't betray the complete _terror_ that he was feeling. He felt Robert's own emotions; the whirl of them would be confusing if it weren't for the single, focused and determined need to _protect_ Liv. No matter what she was to stay safe. "She stays."

"Fine, you can all stay," the second man said, his hand gripping the gun a little tighter. "Hope you have a family plot."

"Aaron, it's fine," Liv said, pulling at his arm. "They said they'd let me—"

"No, Liv," Aaron said, not looking back.

"Please—"

"This isn't what you came for," Aaron said to the man in front of him, feeling a surge of bravery well up inside him from the contact with Liv. "This is a robbery, plain and simple. You've done your homework on us, you knew what you were doing. So you have a plan for getting out of here, you're smart. Don't make it worse by doing this. She's not going anywhere and you have a choice: me or no one."

"It's not my choice that's gonna get her killed," the second man said, already starting to push past Aaron to get to Liv.

Robert turned as the man moved, watched as he tried to push Aaron out of the way, watched as Aaron tried to move with him. Saw the flex of the man's arm as it pressed up against Aaron, tried to push him out of the way.

Heard the pop but it wasn't until he _felt_ it that he realised what had happened.

Aaron recoiled, stepped back.

Liv squeaked and any other time Aaron might have quipped about her being a mouse.

The man stopped, suddenly unsure of his next step.

Chas tensed, blissfully unaware for three more seconds.

Two.

One.

Then Aaron's hand moved away from his stomach and there was red and he went down and Liv screamed and the men ran and Chas screamed and Robert just felt so much _pain_ for a moment then it was gone and it was _cold_ and that was not good.

"Robert!" Liv yelled, already crashing to her knees beside Aaron. "Robert, do something!"

In his haste to get around the bar Robert nearly tripped over the stool that Liv had barely pushed in and he stumbled, collapsing a short way from Aaron so he crawled the rest on his hands and knees.

Aaron's hands were back on his stomach, the blood seeping through his fingers with every laboured breath that he was taking.

_Cold._

_Slipping._

_Calm._

Robert reached out, pressing his hands over Aaron's... and nothing happened. Somewhere behind him Chas was yelling, sobbing, crying for her baby.

"No," Liv said to her. "It's OK, he'll be OK."

"He needs an ambulance," Chas said and Robert turned his head to see her fumbling with her phone.

"No," Liv said again, getting up. She seemed calmer. Worried, but calm. She didn't know, couldn't see that Robert was trying and failing at the one thing he should be able to do. "It's OK."

"OK?" Chas snapped. "How is it—"

"Trust me," Liv said, putting her hands over Chas'. "Robert, he's..."

"Hey," Aaron whispered, getting Robert's attention.

"I can't..." Robert whimpered. "It's not..."

"It's OK."

"No, it's not," Robert said, trying to push past the _fear_ and the _hurt_ and find that part of him that could do this, should be able to do this. His hands were warm in the wrong way and he didn't want to think about why that was.

"It's OK," Aaron breathed, Robert hearing and feeling the rattle in his chest. "Don't blame yourself."

"Why can't I do this?" Robert sobbed, the tears starting to slip down and run off his nose. They fell on Aaron's legs, his own legs, the floor, but he tried to refocus on Aaron. The wound, the bleeding, the damage that was killing him. "Aaron, I—"

"It's OK. I love you."

"Aaron—"

"Robert... It's OK."

"No," he whispered. "It's not."

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"I was so... happy..." Aaron breathed, fighting to keep his eyes open and breath in his chest. "I loved you more than I knew I could."

"I love you, I need you, please don't leave me," Robert begged, pressing down harder on the wound as if somehow that would kick-start it. "Why can't I fix this?"

"Robert—"

It was Chas' voice behind him but it wasn't her hand on his shoulder. It was smaller, gentler. Liv's fingers curled against his skin.

"I can't save him," Robert cried.

"You can," Liv said, crouching down behind him. She put her hand on his arm and leaned in. "You need to focus, remember? You need to be able to see this and you can't if you're panicking."

Robert knew this, understood what she was saying, but his brain and his body were so caught up in _fear_ and _love_ and more emotions than he could name that he couldn't access it, unlock it.

"Robert," Liv said. Her hand came up to his face, pulled at him so he was looking at her. "You can do this. You can. You can do anything."

**

_I know that there is so much about who you are and what you can do that terrifies you. And while I may not understand exactly what you are going through I do understand what it's like to feel that something is beyond you._

_Life is supposed to be big and scary, Robert. Things happen to us that are beyond our control, things that we wouldn't always wish for. But I know that you have the strength to deal with whatever comes your way. It doesn't matter to me that you're Divinus, it doesn't matter to me that you have such wonderful gifts. All of these things are just parts of who you are, Robert, and what matters most to me is that you are happy. That whatever you decide to do, whatever man I watch you grow into, you are happy. That you keep on believing that anything is possible._

_And you, my boy, can do anything._

_All my love for all your life. Mum. xx_

**

When Aaron had locked the garage, climbed into the car and turned that key with every intention of just drifting away, it had been a lot like this. Just closing his eyes and letting himself be carried away. He hadn't thought about it then but he did now: one holiday when he was maybe five? six? He'd been given an inflatable and told he was finally big enough to take it into the sea. His mum had agreed to watch him from the beach, she wouldn't embarrass him by going in with him. So he'd climbed up on it and pushed himself off and he'd lain back to enjoy the summer sun.

The sky above him had been blue, strands of white cloud stretched across them like spider webs. He'd followed one strand to another to another and he'd not realised until there was panicked shouting that he'd started to drift further away from the shore. It had been so calm and peaceful that he'd not realised, not until it was too late and his mother was swimming out, her hands batting against the water, as she came for him.

She called his name, over and over, until he sat up and saw. When he was five it seemed like he was a million miles from shore, enough to make him worry and call out for her. She was coming though, she was still there with him, he wasn't alone and the _pain that ripped through his stomach was crippling and when he called out it was not for his mother but for him. Robert's name screamed from his five year old mouth and it didn't stop coming, not even when he felt his mother's hands on him, on his stomach, pressing hard and telling him to hold on in a voice that wasn't hers, but deeper and warmer. He tried to tell him, the voice in the memory of his mother, that he was still here, but the tide was pulling at him and he could see the shore slipping away. He tried to tell the voice in his memory that he wanted to stay but he knew he couldn't swim, not yet. The voice in the memory of his mother held onto the inflatable, pulled it against the turning tide, and said – in a tone that wasn't begging or pleading or desperate but calm and loving and anchoring – that he was here and it would all be OK._

And Aaron believed him.

**

And oh god the _pain_.

Aaron cried as he felt the tear in his stomach contract, wondering why it would hurt so much more as he was dying than it did when he was shot. His hands reached down to pull at the pain, to try to get it away from him, but he found fingers and hands instead. He pushed at them for a second until he heard Liv's voice, somewhere in the distance.

"Aaron, let him. You have to let him."

There was so much confusion that it took his thoughts a moment to fight through, to become clear in his mind. The gun. Being shot. Robert trying to save him.

Robert saving him.

His eyes snapped open and his blurred vision was filled with a shape he knew from outline alone. Robert was on his knees in front of Aaron, hands pressed to his exposed stomach. Robert's eyes were closed but the focus was clear on his face.

A wave of _pain_ pulled through him again and his body spasmed with it. To his right Liv reached out, grasping his hand in his.

"I know, Aaron, I know," she said.

Aaron made himself turn to look at her. As his vision cleared a little he could see the tears streaming down her cheeks, the tracks of the previous ones still evident on her skin. She was pale, scared, and he wanted to hold her and tell her it would be OK, even though the reason why it wasn't OK had slipped away from him for a moment.

He turned his head back to Robert, his vision clearing further as his belly felt like it was clawing away at itself. _Healing_. This time though it felt like fire consuming everything about him and he was sure he would burn up.

"Robert," he managed to choke out.

"Let him," Liv begged, clinging to Aaron's hand. "We thought we'd lost you but he's fought so hard—"

"Stop him," Aaron begged, his mind clearing enough to separate his thoughts and feelings.

"No chance," Liv protested.

"You need to stop him."

"You'll die!"

"Robert!" At that Robert's eyes snapped open and Aaron blinked hard, trying to focus more on his face. "You can't—"

"I have to," Robert whispered, "I'm not losing you."

"But—" He was cut off by another wave of pain, a burst of fire through his abdomen, and for a second one of Robert's hands was removed from his skin as he seemed to throw something away.

There was a tiny clink on the floor. Chas, still staring dumbfounded, looked down. Resting by her foot was a bullet.

"I'm not losing you, I am _not_ letting you go," Robert said.

"It's too much, Robert," Aaron begged. "You're pushing yourself too hard."

Liv looked at Robert, finally realising what Aaron was getting at. "Is that true?"

Aaron groaned as he felt every part of his body pull back together. The pain was nothing like before; the fire seemed to lick at his very being. Nerves, muscles, organs, all the way up into his brain. There wasn't a part of him that wasn't being affected by this and he cried out, instinctively gripping Liv's hand tighter.

"Robert!" Liv yelled. She pushed at his hands, moving one enough to see the red stained skin knitting together. "You can stop now," she begged. "Chas, help me get him off."

Aaron tried to sit up further but his body, still on fire and still being drawn tighter and tighter, refused to cooperate. The part of Aaron's chest that had been home to Robert was caving in on itself and that scared him more than bullets and blood and death.

Shaken from her stupor, Chas moved forward and put her hands on Robert's shoulders. The touch seemed electric to him and in an instant it was all over. Robert's hands lifted free and Aaron was able to pull himself up to a sitting position. Aaron reached out for Robert and all too easily and willingly Robert fell into them, collapsing against Aaron's body with a sigh.

"Is he—?" Liv started to ask.

"It was too much," Aaron said. "I could feel him pushing himself and it was too much."

"What the hell just happened?" Chas asked, her brain already putting the pieces together.

"Mum, please. Just help me get him upstairs," Aaron begged. "Please."

**

Aaron leaned against the doorframe unable to take his eyes off Robert. It seemed weird, seeing Robert in their old room, their old bed. Liv been sent home to pack for the three of them while they'd gotten Robert upstairs, and when she'd come back he'd changed, bagged up his ruined and bloody clothes and resisted the urge to burn them. He'd had enough of fire for one lifetime.

"So," Chas said as she stood opposite him in the doorway. "Robert's a Divinus."

"Mum, I'm so sorry," Aaron said, turning towards her with tears in his eyes. "We couldn't tell anyone. We told Liv because she lives with us. Vic knows, she's always known I think, and she only told Adam when they got married. But no one else. No one else can know, Mum, it's important to him. To me."

"Is that when he told you? When you got married?"

Aaron shook his head. "After the crash. He wanted to know I'd marry him for him then he gave me the choice of whether I wanted to marry him for who he is."

"That's what you were talking about," Chas said. "When you asked me if he was good for you."

"You said I deserved to be loved. And he loves me, Mum. He _really_ loves me."

"So Divinus love is—?"

"Yeah, it is," Aaron smiled weakly. "And I love him. So much. He doesn't want people know what he is, you have to swear to me that you'll keep this secret. From everyone, Mum, I mean it. You can't tell anyone, ever, who he is."

"Oh baby," Chas said, cupping Aaron's face and pulling him close. "Because of him I get to keep you so I will keep any secret he needs me to."

"Thank you," Aaron whispered as she pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"For not telling you. For tonight."

"I have never been so scared," Chas said, "but it wasn't your fault."

"What if I lose him, Mum?"

"Isn't part of the whole Divinus thing that he's immortal?"

Aaron nodded, wiping at his face with his sweater paws. "But he can still die. When he was shot it could have killed him. He'd have died with me in the car if he... if we'd not gotten out. He can still die if it's bad enough."

"Yeah, but this? Love, I get that you're worried but I don't think this will—"

"It feels different, Mum. It feels... wrong. He's here," Aaron said, tapping at his chest, "but it's like... You know when you see someone in hospital and they're out of it, but you sit and you hold their hand? The hand is warm and it's them but there's nothing there? Like they don't respond to you at all, not even a little bit? That's what it's like," he said, looking back at the bed. "He's here but he's not. I'm not used to that. I'm used to feeling him. I'm supposed to be able to feel him."

"You... You're bonded?"

Aaron bit his lip and nodded. "I feel his heart next to mine but now it's so faint I don't know if I'm imagining it. It... It feels like he's gone, like he's not mine anymore."

"If you'd seen him you'd know that he's yours," Chas said, brushing back a drying curl on his forehead. Getting him to shower had been a battle, he'd not wanted to leave Robert's side, but she was used to winning and so once Robert had been settled and Liv had come back and was safely locked inside the pub with them Aaron was bundled into the shower with the threat of her scrubbing him down if she had to. "Any comment I ever made about Robert Sugden not knowing how to love someone? I take it back."

"You didn't know."

"I didn't exactly give him a chance either."

"It's OK, Mum. It is."

"No," she said, "it's not. Just like you're not OK." When Aaron glanced over his shoulder she reached out and rubbed his arm. "Liv's asleep. Don't worry about her." 

"I was the one who pushed for the bond," Aaron said, twisting his wedding ring as he talked. "I thought it would, I don't know, make us closer. I wanted him to know how I felt. I wanted to... have something with him that no one else had. It's the rings," he said, holding up his hand, "and when we got married it was... It was everything. And then it was so much, too much, and I freaked out."

"Yeah, well, you never were good at sharing your feelings, love."

"It's different, it's... hard to explain. And it was hard for me, being like that with someone. So I freaked out. I pushed him away and I almost lost him. He was there all the time, he stayed even though I pushed him away, even though I was nearly breaking us, breaking him and now... What if I lose him? What if he's gone and it's my fault?"

"How is this your fault, baby?"

"He was trying to save me and—"

"Oh no, no, no," Chas said, reaching out for him and pulling him in for a hug. "Baby, no. He was so desperate to save you, I didn't get it at first but Liv? She grounded him, helped him, I don't know what. But then he was pulling you back and nothing was going to stop him. I don't think he would have done anything else, even if he'd been capable of it."

"We've talked so much about... about me dying," Aaron sniffed into her shoulder. "I don't know what I'll do if I lose him."

"You won't," Chas said. "I always thought that man had more lives than a cat and well," she smiled as she pulled back, "I guess I was kinda right. Look, from what little I remember the fact that he's not dead yet means something, right? And I'm pretty sure than if anyone wanted to take him from you then he'd fight them all the way."

"Look at you," Aaron said, wiping at his tears again. "One shooting and suddenly you're his biggest fan. Bit different to the last time."

"If you tell him what I've said tonight I will never hear the end of it, so don't you dare," she smiled, only half serious in her threat. "Get some sleep, OK? It's been... a hell of a night."

"Thanks, Mum. For everything."

"It's what I'm here for," she smiled.

Chas put a hand to Aaron's cheek before heading down the stairs, wrapping her cardigan around her. Taking a deep breath she passed through the back room and out into the bar where the bucket was already waiting for her. 

It wasn't the first time she'd had to clean up the bar, not even her first blood pool. But there was so much of it and it had all come from her son and suddenly it was all too much and she sank to her knees and sobbed.

**

It will take her half an hour to clean it up, pouring more bleach than was probably needed onto the wooden boards but she needed it all gone. When she stands she will kick something across the floor, looking down to see it bounce off a table leg before hitting the bar again. When she sees the bullet she'll retch but won't throw up. (She'll be weirdly proud of herself for that.) She'll pick it up, go back through the living room, open the back door, and with a scream she'll throw it as hard as she can. She won't hear it land.

And when she's composed herself again she'll finish cleaning up the pub and she'll pour herself a very large drink. And then she'll remember that the till was stolen and at some point she'll have to deal with that.

But that will be a problem for hung-over Chas. She'll just want to be drunk Chas then.

**

"Morning, love," Chas greeted as Liv came down the stairs. She sat at the table without a sound, putting her head in her hands. "Sleep well?"

"No, but at least I got some sleep. You look like you've not had a wink," Liv said, lifting her head briefly.

"Yeah, I couldn't. Lot to take in."

Liv sighed and pushed herself to a sitting position. "You OK with everything?"

Chas looked at Liv, pulling a face. "Since when were you the responsible mother type?"

"Since I moved in with those two," Liv said, jabbing a thumb behind her towards the stairs. "I mean, they're great and I love them, but sometimes they forget that I'm not in on their little bond. Most of the time anyway." When Chas threw her another look she shrugged. "Robert's got his uses every month or so."

"Right," Chas said. She poured out the water for two coffees, putting one in front of Liv. "And Aaron's... OK with all that sharing stuff?"

"What do you mean?"

"I love my boy to death—" she started, then inwardly cursing herself for her choice of words. "I love him but he's not the best when it comes to sharing his feelings. And from what I was reading about this last night it all seems really intense."

"It can be, but they make it work and they are so happy, Chas. Believe me." Chas's face seemed to say otherwise so Liv pressed on. "About four months ago I was trying to open a tin of paint when the screwdriver slipped and I cut my hand open. I didn't think it was that bad but I couldn't move my thumb and I kept thinking that I'd severed a nerve or something. Probably had. It took Robert a few minutes and then my hand was good as new.

"When he heals someone there's a bond made. Temporary in our case, but it's there. And I feel what he feels and because he feels what Aaron feels I think maybe I feel a bit of that too? I don't know, but I do know that they are happy, they really do love each other, and last night..." Liv sighed, cupping her mug in her hands. "Last night Robert would have done anything to fix Aaron."

"Is this normal? Him sleeping like this?" Chas asked.

"No," Aaron said from the doorway. The two women looked up and then Chas was out of her seat and over to him. "He won't wake up and I don't know what to do." He accepted the hug from his mother, burying his face in her shoulder for a moment.

"Have you called Ciarán?" Liv asked.

Aaron nodded as he stepped back, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve and ignoring the half-hearted slap Chas gave him for doing so. "Sent him a message last night, gave him the details and asked him to call me. He's the leader of the Community in Ireland we went to," he explained to his mum. 

"It'll be fine, love," Chas said. "All you need to do is focus on Robert and—"

She was cut off by a knock at the back door. Chas opened it to find Jason Wise, flanked by everyone's favourite - PC Swirling - and her heart just sank.

"Morning," Jason said.

"Morning," Chas replied, trying not to give anything away. "Everything OK?"

"I was going to ask you that," Jason said. "I'm hearing that you had quite a night."

"Food festival, really busy, quite exhausting actually—"

"Chas," Jason said, his tone heavy with meaning.

"Now's not a good time."

"I don't understand why you didn't report it," Jason continued. When Chas feigned ignorance he continued. "Fine. Last night we arrested two men who were driving erratically about five miles from here. In the car we found a bag of cash, a couple of bar sized bottles of vodka, and two guns, one of which had recently been fired. Under questioning one gave out, admitted to robbing here last night." Jason took a deep breath. "And to shooting and killing the landlady's son."

Chas glanced over her shoulder for a second, then looked back. "Jason—"

"Why didn't you call us last night?"

"I don't know what you—"

"Maybe it would be best if we had this chat inside?" Swirling added.

"We can help you," Jason said. "He's admitted to it but we still need to build a case and you need support."

"Fine," Chas said. She stepped back and let them walk through into the back room, where they both froze in their tracks.

"Mornin'," Aaron said. "Coffee?"

Sometimes, Swirling thought, he really hated the Dingles. Too much confusion and paperwork.

**

"So let me get this straight," Jason said. "There was a break in last night, the gun did go off, but it only grazed you?"

"Yeah," Aaron said.

"Our man was very clear about it," Swirling said. "Point blank range he said."

"Do I look like a man who was shot at point blank range last night?" Aaron asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

"So why not report it?" Jason asked Chas.

"Would you believe me if I said it was on my to do list?" she asked.

"You know her history," Aaron said. "Last night she was a mess and I'll be honest, I was more worried about her than some money from the till. Besides, you got them, right?"

"Yeah—" Jason started.

"Two guys walk into the pub, waving guns in our faces and I... kinda get shot," Aaron said, wanting to control the narrative as much as he could. "She was in bits, she's still not great."

"Where's Robert?" Jason asked, looking around. "He was here last night wasn't he?"

"Yeah," Aaron said.

"We'll need to talk to him of course."

"You can't," Chas said quickly. "I mean..."

"He's asleep," Aaron said. "I mean... You know he got shot once, and last night he had to watch me get shot. Kinda," he added. "And Mum was suffering so we had that to deal with—"

"And they wanted me to go with them for insurance," Liv helpfully offered, "and you know how protective of me they are."

"Yeah. So, Robert took the night shift, making sure everything and everyone was OK, and now he's asleep," Aaron finished, smiling gratefully at Liv.

"I don't get it," Swirling said, "the men were very clear about what happened. Why would they lie?"

"You're the cops, aren't you supposed to figure it out?" Liv asked. "Look," she said, hitting Aaron on the leg softly. "Not dead."

"I can see that," Jason said. "But you did get robbed?"

"Yeah," Chas said.

"Right. Well, we'll need to have a look at the bar. Maybe we can find the bullet that... grazed Aaron."

"Maybe," Chas said. When Aaron shot her a worried look she shook her head. "I don't know what happened. It's all a bit fuzzy. Might go... give my counsellor a call," she added, hurriedly leaving the room.

"Is she OK?" Jason asked.

"What do you think?" Aaron replied. "Well. You know where the bar is, I'll be through in a bit."

"Thanks," Jason said, getting up and heading through to the bar, followed by Swirling who was busy wondering if his sister meant it when she said they could stay with her for a bit.

"Aaron—" Liv started but was silenced when Aaron put a finger to his lips.

"Go keep an eye on Robert. I don't want him to be alone for too long and if he wakes up he can't come down here. I'll... deal with them."

By the time Aaron had gone through to the bar the two officers were looking around what had to be the cleanest bar in the Dales. There wasn't a single beer mat out of place and Aaron was pretty sure even the brass had been polished.

"Find anything?" Aaron asked.

"Your mum has the best cleaners around," Jason said, "I should get their number."

"If that's all you want then—"

"I don't get it. Why would they confess to a murder that clearly hasn't happened?"

Aaron wrapped his arms around his waist, biting back a hiss of pain as he accidentally hit the wound still there, and shook his head.

"Might cast doubt on the rest of their story," Swirling suggested. "Obviously he's not dead so maybe the rest of it isn't true?"

"Could be," Aaron said.

"Did you see their faces?" Jason asked.

Aaron shook his head. "Ski masks."

"Any identifying features?"

"Not that I noticed, but I was a little distracted by the fact they were waving a gun around in my mum's face. And Liv was here. Kinda more focused on keeping her safe than getting details for a line up."

"With no solid evidence they could build some reasonable doubt into their defence, especially with the murder confession."

"You said they had the takings and the bottles, right? Isn't that enough?"

"For armed robbery, yeah."

"Well. That's what they did, isn't it?" Aaron asked. "Armed robbery? Serious enough of a charge."

"There's possession of a firearm too," Swirling added. "And the wounding?"

"Oh, section twenty at least, maybe attempted murder? I mean, what else was he trying to do when he pulled the trigger?" Jason added. "Maybe he'll give us more when we formally interview him later."

"You'd have to ask him," Aaron said. "I was just tryin' to protect my sister. I got in the way, that's all."

"But you do think he meant to pull the trigger? He was aiming for Liv and you just... got in the way?"

"I don't know. Probably? I mean, from what I hear guns just don't... go off," Aaron said.

"True," Jason smiled, "and certainly not the one that we found. If we could find the bullet it would help."

"Why?"

"Forensics," Jason said. "Tell us how close you were to the gun maybe? If it was embedded in the bar or the floor it could speak to angle. DNA on the bullet? Might prove one of your stories."

"You actually think I got shot like he said?" Aaron asked. "Point blank like he said and now I'm standing here?

"Well, the gun was fired and there's been some serious cleaning going on here recently. Thing about bleach, it cleans up blood a treat but the smell of it? Sticks around and makes me wonder why the need for so much. For a graze I mean."

Aaron pressed his lips together and nodded. "The smell of vomit sticks around too unless you get it all. Food festival, too much beer, you're smart detectives so I'm sure you can work out the rest."

"I'm sure," Jason smiled.

Aaron knew that smile, had been so grateful that he'd never seen it directed at him. Until now. That was the smile he'd seen him give Gordon, given Cain, given so many people. Jason's _I don't believe you_ smile. He'd always believed Aaron, he'd found strength and comfort in that once. Now Aaron could see that Jason was so sure there was more to this.

He was right.

"So there's nothing we should know?" Jason asked.

"Look, I don't know what to tell you. Liv was leaving, they forced her back in. Took the till, took the drinks, shot at me and left. And I've spent the night with this," he said, pulling up his top to show the red mark on his stomach, "while telling my sister that it wasn't her fault, that I would take a bullet to keep her safe, while comforting my husband who was shot once and who thought he might lose me, while making sure Mum doesn't have a relapse.

"We should have called but I promise you, last night there was not a single person in this pub who was capable of doing that. We had too much going on. We still do. Robert's... lost, Mum's not sleeping, and Liv is way too quiet. You know my sister, that is not good."

"You should get that looked at," Swirling said, indicating Aaron's stomach as he dropped his top. "Make sure it's not serious."

"I'm fine. It's fine."

"I'm sure," Jason said. "But still good advice."

"Fine, whatever."

"You want to see them brought to justice, don't you?"

"You have them, you have the evidence. We'll make statements, just not today, alright?" Aaron pointed out. "Do you need anything else?"

"Nothing, I guess," Jason said. "Well, we'd like to get those statements sooner, rather than later. Tomorrow morning at the latest."

"I'll be in touch," Aaron said. "And thanks. For coming over."

"You don't need to thank me."

"A pub robbery and shooting? Little below your pay grade. Or have things gotten bad these last few years?"

"OK, so maybe I pulled rank a little," Jason smiled. "I was worried."

"About me? Or Mum?"

"Don't leave it too long," Jason smiled. "And I hope Robert feels better soon."

Aaron nodded as they walked past him, back through the bar and out. Once he heard the back door shut he let out a shaky breath, reaching out for the wall to steady himself. He took a moment before heading through himself, taking the steps two at a time until he was standing just inside his old room, watching Liv gently brush the hair back from Robert's face.

"Nothing," she said, answering a question he hadn't asked. "They gone?"

"Yeah."

"This is my fault. If I'd gone with them—"

"No," Aaron said forcefully, walking over to her and pulling her up into a hug. She'd grown a few inches but she still fitted under his chin, he could still hold her against him the way he did when she first came back into his life. "This has nothing to do with you. I will _always_ take a bullet to protect you, so would Robert."

"But—"

"No, no buts. You know what pretty much the last thing I felt from him was? _Protect_. And it wasn't about Mum, it was about you. I couldn't tell what was me and what was him but we both felt it. So if I'd take a bullet for you, so would he. If I'd give up everything for you, so would Robert."

"But he—"

"Would be the first to tell you that he would choose this, over and over, if it kept you safe."

"I'm still sorry," Liv mumbled into his top.

On the side unit Aaron's phone sprung into life, vibrating its way across the top causing him and Liv to jump.

On the bed, Robert didn't stir.

"It's Ciarán," Aaron said, seeing the ID on the screen. "Hey," he answered.

"What has the eejit done now?" Ciarán asked.

**

"Aaron's talking to Ciarán," Liv said as she closed the bedroom door behind her. "I think they're talking about going to Ireland."

"Is Robert—?" 

"No, no change. They'll probably go to Ireland when he's awake though, right?"

"I saw Jason leave."

"Yeah. Think Aaron put them off."

"And those men are going to get off," Chas hissed. "They tried to kill him, they would have killed him. We can't let them get away with that."

"Chas—"

"If it weren't for Robert—"

"Yes, Chas, Robert. Robert, who pushed himself harder than ever before to save Aaron. Robert, who risked everything for Aaron. His entire life, everything about him is geared towards helping Aaron, about being there for him, helping him. Helping me."

"I know, but—"

"How is he protecting Aaron if it comes out what he is, who he is? How is he protecting Aaron if we push this, reveal everything? Robert gave everything he has to save Aaron last night and now it's our job to protect him. I want to see them suffer for what they did but that's not important now. What's important is that _we_ protect Robert, and Aaron. We have to let this go. If it comes out that they did shoot Aaron then people are going to figure out a Divinus is why he's up and about, and they won't have to look too far to find Robert. And then everything that Aaron and Robert want for their lives will be gone.

"I mean, you've been making comments about Robert still looking young for a while now and the other day I heard them talking about maybe starting to dye his hair grey. You know this is why Divinus don't stay in one place too long? People notice this stuff. But they want to stay here. They want to have kids and raise them here and so they've been planning ways to do that without people getting suspicious.

"That's what they want, Chas, and we need to help them with that. If we push this, if we go after those guys – legally or otherwise – then everything could come out. If that happens you know they'll run. They'll have to go to some Community and that's not what they want. They want to be here, at home, with their family. Who love them and want what's best for them," she added, her voice heavy with meaning. 

Chas huffed and shook her head, the beginnings of a smile on her face. "You are way too smart for your own good, you know that?"

"Please, Chas. Robert's done nothing but help Aaron, help me, and he needs us to take care of him now."

"OK," Chas whispered. "OK, I'll let it go."

"Really? I know how you feel, so even if it's just for Aaron—"

"No," Chas said, "it's for Robert. He's... he's more than earned it."

Behind them the bedroom door opened and Aaron appeared, sliding the phone into his pocket. "Well, good news is that Ciarán reckons Robert will wake up at some point."

"And the bad?" Chas prompted.

"He has no idea what damage Robert has done to himself. Or if he'll ever be the same again."

Liv walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, and let him hold her. Behind them, still on the bed, Robert slept on.

**

"OK, so does someone have a good explanation as to why I am only just hearing about a robbery and a shooting?" Cain asked as he sat at the bar. "Anyone?"

Chas looked from him to Aaron and then back again. "What?"

"Don't play dumb, Chas. What the hell happened?"

"Just what you probably heard. We got robbed the other day, a gun went off and grazed Aaron, the guys were arrested escaping, end of. It's fine."

"It's not fine," Cain said as his pint was put down. "You shoulda told me."

"And have you go off hunting them? No thanks," Chas said.

"They shot at Aaron!"

"Yeah, and look at me," she said, holding out her arms, "I'm not down there braying for blood."

"Yeah, why is that?"

"Because there's a bigger picture here, Cain," Chas said, and Aaron's heart fell to his feet. "He could have died. I could have lost him and I didn't. Someone up there really likes me right now because instead of burying him he's back in his old room for a few days to keep his mum happy. The money was recovered, everyone's happy and well, so I am choosing to look on the bright side for once. And so are you."

"Are you scared or sommat?" Cain asked. "Did they threaten you? I won't let 'em hurt you—"

"Just let it go, Cain. Please."

"I don't get it. Normally you'd be up for tearing those guys new ones."

"Yeah, well, I'm mellowing in my old age."

Across the bar Aaron laughed into his pint, earning a glare from his mum and a confused look from his uncle.

"And you're OK with this?" Cain asked.

"It's like she said. It could have been worse," Aaron said.

"Yeah. Well Be that as it may you shouldn't have left me out of the loop."

"Fine. Next time I get shot I'll tell you first."

"Surprised Robert let you move back in. Would have thought staying with the in-laws would be the last thing he wanted."

At the mention of Robert Aaron stilled a little, recovering as quickly as he could but it wasn't fast enough.

"What?" Cain asked.

"Nothing," Chas and Aaron both said at the same time, immediately revealing the complete opposite.

"Where is he? Haven't seen that smug face around since the festival."

"Business trip," Aaron said. "Urgent. Last minute."

"You get shot and he takes off? Thought he'd changed."

"It's me," Chas sighed. "You were right, mother-in-law, who needs it? Yeah, he stayed that first night and then was gone by yesterday morning."

"Mum—"

"Love, it's OK. I get it. Us mother-in-laws are supposed to be annoying."

"What's that about mother-in-laws?" came a voice from behind them. Aaron turned to see Diane and Doug walking in and he sighed. "You giving Robert a hard time?"

"No more than usual," Chas smiled. "Got a reputation to uphold, don't I?"

"Haven't seen Robert in a few days, everything OK?" Diane asked.

"Business trip," Cain said. "Apparently."

"Right, well, when he's home I want the three of you over for dinner," Diane said, missing Cain's comment entirely as she put her hand on Aaron's arm. "Victoria and Adam are coming too. I know we missed Jack's anniversary but—"

"Yeah, maybe," Aaron said, getting off his stool and leaving his drink. "I'll let him know when I talk to him, OK? See what he thinks."

Ignoring everyone Aaron headed upstairs. Still no change, Robert just looked asleep as always. For two days there had been nothing and Aaron was starting to be worried about how his body was sustaining itself. When you're in a coma hospitals hooked up all kinds of IV stuff to keep your body nourished and Aaron had no idea how to do that. Ciarán had called a few times, reassured him that Divinus rarely needed external help like that.

The word 'rarely' wasn't exactly a comfort.

If Robert didn't wake up in the next day or so then someone from the Community would come over and take charge of his care, see what they could do to heal him and bring him 'round. But that increased the odds of there being something seriously wrong, something that would mean that the man Aaron got back wasn't going to be the same man he loved, married, begged to stop the other night when he felt Robert pushing with every part of his being.

And he didn't know how he was going to cope with that.

Kicking off his boots he climbed up onto the bed and curled in beside Robert. His hand rested on Robert's chest, watching it rise and fall with every breath. Underneath his fingertips he felt Robert's heart beating and he wished he could feel it in his own chest again. The hollow where Robert normally lived was cold and empty.

So was he.

He closed his eyes, breathing in slowly as he tried to remember how it felt to have Robert be a part of him. For almost three years Robert's heart had beaten alongside his, since the moment his ring was in place he'd become so entwined with him that at times he didn't stop before he became Robert. He not hated the days, the snatched hours that he'd run from that. If he'd known then what he knew now, that it would feel like a part of him had been torn from him when that bullet tore into him? He never would have wasted that time.

But then he'd thought they would have years together. A whole lifetime of shared heartbeats and emotions so what did those few hours matter in the grand scheme of things?

That's the problem when you love a Divinus: you started to believe that you have forever too.

"Don't leave me, please," Aaron whispered. "I need you."

He curled his fingers up in the t-shirt they'd dressed him in days ago, when he'd performed the most reverent of acts and undressed and redressed Robert, laid him in the bed they once shared a lifetime ago.

The conversations they'd had in beds like these merged together in his mind, the promises they made in small hours about their lives and their love, their home and their family and who would do the shopping that week. Conversations which changed their world, changed the moment. Conversations he couldn't remember, would never remember, because they were just a simple part of life.

It would be those, he realised, that he would miss the most if... If.

How could it be that he never allowed himself to believe that he would lose Robert? That it would be him, now, here, like this? How could it be that he, who never got to keep anything good, believed he could keep Robert? This arrogant and self-centred man walked into his world before laying it all at his feet and promising to give everything in that world to him.

No one talked about the mortals who lost their Divinus. What was it like for them? To have their whole worlds turned upside down, inside out, ground to dust which blew away on the slightest wind?

Robert was here, still here, but he was somehow out of reach. Somehow that was worse. Aaron would rather die, over and over, than live through this uncertainty a moment longer. He would give his life, every moment of it, everything that Robert had given him time after time, to have Robert awake and with him. To kiss his love into Aaron's skin in the moments of tenderness, greeting, parting, passion. To have those hands move on Aaron's body, his heart, his very soul. To be held and told that it will be OK when things get too hard.

To have someone to come home to, someone who makes that home more than walls and furniture and possessions.

This was not the life Aaron ever believed he was supposed to live, the life he was supposed to have, but Robert had taken his heart and his hand and shown him a life beyond anything that he could have imagined. The love of a Divinus, the commitment and security of the love that was more than any rumour he'd given half an ear to when he could be bothered. The Community of friends and those who understood more than anyone ever could.

But it was bigger than that, bigger that him and Robert as individuals. It was about their family, about what happened in the Mill behind closed doors. The family that they built, the family that they talked about but had never been brave enough to make that final step. (Would it be worse or better if they had? If two years ago he'd not been so hesitant? If there was a baby with Robert's eyes and smiles would it be easier to be here now, wondering if he was losing the part of him that was now, and would always be Robert's?)

It was about the life that he couldn't imagine once; a life without blades and locked garages, a world that he never thought he would understand fully, let alone call his. Happy happened to other people. Happy happened to those who weren't screwed up, who didn't hurt people, who weren't broken.

Happy happened in his home, in his life, and Aaron didn't know if he could go back to a life without it.

 _You're the one who will get over me_ , Robert had said on one lazy afternoon when they lay on the sofa, doing nothing but being together. _You're a survivor, more than I could be._

All those times he pushed Robert to agree on time after him, on living after him, the argument that he would do it if it were the other way around. And now that he had to think about it, now that it wasn't just an obscure possibility, he found that he understood Robert, his friend, his husband, more than he ever had before. Living without him, living after him? It wouldn't happen. It would be existing, little more.

_I won't survive you, Aaron. I won't know how to._

Neither did Aaron.

He buried in closer, pressing his face against the softness of the cotton and Robert's body, every time he'd done this before looping in his mind like some tormenting Greatest Hits collection. And every time in his memory Robert's arm – strong and comforting and protecting – wrapped around him and kept him close.

One time Aaron's counsellor had remarked on how much Aaron had lost in his life: things that were taken from him, things that he lost, things that he gave up or pushed away. How that he'd not learned, not had the chance to learn, how to keep the things that mattered, what it felt like to have them. Until now. Until this man and his sister and their home.

It all started with Robert.

Robert, who gave him the strength to get justice. Robert, who helped him find his sister. Robert, who supported him when Liv came to stay. Robert, who loved and fought and stayed. Robert, who bought rings and the Mill and showed Aaron how to build a life. Robert, who was learning all this himself, who was just as scared of messing it up. Who was so aware of not hurting him, of not being the man that he used to be before he found a reason to be better. Found a reason to commit.

They'd fought about that too: Rebecca mostly, the odd woman who flirted a little too long before being told no. But Aaron had always known, always felt, how much Robert loved him and wanted him. Time and talk had taught him much about the mind and heart in the body that Aaron was now clinging to. To keep Robert here, to beep Aaron afloat, whichever it was.

They were supposed to have forever. He couldn't let go now.

Robert's arm crossed over his body, his hand finding Aaron's as it fisted the material over his chest. Those fingers, gentle and familiar, loosened his grip so that he could hold his hand the way he always did. The thumb brushing over the back of his hand the way he always did.

The cold hole still in Aaron's chest ached.

Aaron's head angled up a little, pressing a kiss to Robert's jaw line with muscle memory instinct. He didn't have to open his eyes, to look and see to know every line of Robert's body, and if he opened his eyes then it would shatter the memory of his touch to reveal the reality of his loss.

He wasn't ready for this.

He would never be ready for this.

"Hey," Robert whispered, his voice sleep hoarse. The hand over Aaron's stilled, the legs shifted a little, and it was so vivid that Aaron couldn't help but open his eyes to look.

And he saw.

Robert's eyes met his, the soft curling of a smile at the corner of his mouth. His chest filling with a deeper breath as his body started to stir.

"Hey," Robert repeated.

"Rob," Aaron breathed, propping himself up so that he could look properly at him, a hand already on Robert's cheek to see, to feel, to know that this was real. "Oh god, Rob..." He kissed him, simply but long, unable to do anything but. "You OK?"

"Yeah, I..." Robert stretched out under the covers, waking up slowly. "You? I mean, you're...?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Aaron said, his fingers running up to Robert's hair. "You scared me to death."

"What?"

"You... You pushed yourself too far. I was so scared you weren't going to wake up."

"How long has it been?"

"Two days."

"Two days?"

"Ciarán said the longer you slept the worse it could be. I thought I was going to lose you."

"You won't," Robert said, lifting a hand to Aaron's cheek. "I promise."

Aaron nodded, closing his eyes as he pressed into Robert's hand. He breathed deeply, finding that part of him that was Robert's.

And he froze.

"What?" Robert asked.

"I can't... I can't feel you."

Robert stilled too as he realised the same. "I don't—"

"It's OK," Aaron soothed, kissing him gently. "You're tired. It's fine."

"You think that's what it is?"

"What else could it be?" Aaron asked. "It'll be fine." 

He just hoped that he was right.

**

(He wasn't.)

**

"Got the boarding cards," Robert said as he walked into their room. "Airport parking is sorted. Did you remember to get the Euros?"

"Yeah," Aaron said quietly as he zipped up his bag.

"Hey. Talk to me."

"What if they can't do anything? What if this is it?"

"Ciarán doesn't think that—"

"He said he's never heard of this, Robert!" Aaron yelled. "Nearly a hundred and sixty years old and he's never heard of this. Divinus don't just lose their abilities."

"Aaron—"

"It's not just the bond, it's not being able to heal, all of it, Robert. The intuition you had, the way you knew me, us, our moods... It's gone. And what if it doesn't come back?"

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Robert asked.

"What?"

"Well, if it's gone then I'm mortal. I know you've thought about it, I don't need a bond to know that."

"And you think this is what I want?"

"It'd solve a lot of problems."

"They're not problems, Robert," Aaron said. "This is who you are, it's who you're supposed to be."

"I thought you didn't believe in all this destiny nonsense?"

"I don't," Aaron said, "but what if—"

"What if I was meant to heal you, to save you? If you want to talk about destiny and what I'm supposed to be, what about that? What if that was the whole reason for me being who I am? I was here to save you and now I've done that. And I'm still Divinus, I'm still... I'm pretty sure I can still fix me, I mean I'm getting better pretty quickly, it's just you I can't fix."

"It's fine," Aaron said, his hand briefly touching his stomach as he bent over to pick up the bag. "It'll heal."

"I wish I'd been able to finish—"

"Then you really would be dead," Aaron countered.

"Ciarán seemed hopeful."

"Hope doesn't fix anything," Aaron said as he walked out of their bedroom with his bag. "Trust me, I know."

Robert sighed, grabbed his own bag, and then followed Aaron out and down the staircase. "You know as well as I do that it's probably just the bond that's gone, and we can look at fixing that. New rings, new ceremony, whatever it takes. And every other time I've healed you or helped Liv? I've not been able to do anything immediately after. And this was big, Aaron. You were all but dead and I pulled you back. The fact that my... battery has drained? Shouldn't be a surprise."

"What if we can't get the bond back?" Aaron asked. "What then?"

"Then nothing. We carry on."

"How can you be so calm about this? We're missing something, something that has been such a big part of who we are!"

"But not the biggest," Robert said, "and we are more than that. I'm not going to let my marriage be defined by any one thing."

"You won't miss it?"

"I miss it," Robert said. "I miss you, the you I had here," he added, touching his chest. "But I have you _here_ ," he stressed, holding out his hand. When Aaron took it he pulled him in close. "Do you know why I gave in and decided to learn? After the crash, why I finally made that step after resisting for so long? To learn how to control this, my healing? Because you were right: one day I would need it. One day you, or someone that I loved more than anything, you would need me. And if it happened and I didn't know what I was doing? I'd never forgive myself. I've lost too many people, I can't lose you. I won't. And I will give up everything else in my life to keep you in it.

"So if the price for that is our bond then I will pay it. If it costs me years, if it costs me some of my ability, then I'll pay it."

"Robert—"

"You are more important to me than anything I could ever do. Or can do."

"What?"

"When I talked to Ciarán he said... He said that there's not many people who can do what I did."

"I don't understand."

"Aaron, you were... You were gone. I felt your heart stop, I felt everything stop. But your brain was still here, still firing, and it was that I could hold on to. Liv grounded me and you gave me a light and I pulled you back. I pulled together every part of you," he said, pressing the back of his hand gently against the last of the wound, "pushed a bullet from you. I made your heart beat, your lungs breathe, spread that light through every part of you."

"It felt like I was on fire," Aaron whispered.

"It wasn't just about using my energies, my regenerative properties. I used _all_ of me, Aaron. Because there is not a part of me that's not yours, not in love with you, and not ready to give you up. Not while there's a single ounce of energy left in me."

"Robert," Aaron whispered, unable to stop himself from putting a hand on the back of Robert's neck and pulling him for a kiss.

"I just want to live a life with you," Robert breathed. "I want all the years I can have with you."

"Come on," Aaron said. "We have a flight to catch."

**

As they got out of the car Patrick ran towards them, giggling as Robert picked him up and swung him over his head. "Robert!"

"Hey, Paddy," Robert laughed putting him down on the ground. "Where's your mum?"

"MA!" Patrick yelled, turning as he heard footsteps rounding the path. Niamh smiled as she saw them and waved with her free hand, the baby on her hip clinging on even more as she did. "It's Robert!" Patrick said. 

"I can see that," she said. "Come on in, boys. Gramps is expecting you."

Feeling like they had just been called into the Head's office they left their bags in the car, meeting in front of it to join hands. As they followed Niamh round the back of the house Patrick was sitting in the tree, holding onto the branches and grinning at them.

"I'm on my throne," he declared as they walked past. "Can you play with me?"

"Gramps needs to talk to them first, Paddy," Niamh said, "but then I'm sure they'll be able to come play with you."

She pushed open the back door and they followed her into the sitting room where Ciarán was waiting.

"Well, if it isn't the man who played god," he greeted Robert, his tone only just light enough to not be confrontational. "I know we love deeply, Robert, but that... that was something."

"What would you have done?" Robert challenged. "I couldn't do nothing and let him die."

"No, you couldn't," Ciarán agreed. "Aaron, why don't you go with Niamh to get you settled in the spare room before you go play court with Patrick. Give me and Robert a chance to find out what's going on."

Aaron looked to Robert who nodded and so he dutifully went back to the car to get their bags. Once Niamh had shown him to the spare room he put the bags on the floor, sat on the bed and clasped his hands together.

"So. You got shot," Niamh said from the doorway.

"Yeah."

"Gramps has known who he is his whole life. He's trained and researched and knows more about what it's like to be a Divinus than most of the South put together. And I don't know if he could do what your Robert did."

"But what has it cost him?" Aaron asked.

The baby on Niamh's hip buried her head against her mother's chest but from under her brown curls her dark eyes watched Aaron, a toothless grin on her face.

"She likes you," Niamh said. "Want a hold?"

Aaron got to his feet as he was handed the baby. "Hey there," he said.

"Aaron, meet Aoife," Niamh said.

"She's beautiful."

"She's Divinus."

"Oh."

"It's not a bad thing, not really. All you want as a parent is to know your kids will be fine, and Aoife will be."

Aaron nodded, not taking his eyes off the little girl in his arms. 

"Last time I spoke to Rob he said you and he still hadn't gotten around to the baby thing?"

"No, I... I wanted to wait."

"For what?"

"I don't know anymore," he admitted as Aoife settled against his chest. "Something to let me know I was ready I guess."

"Well I'm still waiting for that something," Niamh laughed, "and I got two of 'em now."

"Does it help? Knowing that Daniel is going to have someone after you're gone?"

"Yeah, a little," Niamh admitted. "I worry for her though, what it'll be like. But you want to know something? I worry just as much about Paddy."

"There's a surrogacy agency in Leeds who help Divinus become parents," Aaron said. "I used to think that it'd be easier for Robert, for after, if our kid is... Y'know."

"You still think that?"

"...No," Aaron admitted. "He would have killed himself for me."

"Anyone who saw you two that time you came to stay with us could have told you that. Aaron, Divinus love is deep and absolute, but the way Robert loves you?"

"I know," Aaron whispered.

"I'd bet you love him just the same." Before she could say anymore Patrick called out from the garden and she sighed. "You good with her for a moment?"

"Yeah," Aaron nodded, looking down at the girl who was fascinated with his beard. Her little hands pressed against it, trying to grab at the short hairs that were there. Aaron laughed and pretended to eat her fingers, prompting giggles and squeals as she batted him away. Aaron pressed on, laying her on the bed and pretended to eat her while she giggled and squirmed, her arms and legs kicking out.

"Suits you," Robert said as he appeared. "Are we done waiting to be ready?"

"What did Ciarán say?" Aaron asked, avoiding the question as he sat down next to Aoife and lifted her onto his lap.

"Good news is that I should be fine in a week or so. My body is still recovering so all my energies are focused on keeping me going. That's why I can't heal you."

"So you're not...?"

"Mortal? No. Sorry."

Aaron nodded. He'd known, always known it would be a long shot. But he'd also had a little hope. "The bond?"

"We'll have to see. It could come back when I'm back to normal."

"Or?"

"Or it could be gone. For good." Robert sat next to Aaron and leaned over, resting his head against Aaron's. "Whatever happens, you know I love you, right?"

"You pulled me back from death. I have a pretty good idea," Aaron quipped. "You know I feel the same, don't you?"

"I know," Robert smiled, stealing a quick off-target kiss pressed to the side of Aaron's mouth. "So. Are we done waiting?" He held out a finger and smiled as Aoife grabbed it in her small hand, bringing it to her mouth and chewing on it, the tooth below the gum not yet breaking through.

"Yes," Aaron said. "As soon as we get home."

"Good."

**

Aaron left Robert still asleep in the bed and headed through to the kitchen, intending to make them some coffees. He had no idea what Ciarán had planned to help Robert but no doubt he would need to be properly caffeinated.

Ciarán was already up, sitting at the table. He didn't even look up from his paper. "Quite a number you did on Robert there, Aaron."

"What?" Aaron asked, his half-awake brain not sure what was going on.

"He's lucky he didn't kill himself healing you."

"I didn't ask him to."

"Didn't you?" Ciarán looked up from his paper, folding it over and putting it carefully to one side. "You pushed for the bond, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but—"

"You must have known."

"What? That I'd get shot in a robbery at my mum's pub? Yeah, actually, now that I think about it that's exactly what happened. Monday, shift at the yard. Tuesday, day off. Wednesday and Thursday, scrap yard. Friday, nearly die in robbery."

"There was nothing nearly about it, Aaron," Ciarán said. "You were dead."

"So Robert can bring people back from the dead now can he?"

"There's different kinds of dead," Ciarán challenged. "Go back far enough and you'll find that they considered us dead when we stopped breathing. Then it was when our hearts stopped. Now it's our brains but I'm not entirely sure that yours ever got started."

"Why're you havin' a go at me like it's my fault?"

"Because Robert is in his mid-thirties. He doesn't just look it, he's only been here for thirty five years. And for a Divinus that's our prime, the first fifty years or so our gift is at its strongest. Any connections made in this time are stronger, deeper than ones that come later. It's easier, quicker to heal someone and we recover faster."

"So?"

"So Robert took every last bit of that and he pulled you back. Now every part of him is just fighting to keep him going. He's still asleep, isn't he?" When Aaron nodded Ciarán folded his arms. "Been doing that a lot since he came 'round?"

"Fine, so it's taken a lot out of him. But I didn't ask him to and this wasn't my fault."

"If you'd not been bonded then he wouldn't have felt it so keenly—"

"If we'd not been bonded he still would've done it!" Aaron yelled. "He loves me and because of this—" He held up his left hand, ring finger extended. "—I know exactly how much. Before any of this he would have chosen to die with me in a car crash, so don't tell me that the bond is to blame.

"I would rather have died than see him hurt or suffer because of it, not that he'd accept that. You have no idea what it's like, what he's like, but I do. I know him and it has fuck all to do with these rings and any bond. I know him, Ciarán. He's my _husband_ , he's it for me. And if you knew the first thing about me then you'd understand what a big deal that is.

"I have _never_ had anything good in my life, certainly nothing that's stuck around. Except him," Aaron added, gesturing behind him for emphasis, "and I am not going to stand here while you judge him – or me – for something that happened beyond our control. I didn't ask to get shot, I didn't ask Robert to save me and even if I could have asked him do you really think he would have listened? Would you? If it had been your wife asking you?

"I love him, more than I knew I was capable of, and he loves me too. And I am not going to stand here while you have a go at me, or him, for doing what was the most natural and instinctive thing for him. Where do you get off? Acting all self important just 'cause you run this Community from your back of nowhere home? This isn't the only Community out there and so if you're not going to help us then we'll go somewhere else."

"What if I can't help him?" Ciarán asked. "What if no one can?"

"You mean what if we don't get the bond back? Then we don't. I will miss it, so will Robert, but there's more to us than that. Bonding with Robert adds to what we have, it's not all we have. And before you ask what if he can't ever heal me again? I'd be fine with that too.

"I don't love him _because_ he's Divinus, it's not why I married him. And if he can't, if we can't have that again, then we will be fine."

"You sound so sure," Ciarán asked as he got up, picking up his empty mug as he did so.

"That's because I am. If you don't get that about him, about us, then you can't be that good at your job. From what Robert's told me you and he have some kind of... exchange," Aaron decided on, gesturing between him and Ciarán, "and given he gets this stupid look on his face when he's watching me I don't know how you could have missed it."

"Oh, I know how he feels about you," Ciarán said, moving past Aaron without so much as a polite request, "he's not the one I'm worried about."

"Meaning I am?"

"You'd understand if you were in my position—"

"How about you understand my position?" Aaron snapped. "Those two days he was unconscious were some of the worst of my life and I don't say that lightly. I was _terrified_ of losing him, just like he was that night when I was shot. But he woke up and that's what matters to me, nothing else. He came back to me and he's here with me and the rest of it doesn't matter. No bond, no healing, nothing. He's still the man I love, the man I married, and for you to suggest that I'm only with him because of his gift is—"

"I didn't mean to insult you," Ciarán said. "I just needed to know."

"Know what? What? You want me to lay out my heart for you? No chance. I'm not begging anyone for help."

"You don't need to," Ciarán said, a soft smile on his face.

"What?"

"I needed to be sure."

"Of what?"

"Of you. Of you and him. I don't need to 'connect' with Robert, as you put it, to know how he feels about you. You're right, he wears it in his expression and his body language. But you're harder to read, Aaron, and I needed to be sure that you loved him as much."

"Why?"

"Because what's coming? He's going to need it."

"Hang on, so this was what? Some kind of test?"

"I suppose you could call it that."

"You..." Aaron started, then stopped. He ran a hand down his face. "You're lucky I didn't deck ya."

"That would have been one way to let me know how you felt," Ciarán laughed softly. "And it's fine, I'd have healed."

"Still kinda want to punch you."

"If it'd make you feel better, feel free."

Aaron huffed a soft laugh and turned back towards the kitchen and the kettle. "So what's coming. Is it going to be hard?"

"Life is hard," Ciarán said. "But when you stand with the one you love it gets a little easier."

"That's not exactly an answer."

"We're gathering everyone together next week to help him and so long as you're prepared to fight for Robert the way you did just now? I think we'll get him back on his feet soon enough."

"Still not an answer," Aaron pointed out as he filled up the kettle. "But you can help him, yeah?"

"Yeah," Ciarán repeated. "And I would have done the same. If it had been my wife. No one would have stopped me."

"Bet she'd have been mad at ya too."

"She would have. Would've knocked me into next week for being so stupid when it was all over, mind."

"It's tempting," Aaron laughed.

"But it'd be a price worth paying. I still miss her. Almost a hundred years and sometimes it hurts like yesterday. I've had longer without her and I'd still give everything I have to have her back. So while I may think Robert is an eejit for what he did there's not a single person here who doesn't understand. Me included.

"But you need to understand something: I know it's all romantic, Robert willing to kill himself for you, to save you like that, but it isn't good for him. We can try to help him but this kind of thing doesn't happen a lot. Most of us know our limits, we stick to them even when we don't want to. Self preservation, you see," he added. "But Robert doesn't have that with you."

Aaron's mind flashed with a car and water and _I would have stayed with you_ and he understood.

"You both need to understand that this is serious. He's not exhausted, he's fighting to stay alive. And it's a fight he may struggle to win without your strength."

Aaron nodded and busied himself making the coffees, biting on his lip to try and stop himself falling apart. If Robert needed him to be strong, to fight for them? He'd give every last reclaimed second for it.

**

Over the next week Robert started to feel more and more like himself. Working with Ciarán helped him refocus but for a long time that part of him was just frustratingly out of reach.

"You need to relax," Ciarán said.

"Easy for you to say," Robert sighed, "you're not the one who feels like he's missing a limb."

"I remember when you first came here you didn't have a clue how to control that part of you."

"Yeah, well, I learned and now it's gone."

"Not gone," Ciarán said. "Robert, being Divinus is part of who you are and you can't change it any more than you can change your eye colour or... or who you love."

"But I'm not Divinus, am I? Not really, not anymore."

"Why do you think that?"

"I can't heal, I can't feel Aaron the way that I used to, even before we bonded."

"What, and that's all there is to us?" Ciarán asked. "Let me ask you something. Are you good at your job? This business that you run, the trucks?"

"Yeah," Robert said, confused as to the direction the conversation had taken.

"Soon as you realised you could read a room you started making a difference, didn't you? You pick up shifts in moods better than people notice shifts in movement, that's come back now. You know when someone is lying, you know when they're hiding something. You know how to make someone happy and how to make them feel better.

"That's also part of who we are, Robert. Emotional intelligence in a way that's off the charts. The other day Paddy was about two steps away from one of this legendary temper tantrums and you stepped in and distracted him."

"Niamh's got enough on her plate with Aoife teething," Robert muttered.

"And it's not just that," Ciarán said. "You still love Aaron in the way that we love—"

"I'd like to think that I'd love him that much even if I wasn't Divinus," Robert said.

"You probably would," Ciarán smiled, "but here's the thing, Robert. When they called us gods and named us as such, it wasn't because we were healing the soldiers on the battlefields and it wasn't because we were living so much longer than everyone else. It was because we care. Because there's something in our nature that pushes us to want more for the people in our lives. And from what you've told me I think you know that."

"You don't know what I was like before—"

"Before Aaron, before you accepted who you were? Before you stopped fighting the world and yourself? You weren't happy being that person you tried to be, were you? Easily bored, moving on, always looking for the next win, the next challenge? What you could get next? Somehow it never sat right, did it?"

"I don't—"

"Then you meet Aaron, you fall in love. Properly fall in love. And none of that matters anymore. Who you tried to be? Gone. And suddenly you're just you."

Robert's mind flashed to a forest and a seemingly simpler time. _I just want to be myself now, with you._

"Aaron's told me about Liv, what you do for her. Your sister and her husband, your in-laws. All these people who you care about, not because you can get something from it but because they matter to you. Because you want them to be happy."

"People do that all the time and they're not Divinus," Robert said. "Take Aaron for example. He's got the biggest heart of anyone I know and he has more reasons than most to shut down, push people away. But he doesn't. He cares and he's so good and—"

"And what? You do nothing for him? You weren't there for him when he needed someone the most?" When Robert glared at him Ciarán shrugged and carried on. "Do you ever wonder why Aaron chose to tell you? A secret that big and he tells you."

"How do you—?"

"I told you before, it's not just you that's a part of this Community. Aaron has as much of a place here as you, as any of your family. And I take time to get to know everyone."

"So what? You dug up news articles or hired someone or—"

"Spoke to Aaron. In person. Didn't push him, didn't force anything. We talked and he told me. Well, some of it anyway."

"He never said," Robert said quietly.

"Do you ever wonder why it was you he told? From what I can gather you and he were not on good terms before then. But he told you."

"I was there."

"And why was that? Why did you not let him go? He clearly wanted nothing to do with you and yet you stuck around. You didn't back down and you refused to leave until he'd told you." A look of understanding crossed Robert's face and Ciarán smiled. "This is who we are, Robert. Healing is such a small part of what we can do because it's limited to those we can connect to. No matter how powerful we are we can't heal everyone."

"Ashley," Robert muttered, and Ciarán nodded. "But I helped him."

"And you did that before learning how to control it. You're strong, Robert, one of the strongest I've ever known. But there's more to you than this. Whatever happens tonight you need to remember that and stop pushing yourself."

"What exactly is happening tonight?"

"You'll see," Ciarán smiled.

"You told Aaron that he'd need to be there for me. Why?"

"You'll see," Ciarán repeated. He laughed softly and got up from his seat, putting a hand on Robert's shoulders. "You worry too much, I can feel it coming off you in waves."

"Well when you won't tell me anything about something that may or may not get me back to normal? What do you expect?"

"A little faith, Robert. Life's nothing without a little faith."

"You've clearly not met Aaron's grandma," Robert muttered.

**

Last time they'd been here, like this, was for Elizabeth's funeral. Once again there was a pyre built in a field, once again the Community surrounded the fire in a circle. Only this time Robert and Aaron were in the middle of it, being handed the wine by Ciarán.

"I don't understand what I'm meant to do," Robert said as he took the drink.

"You swallow it," Ciarán quipped.

"You know, it might help if we know what the hell was going on," Aaron said as he drained his own drink, pulling a face as it burned on the way down.

"Yeah, well, I had my reasons for keeping you in the dark," Ciarán said, taking the empty glasses from them both. "Mostly because he wouldn't let you do this."

"Do what?" Robert said, taking half a step back from Aaron.

"All you need to do is hold his hand," Ciarán said. "We will do the rest."

"What will happen to him?"

"He will be fine. I promise."

"Robert, please," Aaron said, holding out his hand. "Let me help you."

"He said you needed to be strong. If this is going to hurt you—"

"Robert!" Aaron snapped, grabbing his husband's hand. "When are you going to get it through your head that I'm in this too? You would have killed yourself to save my life and yet you don't accept that I would do the same for you? What kind of a marriage do we have if we're not equals?"

"The point was to save you—"

"So let me save you," Aaron said, stepping in close.

"Is é ár neart freisin a neart," Ciarán said.

Aaron felt his hand start to warm where he was holding Robert's and on instinct he reached out and took his other one. "Don't fight this, please," he said.

"I don't want to hurt you—"

"Then I need you to get better. I hate seeing you like this, I miss feeling you the way that I did and I know you miss me."

"Aaron—"

"It's OK," Ciarán said. "We're just using the strength you gave Aaron to give your body the boost it needs. Aaron will be absolutely fine, I promise. That's why we're all here. We're all bonding, we're all here to add to what Aaron gives. But it has to come from a place of love first."

Aaron stepped in closer, pulling Robert in so they could press their foreheads together. "You know," he whispered.

"I know," Robert replied.

"Please. Let me do this."

"Cad a thug sé dúinn, ar ais muid," Ciarán said to the circle. 

Aaron felt a surge of something pressing against him and their joined hands seemed to get hotter and hotter until Aaron wondered how they weren't burning up. When he looked up at Robert though, somehow he understood.

Whenever Robert healed him he would feel this rush into his body, like water pouring into him and filling him up. Now the water ran the other way, from him and through him into Robert. Aaron's grip tightened on Robert's hands to keep him from pulling away.

"Stay with me," Aaron pleaded. "Let me do this. You'd give everything for me, you almost did."

"I can't—"

"You can," Aaron breathed. "If I were Divinus, if I could help you, heal you, don't you think I would? Don't you think I'd give you everything I could?"

"I know you would—"

"So stop fighting me," Aaron pleaded. "I need you, Robert. Please. Stay with me."

Robert nodded, gripping Aaron's hands a little tighter... and let it flow.

**

The glow from the pyre barely made it this far and Robert resorted to using the flashlight on his phone to pick his way up the hill, hoping he wasn't about to misstep and break his ankle. Even though the ceremony was, apparently, a success he still didn't feel it and so wasn't risking an injury that he wouldn't be able to fix.

"Over here," Aaron called out, giving Robert a direction to follow.

The small tower loomed up from the hillside and in the near darkness Robert only just picked out Aaron sitting against its base.

"Should I be worried that you ran away?" Robert asked.

"Just needed some space," Aaron said as Robert sat beside him, thighs just touching. "I'm fine, really. I promise."

"That was... intense. Is that what it's like for you when I...?"

"Yeah, a bit."

"Wow."

"Still nothing?"

Robert shook his head, Aaron sensing it in the darkness rather than seeing it. "So why here?"

"When we first came here and you were busy I went for a walk, found this place. I like the view."

"I'll take your word for it," Robert said, looking out into the darkness.

"Whatever happens you know I'm here, yeah? It won't change how I feel about ya."

"I know."

"Do you? You've been so worked up all week and I just—"

"I just... I was scared."

"Scared of what?"

"I thought that it would change things. Change us."

"Robert—"

"Just hear me out, OK? Ciarán said you talked to him, he knew about... About _him_. About you telling me first before anyone else. He asked me why I stayed with you that day, why I understood that this was big and important and I couldn't back down, couldn't leave it. Leave you. It's because I knew, somehow I knew. I felt it, I understood you needed someone and I wanted to be that person. I thought it was just because I loved you but there was more to it than that."

"Because you're Divinus?"

"Yeah. There's so much more to me than this," he said, stretching out his hand into the darkness, "and there's more to us than my ability to fix you when you screw up."

"When I screw up?" Aaron laughed.

"Well you did decide to get on the wrong end of a gun, drop a buzz saw against your leg, drive our car off a cliff—"

"All of which you were there for," Aaron pointed out. "You proposing distracted me, you were there at the yard, and I wasn't the one who fell from a stupid ladder," Aaron retorted.

"Point is, I was scared. I told you that I wanted to learn how to control this because I was scared that one day I would need it, that you would need me and I wouldn't be able to help. And I know you're here and I know you're OK—" Robert said, taking Aaron's hand in his. "—but it scares me more that one day you might not be."

"And how is that any different to everyone else?" Aaron asked. "You asked me to marry you and I said yes thinking that we were going to be everyone else." He leaned over little, tapping his head against Robert's shoulder. "Maybe a little more screwed up, but generally like everyone else. And if you weren't who you are then we wouldn't know anything different."

"If I were like everyone else then you'd be dead by now," Robert said quietly.

"But that's what life is, isn't it? None of us know how long we have. So we make the most of now." Beside him Robert took a long, slow breath and held it. "What?"

"Nothing," Robert said. "Just waiting for the 'survive me' pitch."

"No. No pitch. Not anymore."

"What?"

"Whatever happens to me, to us? It'll happen. And I'm done trying to control it. All I want to do is live my life with you, however long we can have together. I want us to have a kid, to be a family, and probably to mess that up just like everyone else does. And I don't care what you can do or what you can't, it doesn't matter to me because..." Aaron brought their joined hands into his lap and put his free hand over it. "I just want to live my life with you."

"I want that too," Robert whispered.

"Then we forget everything else. We're just us, anything else is just... just a bonus."

"OK," Robert said.

"I mean it," Aaron said. "I said yes to you, not this. I just want you."

"It scares me. Not being able to help you."

"You do," Aaron said, leaning over and resting his head on Robert's shoulder. From down below the curve of the hill the soft glow of the pyre was the only clue to there being something other than darkness around them. "I survived the trial, raising Liv, we're gonna have a kid... I never could have done any of that without you."

"You could have, you would have."

"Maybe," Aaron mused. "But you make it easier."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Even though marrying a Divinus means that tribal ceremonies with spiked wine are actually a thing?" Robert laughed. "Bit much, wasn't it?"

"...Yeah," Aaron admitted. "I mean you, I can deal with that. I like that." He sighed gently. "I miss that. But feeling everyone else..."

"See? I don't need a bond to know you," Robert said, turning his head to press a kiss to Aaron's temple. "We will be fine."

"Yeah," Aaron said, his hand dropping to Robert's leg. "We will be."

They sat in silence for a moment, staring ahead and picking out the lines of grey within the black.

"Ciarán told me something," Robert said, his voice quiet. "He said that forever is just a rumour. The longest a Divinus has lived is 416 years. Nothing happened, not that anyone knows anyway. One day they just stopped. Of course, that could be a rumour in itself or maybe something did happen. With how I was when we got here, the changes in me that Ciarán felt? He reckons I could be down to the 300s, maybe less."

"So what does it mean?" Aaron asked.

"Well if I ever get my abilities back, bringing you back from the dead a few more times might actually make me mortal," Robert laughed softly, only a little serious. "But whatever happens, it's had a permanent effect. And I wanted you to know that, and I want you to know that I'm OK with it."

"Robert—"

"No, I am. You're it for me, Aaron. For my forever, however long that is, you're it. You're all I want."

"You have me," Aaron breathed, settling in a little further against Robert's body. 

**

It had been a long time since they'd had to stay quiet. Once the initial awkwardness was out of the way, and they got over the fact that they were doing this in someone's spare room, they soon got lost in the other. The bond caused by the wine had well and truly dissipated and so there was no danger of Ciarán or anyone else who'd ended up staying here or in one of the neighbouring houses being aware of what was going on. So long as they kept the noise down of course.

Aaron had Robert in his lap while he sat up against the headboard, his hands holding Robert's waist as he rolled down onto him. In return Robert's hands were on his face, his neck, up into his hair as he punctuated his movements with soft kisses, deep kisses, kisses that were so dirty it made Aaron's toes curl. After three years of marriage, the years of knowing him before that, it was still a wonder to Aaron that he still _wanted_ this man just as much as he had done at the start.

Some days he couldn't believe that Robert _wanted_ him just as much.

Robert's pace quickened instinctively and Aaron knew he was getting close. His hand slipped down from his waist into the curve of his hip, the inside of his wrist brushing up against the underside of Robert's untouched erection. In response Aaron felt, rather than heard, the whimper that Robert pushed into his mouth and he laughed, the vibrations moving along Robert's jaw.

Aaron's other hand dropped too, his thumbs pressing into the creases between Robert's hips and legs. Robert seemed to press down on him a little more, shifting as if he were trying to get additional friction where he wanted – needed – it the most but Aaron wasn't giving in that easily. He just smiled into the kiss, swallowed another whine, and then gave in.

Well, it was as much for him as it was for Robert.

His wrist turned with ease and practice, his thumb brushing over Robert's head and spreading the precum, giving him a little more lubrication to bring Robert right up to the edge—

—before he stopped, pulling his hand away. Robert whined again but Aaron shushed him with a kiss, pushing at him a little until he pulled free, allowing him to turn Robert with ease so he was underneath him.

Aaron kissed him, long and deep, as he pushed back into Robert's body, his hands scrabbling at Robert's thighs and hips to angle him just so, keep him where he needed him, wanted him, was able to bring them both to that edge, one falling first and taking the other with him, cries and gasps being swallowed in kisses and buried in skin and breathed out fast and deep.

After cleaning up and disposing of the condom and the tissues, Aaron settled down beside Robert and realised that he'd not been able to separate any feelings or emotions during that: he had no idea what was him and what was Robert. The part of his chest where Robert's heart lived was still empty and cold, but he still felt close to him.

As he fell asleep he realised that he finally believed that they would be OK, bond or no bond.

**

"I can feel you watching me," Aaron muttered, half into the pillow. "Creep."

"Appreciative," Robert laughed softly, pressing a kiss to Aaron's bare shoulder.

Aaron could feel Robert's fingertips on his skin, first down his arm then back up and over his chest. They hovered briefly over the skin, tracing lines that were no longer there.

"Do you miss them?" Robert asked.

Aaron opened his eyes at that, looking at Robert under sleep-heavy lids. "What?"

"The scars. Do you miss them? I know we talked about it... before. But now..."

"I don't know," Aaron said, his eyes drifting shut briefly so he could rub at them. "Maybe a little? I'll look at my arm and it'll seem weird, like it's not mine somehow."

"I'm sorry—"

"You were busy saving my life," Aaron interrupted. "I felt it everywhere so I guess I'm... not surprised?"

"Liv said we should come up with a cover story. Plastic surgery."

"Yeah, because I'm the kind of guy who would go for that," Aaron mocked.

"Everyone would understand," Robert continued. "What you did, why you did it—"

Aaron felt _discomfort_ start to rise in his chest at the topic. It wasn't that they didn't talk about him self-harming, it was more about that they didn't need to. He wasn't that person anymore, his mind was in a better place. Counselling helped, so did Robert.

"Robert—"

"I just... I don't want you hating me for it. You said it was a badge of honour, that it reminded you of how far you've come with Jackson and—"

"Why are we talking about this?" Aaron snapped, his eyes opening and his body already assuming a defensive pose, inching away from Robert and his hands and arms pressing between them. "Robert, I—" And then he stopped.

"I needed to know," Robert whispered. "I needed something that was... that was definitely you."

"So you got me mad?" Aaron asked, almost scrambling to a sitting position. "There are better ways of doing it," he said.

The part of him that was home to Robert, the hole in his chest that had been hollow and cold for weeks, was warm and full and beating away: Robert's heart next to his.

"Yeah," Robert breathed. "I woke up and there you were."

"So you just watched me?"

"And felt you," Robert added, his voice low and suggestive. "I've rarely felt you so at peace."

"Yeah, well, life's good," Aaron said. "Or it was before my husband decided to prod my emotions before coffee."

"Sorry."

"You can make it up to me," Aaron quipped. "And I'm sure you know how to now."

Robert laughed softly, leant over and kissed him. "I'll be right back," he said. He got up, pulled on enough clothes to be decent, then left the room. After a couple of minutes the smell of coffee reached him before Robert did, mugs in hand.

Sometimes, Aaron mused, life really did cut him a break.


	5. Act Four

"So the egg donor is Divinus," Liv said, "and the surrogate is too?"

"Yeah," Aaron said, biting into his toast as he gathered up the paperwork for their meeting.

"What does it matter that the surrogate is? I mean, she's got nothing to do with the baby's genetics."

"I guess it's just easier," Aaron said.

"And they only deal with Divinus? Like does it have to be Divinus who provides the... missing bit? Or could it be you and a donor egg?"

"You know all this. What's with the pop quiz?"

"Dunno," Liv said, tucking her feet under her on the sofa. "I guess it's just real now. You and Robert are gonna have a kid."

"Yeah," Robert said as he came down the stairs, "and we're gonna need to turn your room into a nursery so can you hurry up and decide what Uni you're moving to?"

"I told you, I want to take a year out."

"Well it'll be about a year before we have a baby so it fits," Robert said, taking the half-finished piece of toast from Aaron before taking a bite and handing it back.

"What if I want to stay home?" Liv asked "Leeds is commutable."

"You'll want the experience," Robert said. "Your own space, being able to come and go as you please? And what are you gonna do? Get the bus in?"

"No, I'm buying a car."

Aaron, just finishing the last of his toast, sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose "Liv—"

"I passed my test," she started, counting out the oft-spoken arguments she'd been making for weeks on her fingers, "I have the money, I'm eighteen now and so that trust fund is all mine. I can buy a car if I want."

"I thought we agreed you were going to wait—" Robert started.

"No, you want me to. I want a car. So either you can come with me next week to help me get one, or I'll go with Jacob and—"

"Fine," Aaron said, "we'll come."

"We will?" Robert asked.

"Yes, we will," Aaron said, reinforcing it with a glare. "But until you have a car you still need to get the bus to college so get going."

Liv got up, grabbed her bag, and was out of the door without another word.

"And why are you volunteering me for car buying duty?" Robert asked.

"She was asking about the baby again," Aaron said, "and I just think with her suddenly talking about Leeds and staying here she might be feeling, I don't know. Pushed out?"

"What? New kid syndrome?" Robert said with a half laugh. "She'll be its aunt and she's not exactly a kid herself."

"Maybe, but I still think that there's something going on. So the three of us spending time together might help her feel less pushed out."

"We're not coming home with a baby today," Robert said. "I'm pretty sure they don't even fertilise the eggs today."

"That's not the point, Robert," Aaron said. "The last few months we've been jumping through all these hoops for the agency and we've not really been paying attention to Liv—"

"—Who has been spending all of her time with Jacob, you realise?" Robert finished. "Are you sure there's nothing going on between them?"

"You're the emotionally intuitive one," Aaron replied, "you tell me."

"I can't read her as well and you know that."

"Always with an excuse," Aaron smiled. "Come on."

"You don't need to come with me. I'm the one... donating. And it's not like on TV, they're not going to let you come in with me."

"I know," Aaron grinned, slipping his arms around Robert's waist. "But I know what you're like after you come. All cuddly and soppy and I figured the least I could do was be there."

"I do think it's unfair," Robert said, his voice dropping low and suggestive, "that I get to come and you don't."

"Feel free to rectify that," Aaron replied, kissing Robert long and slow and with a hint of a promise.

**

The receptionist had done a double take when Aaron had said he was happy to wait, biting her lip to try and hide the grin that spread over her face. She buzzed Robert through and then, to Aaron's confusion, told him that the private room behind him was free. And soundproofed.

He'd not understood why until about ten minutes later.

One of the benefits to bonding had always been the impact that it had on their sex life. Being able to feel the other's arousal, desire, even their orgasm had intensified their own feelings. And it turned out that even with corridors and rooms between them it still held true.

He shifted in his seat a little as he felt Robert's own arousal pulse in his chest. It felt the same as all the times there were together and he knew, without the need for a bond or intuition, that Robert – the bastard – was thinking about him. Robert was in there, jacking off, and thinking about his husband.

If it weren't so distracting it'd be almost endearing.

Aaron shifted again, trying to will himself not to get hard. He wasn't some weirdly horny teenager who got boners for no reason. He was a (somewhat) responsible, (semi) mature man who was looking to become a father with his husband, the man of his dreams, the love of his life, and the person he was going to fucking murder.

The receptionist was doing her best not to notice how he was squirming in his seat and, to her credit, she spun her chair a little so that she had her back to him. Taking his chance Aaron got up and ducked into the previously mentioned room, closing and locking the door behind him.

Robert's arousal had become his arousal and his dick was not bothered in the slightest who started it because it was going to finish Aaron unless he did something. His untouched dick swelled, pressing against Aaron's trousers until he had no choice but to shove his hand unceremoniously down his trousers and underwear to take the matter firmly in hand.

He leant against the wall, eyes shutting as he imagined Robert doing the same. Those large hands working his dick like a fucking pro. It had always been a favourite sight of his: Robert riding his dick while his hands were working himself to release. They'd taken to calling them "lazy orgasms" – one of them having to do nothing but lie back and enjoy the show. Aaron hated losing (so did Robert) but he loved watching Robert lose himself above him.

And those hands, those fingers, strong and talented and knowing exactly how to pull both of them to release. Those hands, in that room down the corridor, working to the memory and the very thought of Aaron. Those hands, which Aaron knew as well as his own, became his own in spite of his rougher fingertips. Taking a moment to spit in his hand Aaron shoved his clothes down a little further with his other.

"I will kill you for this, Robert," Aaron growled. And somewhere in his chest he felt _amused_ : the bond worked both ways and so Robert was feeling what Aaron was feeling. "Right then," he muttered.

He was already leaking pre cum and he swept it off on each down stroke, trying to make the friction more bearable but he just wanted to come. His balls felt heavy, his leg muscles twitching and tightening along with his belly, and somewhere under it he felt Robert's own tension.

No way was Robert pushing him over the edge.

Aaron could picture his husband, naked from the waist down but his open shirt still hanging from his shoulders. The muscles in his belly drawing tighter and tighter, the ripple of muscles in his arm as he jerked harder and faster, his palm slicking long twists up and down his length. The memory of Robert's dick was as clear as any in Aaron's mind and so it was a perfect HD image of what Robert was doing to himself to Aaron to them both as _his-Aaron's-their_ fingers flexed up down around over under and the part of Robert that was Aaron sang out as they both came, Aaron in long stripes over his hand and onto the floor as he tried to ride it out as silently as he could.

Grateful for the wall to hold him up, Aaron's breath came in long gasps, his softening dick still in hand as he came back to himself. Somewhere in his chest he felt the same release and as he looked down at the mess he really should clean up he hoped that Robert had kept some sense and been able to use the provided cup.

Because there was no fucking way he was going through that again.

**

Never had Aaron been more grateful for a small mercy than the one he was greeted with when he emerged from the room: the oh-so-helpful receptionist had gone and another was in her place. Aaron took a seat and waited the age it seemed before Robert came out, a smug grin in place.

"All good?" Aaron asked, getting to his feet.

"All done," Robert replied, stepping into Aaron's space and kissing him in a way that hinted at what was to come. "Thanks for the help."

"Thanks for making things awkward," Aaron quipped back.

"So does this mean I'm off the hook for returning the favour?"

"Not a chance," Aaron laughed. "How quickly can you get us home?"

**

After a round of mutual-and-in-the-same-room orgasms they lay on their bed, sweat and come drying on their cooling skin, and stared at the same spot on the ceiling.

"Tomorrow they'll fertilise an egg," Robert said, "and assuming all goes well they'll implant next week."

"You know it might not happen for us this time."

"I know."

"The success rate is around 70% for a transfer to take."

"I know."

"I just don't want you, want us to get our hopes up."

"I know."

"What if it never works?" Aaron said. Finally saying the worry that had nestled in both of them seemed to draw them closer, their bodies gravitating even closer towards each other. "We've talked so much about this, about which of us it would be, we didn't actually stop to talk about what we'd do if it never works."

"There's no reason to assume it won't," Robert said.

"There's no reason to assume it will."

"Aaron," Robert breathed, his hand reaching out to cup around the back of his neck, holding their heads close together. "We're just getting started, we can't be thinking about this."

"It's not like we can afford to keep this up indefinitely."

"It's not like this is the only shot we have at it," Robert countered. "Let's just take it one attempt at a time. We might get lucky, we might not. And if we don't then we try again. And we try again and we keep trying until we have a baby or we can't go on any longer."

"I don't think I've wanted anything as much as this," Aaron admitted, "and I never saw myself wanting this. I never thought I'd have kids, that I'd want to have them. Not like I have an idea of what a good childhood is—"

"You know that's not a requirement for parenthood, right?" Robert said, kissing the tip of Aaron's nose. "You are amazing with Leo, and Abigail adores you."

"Yeah, well she doesn't know any better and with what Belle went through after giving birth—"

"No, you're great with her because you want to do right by her. And yeah we had to step up after she was born and Belle was struggling getting back on her meds, but that's what family does. You logged more baby time with her than anyone else: you bought her a hi-vis jacket!"

"Couldn't have her at the yard without one," Aaron said.

"This is what I mean though," Robert said. "You care about Abigail. You love her. You've doted on her for over a year and you've never once stopped to think about or question what you're doing. Even if you probably should have," he added with a grin.

Aaron couldn't help but laugh at the memory: Abigail strapped against his chest, hi-vis jacket wrapped around her, as he moved about the scrap yard. He'd purposefully not done any heavy lifting or been near the tools, but to Belle he'd pretty much been teaching her daughter how to take cars apart with her bare hands and she'd not held back from telling Aaron exactly what she thought about that.

(He'd been talking to Abigail about the best way to strip down a car, not actually doing it, but that was a distinction Belle wasn't willing to entertain.)

"Point is," Robert continued, "you're going to love our kid, Probably even more because they're going to be ours. Yours and mine."

"What if we mess it up?" Aaron asked.

"You know we're going to, right? It's part of life But we're not going to be our dads, we're not going to be those parents. We want this baby and it is always going to know how much we wanted it."

"I guess—"

"Making mistakes doesn't make you a bad parent, Aaron, otherwise there would be no good ones at all."

"What if—"

"Enough," Robert said, pressing a kiss to Aaron's lips. "It'll be fine."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because we're both so worried about it that we'll make sure it won't be."

Aaron breathed in, letting Robert's _confidence_ and _certainty_ spread through him.

"This is our baby, our family," Robert continued, turning Aaron so that he was flat on his back before hovering over him. "This is all I want."

"Me too," Aaron replied before Robert kissed him. "We're gonna have a baby."

"Yes we are," Robert grinned.

**

The first time the implantation didn't take. The second time the egg just didn't develop enough to become viable. Third and fourth eggs were done together, both developed and implanted, but after three weeks the surrogate miscarried. Just one of those things.

Christmas came and went, their fourth wedding anniversary came and went. Robert took Aaron and Liv to Spain for a final visit with his grandmother before Annie Sugden finally decided she'd had enough of this life and it was time to go. Robert held her hand, taking away her pain in those final hours, and she quietly slipped away with a smile.

Liv applied to Leeds Uni after her year out working in various shops in Hotten and was accepted to do art and, in a surprise to absolutely no one, she and Jacob officially became an item.

Charity met some millionaire who seemed to fall for her lines (or she for his). After they married it became clear that she truly had met her match and actually stood a chance of being happy and so packed up her bags and her kids and was off. Cain was happy to see the back of her, but probably not as happy as Moira was as they settled into their renewed life together.

Vic and Adam adopted two young boys, Nate and Oliver, who'd lost their parents in a house fire. Robert hugged his sister, cried with her over awoken memories, and promised to be a better uncle to them than he'd had the chance to be with Andy's kids. Since Debbie had moved back to France with them (that was the official story: everyone knew she was somewhere else, Andy having joined them later) Robert found he'd missed at least having the chance of being around kids for the 'practice' everyone claimed he'd need. There was always Abigail but she was almost two and doted on by every single one of the Dingles. It didn't matter that her dad hadn't stuck around, unable to cope with Belle's relapse. Everyone had stepped up, worked hard to make sure that Abigail had a family around her who loved and protected her and gave her mum time to recover and that was enough.

A fifth attempt failed soon after implantation.

Aaron yelled at Robert for two days straight when he found out that Robert had cashed in some of his investments to pay for a few more attempts, and at one point he even threatened to back out of the process. In the end they agreed that these two would be their last two tries: sometimes it didn't matter how much you wanted something it just didn't happen.

Two weeks into Liv's first year (commuting in her absolute pride and joy, a reliable runner and safe car that they'd bought a year before) they heard that their surrogate had taken a positive pregnancy test. Refusing to get their hopes up they told no one, not even acknowledging it between themselves in conversation for fear of jinxing it. As the weeks ticked by and there was no awful phonecall hope started to creep in at the edges. To begin with they fought it, pushed it down and buried it because _what if_ was always tempered with _I can't do this again_.

On Sarah's anniversary Robert allowed himself to say the words out loud, to tell his mum that he and Aaron were having a baby. That she would be a grandma again. (He never told Aaron that he'd done this. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he was terrified he'd jinxed it.)

At ten weeks they allowed themselves to feel it when they were curled around each other at night, Robert pressed against Aaron's back, staring at the space in the room where the Moses basket would go. (Maybe. When. If.)

At eleven weeks they talked about it once, briefly, as they marked the date for their surrogate's scan in their phones and nowhere else. They'd gone to the previous one, cried in the car when there was nothing to see, and couldn't face having to come home and tell excited family that their family wasn't about to grow. Not again. They agreed to stay away, not wanting that moment of public pain and crushing heartache that would see them sitting in the car for half an hour, unable to move.

On the day of the scan they worked from home, each of them with their emails open and pretending that they weren't waiting for the chime that would either be the best or the worst news. The lull between Christmas and New Year meant that there was something to be done for both businesses, but not enough to keep them completely distracted. If it took them an hour to input December's figures into a spreadsheet then they didn't call the other – or themselves – out on it.

They didn't say a word, silently working and making coffees and going about their lives like it was business as usual and not the most terrifying day of their lives until Aaron's computer chimed.

Then everything stopped.

Robert waited while Aaron tilted back his laptop screen a little, clicking at the track pad to pull up his emails. He clicked on something and then stared at the screen for so long that Robert couldn't stand the silence any longer. He walked around the table, standing over Aaron's shoulder to read.

 

_Aaron and Robert,_

_I know how nervous you both are so let me get straight to the point. Attached is a copy of the 12 week scan. All looks perfect! Heartbeat is good and strong, all the measurements are within the right ranges, and consensus is that we have a viable and healthy pregnancy._

_Congratulations!_

_We have a video from the scan which you can come and collect next time you're in Leeds, and all the paperwork relating to due dates and future scans. (I've attached a scan of the appointment card for you now.) You are more than welcome to attend these if you want. For now I think the most important date for your diary is the projected due date: 30 June 2022._

_Any questions you have my number._

_Congratulations again, and I'm sure that you will have a very happy New Year now!_

_Tash_

**

"There's one more present left," Aaron said, gesturing to the side of the sofa that his mother was currently sitting on.

"You are spoiling me," she grinned, reaching down and picking up the box. "Bit light for that twenty four carat gold necklace I want."

"Think you'll find it's better," Robert said.

"Nothing is better than gold," she quipped, taking the lid off the box. On top of the tissue paper there was a small note card and Chas picked that up first. " _For your next shift behind the bar_. Love, remember the last time you bought me clothes?"

"Receipt will probably be in there," Liv quipped.

"I think you'll want to keep this," Aaron said, smiling as he saw his mum pulling a face as she lifted a t-shirt from the box.

"Really?"

"Really," Aaron said as Chas turned it around and saw the design printed on it.

"Figured it would be an easier way to get the message out there," Robert said.

"Is this a joke?" Chas asked. "You're kidding, right?"

"Poor taste if we were," Aaron said, "and Liv was right about something at the bottom."

Looking down Chas saw the black and white scan staring up at her, a crude speech bubble attached to it. _Hi Grandma_.

"Really?" Liv asked as she saw for herself.

"Really," Aaron grinned. "We wanted to wait, to be really sure that everything was OK."

"And it is," Robert said. "The surrogate is 24 weeks."

"24 weeks?" Chas almost yelled. "Over five months and you've said nothing?"

"He wanted to wait until we were past four months," Robert said, jabbing Aaron in the arm, "and then we started talking about your birthday and... well... it seemed right."

"And you didn't do this for _my_ birthday because...?" Liv asked.

"Because Mum's been going on about how she never gets anything good for her birthday anymore and I wanted to prove her wrong." Aaron rubbed his arm where Robert had hit him. "Also I wanted to tell you but Robert said we needed to do this properly."

"Oh my god, baby!" Chas squealed, jumping out of her seat and launching herself at Aaron who had about two seconds to stand up and be ready. Robert was jostled from his position on the arm of the chair and just about managed to stop himself crashing to the ground. While Aaron was having the life hugged out of him by his mother, Robert watched Liv pick up the t-shirt and hold it up.

_Grandma Loading..._

"Due end of June," Robert said, "so you'll be done with Uni in time for babysitting duties."

"Nice try," Liv said, putting the t-shirt back into the box. She shoved her hands into her jeans pockets and nodded. "Congratulations."

"C'mere, you," Chas said, reaching out for Robert and pulling him into the hug before he could say anything more to Liv. "Best birthday present ever."

"Thought you'd like it," Aaron said, half mumbled into Chas' shoulder.

"I always saw myself as a bit more of a granny though, maybe a nana? Grandma sounds way too old." She laughed and pulled back from the two of them, putting a hand to each of their cheeks. "I don't care what they call me though. Oh, I'm so happy for you both!" And with that they were pulled back into another hug.

Over Chas' shoulder Robert watched Liv pick up a handful of discarded paper and carry it through to the kitchen, clearly pretending to be tidying up, Robert not needing a bond to pick up on her mood.

**

"I'm OK, really I am," Liv said when Robert joined her out the back of the house. She was sitting on the low wall that they'd built at the end of the garden, her legs stretched out in front of her. "I am happy for you two, you know that, right?"

"But you're not happy about something."

"It's nothing. It's stupid."

"It won't be. Well, unless you think we're going to kick you out or not love you when the baby comes, because that would be stupid."

"I'm not some stupid kid, I get that," Liv said. "I'm not about to go all jealous and demand attention."

"Good, because you'd probably end up spray painting my car or something."

"Not exactly baby friendly, your car, is it?" Liv said. "We could do a swap? Let me drive it and you can have mine?"

"Not a chance," Robert laughed, bumping their shoulders together. "So, if you're not in the middle of new kid syndrome, then what?"

"If I tell you then you need to let me tell you everything, OK? No jumping in and no hugging until I'm done. Deal?"

"I'll try on the hug front," Robert said, "but go on."

"You and Aaron, you've been trying to have a Divinus kid. And I get that, I do, but now that it's on its way we're going to have to deal with the fact that either it will be, or it won't be. If it's not then Aaron is going to be devastated. I know him; he wants this for you so much. He hates the idea of you being on your own and so I know having a Divinus kid will help with that. But it's also really hard. You couldn't tell anyone for so long, you're still worried about people finding out, and we'll all have that about this baby if it's Divinus. A whole life looking over your shoulder and having to be careful about what you say or what you do.

"They're going to be born into a family who will love and accept them for who they are, no matter what, forgive you no matter what, and that actually worries me. We're all strong because we had to be. Because of our families, what happened to us. Not surviving wasn't really an option," she said, oblivious to the reason why Robert drew a sharp breath, "but this baby? I guess I'm scared that it won't learn how to be tough because we won't let things get that bad for it to learn. If it's Divinus then how do we teach them that the world might hate them for who they are? Aaron will hate that, you know he will and he will never want that kid to feel like it's anything but brilliant.

"But if it's not Divinus then one day you're going to bury your kid and that'll destroy you. So I guess either way one of you is going to get hurt and I'm not looking forward to that. Aaron if he has to spend his whole life worrying about his kid being outed, you if you have to bury them. There's no happy ending in any of this, is there?

"It's not just that," she continued, watching Robert flinch towards her as if he were going to attempt that hug. "And I know what you're going to say, but the fact remains that this is your kid, Robert. Yours and some anonymous donor. Aaron'll love it because he loves you but it feels like I'm on the outside of this. I'll be what? Its step-half aunt? And if you end up having to move to a Community at some point what chance do I have of having a relationship with it?"

She fell silent, picking at the edge of a fingernail that had been snagged and so was slightly torn away.

"You done?" Robert asked. When she nodded he put an arm around her and pulled her in against him. "You said you knew what I'd say but I'm saying it anyway. You're going to be this kid's aunt. No step- or half- nonsense, you're its aunt. End of. I think we've proven by now that family is more than the blood in your veins or where you come from. This baby is Aaron's, just as much as it is mine, and you're my family too. Not just because you're Aaron's sister. You're mine too."

He risked pressing a kiss to the top of her head, smiling into her hair when she didn't push him away or complain. "As for whether the baby is Divinus... There's nothing we can do about that now. They are or they're not. If they are then we will deal with it, probably a little better than most because all of us get what it's like to have something about you that you don't want others to find out about. And if not?" Robert sighed, pulling on Liv a little tighter. "If they're not then I will love them just the same. So will you and so will Aaron. I don't love you any less because I know one day I will lose you, if anything it makes me appreciate you even more."

"Careful," Liv said, pulling away and sitting up, "you're almost sounding like you care about me."

"Can't have that," Robert grinned.

"Not at all."

"Whatever happens though, we're in this together. The four of us, we're a family."

Liv's eyes narrowed. "Doesn't mean I'm going to let you rope me into babysitting duties all the time."

"Worth a shot," Robert laughed. "Come on. Chas was talking about opening some bubbly." When Liv pulled a face he smiled. "Aaron's opening the beers."

"Much better," she said, getting to her feet. After a thought she held out her hand to him. "Come on then, old man. Let's get you in before it gets too cold for you."

**

"So, how are you _really_ feeling about this?" Chas asked as she brought the empty glasses over to Aaron. "About the baby. Obviously."

"I'm happy," Aaron said, his face creasing in confusion.

"Love, you can't kid a kidder and you can't kid me."

"I'm not," he stressed, "I'm happy. Like... _really_ happy."

"And the rest of it?"

"Yeah, OK, I'm nervous. But shouldn't I be? I mean, this is a baby we're talking about. Robert's baby."

"Yeah, Robert's."

"No, don't start that, Mum. This is my kid too."

"No, I know that, I didn't mean that."

"Then what did you mean?" he asked.

"You know there's still a chance that the baby won't be Divinus?"

"I know—"

"And I know how much it hurt, all those times that it didn't work—"

"Mum, it's fine," Aaron said, taking her hands in his. "I don't care. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, I don't care if they're straight, guy, bi, whatever. I don't care if they drive me mad staying out late and worrying me to death. And I don't care if they're Divinus."

"You wanted—"

"Yeah, I did. And then we failed, over and over, and I realised that all I wanted was a kid. Our kid. All those times I went on about not being that guy, about not wanting the boring life of a home and a husband and half a dozen kids? Turns out I do."

"Yeah, well, it's called growing up. Nice to see you've finally done it," Chas added with a grin. "But what if it's not? Like Robert I mean."

"You think that'll change how I feel?" Aaron asked. "Mum... I'm _happy_. Like, really, properly happy. And I never thought I'd have that, have this. The home and the husband and the family but I do and I want it. It doesn't matter."

"I thought the whole point of using this agency was so that... it would be... y'know?"

"Maybe, yeah, to begin with," Aaron said as he leaned against the unit, "but not now. Not anymore. Now there's actually going to be a kid. I was so scared something was going to go wrong and all I kept thinking was that I would give anything for this one to work out. The surrogate had the three month scan just after Christmas—"

"No wonder you two were so jumpy Christmas Day," Chas said.

"—but to see that scan, get the DVD and actually see our baby? Hear its heartbeat? Nothing else mattered to me. I don't care what it is, who they are, I just want them here. With me and Rob and Liv, our little family."

"Spoken like a true parent," Chas smiled.

"Well. I learned from the best."

"Paddy?" Chas quipped.

"Paddy," Aaron grinned. He let his mum pull him into a hug before pressing his lips together and drawing in a long breath through his nose. "Do you think he'd be proud of me?"

"Love, I think he'd be beyond proud of ya. Have you told him?"

Aaron shook his head. "We figured we should tell you and Liv first. I'll call him tonight when it's a decent hour for them in America."

"Shame he's not going to be here for it."

"Yeah, but he's happy, right? And isn't that what we all want? To be happy and with the people that we love? I just want to be like everyone else, to have what they do."

"Who has what?" Robert asked as he and Liv came back in.

"This," Aaron smiled.

"Are you bein' soppy?" Liv mocked. "Can't leave you alone for five minutes without you fallin' to pieces over this baby. What are you going to be like when they're here?"

"So I take it we don't know if it's a boy or girl?" Chas asked. "I mean, five months gone, they can tell that stuff."

"We didn't want to know," Robert said.

"You didn't, you mean," Aaron interrupted. "The midwife wrote it on a card in case we changed our minds about knowing later."

"And where's this card now?"

"What does it matter?"

"I wanna know, OK! My first grandchild. I want to know."

"Yeah, well, we don't," Robert said. "I tore up the card, threw it away ages ago."

"Spoilsport," Chas muttered. "Well for that you owe me cake."

Aaron laughed and moved away from his mum, slipping his arms around Robert's waist as Liv busied herself with Chas' cake, arranging the last of the decorations and candles on it.

"So are you ever going to tell them where the card is?" Aaron asked.

"Of course not," Robert laughed. "Thanks to her everyone between here and Scarborough will know we've got a kid on the way, you think she'll be able to keep the gender to herself if she knows?" Robert ducked his head, resting his forehead against Aaron's. "I'm glad, you know?" he whispered.

"Glad about what?"

"That you're happy. That I make you happy. It's all I've ever wanted."

The bloom of _love_ could almost be second nature to them now but it still made them smile, still made their breath hitch a little, and still made them feel like they could take on the whole world if they needed to.

**

Aaron loved this. He loved how twitchy Robert got when he didn't know something, especially when Robert could sense that Aaron was loving this. The break had been Liv's idea, a final anniversary getaway before the baby came.

"How much longer?" Robert asked, flicking away at his phone in the passenger seat.

"Nu uh," Aaron laughed. "Not giving you an eta so you can work it out."

"Don't I get a hint?"

"Robert—"

"Just a hint. Please?"

"Fine," Aaron smiled as he flicked the indicator. "It's kinda somewhere we've stayed at before."

"We've never been up here before," Robert said. "I'd have remembered if I'd brought you to the middle of nowhere."

"Will you just shut up and let me have this?" Aaron said.

"This isn't you running away is it? Freaking out about the baby?"

"You'd know if it was," Aaron pointed out, "and this is about us. About you and me and spending some time together."

"Baby moon."

"What?"

"It's called a baby moon. Expectant parents go on one to enjoy one last dose of freedom."

"Do you think we're losing that? Our freedom I mean?" Aaron asked.

"No," Robert replied, reaching out and putting his hand on Aaron's thigh. "I think this is one of the best things I've ever done."

"Yeah? What else is on the list?"

"Take a guess," he said, and Aaron could hear the grin in his voice.

"Still not telling you."

"The list is constantly edited," Robert said, pulling his hand back, "you may not feature on future revisions."

"Just shut up and take a look," Aaron said as he slowed the car and pulled off the road. The headlights briefly lit up the sign – Yorebridge House – and Aaron had to laugh as he felt the _confusion_ actually intensify. "Oh, you're going to love this."

Robert followed his husband to the reception, actually biting his lip when he found out they were staying in the Barn Suite ("What? I told you we'd kinda stayed here before.") and as soon as they had the bags inside and the door shut on the spring night, he pulled Aaron in close.

"You're amazing, you know that, right?" he said.

"I do, it's one of my many qualities."

"And what are the rest?"

"How long I'm going to have you begging for a start," Aaron said, his voice low and suggestive as he stepped away from Robert's arms and walked up the stairs.

**

Seeing Robert lying naked on the bed, fucked out and feeling the pure _bliss_ that rolled off him stopped Aaron in his tracks for a moment. He'd been able to use the double shower alone, knowing that as soon as Robert joined him they'd end up being pruned, and now he was enjoying the sight. He gave his body a final towelling off then dropped it to the floor, climbing onto the bed and along Robert's body.

He pressed kisses into Robert's back and shoulders, tucking in close when he reached his neck. Robert's cool body made his shower-warm skin tingle and he wondered if he would always feel like this.

"What?" Robert asked, sensing the shift in the mood.

"Five years."

"What about it?"

"We've been married five years."

"And?"

"And nothing's changed."

Robert rolled over a little so he was on his side and better able to see Aaron. "I think they have."

"No, I mean... I still love ya."

"Good," Robert laughed.

"I still love ya and I still want ya and that hasn't changed."

"Did you think it would?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, it must do, right?"

"Why?" Robert reached out and put his hand on the curve of Aaron's waist. The warmth of the shower was fading but not enough to make him cold just yet. "I still love and want you. That hasn't changed and it won't ever change. Well, it will, but only in the way that I'm going to want and love you more."

"I just... I don't know what to do with all this sometimes. How much I want you," Aaron whispered.

"Well you did a pretty good job of showing me just now," Robert laughed, enjoying the way that Aaron's cheeks flushed at the mention before he ducked his head a little. "Aaron—"

"It's fine when it's you and me, I can deal with that. We're not perfect and we fight and we mess things up but I can work through it with you. We talk, we know each other, and I know that when I screw up it's not going to have a massive impact on us because you know, I know who we are and—"

"You're going to be an amazing dad," Robert said.

"I have no idea how to."

"I know you love this baby already—"

"I think I love the idea of it," Aaron admitted. "Because I know it's yours and so I have this picture in my head of a mini you. All blond hair and smiles."

"Well if it is me then it'll love you," Robert said, smiling that same smile from Aaron's imagination. "And we will figure it out as we go, same as any parent."

"What if it doesn't like me?"

"Why wouldn't it?"

"I'm not... I mean, what if it knows?"

"Aaron, I'm pretty sure babies love anyone who feed them and change them and keep them safe."

"No, but they know, don't they? There's gotta be this instinct in them about who their parents are and what they're supposed to be doing."

"And that's us, we're its parents and... Aaron, what is all this? I know you don't give a shit about biology so why are you looking for reasons that the baby won't love you?"

"Because I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Of it all going wrong."

"Aaron, the pregnancy has been drama free. Everything is fine, all the results are fine. In two months' time we're going to be bringing home our son or daughter and you'll be wondering why you were so nervous about this."

"I hope so."

"We've had to go through more than most to get here," Robert said softly, "and we wouldn't have made it, come this far if we couldn't cope. What we've been through these last five years? More than that it's just shown me that we can do anything."

"Even be happy?"

"You know we're happy," Robert laughed. "I know I am. I know I'm happier than I ever thought I had the right to be when I'm with you."

"Last time we were having sex in a barn we weren't exactly... this. Strange to think how far we've come."

"Worth it though?"

The question threw Aaron for a second and he took that time to look at the man lying naked and open next to him. "Why wouldn't it be? I get to spend my life with a man who loves me, who wants me, who sees me for more than my past, my choices, my screw ups." He pressed a kiss to the tip of Robert's nose, smiling as Robert moved his head to kiss him gently. "There was something about that man in the barn that I couldn't walk away from, and being here? Now? With you, like this? Now I know what that was."

"Don't tell me you loved me back then," Robert laughed, pulling Aaron's body in closer as they both started to feel the chill.

"Don't flatter yourself," Aaron mocked, putting a hand on Robert's chest. "But you were falling for me, you've said so yourself. And when a Divinus loves—"

"Oh, so this is all my fault?"

"Most things are," Aaron quipped, laughing as Robert turned him suddenly so he was on his back and trapped in the best possible way under Robert's body. "I wouldn't have been anywhere else then and I certainly wouldn't be now."

"You're getting soft in your old age, you know that?" Robert said, dipping his head for a brief kiss.

"Well, I'm thirty now, had to grow up at some point."

"Better late than never."

"So what's your excuse? I mean, just because you're going to be around forever—"

The rest of his quip was lost in Robert's kiss and forgotten under the ministrations of his hands. 

**

When Aaron returned with lunch he called out to Robert. Getting no reply he followed the sound of water out the back, biting on his lip when he saw Robert sitting in the bubbling hot tub, glass in hand and smug grin on his face.

"It's April," Aaron said.

"It's a hot tub," Robert countered. "And we have free champagne. For our anniversary and the baby."

"You telling stories to get freebies again?" Aaron said, walking over to the hot tub and dipping a finger into the water. It was pleasantly warm, a wonderful contrast to the slight chill in the air. He grinned as Robert shifted in the water, making it completely clear that the lack of bathing gear that had been packed wasn't a problem. "I am not having sex in there."

"Why not? We have silicone lube—"

"And we'll have about a million bugs afterwards."

"You know those articles are just scaremongering, right? I think just about everything should be avoided according to them. Especially what we did in the shower this morning. Or is this you having a thing about outdoor sex again?"

"It's not a thing when you can be overheard," Aaron hissed.

"Says the man who needs the window open when he's in bed, even in winter because it's too warm, and is anything but quiet."

"Not the same," Aaron managed to say as Robert put his glass down and half-swam over to him. He kneeled up, fingers moving to the buttons on Aaron's shirt. "Robert—"

"You know I love you in a suit. And I know you're wearing it for me."

"Maybe..."

"So how about you take it off for me?"

Aaron stepped back, just out of Robert's reach, and sighed. His hands moved to the damp fabric and started to undo them, pulling off his shirt and throwing it as best he could towards the patio furniture.

He carefully, slowly, undid the buttons on his trousers, pulling the zip down before stopping.

"Tease," Robert joked.

In response Aaron smiled, kicked off his shoes and then pushed his trousers down, stepping out of the material and not caring that it was on the ground. Robert's eyes dropped hungrily to the swelling erection becoming evident in his underwear – and then he smiled when he realised it actually was his underwear.

"Thief."

"What? You want them back?" Aaron asked, his voice the suggestion of innocence. He pulled off his socks, dropping them as he walked back over to the hot tub. "You want them, you take them."

Robert's hand moved to the waistband, pulling it back just enough to see. Then he slipped his other hand inside and started to stroke Aaron firmly.

"If you're not wanting sex in the hot tub," Robert said, "and I am... is this an acceptable compromise?"

"Shut up and get on with it," Aaron huffed.

So Robert obliged. His hand was wet and warm from the water and it provided enough lubricant until Robert was able to stretch out to get the bottle from where it sat on the side. He deftly pumped some into his free hand, grinning when he felt the _confusion_ coming from his husband. It took him a second to remove his hand from Aaron's dick, pulling the underwear down and allowing Aaron to step free of it. Then his hand was back at the base of that glorious dick and his lips pressed a kiss to the tip.

Aaron shuffled as close to the edge of the hot tub as he could, the bubbling of the water matching the rush of blood in his ears as Robert's mouth opened and the head of his dick slipped past those fuckable lips. He'd almost forgotten the other hand and the lube until he felt Robert's arm snake around his hips and those fingertips slide between his cheeks.

Within seconds Aaron's dick was in Robert's mouth and Robert's finger was up his arse, and he was clinging to Robert's shoulders in an effort to stay upright. On occasion one hand would fly to his mouth, clamping hard over it because he was not going to let everyone know that he was on the verge of coming, his dick halfway down his husband's throat and three fingers in his arse.

And after he came, lip bleeding from where he'd bitten down so hard, he climbed into the water, pushing Robert towards the steps as they kissed (the warmth of Robert's healing on his mouth), and as soon as Robert was sat up out of the water Aaron set to returning the favour. It was a matter of pride that within 60 seconds Robert was coming just as hard down Aaron's throat as Aaron had been down Robert's just before.

Sated, happy, and lunch totally forgotten, they sank into the water as Robert poured a second glass of champagne. And for the second time that day they didn't leave the water until their fingers had pruned and they were in desperate need of some food.

And a bed. 

**

The pub was just like every other country pub, but it was new and that was enough. They drove for a bit, parked up in its car park, walked for a while before looping back to where they'd started. Aaron sat outside on the benches, closing his eyes and turning his face to the sun while he waited for Robert to bring their drinks. A touch at his elbow made him open his eyes, turning and smiling at Robert before picking up his drink, taking a long drink of the cool beer.

"We should talk about names."

Aaron put down his pint and stared at Robert, a mixture of confusion and surprise on his face. "What?"

"The baby. Names. It'll need one."

"Mum's already given me a list of Biblical names we might want to consider."

"No," Robert said firmly.

"There are some normal ones on there."

"It's more the principle of the matter," Robert said. "This baby is part Sugden and we don't do Biblical."

"Sure thing, Robert _Jacob_ ," Aaron quipped.

"Middle name, and that's different. Family name."

"Surnames," Aaron said. "There's a conversation we've not had. Do we want to be those people who double barrel a surname?"

"This is your kid too," Robert said, "I want that recognised."

"I will be on the birth certificate."

"You know what I mean."

Aaron said nothing, just looked out from where they were sitting at the North Yorkshire Dales falling away in front of them before rising up on the other side. "Not sure I want to go home tomorrow."

"We can stay."

Aaron laughed softly. "Mum will love that. Us moving away and taking the baby with us."

"If it means they don't end up as Ishmael or Salome then I'm all for it," Robert said, finishing his pint. "Another?"

"Not if you want to walk back to the barn," Aaron said.

"They do food here. We could have lunch? We are supposed to be enjoying ourselves," Robert reminded him. "This is our babymoon after all."

"Fine. Yes. Pint and some menus."

"Since when were you all responsible?" Robert asked as he got up from the bench.

"Since we had a baby on the way," he replied. While he waited for Robert to come back he pulled out his phone, holding it up to try and get a better reception. Eventually there were enough bars for the 3G symbol to pop up, followed by beeps at his WhatsApp groups caught up. He ignored most of them, opening 'The Mill', Liv spamming their home group with comments about Chas, school, Jacob moving on in the wake of their break up three months before, and grudgingly admitting that she missed them. Also she wanted to call the baby Ellis. Worked for a boy or a girl.

"Liv?" Robert asked as he came back.

"She's suggesting Ellis for the baby."

"That on your mum's list?"

"Probably not," Aaron laughed.

"How about a deal. Non-Biblical first name, but it's a Dingle."

"What? No."

"What? They won't go for the compromise?"

"No, I'm not," Aaron said. "You Sugdens are a dying breed. You need protecting."

"You make me sound like some polar bear or sommat."

"You are as cuddly," Aaron laughed, reaching out to try and pat Robert's belly.

"I thought you loved it!"

"I do. But seriously. This baby is a Sugden. End of discussion."

"Dingle Sugden."

"No hyphen."

Robert pulled a face. "Obviously."

"And not a Biblical name either."

"Your mum will think that's my doing."

"Well, I'll set her right. And the others. This is our family, not theirs. And having the right name isn't what makes you part of the family. April isn't exactly Biblical but she's still ours."

"So am I?"

"What?" Aaron asked.

"Part of the family."

The seriousness of which Robert asked the question stilled the scoff in Aaron's throat and he reached across the table to grab Robert's hand. "Of course you are."

"I just—"

"Where has this come from?"

"I just... This baby is what links our families. Me to yours. And when you... after... I know the Dingles don't exactly have the best reputation, and I've said more than my fair share of things about you... But you're my family."

"What? You think that they only put up with you because of me?" Aaron asked. "You've got Mum on your side, I think you're good."

"Cain?"

Aaron laughed softly. "He likes to play the hard man but it's all rep now. Too settled these days."

"Like you?"

Aaron's mouth quirked up in a grin and he sat back a little. "What? I'm not hard?"

"Not yet," Robert said, his voice low and suggestive. "But give me ten minutes and I'll see what I can do about that."

**

For the record it was seven minutes and twenty six seconds from when Robert pulled the car off the road, pulled Aaron's dick out, and started jacking him off before he was hard.

**

The final months passed in nervous anticipation. The nursery was set up, decorated in neutral colours with a mural designed by Liv for her "nibling-stroke-baby-sibling". After days of jumping every time someone texted or called either of them they bought a pay as you go phone ("If you guys don't call it the Baby Phone I'm disowning the pair of you," Liv had said.) and only gave the number to their agency, the ring and message tones set to the loudest and most offensive things that were possible so there would be no danger of missing it.

Liv finished Uni for the year and came home – with a new bloke in tow. Aaron stiffened when she introduced Alex to them, startled from it when Robert dug his elbow into his side. Aaron wrote it off as protectiveness of his little sister: Jacob broke her heart, Gabby moved away for Uni, and even though Leeds was close enough they knew she missed the safety and security of home.

Robert laughed and said he didn't want to think about the fact that Liv had told them (yes, told them) that Alex was staying over and right now Aaron was listening intently for any noises he didn't want to hear.

Aaron said it wasn't that. It was the fact that Alex looked at Liv the way that Robert looked at him and she was the happiest he'd ever seen her. So he was probably going to last and that scared Aaron. He wasn't ready for her to grow up like that. Not yet.

Robert had curled in close and whispered that it was a part of life. One day their baby would grow up and leave home too. Aaron begged him to never say that again.

There was a quiet realisation that this was probably it for them After the time and the money and the worry that had gone into this pregnancy the idea of going through it again scared them. And would probably bankrupt them.

June rolled out its final weeks in a heat wave making Aaron and Robert more irritable than normal. When one of them forgot to put the Baby Phone on charge they yelled at each other for almost fifteen minutes before Chas, having been called by Liv, came barrelling into the house and smacked both of them around the head. She told them that it was normal to be scared but they needed to man up and realise that it was OK to be scared. No one was the enemy here.

Also fans for the nursery would help the baby be less cranky: if they were anything like their fathers they would not do well in this weather.

Anything else that Chas might have said was cut off when the Baby Phone burst into life, blaring throughout the house and their lives.

**

"Are they still doing work on the Ring Road?" Aaron asked as Robert put their bag by the door. "I'm not sitting in traffic."

"We'll take the back route if you're worried," Robert said, his hand resting on Aaron's waist for a second. "But they finished up last weekend."

"Right. Yeah. I knew that." Aaron nodded at Robert then turned to Liv. "Sorry. You've just gotten back and we're leaving you."

"Don't be daft," Liv said, all smiles and nervous energy. "And anyway, soon as they're born I'm coming down for a cuddle."

"You'd better," Aaron said, pulling her in to a hug.

"And I'll run interference up here for when you're coming home," she added. "Stop them doing some big party."

At that Chas pulled a face of mock indignation. "I would not."

"You would," Robert quipped, moving out of his mother-in-law's reach as she swiped for him.

"We're not going to be back up for a couple of days," Aaron said, "and I can't be worrying about coming home to half the village in here. Mum. Promise me: no big party."

"I promise," Chas said, holding out her arms for a hug, "but I reserve the right to be here. Just me, OK?"

"And Vic and Adam," Robert added with an air of apology. "They were gonna come down but I said we wanted it to be family only."

Aaron saw Liv's face fall and he nudged her. "That's you, by the way," he said. "Your nibble or whatever is going to want to meet you."

"Nibling," Liv corrected.

"What's that when it's at home?" Chas asked.

"Gender neutral term for a niece or nephew," Liv explained, "since they couldn't be bothered to find out the sex."

"We wanted a surprise," Robert said. He patted his jeans pockets to check for his phone and wallet then grabbed his bag. "Come on. I know they said we have a few hours but we'll need to check in at the hotel, drop this stuff off, then cab it over to the hospital."

Aaron nodded, drawing in a deep breath. "Right. Well. See you in a few days I guess."

"Good luck," Chas said. "Give my grandbaby a kiss from me."

"And warn it that it'll be spoiled to within an inch of its life," Liv added.

"You got a problem with that?"

Aaron said nothing, grabbed his own bag, and followed Robert out to the car. Once the bags were in the boot they stopped, looked at each other, and had a moment. They didn't speak, didn't touch each other, just stood there and let themselves feel what the other did. It was a mix of _excitement_ and _scared_ and _love_ and something neither of them could put a name to. But they didn't have to.

**

"I don't know which of us it is, but it needs to stop," Aaron snapped, looking up from his hands to where Robert was mid-pace. "Robert."

"It's you too," Robert countered, tapping his chest. "I can filter you out better."

"What, so I'm not good at this bond shit?"

"No, I'm just better at it. Like cooking."

"Whatever," Aaron scoffed. "At least one of us can do basic DIY stuff."

"I can fix stuff."

"Robert, you blew out the fuse box. Not tripped them, not blew a fuse. The whole damn box."

"The wiring was at fault."

"The Mill was renovated five years ago."

"Bad job."

"Bad excuse. You could have blown up the house. Again."

"Isn't the point of a fuse box to prevent that? So it did its job. Laid down its life to save us all."

"So noble," Aaron said. "And so full of—"

"OK!" Robert laughed. "So I'll teach the kid how to cook and you'll teach them to fix stuff."

"We're gonna be OK at this, right?" Aaron asked suddenly. "I mean, we're not exactly the kind of people who have... normal lives."

"What?"

"C'mon. Dingles aren't exactly well known for peace and harmony. Seems like every other week someone's on the outside. And that's when we're not putting each other in the hospital."

"You've stayed out of that though."

"Yeah, well, not always."

"Aaron—"

"We both know the family are already starting to get suspicious about what's going on with you, and Mum and I are trying to cover the best we can but the second this baby is in our lives we're gonna have Lisa dropping in every two minutes, Belle bringing Abigail around for play dates—"

"I think that's called being a family," Robert countered. "Vic's already said she's available to come stay if we need a hand with the night stuff."

"You're kidding me? Does she think we're that helpless?"

"I don't know," Robert sighed, moving over to where Aaron was sitting and hitting him so he'd move over. "Look, we've always known the longer I stay in one place the harder it'll be to pass off I'm... normal. Maybe even more so now?"

"So what? We move? Find a Community?"

"Do you want that?"

"No," Aaron said quickly. "No, this is our home. Maybe you should finally let us get you some grey hair dye or sommat?" He reached up, brushing his fingers over the blond hair that always seemed to just stay out of his eyes. "And it'll help if you started acting like you're all achy and stuff."

"Achy and stuff?"

"Yeah, bad back, sore knees, that kind of shit."

"I'll see what I can do," Robert laughed, reaching up and taking Aaron's hand in his. "I want our kid to know though. Soon as they're old enough, we need to tell them who I am."

"Yeah, of course. I didn't think us not telling them was an option."

"And it can't be a bad thing either," Robert said. "I don't want them worried or scared about what it will be like for me, going on after them if they're not... I mean..." When Aaron's eyes snapped up at that Robert shrugged "I... I'm still not promising, OK? It's just... that's our kid," he said, waving his arm in the direction of the door, beyond which lay the maternity ward where their surrogate was, "and already I don't want to leave them. I've never even met them and the idea of them being on their own? I hate it."

"I know," Aaron whispered, leaning in and pressing their foreheads together. "Robert, I—"

He was stopped when the door opened and Tash walked in, all smiles. "It's time," she said. "Let's go meet your kid."

**

Any awkwardness they felt walking into the room, hearing Kirsty panting and groaning as she bore down was lost a moment later when there was a small coughing sound. Then there was a wail. Robert's hand found Aaron's gripping it tightly as they watched the midwife move behind the screen before she stepped around it, a small bundle loosely wrapped in her arms.

"Who gets the skin-to-skin?" she asked.

Aaron nodded in Robert's direction who dumbly started pulling off his jacket and undoing his shirt.

"Everything's OK, right?" Aaron asked, his eyes fixed on the scrunched up face that didn't much look of anyone at the moment. "I mean..." He gestured towards the baby when words failed him, his heart stuttering in his chest.

"Your daughter is absolutely fine," the midwife said.

 _Daughter_ , Aaron mouthed. Robert's heart in his chest was thudding just as much as his own and there was no way either of them were able to separate their emotions from the other.

"You ready?" the midwife asked. When Robert nodded she pulled back the blanket enough for him to pick her up and hold her protectively against his chest. "Not too long, OK? Don't want her overheating."

"Hey," Robert whispered, his hands firm on her back and bum to hold her in place.

Aaron could feel the small amount of _terror_ flow from his husband as he held their daughter, not moving his hands or any part of him lest he drop her. Aaron stepped into Robert's space, bracketing the baby with his own body. His fingertips rested on her cheek for a second before they gently brushed down her shoulder, her small arm, then hooking a finger into her little hand. The tiny fingers closed around his own and right at the moment Aaron realised it Robert laughed softly.

Both of them knew the rush of _love_ that came from the other, understood it and embraced it. From time to time they'd both feel the other's rush of _love_ to someone else: Vic, Liv, Nate and Oliver. But this was so much more and it was so intense that they both stilled for a second.

The baby stopped crying, settling in against Robert's chest as if she somehow knew him. Whatever it was they didn't care, they just stood rooted to the spot in the middle of the delivery room, cradling their daughter until the midwife came to take her.

"Just gotta run all the usual tests, don't worry I'll have her back to you before you notice." She wrapped the baby up in its blanket and turned away.

"I'm noticing," Robert said, his hand going to his now bare and empty chest. The vernix had transferred to his skin and he wiped at it ineffectively with his hand until someone took pity on him and gave him a cloth. 

"Thank you," Aaron said to Kirsty. "It doesn't even begin to cover it, but thank you."

"You're welcome," Kirsty said. "She's perfect. Have you decided on a name?"

"No," Robert said, "too many possibilities."

"You have time," Kirsty said. "Get to know her, then decide."

"I don't know," Aaron said, turning back to Robert. "I've been thinking... What about Annie?"

"What?" Robert asked, the wave of _confusion_ following close behind.

"Annie. After your gran."

"I got that bit," Robert laughed, his head dropping instinctively. His hand moved to his chest, pressing gently where she'd been not a moment before. Aaron felt the sense of something being _missing_ and he stepped forward into Robert's space.

"I checked. It's Biblical too so it'll keep my lot happy. I dunno, just thought it would work for both our families. And us."

"You're set on this, aren't you?" Robert asked.

"Not if you hate it."

"No, I love it. Annie. Annie Dingle Sugden."

"We should let people know," Aaron said, taking Robert's hand in his.

"Let's wait a bit. I mean, right now? She's just ours. I don't know if I want to share her just yet."

"I know," Aaron breathed, resting his forehead on Robert's, "but when Annie comes back I'm not going to want to be texting or calling anyone. I want it to be you, me, and our daughter."

"You're right," Robert said. "I'll call Vic, you call Liv. Between them they can get the word out."

"You're good when you're smart," Aaron laughed softly, stealing a kiss as he stepped back. "Go get all the details about length and weight and stuff that they're gonna want to know."

"That's a thing?" Robert laughed.

In response Aaron grinned, shrugged, and shoved his hands into his pockets. When Robert had gone he turned back to the bed where Kirsty was lying. The bustle of staff around her had finished and she seemed to be content.

"Thank you," Aaron said.

"You're welcome," Kirsty said.

"I don't know how you do it. Carry a baby for nine months and then just hand it over, walk away."

"I have three of my own at home," Kirsty said. "All Divinus, like me and my husband. Being able to do this for people like you and Robert? I'm honoured to have played a little part in making your family."

"Little?" Aaron said, the laugh spluttering out with the word. "Kirst... You're the reason we have Annie."

"Beautiful name," Kirsty smiled. "I hope it works out for you both."

It took Aaron a moment to realise what she was referring to – and suddenly he felt a wave of _shame_ that he'd never imagined feeling again. "I don't care about that anymore," he said. "After everything, and now I've met her? I just want her to be safe and happy, I don't care if she's Divinus or not. I know that seems weird after everything we went through with you, but—"

"But you're a dad now and all that matters to you is that little girl." Kirsty said. "I get it, I do. When I was pregnant with my youngest, he's almost two now, we didn't think twice about whether or not he'd be Divinus like us or his sisters. All we wanted was for him to be happy, to be healthy, and to be here. We didn't look at the results until he was almost six months old. Look, Aaron, all that matters is that you're a good parent. Everything else is out of your control."

"Rob and I... we didn't exactly have the best childhoods. It won't be like that for Annie, we're going to make sure of it."

"Then she's already a very lucky girl."

"Thank you," Aaron whispered. He looked over his shoulder, through the window on the door, and saw Robert talking to one of the nurses. He could feel the utter _joy_ that had been radiating from his husband and hadn't dropped off, despite the small distance between them. "I mean it, thank you."

"Go make your calls then get to know Annie. Enjoy it."

"I plan to," Aaron said. Before he could talk himself out of it he leaned over the bed and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I'll come back and check on you later if that's OK? Before you go home?"

"If you want," Kirsty said. "But go be with your family."

Aaron nodded again and headed out of the room, joining Robert who was looking at the piece of paper in his hands. On it were scribbled a series of measurements and details: their daughter's birth statistics.

"Come on," Aaron said, "let's tell our families that we've got a new member."

**

Annie was officially discharged from the hospital and into her fathers' care the following morning. Chas and Liv came down to Leeds for the occasion, earning yet another eye roll from Aaron who didn't see the point in them driving down to just turn around and drive back. Liv, with Annie firmly in her arms and almost daring Chas to try and take her back after she'd only had five minutes, said that the point was Annie was family. And this is what you did for family. Especially when they were this small and this adorable.

(Robert pointed out that she was biologically his, even looked like him a little, so did that mean he was adorable too? Liv hadn't even hesitated before she said no.)

After registering the birth, Robert's hands shaking a little as he took the offered copy, they went for lunch before heading back. All through the meal one of them always seemed to be obsessively checking on Annie: was she too hot, too cold, hungry, thirsty, did she need changing, holding, re-swaddling? Chas just laughed and told them, over and over, that they were doing just fine and it totally wasn't obsessive to be ordering a milk thermometer which will tell them the exact temperature of her milk to two decimal places ("Digital display, rechargeable but with battery backup. Good for being out and about," Robert had enthused as he tapped the buy button on his phone.).

When they arrived back in the village Chas directed them to the pub where Annie was suitably fussed over by Dingles and Sugdens and just about everyone else. ("You said no big party. This isn't big, not by our standards, and you know it.") When they pointed out that Annie had Robert's nose, his eyes, Aaron expected to feel... something. Left out, jealous, sad. A reminder that Annie wasn't biologically his. But all he felt was _love_ : this was his daughter, it didn't matter that his blood wasn't in her veins.

Chas' insistence on whetting the baby's head in the pub was a genius move: the boys were able to make their excuses after an hour and a few minutes after that they walked in the door of the Mill, Annie happily cradled in Aaron's arms as Robert pulled Liv into his side, and the four of them – this little family – were finally home together.

The following morning when Chas arrived, coffees in hand, she had to bite her lip so as not to laugh at the state of them both. Annie hadn't slept so neither had they, Aaron feeling horrifically out of his depth with the reality of what it meant to be a dad taking care of a newborn. Chas sent Robert for a shower, Liv for some food that the adults could eat, and sat her son down. She told him, in no uncertain terms, that no parent knows what they are doing. That every single one of them makes it up as they go. She never thought she'd see her son happy, married, a father, but here he was and she couldn't be prouder. If he could do that then he can do anything.

Robert, coming down the stairs, said he'd been waiting for some instinct to kick in, that he imagined just knowing what to do when she arrived. Chas, sending Aaron up to the now-vacated shower, handed her other son his coffee and said that Aaron was over 30 and she'd still not had that moment about him so maybe he shouldn't hold his breath.

Vic brought her boys around to meet their cousin and the Sugden siblings retreated to the kitchen where Vic, out of nowhere, told her brother that their father would have been so happy: and she didn't mean about carrying on the Sugden bloodline. Robert was happy, settled, everything that Jack would have wanted for his son. She added that she liked to think he would have come around to the idea of his son being married to a man, but if he hadn't then it would have been his loss. (It was a sentiment that Diane backed up when she arrived to meet her granddaughter.)

"We could debate all day what Dad would have thought," Vic said, "but he's not here. I am, and I'm proud of ya. So that's what matters, yeah?"

Robert agreed.

Two days later they took Annie for her Divinus test. The process was simple: when they did the heel prick test they would take a small sample of blood and test its regenerative properties. Most of the time they would know sooner than the letter that would be sent to their doctor. For someone that young, that new, their self healing properties were often establishing themselves in abundance. When they took a newborn Divinus' blood some parents would risk an informal press on the skin by the wound. If it didn't bleed again then it could be a sign that the small wound was already healed.

It wasn't perfect, but it was more often than not accurate.

As Aaron soothed Annie, clearly not a fan of needles already, Robert pressed as gently as he could on her arm by the puncture. A tiny drop of blood welled up and he wiped it away quickly. It didn't mean she wasn't but it wasn't the best sign. Aaron felt the _disappointment_ and he looked up, shaking his head. He mouthed 'It's OK' before pressing a kiss to Annie's head. It didn't mean anything, they needed to wait for the test results.

Two days later Robert picked up the envelope from the surgery in Hotten. He took it home where he and Aaron sat side by side on the sofa, Annie laying happily on her play mat, while they read the confirmation that their perfect girl with her light eyes and her fair hair was not Divinus. The word NEGATIVE, printed bold and stark on the paper seemed to mock them: all you wanted, all you hoped for? It won't happen.

"I told you I didn't care anymore and I meant it," Aaron said, pulling the paper away and dropping it behind him. "I don't. Annie is happy and she's going to have an amazing life. You and I are going to make sure of it. She's surrounded by two families who already adore her and so what does it matter?"

"I don't want to bury you," Robert whispered. "You know how much I love you, you feel it. But her? How am I supposed to...?"

Aaron knew. Understood. The love he felt for their daughter, the love he felt from his husband for Annie, it was so different to the love they had for each other. It wasn't more, it was different and so there were different rules now. Family first, the world could wait. Between Robert and Liv and Annie Aaron realised that his heart would never be his again.

"She's not even a week old," Aaron said, pulling Robert against his chest as they settled back on the sofa. "Let's just work on her life first, yeah?"

"I know, I'm being..." Robert sighed, unable to find the words.

On the floor Annie reached out her arm towards nothing in particular.

"I know," Aaron whispered. And he did.


	6. Act Five

Life moved on because that's what life does.

When Annie was three Lisa's heart finally gave out and she died, a happy woman surrounded by her family. Zak managed six months without her and was buried beside his soul mate. Chas decided she'd had enough running the pub and ended up selling it to Belle of all people (with a little investment from Aaron and Robert to help her secure a more manageable mortgage). When Moira gave up the farm she sold all but the field Holly was buried in, she and Cain moving into the village. Adam and Vic moved to just outside of York, wanting their boys to be a little nearer their biological family as they became teenagers. Even though they were distant cousins it was still family and they had been the ones to reach out to the boys, sorry that they hadn't been able to do more when they had needed someone. The boys wanted to know their family and so, after weeks of discussions and multiple trips along the A64 they sold up, bought a house on the outskirts of the city. Vic's parting comment to her brother was that he was the last living Sugden in the village who remembered their father, and if Diane were still alive she'd be the first to tell Robert that he should let go. He was a great father, an amazing man, and that was more than enough.

The following February Robert put flowers on his dad's grave. He claimed he was visiting Diane but Aaron knew differently, even without the bond.

Annie grew into every bit a child of the Sugden and Dingle lines: all winning smile and quick mind. By the time she started school she had all the boys lining up to be her friend and there was a slight note of concern in the teacher's voice as she talked about whether a five-year-old Annie realised she was being a little manipulative. Robert had to resist saying "that's my girl", at least until they got home.

When Annie was 11 Liv and Alex announced their engagement to the surprise of no one and to the support of her reluctant big brothers. After over ten years together, a house in Leeds, and a very successful graphic design agency even Robert and Aaron could concede that they were good together. Didn't stop them warning Alex that if he ever hurt her they wouldn't find enough of his body to know it was him. It was a promise backed up by the rest of the Dingle clan, and Robert smiled as he felt that familiar burst of _pride_ from Liv that they called her family. 

When Annie was 12 she was bridesmaid at the wedding, following a flanked-by-her-brothers five-month-pregnant Liv down the aisle. She spend most of the night holding her daddy's hand as he talked about his gobby little sister being all grown up and married with a baby on the way. After he'd had a few drinks he was telling Annie that she wasn't allowed to grow up, that she had to stay their little girl forever. (It wasn't a Divinus quip, they weren't maudlin about that. Annie was raised knowing exactly who and what her father was and they talked about her kids and her grandkids and her great-grandkids being a part of his life. She'd been to the Community in Ireland, spoken to Niamh and the others about what it would be like to watch her father stay the same as she'd always known him to be.) Annie handed her daddy over to her dad and left them to it, turning her attention to the bottles of bubbly on people's tables. Liv, poacher turned gamekeeper when it came to sneaking alcohol, intercepted her with her first bottle and poured out the only large glass she was allowed to have. Liv told her niece that in many ways she was like a little sister to her, and they affirmed an old promise to always be there for each other and for Robert - when the time came.

At fifteen Annie declared that she hated both of her fathers and was fed up of them controlling her life and so she ran away from home. It took two days for them to track her down, two days in which they aged about twenty years and had to take off their rings because they couldn't bear feeling the other's pain on top of their own. They could only manage to be apart for a few hours each day: after over twenty years of marriage they were able to feel the other across huge distances, sense little shifts in moods, and separate their feelings from their husband's in specific detail. Cutting that bond was like diving underwater and eventually the need to breathe, the need to feel, was more painful than the reason for the break.

When Annie came home, head bowed and radiating _embarrassment_ they could both feel without any thought or real focus, they forgot the argument for the weekend, spending time reassuring each other that they are so loved and so wanted and that they are a family first and foremost. The cause of the argument (a boy, it's always a boy) didn't last the month and even though Annie never told her fathers how grateful she was for them looking out for her, she felt it and so they did too.

Annie learned how to dye her dad's hair a natural salt 'n' pepper shade; the one time she suggested make up for his face Aaron couldn't stop laughing which meant that idea was dead in the water. So she learned to smile and agree when people said they hoped she inherited her father's good skin – no one should look that good when they're in their fifties.

Liv and Alex had a further two children, Belle met someone who came up to Dingle standard and they gave Abigail a baby brother in a thankfully much easier pregnancy than her first. When Vic and Adam's boys moved out they started fostering, a steady line of children sat around their table sharing food and love and a home for as long as they needed it. Some came and went, some came back again. One came and stayed, too old to be thrown back into care because before long they would be out of the system and fending for themselves. Vic, channelling every bit of Sarah that was in her, told the girl in no uncertain terms that she was staying as long as she wanted.

Annie finished school, deciding against Uni. She wanted to travel, to see the world that was out there. She worked three jobs, saving every penny she could to fund the kind of trip that would take her away from home for at least a year.

Aaron and Robert's combined heart broke a little at this: their baby girl, their hard-fought-for child was flying the nest. They knew she would come home, they knew she would always be theirs, but for her to not be there every day seemed unnatural somehow. Like that wasn't how it was supposed to be. Robert always thought he would be the one to take it hardest but Aaron was the one imagining nightmare scenarios of their baby too far from home and help, being alone. Dying unloved at the side of some road somewhere.

Robert kissed away Aaron's fears, loved him and reassured him, and promised him that when they finally had the Mill to themselves he would make up for them having to share it for the last two decades.

(Annie had grown up walking in on her parents in various stages of undress, along with all the times she'd unknowingly interrupted them at various stages of having sex. The promise of making up for twenty years of interruptions was appealing.)

Annie promised to spend her twenty first birthday with her family, fixing her departure date for the first of September that year. They celebrated the day in true Dingle-Sugden style: too much food, too much drink, too much fighting, and they went to bed happy and loved and content that this life was a good life and that when it came to problems and issues they had what everyone else had.

That last summer was unbearably hot and Annie's cheap car couldn't cope anymore, conking out on the side of the road. Robert sensed her _worry_ when he and Aaron were sitting down for dinner one evening and they found her sitting away from her car, a story about the idiots who had taken to racing the country roads almost smashing into her. As she didn't want to spend money on a new car weeks away from flying out one of them drove her to and from work, joking about how the bond between the three of them would probably still work when she was halfway around the world.

Life was just like it was for pretty much everyone else. It was normal and it was simple and it was, ultimately, temporary.

**

There was little on the TV to hold Robert's interest and so, while he waited for Aaron to return with Annie, he left it on some nature documentary about some newly discovered bug that was rumoured to be almost invincible. Given its healing and regenerative properties it was already being nicknamed the "Divinus Bug" and Robert pulled a face at that.

"We're not bugs," he yelled at the screen, "and we're not invincible either."

The TV ignored him, carrying on with its description about how scientists are wondering whether this could explain where Divinus people came from.

"Granddad?" Robert mocked when they showed a close up of one on the TV. Having had enough he picked up the remote and jabbed at the off button.

As soon as the screen went black he felt something rip through him, more than _pain_ and more than _fear_ and more than the _protect_ that always came from Aaron where Annie was involved. The first time he'd felt that was just after Annie's third birthday when she'd come down with Meningitis. Robert, scared for his little girl, hadn't been able to do anything for her that night so they'd packed her up and raced to hospital. Once they had a diagnosis and Annie was lying in that hospital bed, Robert had been centred by Aaron and Liv's presence and held Annie's hand all night, slowly pushing back the infection.

He'd felt that _protect_ on Annie's first day at school, felt it again the first time she said someone was mean to her. The first time she'd had her heart broken. The day she said she wanted to go off and travel.

Robert's breath stuck in his throat as he blindly grasped for his keys. He wasn't sure if he pulled the door of the flat shut on his way out, he didn't care. His entire body was _screaming_ because Aaron and Annie were and that, that was all that mattered.

**

The car was off the road, almost on its side in the ditch and the bonnet wrapped around the trunk of an immovable tree. Leaving his own car door open Robert had enough thought to pull out his phone and call for an ambulance, ignoring the operator's instructions to wait as he carefully picked his way through the ruts made by the wheels as the car had left the road. Shoving his phone into his pocket Robert made his way to the driver's side, ducking down so he could look through the shattered window.

"Aaron!"

"Annie," Aaron managed to say. "She won't wake up."

"Help's coming, OK? I'll get her and then you and we'll have you sorted in no time."

"Her first," Aaron said, "remember? Her first."

Robert nodded then walked around the car. It took him a moment to get the door open and his heart lurched to see Annie's body slumped forward. There was a click as Aaron undid the seat belt and Robert carefully slipped his arms around Annie's back and under her legs. He closed his eyes, letting his mind feel out for anything that would make him moving her a problem. Aside from a few cracked ribs and a broken arm, there was nothing too serious that would stop him and so he carefully lifted her out, walking away from the car a little before laying her on the grass.

As he slipped his arms free he saw the line of red streaked through her blonde hair and his hand moved to her head. He felt it, saw it, the rushing of blood within her skull, the pressure building to a point where he could feel her start to slip from him.

"No, no, baby, no," he said, over and over as he pressed his hands to her head and focused. He could feel Aaron in the car behind him and it took all of his will to block out his husband – not because he didn't care but because right now he had to focus on what he was doing. He wasn't the young man he was when he brought Aaron back, all those years ago in the pub after he'd been shot, and it was getting harder and harder to heal something on a grand scale like this.

As the minutes, feeling like hours, slipped by he pushed back against the pressure and the burst veins in her brain, hoping against hope that this was all it was. Brain injuries were difficult for a Divinus: if it was just the bleed then he had a chance, if it was anything more then he still could lose her.

But that wasn't an option.

Eventually he felt the pressure dissipate under his hands, the rushing dried up, and the girl under his hands felt more like the person he knew as intimately as his husband.

It took a couple of minutes more to free Aaron, pulling him to lie beside Annie.

"Stupid kids," Aaron muttered as Robert held him in his lap. "Annie?"

"She'll be fine, I think. Her head... I stopped it," Robert said, his hands already on Aaron as he tried to feel out for injuries. It took longer, his body already weakened by his exertions with Annie, but he felt it soon enough. The same rushing – not in his head but in his chest – and a fading light that was far too familiar.

"Her first," Aaron said, his eyes drifting shut.

"She's done, let me do you," Robert said, pressing against Aaron's chest. He focused but the warmth in his hands didn't come. All he felt was a gentle heat and nothing more. "No, come on."

"It's OK," Aaron murmured. "Her first."

"She's fine. You—"

"It's OK."

"It's not, shut up and let me—"

"No, Rob, it's OK."

"Aaron—"

"Stop." Aaron's hands moved to Robert's, pushing as best they could against him. "It's OK. Just stop."

"You're dying," Robert sobbed, his hands moving back to Aaron's chest. "No..."

"Her first."

"You knew," Robert snapped. "You knew you were hurt and you let me—you let me think you were OK."

"Her first."

"I know, but—"

"But nothing," Aaron gasped, coughing slightly.

Under Robert's hands he felt the rush slow, thicken a little.

"Her first," Aaron said again.

Robert's head dropped, tears running down his nose as he repeated, "Her first."

"This isn't your fault."

"This isn't how it's supposed to be," Robert said, his fingers moving to Aaron's face, pressing against his nose, his cheekbones as if feeling him out for the first time. Or last. "You were going to hit a hundred. We were going to have a life together."

"We did," Aaron said. "We had her. Liv. I had more than I ever thought I would have. And it was worth it, Robert. Every moment we had, it was worth it."

"I wanted there to be more. Still could be, just hang on. Help's coming."

"Robert—"

"It'll be like when Annie was little. They'll stabilise you and when I'm rested I can—"

"No," Aaron whispered. He was staring up at Robert, his blue eyes almost burning into him. "One year, you promised. And burn my suit."

"Don't—"

"Doesn't have to be a big thing, but burn it, yeah? Give me that send off."

"You're going nowhere," Robert said.

"Tell Liv I'm proud of her. She knows, but tell her anyway. And tell Mum that I was loved the way she thought I deserved to be."

"What?"

"She'll know," Aaron smiled weakly. "You know."

"I'm glad it was you," Robert said, his fingers brushing against Aaron's greying temples. "Of everyone in my life, I'm glad that it was you I loved. Who I will always love."

"A year, remember? Say it, Rob, please."

Robert forced himself to nod. "One year." The part of him that had been Aaron's for longer than it hadn't been felt like it was drifting away from him. The spark, the light that he could see as easily as if it were in front of him, faded a little.

"It's not her fault," Aaron said suddenly, and it took Robert a second to realise who he was talking about. "Don't let her blame herself. Or you. Her first."

"I know, she knows," Robert said, "but I won't let her. Not for a single second."

"And she needs to go. Get on a plane and see this world. I want so much for her," Aaron said, his voice breaking off in a small sob. "I wanted to see her happy and settled. Make a stupid speech at her wedding. I wanted to be a granddad."

"I don't want you to go, please don't go," Robert begged, hurriedly wiping at his tears so they didn't fall onto Aaron. "Stay with me, just a little bit longer." Once again he pressed his hands to Aaron's chest but the warmth didn't come and the rushing thickened further. "Help's coming."

"We had fun, yeah?"

"Yeah, loads, and there's more to come. Like when you finally give in and quit work completely," Robert said, "we'll go everywhere. Do everything. No growing old gracefully, not our style."

"Rob—"

"I know we talked about a Community but that's a little too retirement like for me. You're young, I'm young. I know you hated turning fifty last year but that's when life begins, right? We're halfway through, you and me. This is nothing, this isn't enough time."

"Rob—"

"Help's coming, just hang on to me, OK?"

"I can't, and you can't either."

"Aaron—"

"You need to let me go," he warned. "Please. Don't do that to yourself."

"No, I'm not doing it. I won't."

"Robert—"

"I _can't_ ," he sobbed. "I'll give you a year, I'll burn the suits, but I can't let you go."

The part of Robert within Aaron bloomed, warm and comforting, and despite everything Aaron felt at peace. He felt his eyes become too heavy to stay open so he let them shut and he just felt everything instead. He felt _love_ and _pain_ and _grief_ and _gratitude_. He felt Annie beside him, her heart strong and steady, its rhythm comforting and a lullaby to drift off to. He felt _Robert_ , everything that he was and everything that they were, and as it became a little too much to breathe he felt something which was more than an emotion, more than a thought or a feeling or a memory. It wrapped around him tightly and he felt secured, tethered in some way.

This dark was familiar to a corner of his mind which remembered (even though Aaron did not) what it was like to die. And he wasn't scared or afraid or worried. It was time.

Holding on to that tether, not knowing why it was there or its purpose but knowing that he would hold it for a period of time beyond any comprehension, Aaron embraced that dark.

**

The ambulance arrived five minutes later to find Robert crying silently over his husband's body, their daughter still unconscious beside them.

**

Aaron Dingle  
Son, brother, husband, father  
1992-2043  
A brief candle but eternal flame

Robert sighed, pushing the paper back across the table to Liv. He shrugged (he'd been doing that a lot) and got up without offering comment: approval or otherwise. From the sofa Annie watched him climb the stairs and disappear off to his room. Something else he'd been doing a lot of.

"He doesn't care about anything right now," she said. "Don't take it personally."

"I want to get it right for him," Liv said. "Headstones are important, right? Aaron needs something that... reflects who he is. Was. What he meant to us all."

"Dad's barely said two words since the funeral. Bit early to be talking headstones?"

"Knowing Rob he won't have one at all unless we can get this sorted."

"Isn't it a year before you can put one up?" Annie asked.

"Yeah, but... I need to do something," Liv said. She glanced down and started picking at her fingernails. "I can't just sit around."

"I can look after Dad, Alex and the kids need you."

"No, I need to be here," Liv said. "He's not burned the suit yet."

"I know it's a thing, but why does Dad waiting matter?"

"Divinus believe that you need to free the soul of your mortal partner. If Robert doesn't do that then Aaron is, I don't know, trapped here? Ciarán explained it to me once, but said it was more about a Divinus starting to let them go."

"Dad won't want to let him go," Annie said.

"He needs to start though. He's not looking after himself."

"I don't know, all I get from him is numbness," Annie said. She carefully lifted herself from the sofa, her limbs and bones still sore from the crash. After her release from hospital Robert had been able to pull himself together enough to heal her broken arm and ribs but no one pushed him for more than that. "Even at the funeral he didn't cry."

"We need to do something," Liv said, reaching for her phone. "Sooner rather than later."

**

Robert hadn't slept much, or at least he didn't think so, but suddenly he was aware of a number of voices in his house. As they drifted up to him he was able to pick some out with ease: Chas, Vic, Adam. Sighing he got up and headed down the staircase, stopping a few steps from the bottom to take in the assembled Dingle and Sugden clans.

"It's time," Chas said.

Robert looked from her to Liv who was standing by one of the pillars, a suit bag draped over her arm. It had been tucked away in the back of the wardrobe in the spare room, waiting for this day. Aaron making plans for Robert's life after him like this was something that he was actually going to have. Could have.

"No," he said firmly. "I'm not ready."

"You're never going to be ready," Belle said, stepping forward to stand between him and Liv, "but that's not the point. The point is that this is something you need to do."

"You don't know anything about it—"

"I know that Divinus believe that this is them letting their partner go," she countered. "I know that this is supposed to be the final goodbye between you and your soul mate and that you don't want to do it because you don't want to say goodbye. And we get it, we do, but it's not what Aaron wanted and it's not what you need."

Robert stilled, looking at Belle as he took in what she just said.

"How...?" he started, looking at Chas.

"I didn't say anything," she said.

"C'mon, Robert. You think we didn't notice? You're supposed to be nearly sixty and you don't look it. You and Aaron were so in tune it couldn't be anything but the bond. And none of us really bought the idea of Aaron having plastic surgery to get rid of his scars."

"You didn't say anything."

"Because you hadn't told us," she said. "But we knew. Mum and Dad knew. It didn't matter to them and it doesn't matter to any of us because you being Divinus is just something you happen to be. What matters to us is that you're family. That you loved Aaron and you made him happy and you looked after him. Let us look after you."

"I couldn't save him," Robert whispered.

"You saved me," Annie replied. "You and Daddy always said that it was me first."

"It's what he wanted, love," Chas said, "we both know it."

"He was your son and he's dead because I couldn't save him. I promised you I'd look after him, I'd take care of him, and I couldn't."

Chas pressed her lips together and nodded, stepping forward and holding out her arms. "You did. You were always there for him and you loved my son more than I ever could have wished for. You're my son too, and Aaron would never forgive me if I didn't look after you now."

Robert let himself be pulled into a hug and for the first time since that field he started to cry.

**

"How long have you known?"

Belle looked up as Robert fell into step beside her and she shrugged. "Dunno. Just figured it out I guess. It's been an open secret for a while now, most of us didn't buy the plastic surgery line and once you start looking all the clues were there."

"I can't believe you all knew and said nothing."

"Yeah, well, I can't believe you didn't tell us."

Robert pushed his hands into his pockets and looked down. "People don't tend to react well to that kind of news."

"What? News like the fact you're schizophrenic and yet you somehow manage to be married and have kids?" Belle asked, pointing to where her husband was currently play chasing their son up the street. "People do one of two things when they find out something like that. They either judge you or they try to understand. Anyone who does the first isn't worth your time, no matter who they are."

"It's different."

"Is it?" she asked. "My mental health is a part of who I am and I can't change it any more than you can change who you are. I don't let it control my life and you don't let it define your life. You and Aaron, you had a normal life – well, as normal as you can get with our family – and you were happy. No matter who you are or what you are, isn't that all any of us want?"

Robert watched as Abigail joined in chasing her brother, keeping him happy and distracted from the sadness of the occasion. "They're great kids."

"I know," Belle smiled. "Abigail adored Aaron."

"He adored her," Robert said, "although he was so scared of dropping her at first."

"Why? It wasn't like he didn't know how to deal with babies."

"After everything you went through with the pregnancy and birth; getting dumped, relapsing, all of it? He was so protective of her. Like he didn't want her to be affected by anything bad. Whatever was going on he was so determined that she was going to be happy and safe. He felt the same when Annie was born."

"Is that why it was her first?" Belle asked.

Robert nodded. "We agreed, during one of those 'what will happen if' conversations that you have when you've got others to think about. If it ever came down to it, if there was a choice, I would... I would help her first."

"Heal her and not Aaron."

"Yeah," Robert said as they turned at the end of the high street, heading out of the village. "And I don't regret it, I don't. She's my daughter, our daughter, and we'd both give our lives for her."

"That's part of being a parent," Belle mused. "Probably doesn't make it any easier to deal with."

"No."

"Bet you're sick of everyone telling you that it's OK, that it was the right thing to do?" When Robert glanced at her sideways she laughed. "I love Chris, I really do, and I couldn't choose between him, Abi or Gideon. But I'm not in that moment and I can't imagine what it was like for you."

"You know Aaron was shot once? And when he was, when he... He actually died, Belle. I felt him die under my hands and I pulled him back. I would have given everything to bring him back and I did. But... I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I felt him die in that field and I couldn't do anything to save him. Chas buried her son because I couldn't do anything."

"She could have been burying her granddaughter instead," Belle countered, "or both of them. We can't do everything, Robert." She stepped to the side as she walked to knock against him gently. "Even if we are kind of a god."

"I'm no god," Robert laughed softly.

"Never thought I'd hear Robert Sugden play himself down like that," Belle laughed. "Being married to Aaron did wonders for you."

"It was everything to me," Robert said quietly. "I have no idea how I'm going to do this without him. You know what it's like, what Zak was like after Lisa?"

"I know," she smiled, "but I know that if anyone can do this then it's you. One thing I've learned over the years is that you can do anything you set your mind to. You won over my family, you had Chas on your side and keeping your secret for almost thirty years. You made Aaron happy. None of that was easy, Robert, and not once did you give up. What would Aaron say if you started now?"

"I can imagine," Robert smiled.

"But you're not on your own, you know that, right? You're still one of us. Every single one of us, we're on your side. Aaron kept your secret, we will too."

Robert just nodded and they walked a little further on in silence before he finally said, "Not sure how I feel about having all the Dingles on side. Seems a bit weird and not at all like this family."

Belle gave a loud laugh at that, attracting the attention of everyone around her. "Some things we do agree on. And Aaron was one of those things. He loved you, he protected you, now it's our job to keep that up and we will. We will and our kids will and our grandkids. For as long as you want this is your family."

"Belle, you can't—"

"I can, I did, we did. We all agreed. You're part of the Dingle family for as long as you want to be. Forever."

She linked her arm with his and they walked the rest of the way in a silence that was broken only by Gideon's excited yells at his dad and sister.

**

A pyre wouldn't have been Aaron's style, wouldn't have felt right, but the fire in the barrel at the scrap yard did. Over the years they'd expanded, built up a network of yards all across Yorkshire. When Adam and Victoria moved with the boys another one was set up in York and they'd hired staff, developed an online presence, and turned this little yard with its shared Portacabin into a empire and a legacy. This one, the first one, it ticked away as their pride and joy. The haulage firm was long gone, relocated with Jimmy and Nicola, this was all Aaron's.

Robert's now, he guessed.

The Dingles and the Sugdens and the Flahertys encircled the barrel, Robert breaking ranks to move forward.

"I was always better at this and I still don't know what to say," he began, looking briefly around the circle before fixing on the suit bag in his arms. "I know you didn't always believe that I was good enough for him, but he thought I was and that was enough, enough to make me want to be who he deserved. I don't just mean loving him the way that I do, the way..." He took a deep breath. "The way Divinus people love. That was the easiest thing about Aaron: me loving him. And I will always love him. I just hope it was enough, I hope that I did enough."

"You did more than that, love," Chas called from the circle, a sentiment supported by others.

"I couldn't save him though," Robert said, tears brimming in his eyes. "And I couldn't let him go. I can't." He unzipped the bag, letting it fall to the ground and leaving the clothes in his hands. It was soon clear that there were two suits there. "This is supposed to set you free," Robert said to Aaron's suit, "but I don't want you to be where I can't be. I know that's selfish and stupid but it's how I feel. I don't know who I am without you, I don't know what kind of life I can have with you because all that time we had? Those years and those nights? They were better than anything I could have wished for or dreamed about. You were better.

"I worked it out. Twenty eight years, eight months and twenty six days. That's how long I knew you. Properly, I mean. From that day with my car to that day... with yours. We put a lifetime into those years and months and I will never forget a single second of it."

Robert walked over to the barrel, the heat from the flames warming his skin. The glow countered the setting summer sun and if Robert closed his eyes and listened he could just about hear Aaron's laugh on the breeze, telling him to get on with it because his mum wasn't getting any younger, and people had homes and families to get back to.

"And what do I go back to?" Robert whispered to the suits and the fire. "What do I have without you?"

 _"You have our daughter,"_ the breeze replied. _"You have our home and every single moment of those years and months. You have the knowledge that I was happier than I ever thought I would be, than I thought I could be. You have me, Robert, you will always have me. Now burn the damn suits and go have a drink."_

When he laughed softly no one in the circle understood why, but Robert dropped both suits into the barrel and stepped back as the flame took hold of the fabric. Scraps of it danced up with the smoke and embers, flittering away on the breeze.

Annie moved forward, taking her dad's arm and fitting herself into his side. "Daddy would be proud of you."

"He'd give me grief for waiting so long you mean," Robert huffed, moving his arm so he could wrap it around her shoulders. He kissed the top of her head and breathed deeply. "He was always the impatient one."

"Must be where I get it from," she said.

"Must be."

"I don't want to go. I know Daddy wanted me to but I can't leave you, not like this and not if—"

"It's your choice, darling. He'd understand."

 _"Speak for yourself,"_ the breeze laughed in Robert's ear, and for a moment there was a spark of warmth in his chest that made him catch his breath.

"Dad?" Annie asked, looking up at him.

"I'm OK," he said, pulling her back in. "Really. I'm... I'm going to be OK."

**

It wasn't quick, despite what everyone says it is. Aaron wasn't there one minute and then, in the blink of an eye, gone. It was like he walked away down the road, getting further and further away until he turned the corner. Then he was gone and Robert was left alone, holding his body as if he could will his gift into action and bring him back.

They'd talked about this moment, of course they had. Ever since Ciarán had warned them about the bond at the end, told Robert very clearly and in no uncertain terms what it would be like for him, what he would have to do. If he did nothing else he was told he had to do this. Robert was tethered to Aaron and Aaron to Robert and there would come a point where they would need to let go. Divinus history was full of rumours and stories about what happened when a Divinus held on to that bond at the final moment and none of them were good.

But Robert couldn't let go. He wrapped his sense of self around that spark that was Aaron, that light and warmth within his dying body, and he tried to feel everything so that Aaron would know, even now, what he meant to Robert. It was more than _love_ , it had long been beyond that, something more than that.

Soul mates.

That's what Ciarán had called them.

At the core of Aaron's very being there was always a touch of hurt, of pain, of fear. Something so deep that even a lifetime of love and security from Robert couldn't fully erase it. Gordon's ghost was long buried, Jackson long since reconciled. But every cut and every hurt and every single tear that Aaron had cried was etched onto his soul, the very heart of him. Robert knew them as well as he knew every part of Aaron, had wished that he could heal them as easily as he could his body. Talked with him all the hours of their life together of what had caused them, banished as best they could the feelings and wrapped good memories around the bad to lessen their sting. But they had left their mark and Robert knew that.

In that final moment he felt those core marks, those moments which defined Aaron's life in those early years, they faded away and dissolved into nothing.

Absolute peace.

And all that was left in that spark was nothing but _love_ and _gratitude_ and _peace_ and Robert knew, as certain as anything in this world, that he had kept his promise to make Aaron believe that he was worth something, worth everything, worth being loved and cherished.

**

Three hundred years is a long time. Too long, Robert would say. The first three days after Aaron's death he didn't speak to anyone, just walked around like a part of him was missing. It was. When Chas arrived to bury her son he spoke his first words, just three words, since he'd left the hospital.

"I'm so sorry."

She'd told him, over and over, that he had nothing to be sorry about and that she didn't blame him, not for one second. Annie first, always. Her granddaughter was still here and Aaron would be the first to tell them that this was better than the alternative.

He pulled into himself, barely eating or doing anything but surviving. In a moment of worry after the funeral Annie called Ireland and within a day Ciarán was at their door. He sat with Robert in their living room, sitting where Aaron would sit, and he reached out his hand to Robert.

"You held on to the end, didn't you?" he asked, his voice soft and understanding.

"I couldn't do it. I needed to stay with him. I needed him to know."

"He knew," Ciarán said. "Even when I first met the two of you he knew then."

"I couldn't," Robert repeated numbly, "and now it feels like a part of me went with him." He tapped at his chest. "There's nothing here. He was here, he was always here and now he's not."

"You eejit," Ciarán said softly. "I warned you, we all told you what you were risking."

"He was _everything_ to me and now he's gone. All I want to do is take that damn drink but I can't because I promised him. He made me promise and now I'm stuck here, without him, and I don't want to be."

"It will get—"

"I don't want it to get easier," Robert said. "I don't want to feel better. I don't want to go on, why can't you get that? You know how much I loved him, what he meant to me, and now I'm supposed to what? Carry on? Only reason I was anyone worth caring about was him. He made me a better person, he made me... I was someone worth caring about because of him."

"And you're not now?"

Robert shrugged. "I'm nothing."

"You're a father. A brother, an uncle. You're a son-in-law, a cousin. You've got the business you and he ran together, you have friends—"

"I don't have him."

"And he was all you had? Come on, Robert, you're more than that."

"Not anymore."

"I get it, I do. When I lost my Mary it was all I could do to get up of a morning."

"You never bonded with her. You didn't feel it when she slipped away, that second when she was with you and then the second she wasn't. How it feels to have them taken from you and just leaving this... this hole in your chest where everything good used to live. How it's like being able to breathe one minute and then there's nothing the next and you're just left gasping. I still can't breathe. And I don't want this, I don't want to be here without him. I don't want to be where he isn't. Why do you think I've not burned his suit yet, huh? Because I can't let him go. I just can't."

"I can help," Ciarán said. "I can help lessen the bond, if you want. It won't hurt as much, you won't feel as much."

"No," Robert said firmly.

"I know—"

"You know _nothing_ ," Robert snapped. "You don't know what he meant to me, what he is to me. You don't know how much this hurts and I don't want it to stop hurting. Right now this," he said, thumping at his chest, "this is the only thing letting me know I'm still alive. Without it I may as well be dead. I promised him a year and that is the only reason I am still breathing. Nothing is going to change that, so I'm sorry if you've had a wasted journey but I'm not... I can't. I don't know how to let him go."

"OK," Ciarán said softly. "If that's what you want."

"It is."

"A year is a long time. Plenty of things change," Ciarán said as he got up. "Aiden sends his sympathies."

**

It took Robert three weeks to burn the suits and that night they gave Aaron the wake that no one had been in the mood for after the funeral itself. Belle locked the pub doors and within the walls there was so much laughter and stories and tears that it felt like a true reflection of the life that Aaron had had, that he had shared with Robert and Liv and Annie. Adam's stories embarrassed Robert, Robert's embarrassed Liv, and Liv spoke of things that she hadn't before. Of the conversations she and her brother had had after Gordon's death, of their fears that genetics would be stronger than anything else in their bodies. Alex beat Robert to the hug but he claimed his own an hour later, telling Liv that there wasn't a single part of her that could have come from that man.

Chas, looking much older than her 65 years, cradled her glass and listened to her family talk about her boy. When it came to her turn to talk she laughed and shook her head.

"Aaron was a little shit and we all knew it," she started with. "Never a moment's peace with him. And I wouldn't have had it any other way."

After that the floodgates were open and the stories took on a much less flattering but a much truer vibe. The snark, the comments, the bad moments. The moments that made Aaron who he was: much loved and much missed.

The sun started to break over the Dales and Liv disappeared out the back for a moment, returning with a small wooden crate. When she opened it Robert saw a bottle of wine nestled in straw packaging.

"Ciarán left it when he came over," she explained. "I didn't know if you'd want it for the ceremony, but I think we could do with it now."

"What's that?" Belle asked.

Robert took the bottle out and looked at it: plain glass with a swing top stopper, the red liquid filled almost to the top. "Wine, but... more than that." He'd barely finished explaining what it was and the ceremonial qualities before Belle had lined up the glasses on the bar, everyone grabbing themselves one and holding it out. Robert pressed his lips together in a thin smile. "It works both ways. You'll feel what I... It's not good."

"It's not for any of us," Cain said, "but when it's shared out? It'll be easier. Now get it poured."

It was Liv who suggested that they take the toast outside and so the families tumbled out onto the street as the sun broke the horizon. Raising every glass in a silent toast they drank deeply and felt deeper.

Robert kept on going.

Three months after they buried Aaron Robert convinced Annie to get on that plane and travel as planned, swearing that he would be there when she got back. Even so she built in a return trip for Aaron's anniversary that August, surprising her dad by turning up on the doorstep first thing in the morning. Liv had driven over from Manchester the night before and so the three of them spent the day sitting with Aaron, telling him their news, eating and drinking and being a family. It hurt but it was easier. Robert held Liv and Annie's hands and they shared their _pain_ and their _love_ and their _joy_ at still being a family. That had surprised Robert more than anything, Liv desperate to keep her other brother. He'd sworn to her, as he'd done so many times when she was a teenager, that he loved her like he loved her brother. Even now. Especially now.

With renewed promises that Robert would be here when she returned, Annie flew out again three days later.

Robert kept on going.

That year had been hard; the hole in his chest hadn't gone away and there were nights when he wanted to fall into it and never come out. The herbs he'd been given all those years ago sat on the dresser in their—his room, an open reminder of an option he wanted to take every single day. He'd promised Aaron a year and then he'd promised Annie he'd be there when she got home. Even when she did the days and the weeks and the months ticked by without Robert doing anything as if he were waiting for the right moment, the perfect moment.

He put the herbs in a box on the dresser.

He kept on going.

**

Aaron was 51 years old when he died, held and loved by his husband right up until the end. It had been twenty eight years, eight months, and twenty six days since Robert had walked into that garage, talking about manufacturer's trackers, and felt his soul turn over.

(He'd not known what it was then but three days into his Divinus training it had become obvious.)

The year that Robert promised Aaron became two, became five, became ten. He walked Annie down the aisle, held his grandson and tried not to cry when told that the baby would be called Aaron. Cried when the Divinus test came back positive and Aaron, perfect Divinus Aaron, smiled at him in a way that reminded them all of his namesake.

Ten years became twenty.

The Dingle family turned over, Belle and Noah and Samson and Moses and Kyle holding the family rule in place. Robert remained one of them, his Divinus status now an open secret in the village. It would take a while before someone would confirm your suspicions and it would be made very clear that if you were to tell anyone, or try to use it to your advantage, then you would find that the legacy of Cain Dingle was alive and well in his bloodlines.

Robert grieved for Belle more than he thought he would but her life hadn't been easy and she'd found peace and comfort in the end. And she'd been happy, more than she thought she would ever have or deserved. Maybe she reminded him the most of Aaron and that's why, when they looked to him to talk burial plots, he'd chosen somewhere near Aaron so he could sit and talk to them both.

When Belle's headstone went up his first comment was, "August sucks". She'd wanted to hold on for a little longer, to not make this time more painful for Robert than it already was. He'd held her hand, helped her through the worst of it, and then he'd told her that it was OK to let go. Stubborn as always she held on for a few more days, letting the 13th come and go so Robert wouldn't hate the date more than he did already.

Robert was with her at the end, feeling a different kind of peace to the one he'd felt with Aaron.

The lettering on Aaron's own headstone had lost some of its white paint as the years ticked by but Robert knew the dates, knew the time on instinct. The moment that part of him went cold in the field had started a new countdown within him, one he'd embraced and almost welcomed as it drew near. There were so many reasons to stay: Liv and her children and her grandchildren; Annie and her children and her first grandchildren on the way (twins, two girls). Vic and Adam's boys, missing their parents but happy with their families. The Dingles who adored Uncle Robert and never once made him feel like he wasn't a part of their family.

Twenty eight years, eight months, and twenty five days after the accident Robert spent a blissful Sunday with his family. Liv and Alex came over from Manchester, Annie and Daniel coming up from Leeds. He'd avoided their questions, asked if he needed an excuse to see his girls, but as he welcomed them into the home they'd all once shared together, shown off the dinner that he'd prepared and the wine he'd opened, Liv and Annie looked at each other and they knew.

**

"Today's been good, thank you," Robert said as Liv and Annie flanked him on the sofa. He put a hand on each of their knees, his thumb rubbing firmly in a sign of tenderness. "I appreciate you coming over."

"We can stay," Liv said. "Both of us. The boys can stay at the pub if you don't want them here."

"What Liv means to say," Annie corrected, "is that we are staying. The men don't have to if you don't want them to be here."

Robert didn't both denying it or trying to correct them. "You don't have to."

"Why would we leave you now, Dad?"

"Why would you stay?"

"Because we love you," she whispered, curling in close the way that she used to do when she was little. The fact that she was nearly fifty and her father looked younger didn't matter. "Because you shouldn't be on your own."

"Why now?" Liv asked. "I'm not talking you out of this, I'm surprised you—"

"Made it this long?" Robert finished. "That's the point. Tomorrow will be as long without him as I had with and... And I don't want that. I don't want there to be more of my life without him than with him."

"So we're not counting the twenty eight years before him?" Annie laughed.

"No we are not," Robert said, kissing the top of her head the way that he always did when she was a kid. "I did letters, for all the kids. There's a few for Aaron, things he's probably going to want to know."

"I'll make sure he gets them," Annie said.

"We both will," Liv added. She put her hand on Robert's leg and he took it in his hands. Her skin was wrinkled and showing her age and the contrast between them was stark.

"I never thought I'd live this long, you both know that. And if I had it in me to stay then I would. I love you, I love your kids and your grandkids and I wish I could meet the twins. Just... don't name one after me. Let me be gone for a little while first, yeah?"

"I wish you weren't going," Annie blurted out, sitting up to look at her dad. "I'm sorry, I know you want this and I get it, I do, but you're still my dad and I love you."

"I love you too," Robert said, cupping her face in his hands. "You are the best legacy I could have had, the best thing your daddy and I did was have you."

Liv mock scoffed beside him but he ignored her, feeling the _humour_ and mocking that had been a staple of their relationship for decades. It was them, it was natural. It was normal.

"I wish I could have given you a normal life," Robert said, his thumb moving across his daughter's cheek to catch her tears. "I wish—"

"Don't," Annie said. "I wouldn't change a moment of my life for anything. Not even losing Daddy. You taught me that you need to make the most of your days because you don't know how many you will have."

"I taught you that?"

"You and Daddy. You didn't waste a moment of it. Even though you could have, should have had longer, you didn't waste it."

"We tried."

"You know he was happy, right?" Liv said. "Like, really happy. I'd hear it in his voice every time he talked about you and it was... I think back to what it was like when he turned up on my doorstep—"

"You mean when you mugged him in the park," Robert quipped.

"—and everything with the trial. I just... To know how happy he was, how happy you made him, I'm so grateful."

Robert ducked his head, the familiar flush of embarrassment creeping up his cheeks.

"I mean it, Rob. You were so good to him, for him, and I know he was happy."

"So do I," Robert said. "Even at the end he was happy."

The women fell silent: this was new territory. In the near three decades since Aaron's death Robert had not once talked about that afternoon, about that final exchange through their bond. They held their breath as much as they dared and waited to see what happened next.

"That final moment, that second between him being here and being gone," Robert continued, "it was like... everything bad just disappeared. Everything that ever hurt him was just gone and what was left was, I don't know, what mattered I guess. And he was happy. He loved me, loved you two, and it was OK. He was OK with going. Well, as OK as you can be I guess," he added with a soft laugh. "And I guess I want that."

"Hence today," Liv said.

"Hence today. But I didn't plan on you staying."

"Well we're not leaving," Annie said.

"I'm not asking you to," Robert said.

"When are you... I mean, what time...?" Annie stumbled over her words, trying to find the best way to ask her dad when exactly he planned on taking his own life.

"We can talk for a little while if you want," Robert said.

"I feel like I should have all these things that I want to say but I can't think of anything."

"What is there to say?" Liv asked. "He knows us better than anyone. We have grown up sharing everything: our lives and our emotions. We made a family, the four of us. Even when it was three of us we were still a family and I promise you won't be forgotten."

Robert nodded and looked down at his lap. "I wish..." When he trailed off Annie grabbed his hand and he squeezed it gently. "I wish that I believed that I'd see him again. I don't know if I can believe that he's somewhere else, somewhere I can't go, but it would be nice to think that it's something else."

"Maybe it is," Annie suggested. "It's just a rumour after all, no one knows what's next."

"Maybe," Robert smiled weakly. "Every now and then I think I hear him, when the wind blows or the air moves or when it's bitterly cold and all you want to do is just curl up and sleep. I think I hear him."

"Giving you hell probably," Liv quipped.

"Usually," Robert laughed. "I wish I could see him. One last time. Tell him... Tell him that in all my ninety seven years of life he was the best thing, the greatest thing, and loving him was the biggest honour I had. That, and being your dad," he said, turning to Annie. He reached up and wiped away another tear. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you like this."

"I'd rather this than you be on your own," she replied.

"Where is it?" Liv asked, getting to her feet.

"In our room. There's a box on the dresser, just under the mirror. Bring the whole thing down, would you?"

Liv got up and headed up the stairs, careful on the twisting metal as she went.

"Please don't think I'm doing this because I don't love you, or that you're not enough for me to stay," Robert said when he and Annie were alone. "If you asked me, right now, I won't do this."

"I know, Dad," she said quietly, tears slipping down her cheeks, "and I know how hard it's been for you. I wouldn't have blamed you or stopped you if you'd wanted to do it after the year, I'm not stopping you now."

"But I can feel it," he smiled gently, "you don't want me to go."

"You're my dad, of course I don't."

"Annie—"

She took a deep breath then placed her hands over her father's and pulled them from her face. "My whole life I've known who you are. I've known what it meant for you to love Daddy and what it meant for you to be bonded to him. When you lost him I felt it, we all did, and there were times I wondered how you were surviving that much pain. I could only feel a part of it but that was enough to know what you were feeling."

"You never said," Robert said, slightly horrified.

"It wasn't my place to," she said, trying to push waves of _calm_ from herself. "And anyway, what could I do to make it better? Daddy was gone and all we had was time."

"I wish you'd said something."

"I couldn't make it better—"

"But you _did_ ," Robert said, "please don't say that. Don't think that."

"Don't think what?" Liv asked as she came down the stairs, box in hand.

"When Aaron died you two kept me going. You made it better, you have to know that. And I don't regret a single day that I stuck around, not one of them. I miss Aaron, I have always missed him and loved him and it's always hurt. But it's not always been bad and that is, in part, down to you two. Being here for you and your kids and your families, the Dingles making me one of their own—"

"Did you ever figure out if that was a good thing or not?" Liv asked with a laugh.

"I'm going with yes, it's easier," Robert replied, a grin on his face. "But you two? Having you as a part of my life? That was even easier."

"I didn't exactly always make it like that for you," Liv said.

"You're your brother's sister, what else were you going to do?" Robert asked. "And you?" he added, turning to Annie. "You had no hope, sorry. Sugden genes are strong in you."

"Well I'm proud of them," Annie said. "My father is a wonderful man. They both are."

"The funeral's all sorted," Robert said. "On my desk in the office there's everything you need. The house is yours, both of yours, do what you want with it. There's money for the kids, grandkids—"

"We'll sort it, Dad, and don't worry about that. It doesn't matter."

"It did to Aaron. He was the one who made sure everything was in place. Made a few jokes about me being around forever and so not thinking about stuff like this. But it's there, all the papers that you need. They won't look too closely, I'm supposed to be nearly a hundred and when they see my Divinus certificate... well..."

He trailed off, fixing his stare on the box that Liv had brought down. He leant forward and lifted the lid, picking out the small bag that had sat there for over fifty years. Underneath it there was a flash of metal and Robert picked it out, smiling at he rolled the ring between his fingers.

"You should have these," he said. He held out Aaron's ring to Annie and, with a little bit of effort, pulled his own wedding ring from his finger and held it out to Liv. "We're a part of each other's rings," he explained. "Aaron's in mine, I'm in his."

"I thought we buried him with this," Annie said.

"I couldn't," Robert said, "it's what tied me to him and I couldn't... There was nothing to feel but the hole in my chest was bad enough, I just panicked at the thought of a part of me being down there. I'm sorry, I—"

"No, Dad, don't," Annie said, closing her hand protectively around the warm metal.

(It didn't register with her then that this was weird: why would her daddy's ring, three decades in a box, be warm? Later she'll have a theory and it'll be closer to the truth than she dares to hope. But her dad has yet to find that out so it can wait.)

"Keep them, melt them down, pass them on. Whatever you want to do with them. They're yours now," Robert said. He turned the packet over in his hands. "Ciarán said it will be quick. I'd just drift off."

"We're staying," Annie said.

"Agreed," Liv replied. She'd slipped Robert's ring onto her thumb, her forefinger curling down awkwardly to brush against it. The hole in her chest left by her brother's absence was different to that in Robert's but it was no less cold or all-consuming at times. Suddenly being faced with the reality of losing her other brother she found herself wanting to yell at him, to beg him to stay, to ask him to wait until she was gone so that she didn't have to live through it all again.

But she said nothing, just reached out to take Annie's hand when Robert got up.

"I love you, Nibbles," she said.

Annie smiled at the childhood nickname and squeezed Liv's hand. "Love you too."

"We stick together, yeah? What's coming... It's going to hurt. So we don't let go."

"I used to tell people you were my big sister," Annie said, the words tumbling out in a confession, "because you were more than my aunt. You put up with me and you didn't have to and I know that I got in the way a lot when I was younger. But you never once made me feel like that, you made me feel like I was—"

"Family?" Liv finished.

"Yeah. Even though I'm not."

"You are," Liv said forcefully. "You're my little niece-slash-sister and I couldn't love you more than if my blood ran through your veins. Because one thing you learn from the Dingles? Blood isn't what makes family."

In the kitchen Robert could hear every word of the exchange so he took his time in making the drink, steeping the herbs in the hot water as instructed. He drained the brew into a cup and carefully wrapped up the herbs in the bag they'd come in. Ciarán had told him to be careful of how he disposed of it: most people didn't look too closely but there would always be a first time.

When the hushed declarations of love and affirmation of family between the women had ceased he took his drink over to the table and placed the bag back into the box, closing the lid.

"That can't stay here," he said, and Annie nodded. "Aaron would be so proud of you both." He turned to Liv first. "All he wanted was for you to feel like you had a home, a family." When he turned to Annie he had to blink hard and wipe under his eyes. "He wanted you so much. It was more than having a Divinus child, it was about us having a family of our own. And you... You were everything to him. He couldn't have loved you more if you were blood."

"Blood isn't what makes you family," Annie said, looking over Robert's shoulder at Liv. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you. More than you ever knew." He turned back to Liv. "Couldn't stand you."

"Hated you too," she whispered.

The silence that fell wasn't awkward but it was heavy with expectation. Robert held the drink in his hand, taking a couple of deep breaths before he lifted the cup to his lips and drank deeply. It almost tasted of nothing but a sweet aftertaste lingered on his tongue for a moment. Annie took the cup from his hands, placing it next to the box to remove from the house before anyone was called.

"It's OK," Liv whispered as she held his arm. "We understand. So would Aaron."

"Yeah, I do," came a voice that Robert hadn't heard for years but knew by heart. His eyes snapped open to see Aaron, his Aaron, sitting on the edge of the table and just watching him. "And you used to call me the sentimental one."

"I promised you a year, you can't give me grief for this," Robert said. He then realised what he was doing and looked from one side to the other. Neither Liv nor Annie gave any sign that they'd heard him say anything.

"And you think that's what I'm here to do?" Aaron asked.

Robert shrugged. "You gave me enough of it when you were alive."

"Yes, Robert, I'm dead," he said, "and nice way of checking."

"Thanks."

"You're dying too."

"I should hope so. I was promised."

"Won't be long. I think Ciarán was worried about you, that's one hell of a dose you just took, most don't need that much."

"Worried?"

"You were stronger than any other Divinus he'd ever seen. You brought me back from the dead."

"I wish I could have done it again."

"I know," Aaron smiled, "but it's OK."

"If I'd known I'd see you again maybe I'd have done this sooner," Robert quipped, his mouth curling up in a smile. "It is good to see you."

"And yes, you are really seeing me. Why don't you just ask me, Robert, instead of making all these roundabout statements?"

"I see being dead hasn't helped your patience much."

"Well I've been waiting on you for nearly thirty years, can you blame me?" Aaron said.

"Waiting for me? I thought—"

"So did I," Aaron said, "but apparently not. And before you start thinking that you should have done this sooner, know that if you had I'd have killed you."

"Can you kill me if I'm dead?"

Aaron's eyes narrowed. "Don't get picky."

"I thought you didn't go wherever it was Divinus go. Or did they get that wrong?"

"I don't know," Aaron said. "I just know that this bond, our bond, it didn't go away. Whether that's because you held on or if it's something more... I don't know, and I don't really care."

"But you're really here?" Robert asked.

"As real as it gets at this stage."

"Why?"

"Because it's time for you to come with me."

Robert looked from one side to the other. Liv and Annie were laid against the back of the sofa, their eyes closed but that didn't stop their stream of tears. He turned to Annie, his hand already outstretched to touch her cheek, but something stopped him. It was like his hand, no matter how much he willed it, couldn't make contact with her.

"You can't. Not anymore. But it's OK, they'll be OK," Aaron said, watching his not-so-kid sister. "We did good with them."

"We did great."

"Yeah," Aaron smiled. He stood up and held out his hand. When Robert slipped his into Aaron's it was the same familiar weight and warmth it had always been, and with that touch the hole in Robert's chest sparked into life. "You ready?" Aaron asked.

"For what?"

"I have no idea," Aaron said. "Whatever comes next I suppose."

"And we go together?"

"We go together."

It was Robert who felt the pull this time and he held tightly onto Aaron's hand, refusing to let go. Aaron felt the weight of Robert beside him and with him, curving the shape of his universe and they fell together into what comes next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this.
> 
> I'm probably in hiding now because this fic has been a long time in coming and I've made no secret of the fact that I'm more than a little bit nervous about whether people would a) actually read something this long, and b) like it. This isn't a shameful plea for a comment (but, y'know, the box is right there...)!
> 
> There's a writer's blog for this fic which you can find on Tumblr [here](http://rumoursfic.tumblr.com) with notes about the process of writing this, pictures of the locations, as well as the Divinus history world building that I did. My Tumblr is [beautifulhigh](http://beautifulhigh.tumblr.com). Come say hi.


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